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GEBS
September 6th, 2007, 03:33 PM
:wave:


So who has a blended family? Who is parenting step kids? Who is the son/daughter of a step parent? Tell us about your family.

I'll start even though most people know our life pretty well. :)

My husband and I have 4 kids between us. I have a son that is a week and half shy of being 12. He is from a previous marriage. mol has three kids from a previous marriage so I have three step kids. I have one step son (11) and two step daughters 4 & 3).

The boys live with us.

My son also has a step mother at his dad's house so he has a step dad at home and a step mom he sees on the weekends.


I also had step parents. I grew up as a step child.



So how about you? Introduce us to your family.

Shanti
September 7th, 2007, 12:30 AM
Well I have 3 kids from previous times.
My mate doesn't have any previous kids, but he and I have 2 together.

So my mate is step dad to 3.
But they are all older than him so the step dad thing is kinda none existent.
But their friends. Heck my eldest son and my mate are best friends. :)

Yeah its odd. But thats us. :)

Oh a plus, There is no sibling rivalry between the 2 youngest and 3 oldest kids. LOL
20 plus years apart in age does wonders. :)

IronSeraphim
September 7th, 2007, 12:34 AM
Well, my gf is not my son's biological mother~but she's a great step-mommy. ( she's Twilight84....and she's a complete hottie :hahugh:)

Tanya
September 7th, 2007, 01:21 AM
I have one daughter to my husband, but he has a daughter and son to his first wife as well.

his oldest is just a few years younger than me. She and i had our troubles initially, she was rather rude and snarky,, but now she accepts and respects me, and we are friends.

my hubby's son is really an handful, he's 14, and probably mentally ill.. He had gone back and forth between us and his mom looking for the best 'deal' My hubby has his own problems, that are not unlike his son's only a bit milder, so things have always been intensely difficult, and i finally had to insist Nick live with hismother, he was not able to control himself at all, and i was increasingly concerned for my daughter who is only 4.

I probably handled it all terribly.. in retrosecpt there is lots I would do different. I'm the more disciplined parent. my husband waxes from really warm and sweet to the kids to cursing at them and becoming abusive... I'm no parenting saint, but I'm a lot more consistant, and i tried to force that consitancy on my step son... he hated it... with his dad... well he could always get him to relent with enough wheddling and whining.. until I got involed and started saying things like "It was 'No' yesterday and its "No" today, stop asking." and then later would find out it was all framed as 'Tanya's a bitch" and in the end Nick would get what he wanted from his Dad.

Last year when his dad was traveling in europe for three weeks, I told Nick straight up "When you and I are alone together, we are doing it my way or there will be serious, irrevesable consequences." The first day out he asked if he could visit a friend over the weekend, I said "Sure, if you behave yourself til then." So the day before we are driving to school and the 4 year old is talking to him (sin of sins) and he kicked her! So I said "Ok that's it for you visiting your friend on the weekend. She's 4, you are 14 you have to have some restraint." and friday afternoon... guess who doesn't get off the bus... so I spent a weekend having no idea where he was (I didn't have the friend's name!) and his father is in Scotalnd worried sick.. luckily I didn't have the police dragging the rivers... I assumed he was OK.... but GOD I wasn't sure... I had NO idea.... so... when he showed up Monday afternoon, I told him I was really disappointed with his behavior, that I managed to talk his dad off a plane home, that we could have had the police out dragging rivers, that he could have been hurt and we wouldn't have known where to start looking.. etc etc etc... and as a consequence to all this agony, I had given his computer away to a charity.... and it all settled out to me being ... you guessed it.. The Evil Bitch, and his father bought him a new computer! (this is not a school tool.. Nick doesn't go to school, no school will allow him as he's assulted several students and threatened teachers)

If I ever find myself in a step family agian, I'm NOT getting sucked into taking on the 'responsible parent' role... it's just impossible.. the parent has to be lead parent.. and if they aren't parenting... maybe that's not a good partner in general...

Brigid Rowan
September 7th, 2007, 01:33 AM
Tanya,

Sheesh,wow, what a time you've had. ~hugs~ As a fellow member of the evil stepmom club, I am here to listen anytime you need it! :)

My spouse and I have 5 between us...3 are mine from before, he has 1 kid with his ex, and we have 1 together. He and I both agree his one with his ex (a 6 yo son) is more work than all the others combined! Hubby's ex has a ton of mental health issues, which have gone to the point of having to file police reports of stalking against her. :(

Its really nasty, overall. Stepson thinks crazy mom is great (no rules, no consistancy, he throws a tantrum and she will do whatever he demands.), and crazy mom thinks if Im out of the way, she nad my spouse will reunite and be 'their real family again.' Nevermind she had an affair, or the fact she left, or that she has been in and out of mental wards, etc..in her mind, she and hubby are still going to make a family again. Or at least thats been the main focus for a year...she has a boyfriend now (poor dude has NO clue what he is in for), so maybe she'll chill.

My kids love their stepdad...the days stepson isnt here, are bliss. The days he is here? His thing is power struggles. He has bitten, kicked, hit, smacked me..broken things, had tantrums you could hear -outside- the house, screamed for hours, has mood swings, and sometimes opts to ignore adults, blatantly provoke dad or me or grandparents...basically if it falls under 'acting out', that is stepson!

The court appointed therapist is good, and has helped. He assessed stepson and stepsons mom...right now, we are just hoping stepson didnt inherit his moms many mental issues.

GEBS
September 7th, 2007, 09:24 AM
If I ever find myself in a step family agian, I'm NOT getting sucked into taking on the 'responsible parent' role... it's just impossible.. the parent has to be lead parent.. and if they aren't parenting... maybe that's not a good partner in general...


:fpraise:


When Trey first moved in with us we had an issue with this. I have "a lot" of rules and he is not used to that. I don't think they are unreasonable. He has to use table manners, he must clean up after himself, no running through the house (it's small and he's clumsy), no climbing over the back of the furniture, homework is to be done as soon as he gets home from school... the typical stuff. Nothing outrageous. He fought every one of them.
His dad had another set of rules to regulate television and internet usage.

My rules were less obtrusive, I thought. It didn't matter. He would fight me on every one of them. If I walked out of the room he would walk (with shoes on) across the furniture while he mocked me. Our couch is white and he would leave dirty footprints so I knew he was doing it. I could hear him mocking me but he would stop as soon as he heard me coming back into the room. He uses foul language (which is also against the rules) and try to convince me he is allowed to talk that way. He would swear that I am mean to him because I correct him. It caused a lot of problems because for the first couple of months he was with us I was the primary one making him follow the rules.

His dad and I had several conversations about how that was affecting our family. It took a bit for him to realize that HE needed to be the one enforcing the rules when it came to Trey. Trey needed to see the rules as OUR rules and not MY rules. Once mol started being the one to correct Trey things got a lot better for us. I never wanted to be the one to correct him but I am not going to let a child run my household either.

Now things are pretty good. Trey has a good grasp of what is allowed and what is not. He still thinks there are too many rules in the house but he doesn't have as much problem following them. Language is still an issue but for the most part we do pretty well together. mol is on top of things with Trey now. Trey has an easier time now that he understands that it's not just ME that wants our house to run this way.



I definitely agree with what Tanya said. The bio parent has to be an active participant in the parenting process or it's not going to work. The step parent should be a support to the bio parent. They should not be expected to be the only parent.

Brigid Rowan
September 7th, 2007, 09:33 AM
:fpraise:



I definitely agree with what Tanya said. The bio parent has to be an active participant in the parenting process or it's not going to work. The step parent should be a support to the bio parent. They should not be expected to be the only parent.


I totally identify with every bit of your post. And I agree...but sometimes, it seems my spouse lets my stepson get away with things he wont let the others get away with...maybe its guilt? I call it Disney-Dad syndrome.8O I have called him on it, several times, and it IS getting better...but when I met Brian and his son, there were NO rules..I swear, I saw stepson throw a fit that lasted 2 HOURS, and there was no repercussion for the whole screaming, hitting, crying, whining affair! So we've come a lonnnng way.:hahugh:

But there still is a seemingly easier set of rules for stepson than for the rest of the kids. I think in part because stepson can still be a huge pain in the @ss with temper tantrums, and Brian just would rather avoid the conflict. The other kids, lol, may have thrown a fit 3-4 times each their entire lives, with stepson, its daily that he has a spell...(though currently his meathod of showing displeasure is to say things like 'I dont care", "You cant make me" I dont know" ~with eye rolling and ignoring the adult~).

Cat
September 7th, 2007, 04:55 PM
I'm a SM to sd16, and Bio Mom to bd4. I've been with my husband since sd was 8. We have joint legal custody and sd is with us about 50/50. We pay cs plus 2/3 of all agreed upon expenses. We get to keep paying cs all through sd's college, while at the same time helping pay for her college.

The ex is generally okay, but its never pleasant to deal with her and there have been many problems in the past. My sd goes through phases with me. Summers are the WORST because she's here so much. She's never really warmed up to me. She's very spoiled and immature. She's never been made to follow the rules or to be courteous to others. She's been taught that she is special and expects special treatment. She doesn't get it from me, so, voila, instant evil SM. My most recent crime was wanting her to do her homework instead of playing computer games. all day. My husband actually seemed upset at me for that one.

That's about situation: normal here. He and I just had a long talk last night, and he was able to hear me and said he'd get more involved when sd gets mouthy with me. So that should help a lot.

I used to be more hands-off with sd and let her dad deal with her, or not, as he saw fit. But with the addition of bd, I need to deal with sd much more frequently.

In a year sd will go off to college. I'm really looking forward to it.

~Elise~
September 7th, 2007, 08:25 PM
deleted

Tanya
September 7th, 2007, 10:58 PM
one of the most destructive things that has occured in our marriage is that because Nick gets so emotional.. his father would rather the whole household change so nick isn't upset ( for example letting Nick smoke in his room when long ago hubby and i agreed smoking in the houe and small children didn't go together)... when I've objected.. he's told me to "shut up" in Nick's presence... clerly no one has to respect my wishes in this house is the message being sent... and even though nick is now gone... I'm pretty sure my marriage is ruined too.

GryphonGirl
September 8th, 2007, 12:26 AM
When I was eleven my father married my stepmother, she had been mine, and my brother and sister's governess for two years before that - it was easy to begin calling her Mom right away and by then I was needing a mom really badly. When I was sixteen I became a horrible step-child, verbally abusive and rebellious as all heck..my step mom loved me through all of that and beyond. Today I am a step mom to a sixteen year old girl and a nearly twenty-one year old man. I willingly chose to love them as I had done to love their father. My step daughter is a bitterly angry young woman - has been since the day she was born according to her dad, and I have known her for six years now. I am not allowed to take any type of parental role with her, she won't let me. The dad is totally powerless to persuade that I am only here to love her and guide her as best I can...perhaps someday she'll decide to make friends with me but for now, uh uh - she tolerates me, is even pleasant with me sometimes..but if I am away she chides her father for ruining her life and I am ..the intruder. I am sure some of this normal - I hope it is, but it's sure tough sometimes.

Catiana
September 8th, 2007, 01:01 AM
I have a step mom and two step sisters. I've only met my step sisters a couple of times. (my parents were still married when my mother died when I was 19, so I was already out on my own when my dad re-married)


I have two sons (18 & 20) of my own, no step children as I never re-married, but my sons have a 3 year old half-sister from their father, although he's divorced from her mother too, so the boys don't have a step mother any longer. I always got along better with the her than I did with my ex.

Mama J
September 8th, 2007, 01:21 AM
I am going to start this by saying my family is very complicated.

That being said lets see if I can explain us. I was born to two people, named Jean and John. Those two weren't very good parents (thats putting it nicely). I was eventually adopted in 1991 by two other people Tom and Darcy at the age of 11. I have two older biological brothers Anthony and Douglas from Jean and John. My two older brothers were adopted by our biological maternal aunt Joyce and uncle Rick. Rick and Joyce have two boys Michael and Devin. Now in 1995 Tom and Darcy divorced. Darcy got remarried in 1996 to Keith, who already had a daughter (Kasey) from a previous girlfriend. In 2001 Tom got remarried to Sue, who had a son (Caliber) and a daughter (Sydney). In 1997 Darcy and Keith adopted a girl, her name is Megan and in 2003 adopted a boy, his name is Justin. In 2003 I myself got married to Erik (EJ1096) and he had a stepbrother (Chris) and a biological sister (Nicole). Its very cool between my husband I we have eight parents. Good times, holidays sometimes suck cause we can't be everywhere all the time!!

So if you can follow all that I have:

Sisters
Nicole, Kasey, Sydney, Megan

Brothers
Anthony, Douglas, Michael, Devin, Chris, Caliber, Justin

So thats four sisters and seven brothers. The step siblings don't really get along all that well. Our parents never really made us. We tolerate each others existance for holidays and stuff, but thats about as far as our relationships go. I was very rebelious toward my stepdad Keith, I would tell that he wasn't my father and why should I listen to him. Again we put up with each other and thats about it. My stepmom and I have an okay relationship, she has her cool moments and not so cool moments. Its all good cause most of the time I am around to see my mom and dad and sister so...everything else is just there and I deal with it or ignore it.

Cat
September 8th, 2007, 05:26 AM
one of the most destructive things that has occured in our marriage is that because Nick gets so emotional.. his father would rather the whole household change so nick isn't upset ( for example letting Nick smoke in his room when long ago hubby and i agreed smoking in the houe and small children didn't go together)... when I've objected.. he's told me to "shut up" in Nick's presence... clerly no one has to respect my wishes in this house is the message being sent... and even though nick is now gone... I'm pretty sure my marriage is ruined too.

Ya know, if there were a list of ways to ruin a marriage, reneging on agreements and telling the SO to shut up in front of the skids would be on it.

Nitefalle
September 10th, 2007, 02:33 PM
Undermining the other parent, step-parent or not, in any way IN FRONT OF the children is never a good situation.

Wow, after reading other stories, I guess I am lucky with my stepson. My boyfriend was drugged and date raped at a party (I was not at said party, obviously) by an ex co-worker of six years, though we didn't know about the baby until he was five months old b/c my boyfriend stopped speaking to all of those people the night after the initial incident. In fact, I didn't know about the initial incident until there was a five month old baby in the wings, so that was really fun.
However, my step son (who is now 19 months) is wonderful. He is a really happy baby, not prone to fits or temper tantrums, even while he's teething - he just gets cranky and we keep him distracted, for the most part. He is very outgoing and reacts well to different people - we have him half the week (Wed. to Sat.) and my boyfriend's mom watches him on those days (other days he is in a daycare when up with her). He did not have a problem adjusting to the new schedules, the new faces, the new routines...I love him as if he were my own and he responds really well to me, letting me take him when he's sick or hurt. He and my boyfriend adore each other, he is pretty much a carbon copy of my boyfriend in 90% of everything (looks, actions, etc.).
I do not have ANY contact with bio-mom, nor do I really want to. I have nothing to say to her, and can't think of anything I would want to say to her. She is stupid and petty and used to play games with my boyfriend, but now that he's figured out how to handle her, things have settled down into civility and politeness. We have our schedules and all has been quiet on that front for at least six months.

LightDancer
September 20th, 2007, 01:43 PM
I am step-mom to a bright, beautiful 9yo girl.

I won't get into the drama with her mother at the moment. lets just say she's a psycho and her boyfriend is an a$$.

Jamie

SilverClaw
September 20th, 2007, 02:15 PM
Well my husband is my eldest daughters step dad but till I read this thread I have not thought of it for a long long time.
Aside from that i have two younger children and they do not have any step parents.

As for me growing up I had a step mom who was married to my dad, and that was a living night mare. I can say my step mom made the Step mom in the story Cinderella look like a Saint.

Ziana
September 20th, 2007, 11:29 PM
I am the stepmom to a 11yr old son. He now lives with us, and calls me Mom. My 10yr old daughter calls her stepdad Daddy. My husband and I have only been married for a little over a year now, but both kids seem to be happy with the situation. My dd's bio father has little contact with her, and I almost never recieve child support. My little girl wishes it were different, but she understands that it is a flaw in her father, not in her. My son's mother is a whole different problem, and would take a long time to explain. So for now we will say that my son is adjusting extremely well.

Suzette
October 15th, 2007, 07:34 PM
Oh bless the stars that GEBS started this... I'll have to come back and share my (frustrating) story when I have a bit more time.

I met my husband-to-be in August of 2005, he proposed in March 2006 and we were married October 6, 2006. We're both in our (ahem early) 40's and this is the first marraige for both of us. Both of our parents have been married over 50 years, so we grew up in stable environments. My parents are absolutely crazy, but that's a totally different Oprah.

I have a beautiful, sweet, smart, sunny, talented in everything he does, 7-year old stepson. My husband was not married to his mother, they were together for 6+ months when she got pregnant. They both agreed that their relationship was kaput at that time, so there was never any discussion about marriage.

I'll call stepson G. G is wonderful and when he is with us (not enough), everything is always happy and positive. We're a family that likes to be very silly and have fun!

Anyway, more on my situation later. Thanks GEBS and ladies! Yay, stepmom support!!!!!!!!!

lizea
October 29th, 2007, 11:30 PM
Do you have a lot of time? I mean like a few days... it might take you this long to figure mine out... but I will try very hard to make it make sense...

My parents... L and M- adopted my brother and then had my sisters (2) and me... we are all three years apart, and my two oldest (sister and brother) have both graduated. I am a soph amd my next sister is a senior. They got divorced when I was nine.

L married step dad R who was our handy man... he had two sons and a daughter from a prior marriage, who are all now married and one has kids. They aren't really my siblings, because I don't know them very well... even though R insists that I spend most of my summer with his daughter in Missouri doing chores... the joys...

M married step mom B- who already had three daughters- two biological, and one technically a cousin the those two, but adopted... she hadn't been married...

M and B are fighting a lot, and M is a horrible evil man, so their fighting is bring me and Be closer together... I have always gotten along with my three steps, we are like best friends, because we are really close together in age.

Now I live with L and R, plus my sister and two best friends... (their parents moved to Texas but they didn't want to... so they moved in with us, long long story...) and sometimes B's kids stay there to get away from M because they also can't stand him... L adores them.

Yesterday I talked to M for the first time in months... he wanted to know if I wanted to spend Christmas with him, and I hung up on him... now I am spending part of Christmas Eve with B and the steps, but he is going to be out of town... He is evil and coniving and used to harass L, so as a general rule noone in my family likes him much. I think B might want a divorce, but she doesn't want to tear up the family... like he is holding us together, we would probably be closer with him out of the picture. He would probably move if they did get divorced, so he could get a pay raise with his work...

R and B both stay out of my life as a general rule... I was 10 when L married R, and 11 when M married B... I generally have sense with most things, so they don't have to like punish me. Add to that the fact that there aren't specific rules in my house really... except the basic things like be home by curfew (12 usually... we don't live in town so we don't have the city curfew...) and don't be a b!tch... I'm not really crazy about R, he is a little annoying and is the pickiest eater I have ever met (including me, and if you knew me, you would know that is hard to top...) which kind of annoys me. But I respect him because my mom loves him... plus the fact that usually I just respect my elders... period. B is like my best friends mom... well she is since the steps are some of my best friends, but still... you know when you go to your friends house all the time and her mom is like your mom but the laid back mom that doesn't punish you because she isn't really your mom? That is B... I used to live with them (very briefly when I had no choice really... long story) but I really don't think she sees me as her kid... maybe it was because I was so old by the time she married M, or because I still have a perfectly (mostly) good mother of my own and don't need another... but she just stays out of my life mostly... I work at her pharmacy and talk to her a lot (either at work, or when I am just hanging out at the pharmacy but not working because they have wifi and I don't want to go home for whatever reason... or when we go to the movies and out to eat and such...) I don't know... R is kind of the same way, but I don't talk to him very much at all... he controls my phone because it is a business plan even though it should prolly be a family plan...but we all work with him on occasion, so it's a business plan... I don't know, but when I go over on texting and have to pay it back, he is the one I talk to... and when I need a new phone (I am getting my third one soon I think... and I think it might be really new, not a hand me down!) which happens more often than it should, I talk to him and figure out how much I have to work with him to pay for part of it... I don't know... neither of my step parents are really parents... they're just people who are married to my parents...

Haha wow, my family is so messed up, it is unbelievable... my step (the youngest one...) is the most immature, and I think she took the worst to the whole marrying thing... she's the adopted one, but I don't think that matters... she knows her bio and knows why her mom adopted her... (her bio couldn't afford to have a kid at the time and wanted to still know her, so she asked her sister to adopt her kid for her... so she knows her bio as her aunt... it would be awkward for me, but whatever...) but she didn't take too well to M, at all... she is 14 and throws tempertantrums like she is 4... whenever she doesn't get what she wants, she is screaming and throwing a fit. When she is happy (she is kind of bipolar, and has ADHD) she is really sweet and I love her, but sometimes I just can't stand her... but all the rest of us took reasonably well to it... no, I shouldn't say that... my sister (the younger one) took it very hard... the divorce and both marriages... she can't stand the fact that our father is a pig headed horses @ss... and she really wants him to change... she has problems with depression because of him... but she hides it well, so noone really knows... so everyone thinks we are all well adjusted. I see a shrink now because of it, but it is more of a "I have noone I can talk to because I have huge trust issues (which granted, are partially because of M) and can't open up to anyone..." kind of thing that a "Wow, my life sucks because my parents aren't married anymore" kind of thing... I am really over the divorce, and it doesn't effect me at all... I think I grew up a lot the summer of my 9th birthday, and now I take life a lot more seriously than most people my age, but that is hardly a bad thing... my shrink says I am getting really good at actually talking to people... which is pretty true... I can talk to the steps a bit, and I talk to J and K (my besties that live with me...) about some stuff... and I used to have real issues with letting people read my writing (it was where I let out my feelings and I didn't like people knowing what I felt... plus I am always worried that people aren't going to like what I write...) but now I am getting better at that... K writes about everything and anything, and she also uses it to vent and she is ok with letting anyone read it...both because I am one of the only people who knows that she is for real when she talks about cutting and such (we both used to cut, and I am proud to say neither of us do it anymore at all!) so to everyone else she is just writing...

Wow... now that I've written a novel of my family history... I feel like I should go indepth about my step step grand parents and my great aunt who married a gay man... but I won't, because that would bore you (not that this didn't already I'm sure...)

Anyways, long story short: I have a very effed up family and am experiencing perfect bliss about it every second... mostly...

ckynes1968
November 7th, 2007, 10:40 AM
Hello!

My blended family consists of my husband's three sons (ages 29,27 & 15) my daughter (17) and then we had a daughter together (9).

The two oldest boys are too close to my age (only about 10 years difference) so they treat me more like a big sister.

All of the younger ones live at home with us and we try to keep the rules evenly enforced for all of the children.

But, it is tough sometimes....especially since two are teenagers. But, I would say that we did a good job of blending our families.


My ex was a crappy dad & ex at first; but time and maturity have worked their magic...he now is a better dad and actually will stay at the house when he visits. (Weird - I know! but he normally "camps" outside)

My hubby's ex was very weird and hateful towards us both until our son came to live with us. Now she has been super nice and much easier to get along with on all of the visitation issues. I think having him move in with us, eased a lot of her tension.

Teresa
May 24th, 2008, 10:13 PM
I am a new step mom to a 4 year old son and a 2 year old daughter. There are no other parents for these two children, their mother had cancer and died during childbirth. My situation is probably a bit different from others, since there is no handing back and forth between homes here.

I am at the establishing boundaries stages with these two right now. The good thing is that Hubby and I have had many conversations about how we wanted to handle the child rearing and what the household rules would be and that he would be the primary one to handle discipline for a while and also that we would both be present as much as possible when things were explained to the the children.

My current issue is making sure that I do not cave in when they test me to see what I will give in on. They are very smart children and seem capable of attempting to manipulate me when hubby is not around.

I was so laid back and not worried when I was helping with my nieces and nephews. I never wavered at their attempts to manipulate me, I always held my ground and they still respect me for that to this day. Why am I having an issue of worrying about this now?

I can't answer that yet to myself. Maybe I feel guilty that someone had to die for me to be blessed with this wonderful family and I want to make sure I do not mess things up. Honestly I can not get a straight answer from myself over this. I did not know Tony until a year and a half after his wife had died.

Ziana
June 3rd, 2008, 10:04 PM
you have done nothing to feel guilty for, but I am sure that you know that. it really sucks when the head and the heart can't agree.

as for the situation you are in, you still need to stand your ground and not let the children manipulate you. even though the children are not biologically yours, you are their mom. The Mom your son is going to remember most, and the only Mom your daughter will know.

Don't let the children start to think that the only discipline will come from Dad. Start off on the light stuff, and work your way up from there.

LadyWinter
June 4th, 2008, 09:21 AM
I have been both a stepmom and a step child.

I think the most important thing with being a step parent is to try your best to love and support the child as you would your own. I have seen many instances in my own family and other families of "Well YOUR son did this" and of favoritism going both ways (we dont get child x all the time so he needs to be pampered when he is here...why should child x get to do something he isnt really part of this house hold). It is always hard to parent a child that is not yours no matter how much you love or care for them. You will have joys and sorrows. I think the most difficult transition is when you try to blend when the child is a teenager. The "oh your not my parent so dont boss me" syndrome is markedly worse at that age imo.

I have both a step mother and a step father. I have 3 older step brothers, 3 step sisters, a half sister, 2 half brothers.....

I am divorced but my ex husband brought 8 step children into our marriage at various times...(Plus I had a child from a previous relationship and we had one together)....ranging in age from 4 to 16. I am still friendly with most of my ex step kids. I have been through it all from you broke up my mom and dad to my stepson asking me to buy him a jock strap instead of asking his mom or dad...(Size was an awkward issue!!! LOL)

Winter

misty
June 4th, 2008, 09:44 AM
Wow...um...ok, our blended family...

I am divorced and have one 5 year old boy, Aidan who lives part time with me and part time with his dad. His dad is not remarried, so he has no "step parents." My lover (Anthony41671), his wife (Ulfurskona), and I all live together. Tony has has 2 children who live with their mother, and Ulfurskona has one child that lives with us.

Aidan calls Anthony and Ulfurskona "Aunt" and "Uncle" and Ulfurskona's son just calls me Misty, but for all intents and purposes I would say we all fill the roles of parents/step-parents. I have met Anthony's son only once and it was briefly and I have yet to meet his daughter, but they are coming to spend two weeks with us this summer and I'm looking forward to it.


Add to that, Ulfurskona's lover, Dingo and the family grows even more, lol. He used to live with us, but moved about 3 hours away when he started a new job. He comes back for weekends here and there, and when he does he fills the same roles we all do. He has 3 kids who live with their mother, but I have not met them.

Full_Moon_Rising
January 27th, 2009, 03:37 AM
Okay, I've seen families where step parents can work... Mine is not one of those.
When I was two and a half, my mum and dad seperated; they had been having issues, and it was better for the both of them that they seperated...
Straight after that, my Dad got with my step mother (who is or was, my mum's best friend)
At Three mum got with my step dad
At Six, my Stepmother got married to my father...May I point out that not only was I not invited to the wedding, I wasnt INFORMED...
At six I also got a baby brother, via my step mother and dad, whom I got to hold first only because I snuck in and claimed rights :D (go me)
Then, at 7, my step mum and my mum both had a girl each; one in December, one in April, and then the problems began...
My step mother didnt want me to talk to her children, and not my dad, so she'd fight with me over my dad; when I told her that I didnt want to speak to my dad unless he spoke to me, and made the effort to be around me... She didnt like that.
Then there was my step father; now he was a different kettle of fish again :| He was always nice and everyhting, to mum, to me, however, he'd pit us against eachother, and by the time I hit 9 my mum and I would argue all the time; it was always the "he said she said" and because we were so similar, we never backed down.
at 11, my youngest brother was born (also my dad and step mother's) well... he was the little king.. As a kid, I was made to eat things that I had a dislike for, or an intolerace for; I'm intolerant to milk, so they used to make me drink a whole glass every morning at their house. If I stayed the night (which became rarer and rarer as soon as I learnt that if I said I didnt want to go, mum wouldnt make me) I was made to eat fish and seafood, which, in any amount other than a miniscule portion makes me vomit.. :| As you can see, I didn't exactly love being at their house. However. When It came to their children, they all ate seperate meals, because they didnt LIKE certain foods..What a revelation... I was always jealous of the siblings that lived with her, because though I wasnt allowed to get what I wanted...EVER, they always got whatever they wanted, even when it wasn't theirs to have.
My step father was booted out when i was 13; not going into the details, he was...a really CRAPPY person... *How I wish for stronger language to colour my description*
In short, he was a pervert.Literally. I was now part of a "Single mum" family, with a step mother who hated me, and a father that didnt know how to bond with his eldest child...
That's my family, :) In a REALLY small nutshell

TygerTyger
January 27th, 2009, 04:02 AM
My definition of a blended family:

http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/ksm0236l.jpg

Glowingsun
January 27th, 2009, 11:31 AM
I have a VERY messed up family. My dad married my babysitter when I was still a baby. This isn't the major issue I have with it. (No, the babysitter was an adult.) But she was horrid. She spanked, she used humiliation and teasing as a punishment. She's waaaaay too strict. She also likes to compare me and underestimate me to my brothers. She still does this. My dad gives me stuff here and there, but turns around and says I'm spoiled. He never says it in a mean way. But I lived up to that. I now expect to recieve hand outs. I just never ask for them.

TuathaSidhe
January 27th, 2009, 12:48 PM
My two oldest children are from my first marriage. They have a stepfather who is more like their father. They also have a stepmother who is the monster from hell.

I also have a 11 month old son and am pregnant with a little girl due in April. They are both my DH's and after this last one, thats it for me. Im closed for business, so to speak. lol.

He doesnt have any children......that we know of anyways. :hairred:

Astara Seague
January 27th, 2009, 12:55 PM
Im a step mom to his daughter, shes 21 and doesnt live with us
and that is probaly a good thing:gagged:

soulforge
May 14th, 2009, 11:32 PM
wow!! my ex is totaly psyco..but my SO is abolutely wonderfull. i have 2 kids.9yo girl and 12yoson. they have grown to really close to my SO despite ex attempsts otherwise..soon to be sm is very good at deealing with my kids respectfuly..they will listen to her. if i do something she disagrees with she takes me to our bedroom to discuss it..out of their view..i support her as much as she supports me in the rules have such a woman in my life..my son had a rotten day at school and asked to talk to her..they did and i found out what i needed to do for him. it made a huge difference in him. there was a time when they were hard on SO but i had seperate talks with eachof them to find out what was wrong..after the talks they each gave her a second chance..they told me afterword that they were glad they gave her another chance..my so doesnt try to be disney sm but she isnt overly strict either..she tries very hard to be even with both of them. its interesting to see the different variations of the horror stories..i feel mine is quite tolerable..my children are wonderful...i just hope ex goes away with her bf.



many thanks for this forum:thumbsup:

wintermagick
July 8th, 2009, 01:09 PM
I am "wintermagick", forum member since 2003. This forum saw me through my first marriage, and the birth of our daughter "The Whoa" (now 4 1/2 years old) which came from that marriage. That partnership disintergrated completely by February 2008 and by September I was divorced. I re-married just seven months ago and we had our son "Loafie" three months ago.

My current husband has been my main support (both financially and emotionally) for quite a while now. He also was married once before and had no children in that marriage. "Loafie" is his first. My daughter loves her "half" brother with all of her heart, and doesn't know the "difference" between half or full siblings. She also loves her new step-dad but some days she "challenges" us on that. She longs for her real father but the thing is that her real father (my ex husband) hardly sees her and does not pay any support. So (with the way things are going since my divorce) it seems to me that when she's older she may not feel so "blended" because for the most part her new stepfather will probably be the only dad she really remembers.

:heartbrea

Sandal89
December 21st, 2009, 08:24 PM
My brother Justin (21) and I are adopted. Our birth-mom died when I was ten and he was fourteen.

My mom adopted us, then adopted Hannah when I was 12. 2 years ago she remarried my stepdad. My step-dad has a two year old daughter Rachel with his ex-wife Christine. Christine also has two sons older than Rachel.

Finally, my mom just had a baby (Maddie) and now we're a family unit type of thing.

Those other people that gave birth to us and such~

Hannah's birth-parents are both in the picture, but they live in South America. Hannah has three younger sisters and a younger brother living there. Justin and I's birth-dad remarried and has two other daughters, but I've never seen them before either. We don't talk.

Narissa
January 14th, 2010, 05:56 AM
Hi,

I am new to the step-family situation. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 6 months and we are now living together, we have known each other for about 2 years. I have a 3 year old daughter and he has an 8 year old son. I have just recently found out I am pregnant, and we have told his son.

I have just this week had his son alone for the first time. I had him for 4 days, and it was certainly interesting. Initially I didn't tell him off or discipline him at all, but he was increasingly naughty and hurt my daughter (hitting, etc), so by the end of the 4 days I began to tell him off when he was naughty. It was quite an experience, I can see that we will have a lot of trouble with him, he lies and is quite spoiled. He also just does not listen, I swear I would repeat myself over and over again, standing right in front of him and he would keep on doing the wrong thing.

My boyfriend loves my daughter and treats her like his own, however, I can see that he is somewhat blind to the behaviour of his son, although the more time he spends with us I think that will change. My bf's ex is horrible, she is trying to turn her son away from his dad, which is hurting my bf quite a lot. Luckily we are moving soon and I think the distance will do us good :)

Even though it is early days, I can see that this is going to be an interesting journey....

Morr
October 3rd, 2015, 09:04 PM
Well lots has changed for me since I last was active here years ago. To those who remember semi, he and I have divorced a while ago. We have 2 children together, Scarlet and Henry, ages 8 and 5.

I am now in a wonderful relationship with a great man for the past 2 years. He has 3 girls - 16, 9 and 7... So between the two of us we have 5 kids ages: 16, 9, 8, 7 and 5.... Yup, that's right. Never a dull moment. Unfortunately, we live in 2 different towns that are 1.5 hours apart. We have been doing really well maintaining our relationship and blended family over the past 2 years.

We are currently in the process of buying land to build a house on (he is a contractor, so he will build our home) that will be in an area that's at a midpoint between our two towns (since our custody agreements currently state we alternate weekends with our exs).

Being a step mom is definitely new, exciting and challenging. His 16 year old daughter isn't as thrilled with my presence in her life as the younger 2. I don't see her often (as she lives with her mom). The younger girls live with my boyfriend full time so I see them every other weekend, and absolutely adore them. Our kids love each other, and most importantly, my kids adore my boyfriend (which warms my heart).

I would love to connect with step moms, step dads and parents of blended families to talk about all the ups, downs and everything in between!

Morr
July 10th, 2016, 11:01 AM
So updates since October 2015 when I last posted in this thread:

We are still going strong. In fact, we decided to go against buying land, and rather investing the money in renovating his own house to our family's needs. My kids and I will be moving at the end of August to his town. The kids are all registered to a Charter School in the area. I will be commuting/working part time, while focusing on kids, home and my school work the other time. My boyfriend will be working full time and the main source of our income until I finish school (2 years).

He has full custody of his two youngest daughters, now 10 and 8. His baby mama has lost all custody (legal and physical), and only is allowed visitations every other weekend and they must be supervised by her aunt. Needless to say, his girls now see me as their mother figure more than their own mom. His eldest, who will be 17 in a week, lives with her mom (a different woman). Her mom and my boyfriend get along well, and his eldest daughter will be moving in with us this summer once his house is renovated! She is very accepting of me, and even though I dont see her as much as I see the 2 youngest (she prefers the company of her boyfriend on the weekends than us parents and younger siblings lol), she texts me and we get along very well.

So yeah, by the end of August it will be a super full House! My boyfriend and I, our 5 kids (17, 10, 9, 8 and 6), 4 pitbuls and 4 cats.

Needless to say I will be one heck of a busy mom between school work, part time work, and trying to clean and chase after these kids!

I absolutely love having a big family though! <3