help please

[EmberBreaze]

Hello everyone! I have been in wicca for three years and yet i feel like i don't know all that much about it. Enough to get by i guess. hehe I need to ask someone their opinon of something personal. So if anyone would like to help, please do!

[cherrywind]

I'm sure if you post your question, there are people here who would be plenty glad to help :).

[EmberBreaze]

ok well i just need an opinon. i would like to your opinon about having children outside of marriage? i can't see me ever getting married and i was wondering what people would think if i tried to have kids. well at least one right now.i am 19 years old and i feel this is my destiny right now. no father intended unless he wanted to be there. but i would not push. give me your opinon please. thank you so much!!!!!

[cherrywind]

That is really personal, and ultimately you can only make that choice. You're the only one who really knows whether or not you're ready for a child, and who really knows they're situation and whether that warrants a child.
Personally, and I really want to stress this is only opinion, I think 19 is too young to have a child. At 19 you still don't really know what can happen, not to mention I've never met a 19 year old who's finacially as well as emotionally ready for a child. Feeling maternal at that age isn't abnormal at all, though. However, feeling maternal, and actually having a child are two totally seperate things. I would suggest waiting. What if you change your mind later and decide to go to collage? I know single mothers in college and it's rather difficult for them. Not to mention, being 19 is about having fun, living it up, and having to be responsible for a child is a really big burden for every teen mother I've ever met. That doesn't mean they can't cope, but I've never met one hadn't wished they had waited.
I'd really stress waiting, 19 is young, there's lots of time to have a child later on in life when you're more established and aware of who you are.

As for the general topic of outside of marriage, I don't personally see much problem with it. If a parent is capable and supportive enough on their own, more power to them. Just because you never want to get married means that you don't have a right to have a child.

[Lavender]

There's a similar thread discussing this topic in the Family Forum if you're interested. :)

Welcome to Mysticwicks, EmberBreeze. :sunny:

[Nissala]

First, Welcome to MysticWicks, EmberBreeze!!! :D

Second, imo, as Cherrywind said you are the only one who can make the final decision. Speaking from experience, having my first child at 16, 2nd at 19 and third at 22, I would say to think long and hard about it. If you would like to email me about it feel free to : Nissala@mywicca.com

or PM me...

;)

[Flar's Freyja]

:wave: Merry Meet and Welcome!

I have no problem with the concept of having kids outside of marriage if you feel this is what you're meant to do. But ~ I'd wait a few years. At 19 you have so much ahead of you, and you don't know how much having a child cuts off the freedom in every area of your life until you actually have one. You are limited on jobs, residences, etc. I had my first at 24 and was glad I waited. My youngest is 19 now and I'm still in the responsible parent mode......

[Myst]

Originally posted by EmberBreaze
ok well i just need an opinon. i would like to your opinon about having children outside of marriage?

Welcome Ember! Just wanted to point out a decision like that is up to you - there's no "Wiccan" right or wrong answer to that. Everyone here has good advice.

In my opinion.. well I wanted a child at 19 too I think. At the time I was in a bad relationship, so I'm glad I didn't! I know if I got pregnant that guy would've high tailed it out of there - and I wanted to go to college, get a good job, move into my own house, and so on. All that stuff would be a hundred times harder with a baby! Now I'm 22, living with my fiance, and pregnant. I already graduated college, so I'm glad I waited :)

It's up to you, but think verrrrry carefully, taking care of a child is hard on so many levels, especially if you're alone.

[Old Witch]

Having a child out of wedlock is done every day....and I believe the previous posts bears the fact it doesn't matter to us.......but we all might want you to wait until you're a bit older......Live a little, be in a good place financially, and in a couple of years, think it about it long and hard.

[MammaStar]

Just to chime in with the rest of the crowd....
First, Welcome to MW! :wave:

Second, as with everyone else, WAIT until you are a bit older and sure you know what you want to do with your life. I was pregnant at 19 and SCARED out of my mind (never had the child). I was still in college and at the time had so flippin clue on what I wanted to do with my life, let alone have a kid. Wait. Go to college or find a career path you enjoy. Get your own life settled and THEN start to think about having kids. I had my son at the age of 22. It was still hard. I had graduated college, but was alone and have been raising him pretty much all by myself for 10 years. I love him dearly, the best thing that has ever happened to me. but it's hard. Even now that he's older. But I'm glad I was done with school and working, instead of a scared teenager with a whole life ahead of me.

[wicca3000200020]

My take on it is if the child is happy then i am.

[Fire_Crotch132074]

ok first of all about marriage thats not a real big deal, if you don't want to then don't. My mom had me when she was 18 and from what I remember it was really hard even with my dad too. Just wait a little more till your a little older. But thats all I can say about that. I hope this works out for you.

[Witchy Cowgirl]

The wed-lock thing is your business. It's most important that the child be raised in a loving enviornment.
But I agree with most folks here....my advise would be to wait. I've got friends who are 19 - 24 years old and seen kids even younger with babies and I would hate to think about all the things ya'll are givning up to have these babies. Children are the major responbility once they're here and all your needs come second. Ya gotta be able to handle that. I had my first at 26 and could have probably used a few more years of maturing before I had him! Many Blessings to you on your decision.