feeling bad.

[AradiaSupernova]

Ok....my boyfriend's father is alcoholic. This puts my boyfriend in a very bad mood when his Dad gets drunk. This brings me down because I hate seeing my boyfriend like this, and then I can't think of anything to say or do to comfort him. Normally I'm said to have this "gift of gab" with people, but I can't help him and its really really upsetting me. :( Anyone have any suggestions?

[Flaire-FireStar]

((((((((((Aradia)))))))))))

I really don't know what to say...Maybe you could comfort your b/f or something... :(

[SpikesPet5150]

Coming from the daughter of an alcoholic father...

Whatever you do, don't give off that pity vibe. Sympathy is one thing.. but pity is bad. Try to do things together with him, get his mind off of it. And also, when he wants to talk, just listen. You don't have to offer any advice, just listen. Don't say things like, "Wow, your dad sucks." or "Your home life must really blow." Say things like, "I can understand how that would painful." or "I see where you're coming from." Don't put his father down, that will only make things harder. If he's up for it, try to get him to go to Al-anon. You can even join him, if it would make him more comfortable. It certainly helped me alot, as a kid. Yeah, most of the "anonymous" groups are really focused on God and christianity, and if you have a problem with that (as I did), when they start their sermons, in your mind, block it out, and meditate, or ask whatever gods/goddesses you believe in for help.

I'm sure that knowing he has a girlfriend as caring as you helps a lot... just be there for him, when he needs you. Good luck.. and big hugs for you both!
~Bree

[shnen]

(((Aradia)))

Just be there for him, and help get his mind off it, but also so he knows if he chooses to talk about it, that's ok too... :)
He has to deal with this, and there isn't much you can do except stand by and be either a distraction for him, or a nice cushy shoulder! :)
My thought are with you both! :)

[Faery-Wings]

No advice. I think Bree gave some excellent, though. But a hug for support and some positive thoughts too.

[AradiaSupernova]

Thanks for the advice and good thoughts guys. I really appreciate it. :)

[Medusa @ Dawn]

I'm not sure how old you both are but many cities have ALA-Teen also. These groups are *usually* easier to identify with when you're younger.

My mom is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict and it's something one just develops survival techniques for. Sometimes, even as you get older, those survival techniques break down. Finding a physical outlet, like working out, is a great thing... playing raquetball was my favorite because I could imagine the ball being my mom and get out all my anger and frustration. Unfortunately, sometimes the anger can get so intense that the non-alcoholic starts having other issues (I would/can go into blind rages not realizing what I'm raging at).

While supporting your bf please make sure you're taking care of yourself as well.

[AradiaSupernova]

Its kinda hard for me to do that though. I forget I'm here too sometimes *shrugs* Hey, it works! :) But I understand I need to quit doing that, for him and myself. Thank you :)

Also..I'm 16 (almost 17) and he's 14 (almost 15). I'll have to look into this stuff, but I'm not sure. I think he'll be reluctant to do anything like that. We'll see. :)