hugs and support

[Moonlite Faery]

just got back tonight from house/pet sitting for my parents and my hubby and i ended up having a very "hard" discussion that left me in tears. now i should explain why it ended that way and why i need hugs and support. havent worked in a few months and am working hard on school which i just started a few weeks ago. i have been trying to find work so that my hubby doesnt have to stress out about finances, but my search hasnt gone so well. i did find one place that i am going to tomorrow and i will do whatever it takes to get this job position. that was a big thing that was bothering him, that he let build and build till it ended that way. also, im not the best housekeeper, im getting better but its not good enough- and i know it could be better and im working on it. another thing, and i have no problem with it, was that he spent time alone with one of his friends, that is a girl, and lied to me saying he was home when he wasnt. that hurt more then anything we talked about earlier, was that he felt he needed to lie to me. every single guy i have ever dated before him cheated on me. now i know he would never do that, but none the less it brought up those feelings. why he would go to another girls house (she has kids, but still) with tequila and movies and then wonders why i would be upset by that....ugh.....just frustrating. i feel like everything that has led up to this point has been my fault. my fault for not getting a job sooner, my fault for not keeping the house neat and tidy all the time, and my fault for making him not feel he could trust me not to get mad because he wanted to talk to one of his friends. he told me he doesnt want us not to work and i feel the same, we are best friends, and i want to stay that way.

[Brightshores]

:hugz: I don't know your situation very well - but I can guarantee you that it's not all your fault. Marriage is a two-way partnership - and it sounds like your husband could work on some things as well.

I'd advise you both to work on your communication - make sure that your expectations of each other are realistic, and make sure that you each know what those expectations are. For example - if he had this expectation that you needed to work, he should have spoken to you about it rationally, rather than blown up at you after months had gone by.

Also - no matter what the justification, IMHO lying and sneaking around with other women (even if "perfectly innocent") is not an acceptable way for a husband to behave. You have every right to be upset about that.
BTW - I'm a crappy housekeeper too. There are worse things in life to be bad at. :)

I hope everything gets better for you. :hugz: Trust in your friendship with your husband - that's the strongest and best basis for a good marriage.

[Annorah]

:hugz: I don't know your situation very well - but I can guarantee you that it's not all your fault. Marriage is a two-way partnership - and it sounds like your husband could work on some things as well.

I'd advise you both to work on your communication - make sure that your expectations of each other are realistic, and make sure that you each know what those expectations are. For example - if he had this expectation that you needed to work, he should have spoken to you about it rationally, rather than blown up at you after months had gone by.

Also - no matter what the justification, IMHO lying and sneaking around with other women (even if "perfectly innocent") is not an acceptable way for a husband to behave. You have every right to be upset about that.
BTW - I'm a crappy housekeeper too. There are worse things in life to be bad at. :)

I hope everything gets better for you. :hugz: Trust in your friendship with your husband - that's the strongest and best basis for a good marriage.


I second everything Brightshores has said!

Sending positive energies your way along with a big :hugz:

[Amilee]

:hugz: I`m having a pretty rough time right now too so, just letting you know that you`re not alone. Not at all. :hugz: hang in there!

[LadyWinter]

Cmon cheer up! do you really want people at your funeral to be walking around saying...Dude did you see how clean her floors were??

NO one is remembered for the clean house unless it is in a freakish way...*I swear to gods her cupboards were alphabetical*

Brightshores had some great points....his lying to you about his female friend and taking tequila and movies over there would have my mate in the doghouse with me.

Jobs take time.....go over your resume etc..

Good Luck!

WInter

[Khatt]

Sending you positive energy and strength and hugs.

Communication is definitley the key to making a relationship work. I second everything Brightshores has said.

Hang in there.

Khatt

[Moonlite Faery]

thank you guys so much! i really appreciate it, i must admit today i cant really stop crying and it sucks really bad. i must look like a mess, but i am filling out job apps too :)

[Moonlite Faery]

just wanted to give another update, and to thank you all for your hugs and kind words. after the long day and many tears we are starting to get on track. we talked about everything, not holding anything back, some of it hurt and some of it needed to be said. but we are going to get through this, we called up the man who married us, who also has known me since i was in 4th grade and he said he would "tele-cousel" us for free to help us through this tough time. we are also taking tomorrow (or today) off from work and spending the day together going shopping talking just spending time- hubby is even paying to have our furbabies go to daycare for the day. so thank you all and i will try to keep you updated