The thing about being pagan.

[Storm]

[Myst]

Well soulmates aren't necessarily mates, sometimes they become friends or family in this life, and sometimes they don't continue to stay in your life. Soulmates don't always have to continue to be soulmates. Sometimes the bond is broken; sometimes it does not serve and you need to get rid of it.

Without knowing your situation better I can only say only you can answer your question.

[Myst]

Well, you need to make a choice. Do you think your husband would appreciate this?

Maybe you need to remove him from your life, or you need to divorce your husband and be with this guy.

It's up to you, and it's very mundane, beyond all the profound.

[Myst]

No, you aren't. This isn't an easy decision to make, to be sure. Just that you've asked for help suggests you're ready to figure this out. I think perhaps you should concentrate on yourself for awhile, what you want and what you need. Take some time to relax, meditate, and focus on yourself. You may turn to friends or even a doctor.

Only then can you look outside yourself and make a decision.

[Myst]

Incidentally, we have peer counsellors, a list is posted in Just Talk at the top I think, and any of them would be more then willing to talk to you about this.

[Shaman0325]

Hey Storm..I know what your going thru. I have been there..maybe we can both help each other and talk this thru..what do you say ?

[Earthcup]

I know the feeling...:) Only I was the "other woman". Even with people who feel they are soulmates love doesn't run smoothly...

You just have to do what you know and feel is right for you. Only you know what is best for you. Sometimes just talking about it with someone helps. I can usually figure out the answers I need by talking to someone about my problem...

I know the feeling about therapists. I've often considered seeing what one would think of me... :lol: There's a poem in "Selu: Wisdom of the Corn Mother" about a woman who's husband went to a psychiatrist and said his spirit was sick and the psychiatrist didn't get it and the woman wished she could get him to a Medicine Man for treatment before he kids became sick in their spirits as well. True story too....

[Vinga]

Sounds pretty typical to me. People don't have affairs because they are happy at home, they have affairs because their current relationship is leaving them empty.

I don't know, but I don't think love can come back once it's gone. Perhaps it's not even this new person that is what you need either, perhaps you want him so much because you see in him a ticket to a happier more fulfilled life. But you need to learn to fill your own life with happiness before adding another person into it. Don't rely on somebody else to bring that magick to you. Perhaps you can save your relationship by finding your own happiness, or you can cut loose and go out to find it on your own. Just don't throw yourself at somebody else thinking they will instanly fulfill your every need, you'll just end up in the same situation all over again wanting more.

[Myst]

I think, if nothing else, you are convinced you need to leave your husband.

You don't know owe him anything but honesty, and if you think you can't love him no matter what, don't let him try to fix things.

Vinga's right, you need to step off and first figure out yourself and your needs.

[Phoenix Blue]

I'm no mind-reader. . . :) but if I'm reading Storm's words correctly, I think she already knows what she wants/needs here.

Storm, I don't think your marriage is irretrievably broken. I think your husband loves you. . . and I think you love him, or you wouldn't be so torn between your family and your desires.

You want the excitement of an affair. . . and that's natural. But what will you do when that excitement is gone? Is the sacrifice of your family worth a few weeks or months of pleasure?

Your husband's trying to make this work. Give it a chance. See a marriage counselor. As long as you haven't cheated on one-another, and as long someone hasn't come away from an argument bruised or bleeding, I think your marriage has hope. I think there's happiness to be found there--if you're willing to work for it.

[Phoenix Blue]

Yeah, I know, you're going to do what you're going to do. . .

I disagree, though, with your assertion that your marriage can't be saved. I've been in a marriage that was beyond hope--complete with abuse, infidelity, you name it. I think you're looking for an "out," an excuse for leaving your marriage because you're not happy with what you have. And you're not happy with what you have because you're lusting over something you think is "better." As the old cliché says, the grass is always greener. . .

Let me share something with you. If you're not happy with what you do have now. . . what makes you think you'll ever be happy with what you have later? You're about to let your self-image and self-esteem problems destroy your marriage and the lives of your two children--think about that for a moment, huh?

Yeah, no matter what you do, someone's going to be hurt. But what's going to hurt worse, and what's going to hurt more people? Get over your obsession with forbidden fruit, stop overdramatizing your life, and stick with the man you have.

One last thing: you say your love for your husband is dead. I say, nothing is dead forever, especially not love. You can love your husband again if you want to. In the meantime, work on loving yourself. . . because really, you'll never know true love until you do.

[Phoenix Blue]

Quoth Storm:
I am running accross the assumption that love found amist a bad marriage is nothing more than an escape, not real or lasting. A quick fix. Is that all it ever is? If I were single now, there would be no question.

By the by, maybe the whole "we're destined to be together" spiel is why you're running across that assumption? Just a thought.

[Phoenix Blue]

Quoth Storm:
Pheonix Blue delivery a good swift kick in the ass.
**Laughs** Yeah, I'm good at that. :p

**Shrugs** Tell your husband you need the time and see if he can take care of the kids without you for a little while. I know it'd be tough for him and for your kids. . . but that actually sounds like a good idea. A couple weeks or months spent more-or-less alone can do wonders for you.

[Storm]

So now is it alright to say I can still remember....just the way........

[WhiteWingedGoddess]

Merry Meet Storm,
I can sincerely relate to your predicament. I've enjoyed what I've read from the others and basically what I've gotten out of it is the choice is ours. I for one admitted to having an affair. He's happy to know the truth and he feels he can now move on. (What the heck is that?) I feel pressurred and forced into admitting something I was unwilling to admit. I have anger and resentment towards him. I told him I want to separate and he absolutely will not. Divorce w/an attorney is $3,700 up front to start and through a legal service is only $500 (if) we can arrange an agreement for everything. That included child support and sharing custody. There is no way this will happen. So my other options are this...perhaps it will help you too. Call around for living assistance or arrangements. I know I wouldn't be able to live as nicely as I do. There is alot to sacrafice. My life doesn't suck, except I just don't have that magic or attraction I used to. I've been obcessed over someone else as well and it really hurt my integrity and self-esteem. I'm confused too. I think the grass is greener also. Must be the Aphrodite in me. LOL.