Severing a connection...

[Iris]

Edited...just didn't wanna leave the story up here...also this thread is irrelevant now. LOL.

[Willow Rosette]

Oh Iris Im so sorry your feeling this way. I do totally understand. I felt that way about my daughters father for a very long time. I knew he had that kinda and giving spot that only I truly knew was there and on and on. Yea well go check out my rant in just talk LMAO. But the good part is I have come up with a theory on why these people are in our lives. I truly believe we have past life issues with these people that we need to finish. In my case it was simply getting on with out the person. Im not sure why they do this but as long as you allow it they will continue. I had to totally cut any non parental contact with him (and he was much much closer) in order to get over that feeling. Honey I seriously believe you need to let him go. They get us feeling that way but the only one that can help them is hemselves. And let me tell you that one is so hard to accept. If you want to PM me I would be more than happy to go into detail and explain so you feel like someone really has felt that.

:hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz:

[PaganPaul]

Hi Iris,

First, sorry to hear about all the drama. Yeah, it can be fun for a while, but too much drama just wears people down real fast. I've dealt with the Narcisistic Personality Syndrome before, and I'm sorry to say that they don't ever get any better, but they frequently get quite a bit worse as time goes on.

I'm glad to hear that you're in a good relationship now, but saddened to think that the Other Guy might ruin it for you. The next time you're tempted to throw everything away and jump on a plane to the USA just say out loud how he made you feel. DON'T just say it to yourself quitely, SHOUT IT OUT! "HE MAKES ME MISERABLE!" and then think again about buying that plane ticket.

If he really does care about you, ask him to make a choice with your best interest in mind. I like to take the words from people I admire, so to quote Amy Lee:

"If you love me,
then let go of me.
I won't be pulled down
by who I used to be!
She's nothing to me!"

Good luck, and keep us informed.

[Annorah]

Oh Iris - so sorry you are having such a hard time.

This is such an unhealthy situation and you really do need to put an end to it for your own sake and that of your new partner. This guy will not really change unless HE wants to - there is absolutely nothing that you can do that will make him into the person you want him to be. However much you want to stay in contact with him I think it would be better for you to consign him to the past and concentrate on the new and wonderful relationship that you have now. It won't be easy to let go - you may well be tempted when he calls you - but you don't have to run to him. If you need to DO something to show your intention to sever the connection, try writing his name on a piece of paper and then burning it with a candle flame - you could make a full ritual out of this act.

I wish you great joy for your future.

Brightest blessings

[LadyWinter]

It sounds to me like this guy is not going to change. Does he even think he does anything wrong to change? You must sever COMPLETELY all communication with him for a long period of time...I recommend 6months to a year..if you can ever hope to get him out of your system.

I was married to a musician.....they have a certain something....its what makes them stars and gives them the ability to draw people in.....Move on with your life, value the one you love and remember why you are with that person.......

Pm me if you wish

Winter

[wolfjan1]

Yes, I agree with the above posters. I went through that as well. It wasn't till later that I thought of the narcicisstic(sp) disorder. EVERYTHING she did was based on what she could get, how she could control a situation aor any person in a situation.
It is very hard to walk away from the "charming" aspect, but as everyone here agrees, you MUST.
So sending you energy to take care of YOU.
wj.

[Willow Rosette]

This guy will not really change unless HE wants to - there is absolutely nothing that you can do that will make him into the person you want him to be.

This needs to be said again. Honey this is so very true. Im so sorry you have to learn this the hard way. :hugz:

[Bluewillow]

Oh Iris - so sorry you are having such a hard time.

This is such an unhealthy situation and you really do need to put an end to it for your own sake and that of your new partner. This guy will not really change unless HE wants to - there is absolutely nothing that you can do that will make him into the person you want him to be. However much you want to stay in contact with him I think it would be better for you to consign him to the past and concentrate on the new and wonderful relationship that you have now. It won't be easy to let go - you may well be tempted when he calls you - but you don't have to run to him. If you need to DO something to show your intention to sever the connection, try writing his name on a piece of paper and then burning it with a candle flame - you could make a full ritual out of this act.

I wish you great joy for your future.

Brightest blessings

I'll second this wholeheartedly.

I am very sorry that you're going through this. It must be such a drain on you, being so immensely complicated and difficult. From what you have said of how he treated you while you were there (especially bitching you out in front of friends and so on), it sounds as though he has a blatant lack of respect for you, and that is *not* something you should ever accept from anyone, certainly not someone who you're considering as a romantic partner.

You may feel a very strong connection to this man, but it may not be the sort of connection that will become something lasting and good. Sometimes in our lives we meet people with whom we have a tremendous bond, and sometimes these relationships or friendships are simply there to teach us and help us grow as individuals at a given point in our lives, rather than to become something lifelong, you know? He may have his good points and there may be intense chemistry between you both, but he does not seem to be willing to treat you as well as you deserve to be treated. You need to focus on you, and be absolutely certain that whoever you are with, they will absolutely treat you with the care and consideration that you deserve, not the disrespect and mind games that he seems to want to pull.

I hope you find the clarity, strength and peace of mind to make whatever decision will be best for you and your life. :hugz: :hugz: :hugz:

[BlueEyedWolf]

:hugz: :hugz: :hugz: Agrees with all the previous posters!!!
You are worth so much more than his behavior!!!!

[ModernKnight]

On the Negative Magic board, Rick posted a description of Soul Shard retrieval. It sounds like that is what you need.

[Iris]

On the Negative Magic board, Rick posted a description of Soul Shard retrieval. It sounds like that is what you need.

There's a negative magic board? When did that happen?! Haha...

It sounds like quite a serious thing, this ritual/spell/whatever you wanna call it, and I don't consider magic a big part of my path, so I don't know if I should try it... :-S Although it does seem, in theory, like the sort of thing I might need.

I really do feel like this guy possesses part of me or something...I don't really know how else to explain it. I'm having a hard time at the moment, because this time last year was the last time I saw him, and so I keep remembering things and thinking about what I was doing with him on this day in 2006. And I keep telling myself that maybe once I've calmed down a bit I can talk to him again...I feel like I'm just counting down the days until I feel like I can feasibly let him back into my life...which I'm sure is totally the wrong way of looking at it, and blah...

Visha'sMommy, I added you to MSN, hope that's ok...?

[Willow Rosette]

Visha'sMommy, I added you to MSN, hope that's ok...?

Of course it is ok. If I can help in any way I am here for you. But please please please dont call him. That will only continue the feelings YOU dont want that, you want to sever them.

I sent you a PM cause I didnt get an invite on MSN.

[LadyAquamarina]

I understand how it is, I always seem to want people that treat me like dirt. I have no idea why. I don't really have any good advice but just wanted to say that I am always here to lend an ear.

[Lunacie]

There's a negative magic board? When did that happen?! Haha...

It sounds like quite a serious thing, this ritual/spell/whatever you wanna call it, and I don't consider magic a big part of my path, so I don't know if I should try it... :-S Although it does seem, in theory, like the sort of thing I might need.

I really do feel like this guy possesses part of me or something...I don't really know how else to explain it. I'm having a hard time at the moment, because this time last year was the last time I saw him, and so I keep remembering things and thinking about what I was doing with him on this day in 2006. And I keep telling myself that maybe once I've calmed down a bit I can talk to him again...I feel like I'm just counting down the days until I feel like I can feasibly let him back into my life...which I'm sure is totally the wrong way of looking at it, and blah...

Visha'sMommy, I added you to MSN, hope that's ok...?

Anniversaries are really hard. Yesterday would have been my ex's birthday - but he died 3 years ago. We were married for 29 years and divorced for 1 year before he died. During the year before the divorce and the year after, I found myself thinking of sending him cards or presents for his birthday - our anniversary - yule/christmas ... or a note on father's day or our grandchildren's birthdays. Yesterday still kinda sucked.

It seems like it may be hard to let go in these situations because we keep wondering what we could have done differently to make things turn out better. When the truth is that we probably did the best we could and the other person dropped the ball on their end. Sending hugs and energy for letting go of the longing and the "what if's" and enjoying the life you have now. :hugz:

[Iris]

Edited out :)

[Annorah]

Oh, Iris, try to stay strong!

I know it is not easy but you will get through it.

:hugz:

[sybba_leigh]

i'm kind of having an issue like this with someone. i haven't talked to him in 2 months and the pain is still there. my therapist says i have to keep not talking to him, avoid him, and his websites, and avoid talking about him with friends, and avoid knowing what's up in his life these days. this is letting the wound heal. if i was to call him or read his myspace or anything it would be like opening up the wound again. same thing applies to you and this guy you keep talking about.

[Iris]

i'm kind of having an issue like this with someone. i haven't talked to him in 2 months and the pain is still there. my therapist says i have to keep not talking to him, avoid him, and his websites, and avoid talking about him with friends, and avoid knowing what's up in his life these days. this is letting the wound heal. if i was to call him or read his myspace or anything it would be like opening up the wound again. same thing applies to you and this guy you keep talking about.

Freakin myspace makes everything harder than it has to be!! It's so hard not to go catch up with his blog, and his band are still on my friends list and GAH...!

(PS Wouldn't it be funny if it was the same guy :rotfl: )

[Iris]

Just wrote a mail to him. Sat there and read it five times over. Went away fromn the computer. Came back. Read it again. Did something else for 20 mins. Read it again. Finally hit 'backspace' and closed the browser....

There are genuine questions I wanna ask him right now. But I think even if there weren't, I'd be FINDING 'genuine questions' to try and get back in contact with him. And what do I wanna do that for? It will just be the same old shit with me getting too involved and going into an obssessive mindset and hoping for things that are never going to happen and...

BAH!!

It even occurs to me that I'm pissed he left me alone when I told him to. Even THOUGH I told him to. Didn't expect him to just accept it and let me go. I kinda feel like he should have fought to keep me in his life. Which is dumb because *I* initiated the 'no contact' thing...

I'm starting to think I'll never break this chain.

Maybe it's not meant to be broken.

Or maybe that's just what I prefer to believe *confused*

[Annorah]

Well done! I think you have just taken a HUGE step - you had a choice of whether to contact him and you stayed strong. I know that it wasn't easy - you really should be so proud of yourself.

:hugz: