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SpikesPet5150
April 30th, 2002, 04:02 PM
Hey all.. I've got this issue (what else is new, right?)

Ok, so my very best friend lives in Arizona. She's a lesbian, and a witch. She's been dating this girl, Darlene for about 2 years now. When she first met Darlene, Darlene was engaged to be married to a man in the marines. Eventually, the engagement broke off and Darlene began dating Krissa (my best friend). They broke up on and off throughout the relationship, most of the time because Darlene just didn't think she could handle living in a lesbian relationship for too long (she's bisexual). So about a month ago, they broke up, Krissa moved out of their apartment and Darlene began dating this guy (can't remember his name, sorry). So Darlene and Krissa still talk and blah blah blah. So Krissa calls me yesterday and says that her and Darlene are planning on going to San Francisco at the end of May and are getting married. So of course I freak out, because the last I heard, they'd broken up and they both seemed much happier without each other. The worst part is, Darlene is hoping to become pregnant (she quit taking her birth control pills without telling her boyfriend) so her and Krissa can have a baby. I know that her boyfriend has no clue she's planning on getting pregnant and I don't know if Darlene even plans on telling him if she does become pregnant.

My question is, what should I do about this? Should I tell Krissa exactly how I feel (and by that I mean to say I think it's completely wrong and the stupidest decision she's ever made in her life)... or should I stand behind her and let her make her own mistakes? I'm just so confused. It seems to me that Krissa is so intent on "growing up" and having a family that she doesn't really care who it's with. She's been incredibly depressed lately, feeling that she's not as mature as she should be, or that she hasn't done enough with her life as of yet (she's only 21, as is Darlene). If they were only planning on getting married, I'd say to hell with it and let her do it.. but they're planning on having a child, and I don't want that poor child to be caught in the middle of some domestic dispute because Krissa and Darlene can't be civil to each other.

Any suggestions on how I should handle this situation would be greatly appreciated.
~Bree

Myst
April 30th, 2002, 04:05 PM
Sure, let her know you're a bit worried, you want to be sure she isn't doing this just to 'prove herself'. Be there to listen too of course. I think you can tell her that you feel worried without putting her on the defensive.

Illuminatus
April 30th, 2002, 04:15 PM
Kids fix nothing. Sure, for the first year life will seem pretty wonderful. But then the honeymoon ends, as they always do. You are back to where you were, except now there's screaming and vomiting and diapers and more screaming and fighting and problems.

Even when you are ready for them, having kids seriously turns your life upside-down.

If you aren't sure which way is up, spinning around in circles doesn't help matters.

Tell her that.

- Ill

SpikesPet5150
May 1st, 2002, 02:19 AM
Thanks you guys... wonderful advice. :) Wow, I really kinda love this place.
~Bree

Sea~Chelle
May 1st, 2002, 08:00 AM
Talk to them both and make sure everyone is on the same page. Do they BOTH want to have this baby? And if in fact she is unsure of living in a lesbian relationship what makes her so sure now that she is ready to commit like that? Marriage is one thing but, haveing a baby is a whole nother ballgame.
I hope that she plans on telling the boyfriend he has a right to know if she does indeed get pregnant. That would be unfair to all parties involved.
IMO what they need to do is try living together again. An if in fact they truly want to have a family together don't involve an inocent person. Go to a sperm bank or find a friend who is willing to be a donor. IMO sex is cheating even if it is in a same sex relationship who is trying to conceive.
Thats just my 2 cents worth.
Good luck!

SpikesPet5150
May 1st, 2002, 12:28 PM
I can't talk to both of them... Darlene hates me, and I'm not a big fan of her either.

The thing about this is, Darlene changes her mind all the time about wanting to be with Krissa.. and even though Krissa knows better, she can't help but hope that *maybe* this time it'll be different, ya know? Grrr. I just get so angry sometimes.

Maybe I'll call Krissa tonight.. I can't wait till the last minute. Thanks again for the advice you guys!
~Bree