Grandparents and birthday presents, a bad mix?

[Faery-Wings]

Some background on the grandparent situation: Both sets of g-parents get along reasonable well, but there is a strong sense of competition between them. As who gets who how many gifts, who likes the gifts better, who makes more of a fuss over whose gifts...and usually I get caught in the middle. Last year at my daughter's b-day I got reamed b/c I did not take each outfit MIL bought out of the bag and show it to everyone, while I took out a frame my mom bought her and showed that. We were outside, sitting on the ground, surrounded by 3-6 year old tearing the toys apart. I thought I made the right decision.*sigh*

Tomorrow is my son's b-day party. A month ago hubby and I asked the g-parents if they wanted to chip in with us and get Scott a telescope. They all said sure. I told my mom to only bring two additional gifts. I don't have the room for tons of toys, nor do we need them. My hubby was supposed to say the same to his parents. Wouldn't you know, he "forgets" to tell them (even after reminders from me). Now I am going to be faced with my parents who are only bringing 2 gifts to who knows how many from the IL's. And I feel that kids don't need to get that many gifts- I would rather have it simple and less materialistic. And I had the sniping between them.

I know we have a couple of grandparents here, do you have any advice from the other perspective? I just don't know what to do. And I hate the feeling that WWIII will break out tomorrow with me in the middle.

Other parents, do you have any advice on how to treat this? I thought a month ago, I had it all worked out, but thanks to hubby (grr) now I do not.

[MammaStar]

Well, for my son (who's b-day is on Sunday). It gets just as complicated. I don't know how much my parents feel like they are "competing" between them and his dad's folks. I think they compete more against each other. Because of my family situation, my parents are divorced, dad is remarried. We have lots of "grandparents". There are my mother and father, his dad's mom & dad, then two great grandma's on his dad's side and another "great-grandma" on my side (my step-mother's mother).

My parents, IMO, over-compensate, because his other grandparents, well, they aren't the nicesest people and won't be winning any "grandparent of the year" awards if you catch my drift. But my Dad loves to try and "out do" my Mom. Which is silly, because my son adores each of them equally. For instance, this year, my Mom bought him his presents already and they were some figures for the game he plays and books. All he has asked of my Dad was to go on a fishing trip, because that's what he likes to do with my Dad and he wants to try out the new fishing pole he got for X-mas (which my Dad bought him). But his wife feels they "have to do more". She's just like that.

When they act like this, I try and remind them that my son loves them for who they are, not what they do for him. But you know how Grandparents can get. I find it hysterical sometimes, because when my bro & I were kids, getting stuff out of my parents was like pulling teeth. Now, forget it, our kids ask for anything and there they are running out getting it for them.... :rolleyes:

To be honest, I always feel like I'm competing against his Dad. It's nothing his Dad has done either, it's just me and the freak I am. I think it's me being a single mom trying to prove to everyone (even after 10 years) that I can do it all by myself. Told ya I was a freak....:rolleyes: Like this year, I'm brining him to the movies (see thread in Just Talk) and then going to this place called "Dave & Busters" and buy him a few things.

[Ben Gruagach]

I have a few ideas regarding the problem of grandparents competing against each other to shower grandkids with gifts.

1. Have birthday stuff with the grandparents, but not with both sets there at the same time. I.E. take the birthday kid to each grandparents' place for their "special birthday visit." Or drop the birthday child off with grandma and grandpa for an afternoon or morning on their birthday weekend (getting some babysitting time in too!) That way the grandparents feel they are getting their own time with the grandkids and don't even have to see the other grandparent set, so the competition is lessened.

2. Ask the grandparents to limit the gifts to one small gift, and then anything else they want to spend can be put into a savings account for the kid's post-highschool education.

3. Ask the grandparents to only bring one small gift to the party, and then any other gifts they want to give must be kept at the grandparents' house - that way the kid has "toys that stay and grandma and grandpa's place" for when they are visiting there. toys that stay at the grandparents' place only get given to the child there - not anywhere else.

Just a few ideas - not necessarily good ones, but they might help you think of other things that might help.

[Loon]

1. Have birthday stuff with the grandparents, but not with both sets there at the same time.

This is what we always did because of our family situation. There would be one party with my dad and his family; one with my mom and her dad and his wife; something with my mom's mom; and a "friend" party. I never noticed any competition, but I think my grandpa's wife tried to buy our affection when we were little.

[Faery-Wings]

Thanks for your suggestions. Ben, your ideas were actually quite good! One of the reasons we chose a telescope for him was that it was something we couldn't afford on our own, and that he will get a real life education from. My dad also adds to a mutual fund, too. I wouldn't really be able to split the celebrations though, as they do get along and like each other.

When they act like this, I try and remind them that my son loves them for who they are, not what they do for him.

I tell them the same. In one ear and out the other!

I find it hysterical sometimes, because when my bro & I were kids, getting stuff out of my parents was like pulling teeth. Now, forget it, our kids ask for anything and there they are running out getting it for them....

Aint it the truth??

I think it's me being a single mom trying to prove to everyone (even after 10 years) that I can do it all by myself.

Lady, you can do it, and you are kicking butt while you do. You are an awesome mom, and don't you forget it. *tough voice mixed with huge hugs*

Blessings to you all.
Chris

[Faery-Wings]

I am never having another b-day party again!

OK both sets of g-parents were told about the two gift rule. Hubby ended up calling his parents 2 nights before the party. Party day arrives and his parents show up with two gifts. *My* mother brings 4!!!! My husband is mad, I am aggravated, his parents are pissy.... ye gods, now what?

My mother, thankfully, took his parents outside and said that she misunderstood. That when she heard (from me ) that they hadn't known about the gift limit, she assumed 4 would be ok. She must not have heard me when I told her Friday that they did know about the limit. *sigh* But anyway, peace was made, my son knew nothing of the tension and my friends had something to talk about.:eek: :p

next year, no gifts, just send cash. :D