The land doesn't like me?

[Mountain_Rose]

I've been thinking that this problem I've been having has just been in my imagination for the past few months, but I'm starting to wonder if it's more than that.
I moved to a different region in my state at the end of the summer to go to graduate school. I was all excited to get here, excited about my program... and school is still good. I've started making friends. It's always tough to move to a new place, but for the most part I'm getting the hang of it. However, I haven't been able to shake this feeling of being an unwelcome alien here since I arrived. For a while, I was thinking that it was because a lot of the people here aren't my age and just seem to be a little more different from me than I'm used to. But I've started feeling that that's not it... the people are fine, it's me that's what's not fitting in.
Like I said, I'd been pretty much convinced that this was all in my head until I read an article the other day on the CR FAQ (http://www.paganachd.com/articles/killyouandeatyou.html)(the KILLYOUANDEATYOU! one... memorable name :) ) and I'm starting to think that maybe the spirits of the land that I'm on are somehow offended by me.
I don't know how to judge if that's the case except by examining the "symptoms" -- I know that I feel out of place pretty much all the time, and I have a very, very hard time praying here. I had a well-developed personal practice before I moved here, but when I first got here, it felt like a giant hand put me under a glass jar that prayer just couldn't penetrate. Which makes me feel kind of miserable, and thus worse about being here.
I wonder how I can find out if this is really what's going on? I plan to find the closest piece of nature that I can (which is hard, because this place is pretty much solid concrete, but there is an arboretum nearby) and try to just get in touch with what's here, find out what "it" might like so that I can leave offerings, but I don't really know what else to do. Research the history of the area? I've thought of trying to ward my living space (I live near a giant hospital... very near a giant hospital... I've thought that might have something to do with it, too. Maybe?), but that's hard when I can't even pray, much less get my energy-work on.
Has anyone dealt with this sort of thing before? Do you have any suggestions? I could really use them :)

[Nitefalle]

Almost five years ago, I moved to a different state and the energies here are so *different* from back home, that it really threw me out of whack. I realized that I was so attuned to the energies back home, it's like having a day at the spa when I go back and visit family - it leaves me feeling relaxed and soothed. I am used to the energies up here, now, but it still jangles my nerves every now and then.

I would suggest exactly what you plan on doing - visit the arboretum and leave an offering. If you work with any deities, ask them to guide you in this matter. If you work with tarot (or any sort of divinatory tool), I would consult it. If you have a day, go outside the city limits and see if this feeling extends to the surrounding area, or it's just something inside the city. Go inside the hospital, see if the feeling intensifies - maybe that is the source, as you suspect. It will take a bit of experimentation, but I think there is a solution. Maybe there's been a surge of growth and the land doesn't appreciate it and just sees you as one more locust there to plunder its resources. Try doing something like a park cleanup or forest/beach/reserve cleanup, to show the land that you respect it and want to see it healthy and well. I'm just throwing ideas out there, please let us know what happens!

[Seren_]

I think going to the arboretum and making some offerings would be a good idea. If you prefer to make the offerings in a more formal way, with a few words and such, then I'd suggest making the offering at home (at your altar, or if you don't have one, do something makeshift for the occasion - a plate and some candles lit for the occasion will do if you can use candles) and then taking the offering to the arboretum later on to leave them there.

Lore from Scotland describes juniper being burnt in the home at Imbolc if no sign of Brigid having visited was found in the ashes of the fireplace in the morning (she was said to visit everyone on the eve). It was thought that if no sign was to be found then the household had offended her in some way and they burnt juniper and killed a cock to make amends (I'm assuming you won't want to kill a cock, which is why I suggested the juniper...). This is something mentioned in the FAQ as other CRs doing if they feel that their offering hasn't been accepted due to some offense they may have caused, so perhaps you could do the same.

The juniper had cleansing/banishing properties (wiping the slate clean, I guess) so if you can't burn anything then perhaps you could use the sop seille ('spittle wisp'). This is water with either some silver or gold having been dipped in it, or water mixed with your own spit, which is then sprinkled about the thresholds of your home and into the corners of each room with a bit of straw (grass will do seeing as it's probably not something you'll have to hand). You can say a few words while you do it, that are appropriate to the occasion. Whichever method you use, it will work as a ward as well, and is especially good to do at Samhain or other festivals. You could also try fashioning equal armed crosses out of rowan wood tied together with red or blue thread, which can then be placed as a ward above your front/back door (again this is a Scottish practice, but something similar is done at Samhain in Irish lore as well).

There are a few traditional sorts of offerings you could consider in a CR context - milk was a common offering to the spirits of the land, as was porridge, oatcakes, bread, butter and things like whisky. I've written a bit of a blether on this which might give you some ideas. (http://theskirmish.com/seren/?page_id=204)

Once you've made the offering it's traditional to look for signs to see if it's been accepted. Some CR folk cast ogam for this, but I tend to look at the world around me and see what's going on. Animals and birds like crows or magpies have a personal significance to me, so if I see them I generally take it as a good sign (though I use my intuition). There was one time I made an offering and as soon as I'd left it a cold wind picked up and it started humping it down with rain...I figured it was a bad sign and after a bit of meditation figured that perhaps I was overdoing things and I needed to rein back a bit and focus on other things. It was hardly a thunderbolt from the sky, but I seem to have got the message :)

Once you've made the offering, see how you feel. I make offerings as a regular part of my practice and I often go to a particular spot and find it helps me connect with the land and the gods. I've moved recently as well, and it's really helped me feel settled. If you don't feel better after you've started them though, then perhaps use the opportunity of going to the arboretum to take time to contemplate on if there's anything you should be doing...Trust your intuition.

Just a few ideas, I hope they help :)

[MonSno_LeeDra]

I find if I keep coming back to a thread thier must be something I have to do with it. This one has been one of those threads, over and over I read it and over and over come back.

Yet as I read it a phrase keeps coming to mind "Didn't meet your expectations!" Not sure other than the literal meaning of the words. But it may be a clue to go on.

For instance my wife is from Jacksonville, North Carolina, sandy beaches, costal swamps, etc. Now I'm from the mountains so their is a whole different feel to everything.

When we came back to the states she had expectations of what she would find and what she expected. At first she felt out of place and alien but then she realized it was due to her own expectations impacting upon her and her outlook.

Now she wouldn't trade the mountains and wildlife for anything on the coast. But it wasn't until she accepted the land for its worth and pressence and not what she expected that she lost the alien sensation. Once she opened up, the land showed her it had long accepted her before she opened to it.

My gut says this is what your going threw.


I was all excited to get here, excited about my program... and school is still good.

I don't know why for sure but this line speaks to me of your expectations and the change at the end tells me something is not like what you though it would be.

just my two cents for what its worth

[David19]

I can't match the great advice the others have given, but have you looked into the history of the house/land you're in (e.g. have there been any tales of hauntings, curses, etc?).

Maybe read up on the history of the land you're in, like see who lived there before, and what happened to them (it could be the original inhabitants were massacred to make room for the town, and therefore the very land itself and/or the ancestors of those people want to send a message).

Perhaps looking into local folklore and/or mythology would help.

Anyway, just my thoughts, hope things become better for you soon (like Nitefalle said, keep us posted).

[Mountain_Rose]

I did go to the arboretum this morning and brought offerings (I was shleping around a lot of offerings: I wanted to wait to see what felt right when I got there, so I had some generic water and oats, plus specific tokens for each of my gods -- including juniper for Brighid!). It was kind of funny; the arboretum felt right. I ended up giving a little bit of everything in offering because I felt like I had broken through the barrier there. It was a beautiful lunch-hour experience.

I'm going to keep observing what I feel over the next couple of days, but I'm getting more convinced that whatever's going on is local to my apartment. I have a day off on Wednesday; I'm planning on going outside the building, walking around it, trying to get a better handle on what I feel as I do that.

It's really encouraging to feel like I'm making some headway here.

The idea that what I'm experiencing doesn't match my expectations could have a lot to do with it, especially where my apartment is concerned. I went from living in an apartment that was new and really pretty (especially for what I was paying for it!) to an apartment that's at least 40 years old and looks like a cinderblock-y dorm room. I've been slowly trying to do some cheap decoration, which helps a bit, but the atmosphere is pretty depressing and not what I'd expected (this is what you get from contracting through campus housing...).

Thank you all for the good advice! I love reading these responses... I'm pretty sure that I'll have more to say about them soon :)

[Son of Deborah]

It's great to hear that you've done this. I found myself in a similar situation when I moved here. I grew up in a forest, and was definitely a "child" of that area. My energies and the energies of the land were intermingled, and there's a feeling of home whenever I return. Once I realized I would be here for a while, I went to my local arboretum, and asked the land to accept me as a "surrogate" child, at least until such time that I might return home for good. Since then, I have felt so much more at ease in my everyday life. I finally feel like I belong here. Maybe you could create a similar ritual to ask to be accepted as a surrogate child by the new land. This would be more involved than just bringing offerings, but I think it might be worth it. Then, even if the apartment doesn't seem "homey", you'll have somewhere to be completely welcome.


I did go to the arboretum this morning and brought offerings (I was shleping around a lot of offerings: I wanted to wait to see what felt right when I got there, so I had some generic water and oats, plus specific tokens for each of my gods -- including juniper for Brighid!). It was kind of funny; the arboretum felt right. I ended up giving a little bit of everything in offering because I felt like I had broken through the barrier there. It was a beautiful lunch-hour experience.

I'm going to keep observing what I feel over the next couple of days, but I'm getting more convinced that whatever's going on is local to my apartment. I have a day off on Wednesday; I'm planning on going outside the building, walking around it, trying to get a better handle on what I feel as I do that.

It's really encouraging to feel like I'm making some headway here.

The idea that what I'm experiencing doesn't match my expectations could have a lot to do with it, especially where my apartment is concerned. I went from living in an apartment that was new and really pretty (especially for what I was paying for it!) to an apartment that's at least 40 years old and looks like a cinderblock-y dorm room. I've been slowly trying to do some cheap decoration, which helps a bit, but the atmosphere is pretty depressing and not what I'd expected (this is what you get from contracting through campus housing...).

Thank you all for the good advice! I love reading these responses... I'm pretty sure that I'll have more to say about them soon :)