View Full Version : Why techs are so nice

April 25th, 2002, 01:06 PM
This pretty much sums up my life ;)

Why techs are so nice

When a tech says he or she is coming right over, log out and go for coffee.
It's no problem for us to remember 2700 network passwords.

When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried
under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried
flowers, bowling trophies and Popsicle art. We don't have a life, and we
find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

When tech support sends you an e-mail marked "Important," delete it at once.
We're probably just testing out the public groups.

When a tech is eating lunch at his or her desk, walk right in and spill your
guts out and expect them to respond immediately. We exist only to serve and
are always ready to think about fixing computers.

When a tech is at the water cooler or outside enjoying a break, ask him or
her a computer question. The only reason why we drink water or even walk
away from our desks is to ferret out all those users who don't have e-mail
or a telephone line.

Send urgent e-mail ALL IN UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and flags
it as a rush delivery.

When you call a tech's direct line, press 5 to skip the bilingual greeting
that says he or she is out of town for a week, record your message, and wait
exactly 24 hours before you send an e-mail straight to the director because
no one ever returned your call. You're entitled to common courtesy.

When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's
electronics in it, right?

When you're getting a "no dial tone" message at home, call computer support.
We can even fix telephone problems from here.

When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on a tech's chair with no
name, no phone number, and no description of the problem. We love a good

When you have a tech on the phone walking you through changing a setting,
read the paper. We don't actually mean for you to do anything, we just love
to hear ourselves talk.

When we offer training on the upcoming operating system upgrade, don't
bother to attend. We'll be there to hold your hand after it is installed.

When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs
frequently just disappear into the cosmos for no reason.

When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68
printers in the office. One of them is bound to work.

Don't use online help. Online help is for wimps.

If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to go around
and update the network drivers for you and all your coworkers. We're
grateful for the overtime when we have to stay until 2:30 a.m. fixing them.

When you have a tech fixing your computer at a quarter past one, eat your
lunch in his or her face. We function better when slightly dizzy.

Don't ever thank us. We love this and we get paid for it!

When a tech asks you whether you've installed any new software on this
computer, lie. It's nobody's business what you've got on your computer.

If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift
the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to
have 45 lbs. of computer sitting on top of them.

If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail
upgrade. Keyboards work much better with half a pound of muffin crumbs, nail
clippings, and big sticky drops of Coke under the keys.

When you get the message saying "Are you sure?", click on that "Yes" button
as fast as you can. Heck, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it,
would you?

Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that
computer stuff". It makes us feel superior.

When you need to change the toner cartridge, call tech support. Changing a
toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends
that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a Master's degree
in nuclear physics.

When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call
the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party
who doesn't know anything about the problem.

When you receive a 30-meg movie file, send it to everyone as a high-priority
mail attachment. We've got plenty of disk space and processor capacity on
that mail server.

Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. God
forbid somebody else might get a chance to squeeze into the queue.

When you bump into a tech in the grocery store on a Saturday, ask a computer
question. We work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, even while at the grocery
store on weekends.

If your son is a student in computer science, have him come in on the
weekends and do his projects on your office computer. Call us at home when
his illegal copy of Visual Basic 6.0 makes your Access database flip out.

When you bring us your own no-brand home PC to repair for free at the
office, tell us how urgently we need to fix it so your son can get back to
playing DOOM. We'll get right on it because we have so much free time at the
office. Everybody knows all we do is surf the Internet all day anyway.

April 25th, 2002, 01:17 PM
How true, how true. sounds like my job;)

April 25th, 2002, 01:43 PM
I'd laugh harder if they weren't all true... >_<

April 25th, 2002, 05:32 PM
I'd laugh harder if they weren't all true... >_<

I agree, I see this at work every day. Sometimes is downright funny...other days you just want to run and hide:p

April 25th, 2002, 05:39 PM
ok, took notes! Will do!;)

April 25th, 2002, 05:48 PM
Originally posted by flar7
ok, took notes! Will do!;)

:eek: :shaker: :nyah:

April 25th, 2002, 08:53 PM
LMAO!!! I'm so glad that Help Desk is only a small part of my job.

You folks are gonna loooove this: http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/

I'm sure some of you will feel right at home. ;)


April 25th, 2002, 09:11 PM
O ... i'm but a 13-year-old geek, and I cracked up! I love it!

April 26th, 2002, 08:38 AM

Thanks for the link....:rotfl:

May 12th, 2002, 01:18 PM
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