PDA

View Full Version : You all have scared me so badly...



Amilee
September 16th, 2007, 05:20 AM
...I`m seriously concidering not having children!

I`ve heard so many horror stories, near death experiences, infections, pain, suffering.... on this site about having children and I haven`t really read about any good things.

So tell me some good things!! Or I may just tell my hubby that I don`t wanna risk it!:sadman:

mayu
September 16th, 2007, 05:37 AM
everything in life has risks, having children is a major, major change in you life and it brings with it, all these things you mentioned, but it also brings so many good things

laughter everyday, unconditional love from someone who needs you, the joy of knowing that you have helped them laugh, giggle, walk, crawl, and just get through the day.
going into there room first thing in the morning and being met by a gorgeous smile, because they are so happy to see you, i dare anyone to say that dosnt melt there heart everymorning.
helping them turn into wonderful human beings
being there for them as they turn into toddlers, teenagers and then adults

and then being able to help your children with there children, always being needed, wanted and loved.

Willow Rosette
September 16th, 2007, 06:02 AM
When a warm little baby crawls into bed with you and you lay there and hold your baby knowing they are totally at peace....Hearing them giggle......Seeing them learn something new.....When they are sad and only you can make it better. I could go on forever about how blessed I am to be a mother. Yea pregnancy sucks sometimes and labor is awfull but there is no greater reward than the love of a child.

WitchOfEndor
September 16th, 2007, 08:31 AM
When , after a long long long day, your lil 8 yr old comes up & insists on another kiss & cuddle "goodnight" cuz Mama is my sweetheart. :)

Seren_
September 16th, 2007, 08:59 AM
The first time they say "I love you" or call you Mummy/Daddy.
The first time you hear them laugh or see them smile.
When they fall asleep in your arms.
When you hold them for the first time, in spite of all the pain, discomfort and trauma, it all goes away and you're left with a child that you made (and then they poo all over you).
When they do silly things to make you laugh.
When they sleep through the night for the first time!
When they reach a developmental milestone (because of course every child is the most speshul child EVAR to their parents ;) ).

I love being a parent but it's not for everyone...I guess a lot of people feel pressured into having kids 'because that's what you're s'posed to do', but really it's a choice and not a duty to give your parents grandchildren. Kids are great if you want them. My husband never wanted kids until a few years ago. Now he's one of those annoying people who thinks everyone should have them, much to the annoyance of some of our friends :)

Artiste-LiLi
September 16th, 2007, 10:52 AM
When I was pregnant I felt WONDERFUL. I had never felt physically, mentally or emotionally better in all my life...I felt like SUUUPERRR-WOOOMMMANNNN! I felt there was nothing I couldn't do or handle physically and emotionally; I also felt the greatest sense of peace, serenity, tranquility and calm ever. I worked in a very high pressure/super high stress field, so the calm was wonderful.

Labor I have no personal experience or knowledge of.

I can, however, tell you that my sister's labors and deliveries (all three of them) were amazing. She could just pop them babies out like crazy! A few hours labor, an hour or less of pushing (even with her first) and *pop!* BABY! She never cried (except with joy at seeing her babies for the first time) and she looked fabulous.

I can tell you about the joys of caring for the wee ones....the way your heart swells and tears fill your eyes the first time you hold a new baby that is "yours" (in my case my sisters') and the first time that baby "knows who you are" (yes you can see it in their eyes), the first time they smile just because you walk into a room and they see your face, the joy of walking in a door and having them spot you, shout your name, put out those little arms and run scraming with joy into your arms to be hugged and held......
oh, I could go on for ages..........

(can you tell I'm just a bit crazy about my nieces? I care for them each day while mommy and daddy work; and I am sooooooo in love with them)

TheWomanMonster
September 16th, 2007, 10:56 AM
there's always the positive birth stories (http://www.mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?t=128343) sticky too.

not to mention, first words... first smiles.
cute little baby noises.

it's all worth it, we promise.

Morr
September 16th, 2007, 12:45 PM
Sure, pregnancy has its ups and downs.
The morning sickness, acheyness, hormonal changes, body changes, constant pee trips are balanced out by the feeling of your baby move and kick inside you, of hearing that little heartbeat for the first time and every time after that each month, and of course when you see the baby on the ultrasound monitor.

Labor and delivery -- Yeah, it hurts, it sucks. There is always drugs and an epi to help the mom through it. I didn't take any drugs or an epi, I didn't even get an IV. All I had was the support of my hubby, mom, midwife, the nurse, ice cold water and a lot of determination to get that baby out LOL And here I am -- I've lived through it, and I am okay. It is not the most pleasant thing at all. It hurts. But you get through it. Your mind and body take over and do their thing -- Your body is designed for it. And then when you feel/see that little head out, and you know its almost over, you give all you have for that one last push and suddenly BAM -- You have a little baby placed on your belly. Then that baby looks up at you -- That makes it ALL worth it.

Healing afterwards happens, it passes within a couple of weeks (the really uncomfy and painful days are the few days after delivery, afterwards its just soreness and achyness that can easily be dealt with), and as long as you have support (hubby, family, friends) -- You can get through it easily. Time passes by SO fast.

My daughter is ALREADY 3 weeks old, I can't believe that next Friday she will be a MONTH old! Holy crap! And in this one month I went through the most horrible pain I've ever gone through (labor, delivery), and the most joy I have ever expreinced in my life (having my baby).

The little things -- The look in her eyes when she looks up at me when I feed her, the little baby noises she makes, watching her when she sleeps peacefully after falling asleep in my arms -- They make it all worth it.

Most importantly, knowing that my husband and I made her, that she is the greatest testament of our love and devotion to each other, seeing the two of us in her (she has his forehead and eyes, my nose, both of our hair LOL) -- THAT makes for one of the best things about going through the not so great parts of pregnancy and labor.

Right now, I have weaned my daughter due to Thrush infection in my breasts b/c of breastfeeding, and I am experiencing engorgement due to the sudden weaning. Yes, it hurts. It feels like my nipples are on fire, and my breasts are rocks.

But its worth it. I wouldn't trade my daughter for the world, and I'd go through all the aches, soreness, pain and discomfort a thousand more times for her.

And I know that despite going through all that stuff -- I will most likely do it at least one more time (if not a third) in a couple of years when we plan on having another child.

Its worth it.
Don't let horror stories scare you away. The rewards of motherhood are worth it all. Every single parent told me this from the day I got pregnant to the day I delivered -- And they were all 100% right.

aluokaloo
September 16th, 2007, 02:20 PM
hey amilee, whether you want a child is up to you, and no two pregnancies are alike, nothing goes smoothlyn in life all the time, yet you still get in your car and dribve, you still go out for walks, you still eat food. everything has it's risks, dangers and icky parts, but everything has it's benefits, beauties, and peaceful, non-icky parts too.

Amilee
September 16th, 2007, 11:40 PM
Aw jeez guys...

Ya made me cry....g`dammit.

Thanks. I was pretty scared there but these really helped. I hear so much of the bad and so little of the good it was somthing very hard for me to see through.

Wahh! Stop making me sob like a....well, baby! Agh!

Autumn
September 19th, 2007, 04:11 PM
Just remember that those of us who didn't have a difficult course of pregnancy-labor-delivery-recovery do out number those who had a tough time!

I had three uncomplicated un medicated natural births in the hospital. I had a tough time getting my first to nurse although, thank the goddess I didn't get thrush too! I succeeded and am watching my girls grow like weeds...

EDUCATE YOURSELF! learn all you can about the process and don't assume your doctor has all the answers. Ask questions and know what your options are.

Not having kids because you fear the process is robbing yourself of one of the most amazing parts of being a woman!

YOU CAN DO IT!!

Edited to add that if the idea of raising the children over your shared lifetime is stopping you that's quite another matter. There is nothing wrong with childless by choice! Also I was morning sick all three times and it wasn't fun...but watching my kids chase each other in the back yard is fun, watching my 18 month old explore the world is amazing...

blackroseivy
September 19th, 2007, 04:17 PM
Would love to, but I am 41 & wish for a relationship with the father... (Not a prospect in sight, nor will there be until probably next year if I'm lucky.)

I was pregnant once; I did not carry to term. It makes me wonder if I could even do this - I was in horrible pain from the very beginning. Especially at my age, yes, I fear the process - & I fear a host of things including retardation. There can be reason to fear this - especially if the result might even endanger my life, not to mention the child's.

But hey - that's me. Everyone's body is different, & if you are younger & don't have physical problems, why be afraid?

wolfjan1
September 19th, 2007, 04:20 PM
...I`m seriously concidering not having children!

I`ve heard so many horror stories, near death experiences, infections, pain, suffering.... on this site about having children and I haven`t really read about any good things.

So tell me some good things!! Or I may just tell my hubby that I don`t wanna risk it!:sadman:
A great deal of these stories have to come out because Moms need to share their experiences, and here at MW, we all share and help each other(most of us). Much more often than not, Moms have normal deliveries and few problems. But you have to know that Bottoms get sore and sometimes there are a few breast problems. Your Dr, and your Friends here will help you out. And if you decide to create another wonderful little life, you will see support coming out of the woodwork around here. Even though I never had babies, I took care of a LOT of mothers and babies. And I love and bless and light candles for the brave new Moms here because they are all wonderful.
It's your and your husband's choice, really, but think about it and COMMUNICATE with him about your fears. And us too. We are here.
Bless you, and I hope you join the crowd, but if not, that's OK too.

Darkest Eve
September 20th, 2007, 10:56 AM
No matter how bad the pregnancy and delivery are... that little child - your little child, who is a part of you and a part of your partner, is worth going through anything for.

:)

Well, at least that's what I think.

Tullip Troll
September 20th, 2007, 11:00 AM
having a child is incredible, nothing changes your outlook more.

For the majority of preganancies they go without a hitch, the pain is pretty much gone as soon as you hold your baby for the first time.

There are lots of scares and fears and as humans we focus on them because we are so scared of it happening to us.

have and enjoy the baby, get good advice and good help and everything will be smoother. Unfortunately becasue of soceity women have lost a lot fo their skills in making child birth and breast feeding and just being a mom easy. thats why I say get gooadvice and help and get it before there is a problem.

fahawk
September 21st, 2007, 09:42 AM
It is very hard when it feels all one hears, are the horror stories...plus all the 'birth' shows on t.v are generally about HIGH risk births. Cause high drama is exciting..but what they do not realize is a perfectly normal birth makes a WONDERFUL story all on its own..
(The only 'birth' show I will watch on t.v is called House of Babies-- very positive!!!)


I had 4 homebirths..and made it a point to surround myself with positive stories../ people. - my midwife was one of those. ( so hosp. or home.. try not TO listen, or get pulled by negative people who are just waiting to intervene, or hold off any possiblity of a 'tragedy .)

Anyway...parenting can be alot of work. .but it is also alot of JOY !

Kids are cool people..they have unconditional love - you dont have to be perfect..they love you just because your mom ! ( or DAD )
Everyday is a new adventure..something new is being learned..or there is a new joy to share..or even a sadness...
They give us as adults the gift of growing..maturing, ( in our hearts and actions) and seeing the world through a better perspective.

....it is at times (hard).,,but the GOOD stuff is ALL worth it :)

willa
September 22nd, 2007, 12:12 AM
My first pregnancy was great - no problems & I felt wonderful. The second wasn't that great - I had insomnia so bad but both deliveries were a breeze. I could never understand what the big deal was - I had a back ache & some cramps but nothing like the stories I had heard. Mine were natural, no drugs at all & lasted only a few hours.
The wonder you feel the first time you look at them & that feeling of wow, we created this beautiful little being & my body nurtured it - it's amazing - their fingers & toes.
Their smell & the little squeaks they make as they fall asleep on your chest because you can't stand the thought of putting them in a crib.
When they start talking & fire crackers become fire cookies, vaccum comes out f-you.
Their wonder the first time they see fire flies, fire works, snow flakes,,,,any of their firsts. Their pride the first time they ride a 2-wheeler.
Playing hidn-n-seek.
When they read to you because your too tired to read to them.
Breakfast in bed on your birthday - it's the best cereal I ever had. The hideous egg shaped candy dish is the most wonderful mother's day present I ever got & I would never dream of parting with it.
Graduation from high school.
Ending every conversation with I Love You instead of good-bye - even after 24 years.
Becoming beautiful young women & also best friends.

Artiste-LiLi
September 23rd, 2007, 12:06 PM
Their smell & the little squeaks they make as they fall asleep on your chest because you can't stand the thought of putting them in a crib.
When they start talking & fire crackers become fire cookies, vaccum comes out f-you.
Their wonder the first time they see fire flies, fire works, snow flakes,,,,any of their firsts. Their pride the first time they ride a 2-wheeler.
Playing hidn-n-seek.
When they read to you because your too tired to read to them.
Breakfast in bed on your birthday - it's the best cereal I ever had. The hideous egg shaped candy dish is the most wonderful mother's day present I ever got & I would never dream of parting with it.
Graduation from high school.
Ending every conversation with I Love You instead of good-bye - even after 24 years.
Becoming beautiful young women & also best friends.

Amen and so much more! I don't have children (as mentioned before I believe, lost my only pregnancy) but I do have my 3 nieces who I care for each day and they are AMAZING. I could add soooo much to the above "list" there just isn't enough time and space for me to add it all though.

Athena-Nadine
September 23rd, 2007, 12:24 PM
I've been thinking about this thread. All I wanted to add is that most of us post when we're stressed or need support for some issue or another. We don't often just pop in here on our pregnancy threads to say, "Everything's great, feeling great!" even though that very well may be the case.

The majority of the time, I feel perfectly fine. I feel so fine most of the time, in fact, that it's sometimes easy to forget that I'm pregnant. And that's with gestational diabetes and aching in my pelvis and needing to go to the bathroom all the time because of late pregnancy.

For most of us, pregnancy isn't nearly as difficult as it may seem at first glance. You really can't go by just the posts that are made.

Twinkle
September 23rd, 2007, 12:46 PM
Being pregnant and giving birth to a child has been, bar none...the most extraordinary and best thing I have ever done in my life.

Pregnancy is unknown territory for most of us...the first pregnancy, especially. We are carrying life...life that we already love before the child is even born. With that love comes worry, hormonal shifts, physical changes that we weren't planning for and no amount of reading can prepare you for until you go through it yourself.

These threads are here (imo) to speak with other women that have already gone through it. It's about reassurance, support, and to share memories of our own experiences with pregnancy.

Believe me when I tell you that no amount of bitching or hardship that you read on these threads takes away one bit of the joy when that newborn is in your arms.

None of the physical and emotional toll that a pregnancy takes on a woman reduces the absolute miracle of life...and the overwhelming sense of accomplishment.

Amilee
September 23rd, 2007, 08:41 PM
See?

this is EXACTLY what I needed to hear! Keep em coming because it seems to me that not only is this helping me....

...I think it`s helping some of you too! XD

I do focus on the bad. Why? Because it`s how my mind works...I guess it`s how anyone`s mind works right?

Seeing the bad things is usually easier than seeing the good and the more good you put in front of me the better I feel.

Isn`t that right?

Maybe I`m just babbling but I think it`s important to share the good stuff more than the bad._pounce_ to all!

Willow Rosette
September 23rd, 2007, 09:19 PM
I think Athena-Nadine is right. We come here to vent and get feelings off our chest. But no matter how mad I am at Toria, no matter how far she pushes me, how many times she steps on my toes (literally) she is so worth it. The ordeal of child birth was soooo worth it. I would have gone through it 10 times just to get her out LMAO When you hear "Mommy" or hold their little hand or see pride in their eyes over an accomplishment it takes away everything. Anything I typed here to vent about is totally gone. There is nothing more unbelievable than a child.

fahawk
September 24th, 2007, 09:27 AM
yeah, I think preg., and esp. birth is such an 'unknown' ..that we as women need a safe place to say this is how it was for me.. express all of the feelings and emotions.. good and the bad...it doesnt mean birth is horrible..or that parenting is either :)


But it can help to surround yourself with some really positive birth -parenting stories .. a positive midwife/ doula ......beccause they can say 'yeah, birth is normal!! ( but each with its own variations :)

Actually with any birth there is a place I expect we all reach ( I did) where you say.''.cant do this''' ..but we do..and it is very empowering :) Same with parenting.,.you get tired and think no way ..but then each day is a new one..and new JOY :)

DONT be scared !! :) we've all been there

Twinkle
September 24th, 2007, 08:05 PM
Pregnancy is not all happy, happy joy, joy...and I think there is a lot of pressure on a woman to put on that front to everyone.

Hemmorhoids are not fun. Itchy achy breasts are not fun. Low back aches and peeing every ten seconds...none of it is comfortable.

I for one wish I had a place where I could've gone when I was pregnant to say..."you know, the iron in the prenatal vitamins is making me consitpated"....and have other women chime in and tell me that they went through it too.

It helps to know that not everyone floats through pregnancy with a smile on their face the whole time. LOL

Amilee
September 25th, 2007, 03:22 AM
Twinkle, I totally agree with your point of view. Everyone needs a place to let off the stress and pain but...reading it all the time wasn`t doing me any good. Just needed some good points to pull me through my doubts...

now I can`t wait to have a kid....rawr! But I wanna be responsible about it so it`ll have to wait a few years.

Ariste
October 16th, 2007, 08:22 AM
Making a baby is hard work. Having one is just as hard...thats why they call it labor. Raising one is the hardest job yet. It's the most rewarding thing you will ever do though. I had a truly nightmarish labor with Tana. It nearly killed me....but you will notice that I'm pregnant and ready to go through it again.

Amilee
October 16th, 2007, 09:14 AM
Your daughter is BEAUTIFUL!! Oh gosh! I mean I saw her and I was like....WOW.....

Can I see other everyone elses pictures too? Post em it you got em! :weirdsmil

Libris
October 16th, 2007, 10:12 AM
A picture's worth a thousand words


http://i163.photobucket.com/albums/t294/thatbiologygirl/midimess2small.jpg

http://i163.photobucket.com/albums/t294/thatbiologygirl/midimess3.jpg

and she smiles like that all the time!


It's so worth it :thumbsup:


eta: But yeah, pregnancy does really stink at times. Still, so worth it!

Ariste
October 16th, 2007, 10:28 AM
Thank you. You know when she was born I thought she was gorgeous but I was so concerned about the birthmark under her eyebrow. Lol. No one has ever said anything about it. I have come to love it and think it just makes her beauty uniquely her own. People keep telling me they can't wait to see what her sister looks like now :)

Ceres
October 16th, 2007, 12:19 PM
I didnt even notice it till you mentioned it, actually.

Ariste
October 16th, 2007, 01:35 PM
Lol well since i am all just busting with pride now...here's some more pics of her from my bro's wedding last year. (Before I let her cut her hair off )

http://i90.photobucket.com/albums/k247/Ariste01/Tanacloseup.jpg

http://i90.photobucket.com/albums/k247/Ariste01/Tana.jpg

Phoenix Blue
October 16th, 2007, 06:38 PM
So tell me some good things!! Or I may just tell my hubby that I don`t wanna risk it!
When you see your child's face for the first time, you'll forget about all the horrible stories you've read.

Chaos Hawk
October 16th, 2007, 07:09 PM
This is my son Devon and a friends daughter. When he saw the photo he got all excited:
"We were being tinkerbell!! Tinkerbell with the green dress, and the black purse!! Tinkerbell Mommy!!!!"
I'm keeping this picture and blowing it up giant when he's about to go on his first date.

Amilee
October 17th, 2007, 03:32 AM
.....I never noticed the birthmark either till you mentioned it! What a princess!!!!

And the little spaghetti monster is so cute Libris!!! Oh my gosh!!