Paganism and young children

[Morr]

With the reality of Scarlet setting in (she used to be THE baby, or IT lol, not she is a SHE, a real person that is going to make it into the world in just a few months), I have begun pondering how we will raise her in a Pagan way to suite the community and world we live in.

As some of you know, my husband and I work at the local Reform Temple here in our area, and this Temple has been nothing but wonderful and very open.

Around Feb. of next year, the Spring semester for a Mommy and Me type Jewish group is opening. Kids age 5 and under (down to infants) and their moms are invited to join the group which meets every Friday and there is a small Friday Shabat (Sabbath) ceremony designed for the little ones, and the moms get to hang out with other moms and the kids.

I plan on signing up for this, both for myself and Scarlet. We also plan on having a baby naming ceremony at the Temple and her Hebrew name will be Naomi (it is her middle name, but its also a Hebrew name, so we will name her according to Jewish tradition). We also have plans for her to go to the Temple's Preschool, when she is 2 and hopefully later on to learn Hebrew and the Jewish Religious Sunday school the Temple offers.

That said, my husband and I are still very much Pagan in our faith. I view working at the Temple and being part of that community as reverence for my ancestors who were ultra orthodox Jews, and for my relatives who were murdered in the Holocaust. A way to remember and honor their ways.

This is a very important ideal in pre-Christian Irish faith (I follow a polytheistic Irish path).

But when she begins understanding enough for us to teach her about Gods, Goddesses, nature, and everything else, I don't think she will be old enough to understand that she can't really go around the Temple, or her Jewish and Christian friends, saying that mommy and daddy are Pagan, and give details about it (I am estimating age 3 or 4 will be really when we can start guiding her towards the more Pagan way of things and explaining the concept of Divinity to her on a child's level. Obviously this will be very different than the Jewish or Christian teaching of -- There is one God and he made everything including you).

So for those of you who have or are raising children -- How do you balance things out? How do you raise your young ones in a Pagan oriented house, but how do you make them understand at a young age that unfortunately in this world, in some places, they can't just tell anyone and everyone about these paths or beliefs because a lot of people out there are just closed minded or ignorant?


Thanks!

[Chesna]

WOW..you don't ask for much!! hehe But I know what you mean. Kids love to share what they have learned..and I think you need to keep that in mind. A 3, 4 and even 5 yr old may not understand about privacy. Balance that with the issue that they should tell if they are being hurt, even by mom or dad and how do you teach them to seperate what to tell and not to tell?? So for young ones..keep it simple...teach them about things that if they do share may not raise eyebrows. For example I teach my daughter to say " good morning to the sunand good night to the moon and reverse..that way it looks cute in the eyes of other people. When you bring in gods and goddess..i think they should be older..old enough to know spiritual things need to be kept personal. I hope that helps!

Chensa

[Morr]

Thank you! I know I still have a while to go, but this is something to think about. This is something new I will have to deal with probably sooner than I expect (I keep hearing about how time flies after the baby is here, and suddenly finding a college graduate in your home LOL).

Thanks for the sun and moon example!

[ladyalpha]

I have a three year old and while he hears us talking about different Gods and Goddesses and other beliefs, he has never said anything on his own about such things.
My girls didn't say much about it around that age either. Around 4 or 5 my oldest started asking questions about God; such as how big is he, etc. I also was questioned about Native American beliefs and other things. I answered them as best as I could, always starting the answer with "Some people believe"..that way she would learn not only an answer but that everyone has their own beliefs and they should be respected.
I always kept things simple for them when they were young children. Don't hit trees or tear up the flowers/grass/etc. Don't kill ants and other animals when outside because the outside is their home, they don't come in our home and try to kill us. (A mutual respect type of lesson).

Others looking on saw these things as teaching respect for life and our neighbors loved that my kids were not the ones tearing up their property. No one really looked at any of us as if we were different or as if we were teaching them something "wrong". Sometimes my girls would get looked at strange because they would talk to a tree, but then they would just write it off as they were being a kid with an imagination. (I finally got them to understand that you can talk to trees with your mind so people don't think your crazy, lol).

I think it is important to teach your daughter your beliefs. You will find when they are young that they aren't going to learn everything all at once, so you shouldn't have too many problems of her giving lessons to other kids about all the different Gods and Goddesses. And while you are teaching her, if you teach her this is one way to believe, but these people believe this way; along with while we are in these people's presence we respect their beliefs and ways, there shouldn't be too many problems.
Kids use their intuition more than most adults do. While they will have stages of not thinking before they speak, they for the most part keep certain things to themselves until they realize that it is ok to say them. My 10 and 8 year old have finally started testing the waters of telling their friends that they are Pagan. I have simply told them that they do run a risk of having their parents deciding that they can no longer play with their kids because of our religious beliefs, but it is their choice what they do.

I think I rambled a lot and probably never really got to a point in any of it. Follow your instincts with this as much as with everything pertaining to motherhood. You will know when she is ready to learn different things and how to teach them to her. Every child is different and may never say a word to you or others about things, or may be completely open to everyone around them. If your daughter, when she is born and older, seems to be the type that will tell everyone she meets everything that she has heard, then you will need to talk to her about discreation (sorry, can't figure the spelling out on that word). If she seems the quiet private type, then you may mention once to keep your religious beliefs at home and not have to worry about it again.

[GEBS]

ladyalpha, you said the same thing I was going to say.

Morr, I always taught Brando that everyone has different beliefs and every one is right, because no one can determine your spiritual path but you. When he asked questions my answer was always "some people believe this... others believe this... what do you think?" I know we've spent time in the past talking about that. You probably remember.

When he was very little I started teaching respect for nature and himself. I just never put a name to it. When he was older (about 5 or 6) I started using names. By then he understood that there were some things he couldn't share with other people. His father's house is a Christian household. He knows not to talk about the things he knows when he is at Dad's. The only problem we ever had was the eye doctor incident when he told the doctor he could see dead people :lol: Other than that all of his spiritual development has been private.

I think if you teach Scarlet the things you and semi believe without using names like Pagan (or the names of the deities you work with) she'll do fine. Like ladyalpha said, people will just notice a respect for nature and think it's cute.

[_Banbha_]

From my own memories: I went to a Reform Temple's Nursery school for one and a half years and never had one issue as Catholic child there. All good inclusive memories. :hahugh:

[Morr]

Thanks everyone!

Well, our Temple is a very open minded one. There are all sorts of families there -- Interfaith, same sex, single parents, different races, etc.

The Jewish Reform Movement is known for its open mindness and liberal feel to it. They are more about teaching how to be a good Jew through kindness, volunteer work, community and family life (whichever type family), rather than sticking to the rules 100% in the most orthodox manner, etc. Hell, one of our Preschool teachers is a Catholic who is married to a Jew!

But still, I am not ready nor do I feel the need to share my personal beliefs there, especially being a Hebrew and Religous studies teacher. Ya never know what will get back to my students' parents. Much like the fact that tattoos aren't a big issue at the Temple, but I will not reveal my tattoos when I am teaching at the Temple because I worry more of what the parents might think than my boss or the Rabbi.

The Preschool by itself is Jewish oriented, but they don't push it down the kids' throats. Which I love. They have a Friday morning service for the Sabbath, they have a Monday morning service to say goodbye to the Sabbath and hello to the new week, and they have all sorts of activities for the Jewish holidays. Other than that, it's pretty much an every day type American Preschool.

I just want her to be able to distinguish between what is appropriate to say to her teachers and friends in the Temple setting (or any other non-Pagan setting), and what is not appropriate.

I am worried more about the younger ages, than when she begins to really understand the concept of privacy and difference of beliefs around ages 6 and up.

But I am thankful for the advice in this thread, and I know I will use in a couple of years from now. I want her to be proud of her Jewish herritage, and of her Catholic herritage (her dad's former religion, though we are not at all active in it, aside for my personal relationship with Mary), her cultural herritages (Israel, Ireland, Germany, Argentina, Eastern Europe and of course America), BUT I DO want her to be open to what is also out there from an early on age -- Paganism.

I want to share my religion with her, I want her to share her dad's religion, and I want her to think and be aware and open to whatever is out there. Firstly because I know children are more receptive than adults to Deities, spirits and such. I want her to learn to keep these skills, use them and cherish them. I don't want her to lose them and have to work again when she is older. Second, I want her to be exposed to as much as possible, I want her to learn that its okay to be different and that everyone is different -- And that is OK. Third, I want her to follow her heart from the very beginning, and I want her to follow what feels right for her, I want her to think about it.

Wow, I am babbling! LOL

I just hope I can do a good job with this. I hope I can teach her as much as possible, without her having to deal with criticism about it from society.

Does that make sense?

[RubyRose]

I had the same questions when I was pregnant with Xander. He's now almost 16 months old, and to be honest he's more content with playing with his toys and eating dirt and such when he's outside, then his is to actually listening to us. :lol: But then he does seem to be showing signs of being very independent. But I think when he's a little older we'll explain things to him. If he's anything like I was as a child, he'll probably want to know why he wasn't chistianed and so forth.

[Mòrag Elasaid Ní Dhòmhnaill]

I think as long you keep it simple while they're younger it'll be okay. With Nikolas we have daily prayers that we say in the morning and evening that honor the earth, his family and his ancestors (I follow the belief that the Mighty Ones are honored ancestors) and for the Feast Days we have traditions that we celebrate and include him in that very few people would recognize as religious. It's very easy I find to include him in my beliefs and as he gets older and starts asking questions then we will start getting into the more theological aspects of belief.

[aluokaloo]

it all comes with age stages, teaching her a healthy respect for nature is a good way to start things off, from being kind to animals, watching nature programs taking nature walks, little ones yanno like going outside and showing her different birds, plants, clouds etc. as she gets older, then start with the more complicated stuff, because while little kids are bright and intuitive, they are all in all little kids...and little kids will repeat behaviors, actions and stuff. I've recently taught mine to keep hands off mommy's altar! :lol: I also teach her to thank the flowers, for after she picks them, it all comes with age, and remember she may or may not stick with the pagan path as she gets older. I'm teaching my girl animism because to me, it can fit into any religion, but it all comes with age. best of luck, and a healthy, happy child to you both. :D

[Arion]

It's a bit of a dilemma putting her in a Hebrew school AND raising her Pagan at home. Even if you don't use the names of your gods and your path when you explain your views to her, chances are she'll be learning a lot more about Judaism at school, with a lot more detail. That's the funny thing about schools, they aren't just to educate, they're to indoctrinate.

I went to public school all my life up until high school, where i decided to go to a Catholic school just because it was a lot closer to home. It was a HUGE difference. I had already begun studying Paganism at that point, and I was a stubborn rebellious youngster anyway, so it was a bit too late to assimilate me, but that's what those specialized religious schools are for. I had gone from a school system which had people of many ethnicities and religions, including plenty of Muslims, to a place with only Catholicism, and very few different nationalities (mostly Italian, Irish and Polish -- white. Only about 20 black people in the whole school of over 2000 people). We prayed every morning before announcements, before assemblies, and sometimes before dismissal. Catholic theology classes were mandatory every year. All I'm saying is, that she'll most definitely be getting a religious education at school, from a very early age I'm sure, so it might be hard to raise her as a Pagan if you hold back too much.

I'm not a fan of those specialized schools. Canada/America are supposed to be multicultural countries, and these kinds of schools seem to totally isolate people of the same culture away from the rest of the population. Most of the people at my high school think Muslims are evil, and a friend of mine had never even met a Muslim person until university, having been in Catholic school all her life. It depends, if you want her to be indoctrinated in Judaism from an early age and learn her parents beliefs later in life, or you could guide her in your ways early in life and maybe ghet her involved in the Hebrew community when she's old enough to know that although it's part of her heritage, it isn't what mommy and daddy believe. It's up to you, but you may want to hold off on the Hebrew education until she's a bit older.

[HorseCrow]

I think it all comes down to being the good example for your child... They learn SOOOO fast, it is unbelivable. I believe the best thing to do, is letting them be a natural part of your own way of living. It will probably not even cause you any problems at all, it all tends to come naturally, even though we make all sorts of plans and agreements as parents. When the time comes, she will ask and the best you can do is to answer truthfully and let her meet/be exposed to the ways of your own life and beliefs.