Suicidal thoughts and dealing with depression help...

[Autumn-Forest]

I have been rather depressed for a few months now, around 3 or 4, I thought it was just because of the Winter weather, but even when Spring is peaking through the Winter darkness, I still feel very unhappy.

The things I am about to say are very personal, its hard for me to say, but I am reaching for a helping hand.

One of the main reasons I am depressed is because of my parents. I am 17 years old and they mentally, verbally abuse me constantly. I asked to get a job not too long ago so I could get a vehicle since that are not even making an attempt for me to get my license or a vehicle. They immediatly smashed my idea of working, they also told me that they wouldn't drive me there, and its such a long while away! There is no other way to get to work than to drive unless I want to walk half of my day to work and the rest of the night back home. I am taking a math class that is overwhelming because I cannot for the life of me do mathematics. Another reason I am rather depressed is because I have a boyfriend/fiancee that they are not supposed to know about because he is 18 years older than I am. We've been together since Fall 2005 and he keeps me going. He is my best friend and my soul mate. I tried to tell them back in '05 about him, but they refused and told me that he was a child molester. But he's not. He is wonderful. They've said mean things about him, and the only people who do not like him is my parents. My boyfriend's mom loves me to death, and so does the rest of his family who I've known for over 10 years. He has been working a lot lately, so I don't feel like I know him as well as I used to. I want to get back to being so happy again. Especially with him. :( My parents also call me a whiney bitch because I've been crying a lot because I am depressed. Its everyday, always something. I try very hard to be happy.

Only 341 days till I move out, is all I can look forward to. lol.
I was hoping someone could give me some advice so that I can be happy again, the way I used to be.

blessings,
Autumn

[wolf]

Go see a professional. You can start with the counselling staff at your school, which is a good option if your parents are initially objecting to your attempts to get help. You should also check with your local crisis center and find out what the age of consent for psychiatric treatment is in your state ... in mine it's 14 with no parental consent needed to sign into a facility or for outpatient.

[Willow Rosette]

I agree, see a school councelor. Maybe they could help you fiend a way to get your license, get a job, and move out sooner. :hugz:

[Autumn-Forest]

My mom also works for the school, as a driver. If people found out that her daughter was a psycho, it would be the end of her....or something like that. :/
I don't want people to assign me medication, since I think it just makes you "think you're happy" and you're really not happy, its just the drugs.

[Willow Rosette]

Oh no I never meant anything about taking meds. But I think if you can find someone to talk to maybe they can help you obtain the things you need to move out earlier.

[Autumn-Forest]

Oh I see. :)
My friends have went to the office to talk to the counselor and she had them sent off to a Parkview Mental Health Center and they prescribed them drugs for being depressed, thats why I fear going to the counselor that they'll send me to Parkview.

[Eternal Night]

You could try seeing your doctor. I know when I was depressed my doctor was fantastic, she didn't pressure me into taking meds, she offered me councilling instead.
I don't know how it works where you are, but in England there are lots of organizations designed for young people. Your parents wouldn't need to know, if you could find somewhere like that.
Have you thought about talking to any other relatives or even your boyfriends family? If you are close to them and they know the situation you are in they might be able to help you. Even if it is just listening to you.
I really hope it works out for you. It must be terrible what you are going through. Just try to think of the positive things in your life and think that one day all this will soon be a thing of the past.
:hugz:

[wolf]

Psych Medications do not "just make you happy." They do help to treat the chemical brain imbalances that cause depressed mood, suicidal ideastions, improve energy levels, and overall help you with the ability to do something about changing your situation. Medications work better in conjunction with talk therapy. Anything that you discuss with a counsellor, even a school-based counsellor, is confidential.

[Brightshores]

Firstly.. you're absolutely not a psycho. You're a normal 17 year old person with a lot of problems to deal with.

Secondly - it doesn't matter if your mom works for the school district. Especially if you are being abused, the school psychologist can't just go tell your mom or dad what you said. She/he could get fired for doing that. Also - school psychologists can't prescribe medication, and even if you go to the mental health center, you can request a drug-free treatment program. You have the right to determine the direction of your own health care.

Whatever you do - please, please talk to someone. Your school psychologist, a trusted teacher, your doctor... you can even look in the Yellow Pages, call up any local psychologist's office and say, "I'm 17, I'm suicidal, I'm being abused by my parents and I don't know what to do." Whoever answers the phone, if they're even slightly competent at what they do, will be able to help you, at least a little bit.

:hugz: to you and blessings for future happiness.

Some resources for you if you don't want to go to your school psychologist:
(from this thread, thanks to Minerva Mind) (http://www.mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?t=139022)

USA National Suicide Hotlines
Toll-Free / 24 hours / 7 days a week
1-800-SUICIDE
1-800-784-2433
National Hopeline Network

1-800-273-TALK
1-800-273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
TTY: 1-800-799-4TTY (4889)

From Dr. Robert H. Schuller's Crystal Cathedral
New Hope Telephone
Counseling Center
24 hours / 7 days
http://newhopeonline.org/ (http://newhopeonline.org/)
* (714) NEW-HOPE
(714) 639-4673

TeenLine Hotline Help Center
4:00pm - 10:00pm
Monday - Saturday
http://www.teenline.org/ (http://www.teenline.org/)
* (714) NEW-TEEN
(714) 639-8336
* 1-888-747-TEEN
1-888-747-8336

From http://suicidehotlines.com/national.html

[sybba_leigh]

so a 33 year old interested in a 15 year old ISN'T a child molestor?

anyway, i agree about not going on medication. its better to stay off of them if you can because when you do get better you'll know you're genuinely recovered, and its not just the drugs tricking you.

[Annorah]

Firstly, as you have been told before - you are NOT a psycho! I think that anyone going through what you are going through right now would be depressed.

Secondly, you have to start to take control. I know that it is an easy thing to say but you do have a choice here. You have to be brave and do something to change the situation BUT you don't have to do it alone - I am sure that you have people around you that will support you. Once you realise that YOU are in charge I think that you will start (in some small way) on your road to recovery. Remember, noone can make you into a victim without your consent.

Please do speak to someone - others more qualified than I have offered you several options. If necessary, keep at it until someone takes notice.

You have a choice as to whether you take medications - they can be helpful but they are not compulsory!

With regard to the maths course you are struggling with - is it really necessary? If it is possible and you would feel better for doing so, perhaps you could drop it? We can't all be good at everything but that doesn't make you a failure. I had a friend at school who consistently failed her maths exams - she took one four times - the first time she failed with a D, she retook and got an E, retook again and got an F, took it for the fourth time and got an E and then decided not to continue - it didn't stop her going on to have a very successful career (I think she even ended up running her own business!).

I am sending you all the positive energy I can - you are a very brave young lady and I wish you well for your future.

:hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz:

[wolf]

anyway, i agree about not going on medication. its better to stay off of them if you can because when you do get better you'll know you're genuinely recovered, and its not just the drugs tricking you.

This is poor advice.

Get information from a professional, even multiple professionals, and make an informed decision.

[Autumn-Forest]

Thank you everyone for the help.

And no, he is not a child molester. I do not need your negative thoughts now, I get that enough. There are exceptions. We love each other dearly, you don't dare need to call him a child molester, don't tell me anything different, especially with my poor state of mind.

[Shanti]

I sent you a PM. Hope it helps. ~hugs~

[Autumn-Forest]

Thank you Shanti. :)

[Pesha]

Sending loads of love and light and healing energies for all you need hun. I understnd depression and beleive me it is not an easy thing to conqure. Do go and see a professional and get information you need. Again healing and love are sent.

[broomstix]

You're not psycho. You've got lots to deal with--please hang in there, take your time and take care of your self :)

XXXNat

Sending you healing energy and bright thoughts...

[Philosophia]

Sending you healing energy! :hugz:

[RubyRose]

Your best bet would be to go to a doctor and talk it all through. Maybe get some meds prescribed. :hugz: I know what its like. I lived it for a year with my other half.

[Autumn-Forest]

I don't want medication, though. I don't want drugs tricking me into thinking I am happy, its just like herion, lol.

It would be really hard for me to see a doctor since I am, afterall, only 17.

I am feeling a load better than I was, and I think I see the light. Thank you everyone for shedding their energy and their advice on me. :) It has helped so much!

[Brightshores]

Glad you're feeling better. :)

The thing is.. the drugs don't fool you into thinking you're happy... they fix a chemical imbalance in the body. You could say that it's the chemical imbalance that's making you believe that you're unhappy in the first place. If you don't have the chemical imbalance, those drugs (like Zoloft, Prozac, etc) don't do anything at all.

Just food for thought. :)

[Autumn-Forest]

I don't think its a chemical imbalance in my brain, I just think its normal depression, if that makes sense, lol. Well, maybe not the suicidal thoughts, but I'm feeling better and don't think about suicide without prescriptions, so I think that if you brain is unbalanced, then you can slowly, but surely, get better without drugs.

I want to stay away from them as much as possible, since it was proven that Zoloft in teenagers causes suicidal thoughts. That, and I am better as of now. :)

Thank you everyone for helping me and giving me advice!
blessed be
Autumn

[Willow Rosette]

:hugz:

[DaNcInG_WiNd]

:hugz:I sent you a private message hun.

[Annorah]

Good luck to you!

May your future be bright - you are a very brave young lady.

:hugz:

[Autumn-Forest]

Thank you everyone, you guys are helping me alot! :)

My days lately have been brighter! I feel no signs of plummeting into a black abyss, atleast at this present time. :)

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

[wolf]

I want to stay away from them as much as possible, since it was proven that Zoloft in teenagers causes suicidal thoughts. That, and I am better as of now. :)


Zoloft, or any other psychiatric medication, does not CAUSE suicidal thoughts, no matter how much a lawyer suing a drug company wants you to think so. People who are depressed have suicidal thoughts. People who are depressed have no energy. People with no energy have poor ability to plan and carry through plans, whether it's writing a shopping list or committing suicide. Antidepressants improve energy levels before they improve mood. No brainer ... someone with depressive symptoms including suicidal ideation get enough energy to carry through an attempt. It's very common. Only in today's litigious world is the medication responsible for the suicide. Same thing would happen to someone who was spontaneously recovering from a depression.

[Autumn-Forest]

Well, its against my beliefs to take medication for depression.

So there. Damn't.

[LadyAquamarina]

Unfortunately I don't have any advice for you. I just wanted to give you some hugs and positive energy. I hope things get better for you.

[Autumn-Forest]

Thank you. And they are getting better!

I hope I don't go plummeting down the abyss again. :(

[Autumn-Forest]

Thinking very much so about it right now. :(
My love told me that I am a p***y for being so weak and vulnerable. He told me that any little thing can set me off. Thats just me being depressed! We can't do what we want because I can't leave and do waht I want. My parents won't get my licesense or a vehicle and won't allow me to have a job. Its spring break here, and none of my friends who are in town have came to visit me. I don't care anymore. :( :( I don't....I just don't want to deal with all of this crap anymore. :(

[Annorah]

So sorry that you are feeling so down right now - just hang in there - it will get better.

Sending you lots of healing, comforting and positive energies.

Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk or just rant - I will listen.

:hugz:

[Autumn-Forest]

Feeling HORRID, HOOOOORRRIIIIDDDD! AGAIN!
I just want to rip out all of my hair!
I feel suicidal and also feel like SIing. :(


ARGh! WHEN WILL IT EVER STOP!?!
WHY CAN'T IT GO AWAY!!?? JUST FOR A LITTLE WHILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Annest]

I am so sorry to hear this. Hang in there, we are many that have you in our thoughts.:hugz: :hugz:

Anne

[Annorah]

Hang in there.

Stay strong - you can get through this!

:hugz: