Kahlil the Heretic
July 6th, 2007, 01:41 AM
I try not to make it a habit of proding for reassurance, but I feel that I must let someone know my situation; and who better than people such as you all.
This is very cathartic for me, and I suppose that's what I need...a healthy outlet for my anger.
There was an incident at a recent gathering with "friends"...they are mostly friends of my one good friend, I suppose. To make a long story short...I got drunk and said some things that I shouldn't have. Though it was generally a misunderstanding, (and it wasn't racist or anything, just an argument over food...don't laugh!) I wish I could take them back...
I'm being ostracised for my comments at that party now, and it hurts me real bad. It feels like Middle School and High School all over again...thing is, I went to college partially to get away from all the bullying and bigotry I endured, and now, five years later, I see it happening again.
Now I can't even be around that crowd anymore because I know they'll snicker and make passing comments that are obviously directed at me, and I know it'll piss me off to the point that I'll either make a scene or leave.
What hurts me most is the anger I'm feeling...the conflict between the person I want to be and the terrible things I have wished upon those people. I have cursed them with all my soul, and I scared myself; I'm shocked that I could feel such powerful hatred for such a triviality. I know that these feelings are rooted in my youth, when I was picked on for being different. I ask God to forgive me and help me cope with my anger. I wish with all my heart to forgive them so that I won't have this burden.
I'm sure time will heal everything though, and it feels good to talk about it. Well that's it...I guess everyone needs to hit this section up once in a while.
This is very cathartic for me, and I suppose that's what I need...a healthy outlet for my anger.
There was an incident at a recent gathering with "friends"...they are mostly friends of my one good friend, I suppose. To make a long story short...I got drunk and said some things that I shouldn't have. Though it was generally a misunderstanding, (and it wasn't racist or anything, just an argument over food...don't laugh!) I wish I could take them back...
I'm being ostracised for my comments at that party now, and it hurts me real bad. It feels like Middle School and High School all over again...thing is, I went to college partially to get away from all the bullying and bigotry I endured, and now, five years later, I see it happening again.
Now I can't even be around that crowd anymore because I know they'll snicker and make passing comments that are obviously directed at me, and I know it'll piss me off to the point that I'll either make a scene or leave.
What hurts me most is the anger I'm feeling...the conflict between the person I want to be and the terrible things I have wished upon those people. I have cursed them with all my soul, and I scared myself; I'm shocked that I could feel such powerful hatred for such a triviality. I know that these feelings are rooted in my youth, when I was picked on for being different. I ask God to forgive me and help me cope with my anger. I wish with all my heart to forgive them so that I won't have this burden.
I'm sure time will heal everything though, and it feels good to talk about it. Well that's it...I guess everyone needs to hit this section up once in a while.