So angry...

[Laoghaire]

Please, I need your opinion. I have the feeling I'm going insane. I hurt everyone around me, including my boyfriend and I do not know why...

So please... Give your hardest opinion, I need it and I'll try (!) to cope with it.

I'm so angry, all the time. And I simply do not know why. This last week this angry feeling is so overwhelming I cannot ignore it anymore. The slighest problem makes me go berserk...
I'm in the middle of my summer holidays. I cannot enjoy it at its fullest (sp?), because I have to do some re-examinations. Nothing new under the sun, I passed my first two years also with those bloody things... I have 5 and they are scheduled in August (Start: 22) and September. These re-examinations are tricky. I have to pass them, otherwise I will not receive my Bachelor diploma. I start my cramming tomorrow...

Don't know why I told you that... But wth...

This whole month, every morning, the same story... I get up, get dressed and even before I get down to eat breakfast, anger will have crossed my path. Really, the smallest things can make me go bananas... For example: I get up not that early, but not very late. When I eat breakfast (When I have the opportunity) I want to read the newspaper. Sometimes I will get up, together with my brother or father. And yes, you guessed it right, they want to read the paper as well... o_O And when that happens, it makes me angry. Thing is... I cannot hide my frustration at that point. Never could, honestly. And that's how I hurt the feelings of the people around me.

The biggest problem: I cannot let go. I simply can't. I do try, believe me. When my brother is making fun of me, once again, I'll try to talk to myself: 'Smile, let it go, it doesn't mean anything...' It simply doesn't work. A lot of people told me to speak to myself, to calm myself down. But why does that feeling continue, even when I do talk to myself?

When I realise my anger, I even get more frustrated. I hurt people, by saying things I do not really mean. I wanted to do so many things this month. And now she's almost over... I wanted to write, but in stead, I will sit behind my computer screen, doing nothing, really. And yes, you're right again, this gives a lot of frustration too.

I cannot get a grip on myself... And I hate it soooo much. I want this strange feeling to dissapear, but I can't. Yes, I know it's MY problem...
I'm feeling desperate... Just a couple of minutes (It's now 0.00 in Belgium) ago, I closed MSN (Don't like it anymore :s) and went downstairs, to watch tv together with my parents. Too bad, they were getting ready to go to bed. And *jump* there was another wave of anger/frustration. It's makes my father sad and sometimes even angry (We have a very close bond) but I cannot explain what I'm feeling. When I tried to explain it, my mother (Always the 'dry one') just said I just walk outside a little more... I left... Did not want to hear it... Just because she always says the same things...

I don't know it anymore... I want a solution, but the harder I try, the farther it goes away. I really do not want to irritate the people around me. I know I'm doing that... I realise it... But I cannot stop it. It's a kind of circle, isn't it?

At this point, I'm willing to try everything... Change my eat habbits (Sometimes I really have the feeling this anger has to do something with it), my clothes, my sheets, the colour of my eye,... I don't care. I want to enjoy myself, my family, my lover, life again... It all seems so far away right now.

Ask away, if you think you know some kind of solution...

[Merrilyn]

Have you considered that this may actually stem from a medical issue? First thing I'd do is have some blood work done to rule anything out. For instance, I was irritable and bitchy ALL THE TIME when my thyroid levels were out of whack.

If all comes back good, then it's time to focus on other areas. Perhaps it is time to work with a professional in order to get to the root of your anger issues. What is driving you to anger so quickly? Why such a short temper? You shouldn't have to live this way, feeling like this all the time, and neither should those around you. Take the initiative and seek help.

Best Wishes to you.
:hugz:

[Kahlil the Heretic]

My psychology professor always told me...

"If you're able to ask if you're insane, then you aren't."


It's actually very funny, but I went through a recent period of anger myself, this very summer in fact. I was angry at God (probably mostly at God, since I felt my spiritual life was in shambles), my friends, and my situation. What made it worse is that I have absolutely no reason to be angry, and this made me feel very guilty. For no reason, old memories of people who had hurt me started springing up and I could just feel the anger boiling up inside...I'd curse at them secretly in the car, and after it passed, I'd ask myself "What am I doing? What is wrong with me?"

And, eventually, for no good reason at all, it passed. I feel that my anger stemmed mostly from my sedintary lifestyle and spiritual frustration. Also, since I don't start school until the fall and I can't possibly find a job in my town, I've been laying around the house like a bum and it is driving me frickin' nuts...I had all this pent-up energy that I was probably taking out on others in a negative way.

It may be hard for you right now, but please, try to be gentle with yourself...it is easy for others to say, "Just be happy" or "Just let go" when they aren't dealing with anger themselves. I will suggest, though, that you try to find some outlet for what may be a lot of pent up energy...maybe you should run. Alot. Like, tire yourself out to the point that you're too pooped to be angry (just don't overdo it.) Exercise in an excellent way to not only get your mind off things, but also to get some endorphins in you.

There is no way for us to tell what kind of latent issues you may have, but if you feel it is causing you significant stress, see a professional. I will say, however, that we've all been there before, you're not going insane, and that nothing in life lasts forever. Peace out hun. Get creative.

[Annorah]

So sorry that you are feeling like this.

I think that Merrilyn is right when she suggests that you get a doctor to check that there is nothing medically causing these feelings.

In the meantime, you could perhaps try meditating - it really does help (I was once given an exercise where we had to imagine we were sitting on a wonderful beach with a clear blue sky all apart from one tiny white cloud in the distance, we had to bring the cloud closer and closer to us and then put all of our negative feelings into it, turning it as black as possible, and finally send it on its way, along with all of the negativity - it worked for me). Also, exercise and a healthy diet wouldn't go amiss and, despite all your studying, don't forget to make time for some fun in your life with those who love you.

Hope you are soon feeling much better.

Sending comforting and calming energies your way.

Be blessed!

[Lylian]

You have already gotten some good advice so I offer an ear to listen if you need it. I have yahoo messenger.:hugz:

[Cat]

Based on what you describe, you handle anger by trying not to express it and not to feel it.

That's a losing strategy.

Anger isn't a bad emotion, though obviously what is done with it can be hurtful and destructive. Your emotions are telling you that there is a problem. I would guess that part of it is feeling stressed about those exams, and the rest is the result of not asserting yourself. Do you tell your family what you want and stand up for yourself in a calm way? Because if the answer is no, now would be a good time to start.

[SSanf]

How long have you felt this way? Did your body mature, physically, early or late?

Part of this may be due to a late physical maturation. Anger such as you describe is often a very normal part of late adolescence. Many people do not finish maturing physically until their early to middle 20s. It is part of the break away syndrome where people have to go through hating living with their parents in order to break away and start new lives as adults. This usually happens concurrently with physical development. It happens in many other species, too. Newly maturing members of the group must put some physical space between themselves and their original family unit. Pressure builds up until they do. I suspect if you moved out on your own, many of your symptoms would simply go away.

Also, the fact that you have chosen to follow a course of action that you find hard, relative to your peers (get your Bachelor diploma), and must do it with greater effort, than those you cannot help but compare yourself to, makes you feel inadequate and unfairly treated. Feeling inadequate and unfairly treated always makes a person angry. Being angry at that situation is a reasonable, normal response. Take solace and pride in the fact that even though some things may be hard for you, you have the moral courage and fortitude to do hard things when the chips are down. There is more merit in that than in doing something that comes easily.

After you get your Bachelor diploma and your own living accommodations, I really believe much of your feelings of anger will just go away. Try to get a job that will not place you under a lot of stress or be overly competitive. Some people thrive in that kind of an atmosphere, for others it is plain hell. I don't think you would like it much.

You may be experiencing a combination of pressures from biology and circumstances. You sound quite mature in some ways. Just asking the question indicates that. Your emotional maturity may have preceded your physical maturity. My guess is that it has and time is the cure. A lot of people think once they get secondary sexual characteristics in place, they have finished their physical maturity. However, it continues several years after that. Your brain and body continue to develop placing seemingly inexplicable demands on you.

If my guess is right, recognizing what it is may help you deal with it. If not, you can change at least one of these circumstances by dropping out, getting a job, finding a place to live and getting on with life. If you don't want that option, then, you are called upon to do another hard task that takes moral fiber which is to deal with the current situation with the least damage to yourself and those who love you.

For help, seek the school counselor. They can be great. Also, when you get a chance, have a check up.

What you are going through is not easy. I don't for a minute think it is. Remember this, though. Life is not for sissies.

[DreamSpell333]

My first thought after readng your post,was maybe you have a bipolar disorder,but
you should definitely see a doctor to rule everything else out.

I know that with bipolar you can have severe mood swings,but also can become very sad,and feelings of hopelessness. Im not sure if that is what your experiencing though.


Everyone has given you good advice. I wish you all the luck in overcoming your anger.

:hugz:

[wolfjan1]

Yes, get all the medical testing done that you can, including an MRI of your head.
Also, IF you were a normally happy person who has switched to this anger phase, ask for a psychiatric referral. You may have the onset of Bipolarism(manic depression). It often manifests itself in anger instead of just depression. Eitherway, you can get things straightened out. If you have to take medication, so what. You aren't letting your life spin out of control. And if you do come out with the bipolar diagnosis, keep a diary of how your are feeling every day so that you can have your meds adjusted with the least side effects.
Let us know how you do.
The candle is always lit.

[imapepper]

Based on what you describe, you handle anger by trying not to express it and not to feel it.

That's a losing strategy.

Anger isn't a bad emotion, though obviously what is done with it can be hurtful and destructive. Your emotions are telling you that there is a problem. I would guess that part of it is feeling stressed about those exams, and the rest is the result of not asserting yourself. Do you tell your family what you want and stand up for yourself in a calm way? Because if the answer is no, now would be a good time to start.

I totally agree with Cat on this one, I thought the same thing.

Don't repress your anger, it'll just fester and grow. I know you may be fearful of expressing it because you're afraid you'll end up socking someone in the face, but even just saying out loud "I'm so angry right now" is a lot better than trying to talk yourself out of it internally without releasing it. When you feel angry, stop and ask yourself what else is happening in your heart and head, why is the anger there? When your brother makes fun of you, do you feel ashamed, small, stupid, unable to defend yourself? You have to get into details, the anger is a reaction to certain, more defined feelings, specific words. Keep a journal, write things down, if you feel your brother is making you feel inferior or you feel embarassed, write it down and maybe try thinking of the first time you ever felt this way, dig deep into your childhood.

I know, it's cliche and very pop psych, but it'll help understanding where your anger stems from and why. Keep in mind though, that it's okay to be mad, it's natural to have angry feelings, you're not gonna kill anyone or self-destruct, just let it out slowly, but do let it out, one way or another.

I hope you feel better, and yes, rule out all physical causes!

[Rowan Darkmoon]

I was going to say that I agree with what others have said.

In addition, anger is a symptom of many psychiatric problems including depression, anxiety, and a symptom of stress.

It sounds like your life is very stressful right now with your exams, and that you are manifesting this stress by being angry. What SSanf may also be right, that you are experiencing some anger as part of naturally growing up and needing to break away.

I would suggest trying to work in some time each day to do some things that are relaxing...meditation, progressive relaxation, or just vegging in front of the TV, resting, reading a good book, or whatever it is that you like to do best. See if that helps.

On another note, I am a very introverted person. My counselor once told me that introverts need 45 minutes of "alone time" each day just to decompress from the world. When I don't get this time, I become VERY irritated with everyone around me for the smallest things, and start to feel suffocated. If you are introverted, make sure to schedule some alone time each day.

:hugz: