Leaving my past behind.

[Heart of All]

So as I've been trying to become closer to my new gods, I find Christianity keeps getting in my way. In the last two days, I've found that old religion to be in my face all the time. I had a dream the other day in which I argued with teenage Christian girls (about the age I was when I was "saved") about the nature of sin and a God who condemns people to hell. And today the only radio station I could get a signal for was Christian. And I listened and I found myself rolling my eyes all the time. But at the same time, I could feel myself inching back into that mindset. I talked to my gods after, and felt a little better, but then I started feeling the old guilt creeping back.

So I guess I'm asking if anyone has any advice on leaving behind a faith you've been raised in for one you know is better for you?

I'm about to go home for three months to the Bible Belt and parents who can't understand "how anyone could go through life without believing in Jesus." But Christianity is dusty to me and I don't want it. But I don't know how to let go completely.

[-Sky-]

I understand how you feel HeartofMoon!I was raised to be a Christian Orthodox and i come from a country(Greece) that Christianism is so prevalent that it is officially considered connected with our history and politics. So stepping out of Christianity and into Paganism wasn't easy both socially and personally.

But apart from misconceptions about paganism the most important obstacle i found(and still find sometimes) is my own mind and the annoying power of habit. It is only natural that when you have spent so many years of your life believing in Christianity,attending church and generally living within the Christian lifestyle it will not be easy to adapt in a new religion. I've had difficulty as well. Sometimes i would instinctively cross myself or say "Virgin Mary","Jesus"(Still do sometimes out of habit),or even go to church for Easter and marriages.

But in the end i realised that Paganism came into my life for a reason,it is my home,what feels right for me. And the key to this situation is to know that you don't have to let go completely. If listening to Christian music and going to church once in a while makes you feel peaceful then do it. But acknowledge that Paganism is the right path and that you're walking on it now.It will take time until you have entirelly left behind your christian self and fully embraced your pagan one.

PS You seem familiar btw but i think it's probably because i've seen you in another thread. Can't remember which one though.. *confused*

[Brightshores]

I found that right after I left Christianity, I felt much as you do (although my experience was with a different, more liberal denomination, and I always hated Christian rock :lol: ) It took me several years to evolve into the spiritual path I am in now. Interestingly, my path has led me recently to a place where I can acknowledge a respect for Christ and can appreciate the good things about Christianity, all while not feeling in any way bound to that religion. It's a nice, rather peaceful place to be.

So - all the advice I can give is that it will take time. Don't blame yourself for having thoughts and feelings about your old path - it's only natural. :hugz:

[Amelserru_halqu]

My advice is that every time you feel the urge to get back into christian mode commit an act of blasphemy, it'll make you feel better, well... it made me feel better anyway.

[Piney Boy]

You will never be able to totally lose it because you were raised in it, and thus many early memories and life ways you have are intertwined with it. I say take it for what its worth. Just because you dont follow a Christian god doesn't mean all of the ethos are bad. The problem always lies in the organizations bylaws and strict codes of thought, most often this isn't what the teacher, ie Jesus, had in mind. Use the positive on your new path and you won't find it so hard to reconcile yourself with your history. The harder you try to force it away the more its going to remain with you. Jesus was a pretty remarkable guy, anybody who teaches forgiveness, acceptance, peace and love can teach us all a thing or two on our lifes journey.

[-Sky-]

You will never be able to totally lose it because you were raised in it, and thus many early memories and life ways you have are intertwined with it.

I wish(and i'm sure HeartofMoon probably does too) i was raised into Paganism or at least magic. It would be so different and unique.

Out of curiousity,HeartofMoon which are your new gods?You know,adding to my previous post i wanted to say that when i discovered paganism i realised that the Goddess was following me since i was young but i just didn't know her at the time,at least not with a name.

[Piney Boy]

I wish(and i'm sure HeartofMoon probably does too) i was raised into Paganism or at least magic. It would be so different and unique.

Oh I don't know, all life for me has unique qualities, nothing stranger or more unique then another. Life simply IS, whatever the shape or form it takes. Perhaps I say that because I was raised in a really open interfaith household where Christianity, Judaism, and even Nature Worship were talked about openly and equally. While Im on a path centered in the natural world I cherish many lessons and examples of life I've learned from other paths, none for me is greater or lesser then the others. My way is simply that, mine alone. At times I can share it with others, but the human experience makes each of us on our own unique path others can empathize with, but never see through our eyes.

[Heart of All]

Out of curiousity,HeartofMoon which are your new gods?You know,adding to my previous post i wanted to say that when i discovered paganism i realised that the Goddess was following me since i was young but i just didn't know her at the time,at least not with a name.

Odin and Freya. But yeah, I certainly lean more toward the goddess, I think, because I feel like I've been ignoring her for 20 years. I am trying to figure out how to balance myself more between the two of them. And yeah, I do kinda wish I was raised in Paganism. Or at least not in closed-minded Christianity. My boyfriend's a Christian, but the good, open-minded kind. I wish I'd been raised like that.

Thanks for advice, everyone.

[-Sky-]

Odin and Freya. But yeah, I certainly lean more toward the goddess, I think, because I feel like I've been ignoring her for 20 years. I am trying to figure out how to balance myself more between the two of them. And yeah, I do kinda wish I was raised in Paganism. Or at least not in closed-minded Christianity. My boyfriend's a Christian, but the good, open-minded kind. I wish I'd been raised like that.

Thanks for advice, everyone.

I am drawn to Odin too.:) Although my main pantheon is Irish. And i can relate to that too,i still lean towards the Goddess as well. When i came out of Christianity i had difficulty approaching the pagan God because it kept reminding me of my old religion. But gradually i let him into my life and realised that he is different. You just need time!:)

[Nitefalle]

I think that perhaps you could write a ritual for yourself, that acknowledges your past and that it made you the person you are today. In a way, you can let go by thanking Christianity for leading you to where you are in life today. Things happen for a reason.

[Nocturna]

I understand how you feel, and in my experience, those reminders get less jarring as time goes on.

I remember when I left the Catholic Church. I was 16, so it was over 10 years ago. To this day, my mom, grandma, and aunt still periodically ask if I go to church or what I’m giving up for Lent. Right after I left the Church, answering “no” and “nothing” made me feel uncomfortable and ashamed. I went through a long period of borderline atheism, and those feelings gradually dissipated. When I started feeling drawn towards a new spirituality, I was surprised to find that the old anxiety came back whenever I was confronted with reminders about my past. It’s gradually going away again.

Like the others said, the reminders and influences from your past will never completely go away, but you might become less sensitive of them as you grow more committed and sure of your own beliefs. That doesn’t happen overnight. Hang in there.:)

P.S. I really liked Nitefalle's suggestion too.

[LadyCelt]

Maybe there was a message in the radio station.

If you aren't against praying to or meditating with God or Jesus, maybe doing so would help you to understand why it is happening.

[hikarilove]

My advice is that every time you feel the urge to get back into christian mode commit an act of blasphemy, it'll make you feel better, well... it made me feel better anyway.

I think this is great advice and, from my understanding, is the basis for the Black Mass. The whole purpose is to clear away debris and hang-ups from a faith that you no longer associate with. :) Maybe write a little ritual of your own that breaks some big "no no"s. I, myself, am planning something similar.

I can relate to your struggle because I have moments of old guilt and condemnation from my Evangelical skeletons. While I consciously don't believe any of the dogma I was taught, sometimes (while casting a spell, for example) I will have flashes of concern that God will curse me for practicing witchcraft. I don't even, consciously, believe in karma - so it's insane for me to believe that God is going to smack me down just for chanting over a candle. ;)

I wish you the best of luck. It seems to be a long-term struggle many of us have. But, anything that takes this much work must have a great reward at the end!

...like Skittles!