Foster Child Picinic

[Sun Sprite]

Hubby and I went to a special event this week where you get to meet some of the foster children in the system.

It was a stresful, and uncomfortable situation to me. I have never been comfortable walking up to people i don't know and starting a conversation.

Hopeful parents are supposed to say hi to all the kids, just not directly discuss adoption. It's supposed to be a chance to find out a little about the kids without any pressure.

They picked too fun of a place for the kids, what with lazer tag, and pizza party.

Most of the kids wouldn't even respond to a "hi". They were too busy playing. We did get to see some personality things though.

Actually, it felt kinda "dirty" trying to walk up to unknown kids and say hi. if you did that anywhere else, just imagine what would happen. I am not sure if I want to go to another such event. I certainly am more comfortable with people of any age in one on one conversations.

I could hear a lot of emoitions in these kids voices too. Some of them were not happen with adults at all (by the upset sounds they made in lazer tag).

The kids all had a lot of fun.

I can talk to my friend's kids, it just takes time to get to know kids in general.

[Chesna]

These things are common. While they can be umcomfortable and to some feeling like your shopping..it does get the kids that most people don't even consider fostering/adopting out there so that people can see that alkids are in need. Its also a less stressful way for the kids to interact with adults. Yes, some of them are wise enough to know whats going on, and their tough outsides are hiding a fear of being rejected. They are the ones who have been bounced around and hold no hope in ever finding stability..and yet..it is these kids that need it the most. I ask you give it some time....
To find way to interact..ask them about them and what they are doing at the time...just a few minutes can make them feel listened to.

Chesna

[Sun Sprite]

I think to for me, I am scared to speak to a child. Not because of the child, but because of the adults.

In our community, if an adult goes to a park alone, without a child, the cops are called on them. You don't dare go to the Science museum alone without a child, or security would follow you the whole time. Hey, that's fun to me without a child. And going to the park? Well, I find it relaxing to swing on the swings as much as when I was a child!

We have two cases here in this county that demonstarate how serious the problem is. One, a grandfather is in prision because he didn't get the bathroom door completely shut one time, and one of the girls his wife was babysitting pushed it open while he was doing his business. Well, his house is 45 years old, I've been there, and the door doesn't always shut perfect depending on the weather. That doesn't make him a pervert.

Another case in our county is a jealous ex case. Okay, so her son is only a little over 1 year older than his second wife's child. Big deal. Her dad is in law enforcement, so she went to find some way to get the guy thrown in jail. First thing her dad asked was if he had a computer. Sure he did. Do you know that those popups, and spams leave porn (even child porn) cookies on your computer in hidden folders? Her dad did! Her ex is in prison, been there almost a year now waiting for an appeal. Especailly sine the popups on the dates she said actually occurred when his second wife was playing downloadable games from Yahoo!

My hubby's grandmother lives in a timble down shack. They have an outhouse type bathroom in the house. That door cannot shut all the way, it can't even open all the way. Privacy is attempted, but there are times people peek in to see if anyone is in there, especially during large gatherings. Thinking of what happened to our neighbor, all it would take is one angry person to have who knows how many of the family arrested, and a 90 year old women very upset, angry, and who knows what else. it would likely kill her. Still, we may have to not take a child there, just because of something they may say to the social worker.

How sad is that?

You know, kids need friends of all ages. Adult friends as well as friends their own ages. Kids will confide in, and bounce ideas off of adult friends, or talk with things with them they can't talk to their parents about. Yet, our society is so paranoid, we have to tell all the kids that if an adult wants to be your friend they are a pervert (unless they are a teacher, or in some "respected" position).

Sadly, this hurts not only the kids who are missing out on friends and role models, it hurts the adults who become terrified to speak to a child, or afraid to tell a kid to be careful when they run full tilt into them.

How do I address my fears, not of kids, but of the establisehd order? I have no idea.

I can say, just because my ability to give birth to children was stolen from me, and I want a kid doesn't mean I am a pervert, and society needs to stop thinking that!

[alwaysfallingup]

I can understand your feelings a little. I know this isn't exactly the same, but for instance, when my vet friend comes over to visit, I spend an hour grooming my dog. Not because my dog needs it really, or because he's in bad shape or dirty, but because she's an "expert" and I don't want her to think I'm doing a bad job. For me, our certification classes are a little similar. It makes me incredibly nervous when our PRIDE instructors write down everything I say for the state to review, because I'm afraid I'll say something that is taken out of context or misquoted, and then can't foster because of an error reviewed by folks who've never met me. We haven't gone to anything like what you're describing, but I imagine that being scrutinized while you interact is intimidating. I would be a nervous wreck! But, hopefully, the social workers who are there will understand that both you and the children are in sort of an unnatural, artificial environment and that you can't be as comfortable as you would be at home, for instance. Maybe you could talk to your instructors or someone about your concerns? Other folks in your class might be having the same worries.