A dilemma with a friend's GF.

[aemaeth]

Ok.. I have a question;
I had agreed to move into a new apartment with a coupla friends, however, after agreeing, I found out that one of my friends will be bringing his girlfriend with him. Now, under normal circumstances, I can deal with her - in other words, if they're over, visiting for an hour or two. But I *cannot* stand her. And I do *not* want to be moving in with my friends, if she is going to be living there, as well. To put it simply, she is 18, going on 12. She has NO maturity whatsoever, is annoying as hell, and she will NOT accept ANY form of responsibility, no matter how big or small. I absolutely refuse to move in with her... but I am not a sort who easily backs out of agreements, especially those made with friends.

The question that I wanted to ask, was, simply, how exactly would I go about telling them/him that I refuse to move in, if she is? And go about this nicely... because, honestly, I cannot come up with any nice way to put it... :/


As well, I guess, since I'm on this topic... what would be a decent way to bring about/point out the fact that this girl is just not.... good for him?

[DreamSpell333]

Me personally.. I would never move in with friends. I had enough trouble living next to our friends a few years ago. My hsuband and I would work,and come home and want to just relax and they always wanted us to come over. They also werent the cleanest, and always wanted favors/ help.
I'm glad we didnt move in with them, because they got evicted a couple months later.

I would be honest with your friend. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

[AineDanu]

I know you didnt ask but I agree with DS on not living with friends being the best idea. In my case I tried living with friends twice and both times ended badly for all the friends. None of speak to each other anymore and in one case we found out our "friend" was well to put it nicely a seriously disturbed alcholic who couldnt tell the truth if asked if the sky was blue. Just think seriously about if you want to risk it or not.

Ok - the girlfriend - talk to the other(s) and see how they feel about her. See if they share your concerns. It would be good to know where everyone stands on the issue before talking to your friend. If they do not have the same issues then they can help you back out of the agreement without feeling bad about it. If they do then it will weigh more heavily on your friends mind when you do explain that you have concerns regarding her and do not feel that you can live with her.

As far as her not being good for your friend, aside from airing your basic concerns over living with her, unless asked specifically how you feel I would not get to into that conversation. How would you like it if one of your friends told you that your SO was bad for you? It is your life - it is your relationship - it is your choice.

Let him know the concerns about living with her, the immaturity, etc be honest but dont overkill on it.

:) just my two cents. I hope it all turns out well.

[Annorah]

I agree with Aine Danu - you need to talk to the others and then to your friend. Hopefully you will be able to resolve this without losing anyone's friendship and without being "forced" to live with someone who would make you feel uncomfortable.

I think your best policy here is honesty tempered with a large dose of tact!

Good luck with this - sending positive energies your way.