A hug would be nice.

[Earthy]

I have so many thoughts always racing through my head,and yet now i want to write them down...i feel blank.
This will probably be whiny and self pitying..and probably best to be avoided, but if i dont get it out somehow..i feel like i'm going to explode and implode at the same time.

I hate being so alone, and yet i hate being with people.
I cannot cope with others..i cannot stand noise, i just want silence and yet when i get it i feel so alone.

Other people have suffered far worse than me, so why do i feel so bad, so much the bloody victim?

The past is dead, and yet i cannot let it go.
My ex and I were over over 5 years ago and yet i cannot let go of my all-consuming hatred of him, even though he's no longer in my life, and the only person it's hurting is me.

I hate humanity.I cannot think past the awful killings and stabbings and shootings, the terrorism...some days i am too paranoid about it to go out.Sometimes i dont feel safe in my own home cos i think i'm gonna get robbed or beaten or raped or murdered, or all of them. I fear for my kids.
I trust nobody.I fear everybody.

Life is a struggle.
I dont wanna be here, yet i wont kill myself, i love my kids too much.

I hate sex. I hate life.

I just want to scream..yet i'm afraid that once i start i will be unable to stop again.
I've held it all in for so long that i'm afraid to let the anger and hurt out.

I hate who i am...who i am becoming.
I'm on a downward spiral to the black pit and i cant stop.

I dont expect anything of this post..i'm just hurting and i'm nearing my limit.
I cant confide in anybody, people tell me i can, i know that..i'm just personally unable to.I'm scared of being weak.I just dont know anything anymore....

[Eternal Night]

:hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz:

I wish that i could say or do more to help.
I'm here if u need me and don't be scared or embarressed to phone me or speak to me at any time.

[GryphonGirl]

I send many many hugs......:hugz:

[RoseKitten]

I have so many thoughts always racing through my head,and yet now i want to write them down...i feel blank.
This will probably be whiny and self pitying..and probably best to be avoided, but if i dont get it out somehow..i feel like i'm going to explode and implode at the same time.

I hate being so alone, and yet i hate being with people.
I cannot cope with others..i cannot stand noise, i just want silence and yet when i get it i feel so alone.

Other people have suffered far worse than me, so why do i feel so bad, so much the bloody victim?

The past is dead, and yet i cannot let it go.
My ex and I were over over 5 years ago and yet i cannot let go of my all-consuming hatred of him, even though he's no longer in my life, and the only person it's hurting is me.

I hate humanity.I cannot think past the awful killings and stabbings and shootings, the terrorism...some days i am too paranoid about it to go out.Sometimes i dont feel safe in my own home cos i think i'm gonna get robbed or beaten or raped or murdered, or all of them. I fear for my kids.
I trust nobody.I fear everybody.

Life is a struggle.
I dont wanna be here, yet i wont kill myself, i love my kids too much.

I hate sex. I hate life.

I just want to scream..yet i'm afraid that once i start i will be unable to stop again.
I've held it all in for so long that i'm afraid to let the anger and hurt out.

I hate who i am...who i am becoming.
I'm on a downward spiral to the black pit and i cant stop.

I dont expect anything of this post..i'm just hurting and i'm nearing my limit.
I cant confide in anybody, people tell me i can, i know that..i'm just personally unable to.I'm scared of being weak.I just dont know anything anymore....

*huggles* Oddly enough, a friend of mine had a (drunken) breakdown with the same concerns and feelings. You aren't alone sweetie. If you'd like to talk, just PM me. :) *hugs*

[Lady_Door]

:hugz:

[Annorah]

:hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz:

[Chaos Hawk]

:hugz: You're not alone. I've been there too. :hugz:

[Arianne Weaver]

My ex and I split up over 17 years ago, and at the time I felt awful (although , I think, not as low as you seem now.).
A friend told me that part of the problem (she'd been in 2 relationships which left her hurting) is that at times like these, we feel bad because we don't want to believe that our own judgement is bad : we were fooled into thinking that this person was wonderful, or we stayed too long when we realised that they weren't!

If you've been really badly hurt, it takes time to adjust.
You sound as if you don't like yourself much at the moment, or feel you're not worthwhile, because you can't forgive and forget. Well, remember that it's HUMAN to feel badly let down and hurt, and you're not an angelic being of some kind who can just move away from it as if it never happened.
Allow yourself to think it's OK not to suddenly make everything sweetness and light all at once. Give yourself permission to grieve - you aremourning the loss of the "perfect relationship" - it may not have been so in reality, but you've still lost the ideal, what you thought it should be.
And when you give yourself time to mourn, to dislike the person who caused you to lose this ideal, then you may find that there's time in your life for other thingd, too.
Small things, like watching the colours of the leaves change, playing with your kids and seeing the world through their eyes, seeing stars on a clear night, and just knowing you are a part of it all.

We're coming up to Samhain. In my Group (not really a coven, but similar in a lot of ways), we think about the seeds and the weeds - what do we want to plant and be ready to nurture in the coming year, and what needs to be put into the compost bin, to learn from but then let go of so the energies may be recycled and put to constructive use after the time of the dark, when the light returns and we're ready to let things grow again.
Maybe this could be a useful image for you.

You have my blessings, my thoughts, my prayers, and my friendship, even though we've never met. Believe you are special - the Charge tells us
"I am the Mother of all living" - and know you are loved by One who will never leave you.

Many hugs
Arianne.

[mystic_zoe]

sending you loads and loads and loadssss of hugs!
:hugz: :hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz:

[BlackLili]

Much love and hope. Energies being sent to help you get some rest and feel better.

[NiennaSeregon]

:wave: Hey, sending lots and lots of :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz:'s and happy vibes your way. I, and a friend of mine, went through something similar recently, and I can promise you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and don't ever think that your alone in this :) We're all here for you, and if you ever wanna talk, I'm a great listener and everything, so feel free to PM me :)



:yourock:

xx
Jess (aka NiennaSeregon)

[Earthy]

Thankyou so much people.I am seeing my doctor tomorrow, all these messages of kindness will really help me cope til then :hugz:


I am going to go and hug my son, i am on the verge of tears.He almost choked on a sweet,he was struggling to breathe, and i was powerless. I thought he was going to die right in front of me.I was so scared, I still am.
I have always been paranoid that he will die young.Those i loved more than life in the past have died, i couldnt bear to lose him too.

[GryphonGirl]

Oh my what a scare!!! ...hug the little one for me too....jeez..

[NiennaSeregon]

Yikes, that must have been so terrifying! Big hugs to both of you! Hope he's alright :)

xx
Jess


I am going to go and hug my son, i am on the verge of tears.He almost choked on a sweet,he was struggling to breathe, and i was powerless. I thought he was going to die right in front of me.I was so scared, I still am.
I have always been paranoid that he will die young.Those i loved more than life in the past have died, i couldnt bear to lose him too.

[Lorrie]

If you scream, it only makes your throat hurt and makes you even more pissed off. I know this to be a fact!:smileroll

[Lorrie]

Thankyou so much people.I am seeing my doctor tomorrow, all these messages of kindness will really help me cope til then :hugz:


I am going to go and hug my son, i am on the verge of tears.He almost choked on a sweet,he was struggling to breathe, and i was powerless. I thought he was going to die right in front of me.I was so scared, I still am.
I have always been paranoid that he will die young.Those i loved more than life in the past have died, i couldnt bear to lose him too.


That was always my fear for my kids too, and still is, and now also for their kids too. Losing Jamie last year made this fear even worse!

[Shatril]

Oh Hon, hang in there. Wish I had some words of wisdom, but I don't quite know wht to say. Hope the Doc has some answers.

:hugz: and Luv, Shatril

[Willow Rosette]

:hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz:

Oh Oakie you of all people do not deserve to feel this way. I know we have talked about this before but you need to hear it again.

You are a warm and loving woman. Your heart is so kind and pure. I hope that some day I am able to find inside myself the kindness and strength you have. Even if you just need a hig or you need to be reminded how special and wonderful you are, you just send me a little note and Ill send you love a.s.a.p.

I love you honey, and I thank the Goddess that I was blessed with your friendship.

:hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz:

[Glowy]

Not only are you getting a hug, but I am throwing you a party! I am so glad your lil one is OK:ringaroun :abanana: _pounce_ _pounce_ _pounce_

[Astara Seague]

:hugz:

[Stormbeard]

I hate being so alone, and yet i hate being with people.
I cannot cope with others..i cannot stand noise, i just want silence and yet when i get it i feel so alone.

I completely understand this.

You'll find strength in yourself eventually, and you'll see a glimmer of hope in other people in time too. Now is the time to truly find out who you are.

Accept no substitutes. The real you is there, and screaming to be let out. You simply need to find the right key.

[wolfjan1]

:hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: It sounds like a major depression. . Maybe you need to see your Dr.
In the meantime, you may be having some physical symptoms as well and may need some Bcomplex. There is a little bottle of MAJOR B complex that you can get at Walgreens. Fill the dropper up , Squirt it under your tongue. Let it sit for a few seconds and swallow. It doesn't taste really bad. You could even out it in your morning orange juice, if you prefer.

[Philosophia]

I have so many thoughts always racing through my head,and yet now i want to write them down...i feel blank.
This will probably be whiny and self pitying..and probably best to be avoided, but if i dont get it out somehow..i feel like i'm going to explode and implode at the same time.

I hate being so alone, and yet i hate being with people.
I cannot cope with others..i cannot stand noise, i just want silence and yet when i get it i feel so alone.

Other people have suffered far worse than me, so why do i feel so bad, so much the bloody victim?

The past is dead, and yet i cannot let it go.
My ex and I were over over 5 years ago and yet i cannot let go of my all-consuming hatred of him, even though he's no longer in my life, and the only person it's hurting is me.

I hate humanity.I cannot think past the awful killings and stabbings and shootings, the terrorism...some days i am too paranoid about it to go out.Sometimes i dont feel safe in my own home cos i think i'm gonna get robbed or beaten or raped or murdered, or all of them. I fear for my kids.
I trust nobody.I fear everybody.

Life is a struggle.
I dont wanna be here, yet i wont kill myself, i love my kids too much.

I hate sex. I hate life.

I just want to scream..yet i'm afraid that once i start i will be unable to stop again.
I've held it all in for so long that i'm afraid to let the anger and hurt out.

I hate who i am...who i am becoming.
I'm on a downward spiral to the black pit and i cant stop.

I dont expect anything of this post..i'm just hurting and i'm nearing my limit.
I cant confide in anybody, people tell me i can, i know that..i'm just personally unable to.I'm scared of being weak.I just dont know anything anymore....

:hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz:

I understand what you are going through. It is definitely NOT a weak move to seek advice if you need it. I'm always here for you if you ever need somebody to talk to.

_pounce_

[Zelan]

:hugz:
I have no cliches for you...just that hug.

[Catiana]

:hugz:

[Bettie]

Loads of loads of :hugz: for you....

[TheWomanMonster]

Oh sweetie, PM me or message me if you ever need to talk.

Sounds like you need to put your past in a box and send it away.

:hugz:

May you be released, and feel light again.

[Earthy]

Oh! Thankyou everybody.I really don't feel so deserving of so many replies,and thank you seems so inadequate.Also thankyou for the karma.
Right now i dont feel so bad,but that's me all over.I feel like i'm on a seesaw,up and down all the time.
I see the doctor at 3.10pm British time, i am pretty sure he will put me on meds, but right now that seems like a relief if it stops some of the thoughts i'm having right now.

Stormbeard,you are right.I need to find out who i am..all my life i have done things to make others happy,even when it's not what i've wanted.I've never spoken up to anybody,about anything.So now i need to find the strength to change.

Lorrie,your first post really did make me smile about the screaming.I could tell you wrote it from experience :D

I will let you know how i get on at the docs.

Thankyou all so so much :hugz:

[Fluoxetine]

Oak.... When the doc says you require medication, say ythat you do not need prozac as it can heighten your emoptions more than normal. It has been known to cause anger in people and when some are really depressed, suicide. So ask for a substitute. This is why I am on Citalopram. It inhibits the anger parts and still have the same effect as prozac.

Why they keep dishing out the "wonder drug" if it heightens emotion is beyond me, but never get it. Ask if it is anti depressents and say you do not want prozac or as they call it Fluoxetine.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Citalopram
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fluoxetine

So take the Citalopram as it will help you more. Just be aware that you may need a repeat perscription as coming straight off them will mess you up (as I found out recently).

[Cassie]

:hugz: Good luck this afternoon, I'll be thinking of you. :hugz:

[LostSheep]

:hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ .

[Shatril]

Oh! Thankyou everybody.I really don't feel so deserving of so many replies,and thank you seems so inadequate.Also thankyou for the karma.
Right now i dont feel so bad,but that's me all over.I feel like i'm on a seesaw,up and down all the time.
I see the doctor at 3.10pm British time, i am pretty sure he will put me on meds, but right now that seems like a relief if it stops some of the thoughts i'm having right now.

Stormbeard,you are right.I need to find out who i am..all my life i have done things to make others happy,even when it's not what i've wanted.I've never spoken up to anybody,about anything.So now i need to find the strength to change.

Lorrie,your first post really did make me smile about the screaming.I could tell you wrote it from experience :D

I will let you know how i get on at the docs.

Thankyou all so so much :hugz:

You know, I know you are familiar with the Chakras, it couldn't hurt to do some work with the Archetype of the Servant. Also taking care of all the chakras and balancing them would be a great idea right now.

:hugz: Shatril

[Earthy]

Oak.... When the doc says you require medication, say ythat you do not need prozac as it can heighten your emoptions more than normal. It has been known to cause anger in people and when some are really depressed, suicide. So ask for a substitute. This is why I am on Citalopram. It inhibits the anger parts and still have the same effect as prozac.

Why they keep dishing out the "wonder drug" if it heightens emotion is beyond me, but never get it. Ask if it is anti depressents and say you do not want prozac or as they call it Fluoxetine.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Citalopram
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fluoxetine

So take the Citalopram as it will help you more. Just be aware that you may need a repeat perscription as coming straight off them will mess you up (as I found out recently).

Will, that may be my problem too.I was on Citralopram for about a year and i just stopped taking them.maybe thats why i feel so bad now.I mean i feel worse than when i was originally prescribed them.
Though i know i'll go in the docs later, and i wont tell him half of my problems, i never do.I seem to have a fear of people in authority, even doctors.


:hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: _pounce_ :hugz: .

Thankyou Sheepie :hugz:


You know, I know you are familiar with the Chakras, it couldn't hurt to do some work with the Archetype of the Servant. Also taking care of all the chakras and balancing them would be a great idea right now.

:hugz: Shatril

Yea,i have a chakra balancing meditation by Doreen Virtue, I'll listen to it later :)

[Fluoxetine]

Will, that may be my problem too.I was on Citralopram for about a year and i just stopped taking them.maybe thats why i feel so bad now.I mean i feel worse than when i was originally prescribed them.
Though i know i'll go in the docs later, and i wont tell him half of my problems, i never do.I seem to have a fear of people in authority, even doctors.

Tell the ones that matter, the big ones that you feel need to be told. the rest will be either insignificant or not worth talking about. Only say what you have to say.

And my support is with you at this time. :hugz:

[Earthy]

The dovtor prescribed 20mg of Citralopram, so i will take my first dose at dinnertime when i eat.
Thankyou everybody from the bottom of my heart. :hugz:
I hope to be feeling a little bit happier very soon.

[Willow Rosette]

Im glad you will have some help getting back to your normal wonderfull self. In the mean time honey you know you are in my prayers always. :hugz:

[Earthy]

Dunno that i've ever been normal..or wonderful..but thanks :D

[Fluoxetine]

The dovtor prescribed 20mg of Citralopram, so i will take my first dose at dinnertime when i eat.
Thankyou everybody from the bottom of my heart. :hugz:
I hope to be feeling a little bit happier very soon.

Citalopram will help you. It may make you feel sick when you start taking it, but after a few days, you will feel alright as your body chemistry will adjust to what is going on.

From now on, you will begin to feel better.

[Earthy]

I hope so Flux :hugz:
Then i can get back to harrassing you on MW :D

[Fluoxetine]

I hope so Flux :hugz:
Then i can get back to harrassing you on MW :D

That is something I will have to look forward to. :hugz:

_pounce__pounce__pounce__pounce__pounce__pounce__pounce__pounce__pounce__pounce__pounce__pounce_ _pounce__pounce__pounce__pounce__pounce__pounce__pounce_

[Willow Rosette]

Dunno that i've ever been normal..or wonderful..but thanks :D

LMAO You dont have to be normal just your old self is all. And yea you have always been wonderfull. I just want you to be you again. :hugz:

[Earthy]

Boy..i just want me to be me again..i don't like this me.
I do feel a bit better today to be honest, i think bottling it up was making me worse, and they do say a problem shared is a problem halved,don't they :)

[LostSheep]

Dunno that i've ever been normal..or wonderful..but thanks :D

oh, yes you have. Wonderful, anyway. _pounce_

[Cassie]

oh, yes you have. Wonderful, anyway. _pounce_
Agreement.
Normal is over rated anyway! I hope you are feeling happier, more secure and content soon. :hugz:

[mammas_girl]

_pounce_
I have been where you are. It was not that long ago for me. I took a day close to the full moon went to the woods found a tree. Asked for permission to just give it a hug. As I did this all the concern consuming hatred of things just left my body. I had to refind that sacred path that we all walk on. It is never easy. And when all else fails smile and read the poem linked below.

:hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz:


http://paganart.dreamdivining.com/butt-prints.html

[Earthy]

The poem definitely made me smile.Thanks Mammas_Girl :hugz:

Today has been less fraught anyway,no manic thoughts and i havent felt quite so sad.
So hopefully life normal service will be resumed very soon :)

Again,i really cannot thank you enough.Each and every person who posted in this thread have really made a difference,and kept me going right when i needed it.
I thought i was alone, and you all proved me wrong, thankyou :hugz: :hugz:

[mammas_girl]

Glad to know that it made you smile. How are things going otherwise?:abanana:

[Earthy]

Glad to know that it made you smile. How are things going otherwise?:abanana:

I felt quite spaced out yesterday, a little bit that way today but not feeling quite so desperate about things.My bf thinks it's a major miracle that i havent moaned for a couple of days, so these meds must be working :D

[ILOVEAUTUMNS]

i'm a beautiful girl stuck in a snobby town where if you aren't rich you aren't popular and if you weren't rich you were tortured in school by devil peers that should be in prison for what they did to me...................

i have a painful bladder condition and i hate humanity too

this is why my solace plan is to one day get some dogs and live with them,

animals are much sweeter and simpler than
coniving, nontrusting humanity

i don't understand the evil of humanity since I am the complete opposite so this
is why I'm so repelled by it

i have met and dealt with so many evil people that i just wish I was a real
Goddess so I can bring JUSTICE in this LIFETIME to all the evil people who
tortured me in numberous ways!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hope reading this post makes you feel less alone

this is how i cope for now

exercising helps my bladder condition
essential oils (love aromatherapy)
love mystic wicks and the internet

[Earthy]

The pills are slowly working, i am slowly beginning to see the light.
I feel a little tired but things don't seem half so grim nowadays :)

[NiennaSeregon]

*hugs to you* Hope things keep going in the right direction for ya :)

[mammas_girl]

I felt quite spaced out yesterday, a little bit that way today but not feeling quite so desperate about things.My bf thinks it's a major miracle that i havent moaned for a couple of days, so these meds must be working :D

That is always a good thing. I am glad to here things are doing some what better. I hope the begining of this year is looking up for you.

If you need anything pm me! I am on MW while at work so most of the day..

_pounce_

[Nighthawk]

Keep it up... Miss C, Earthy, oak angel..... I am here, dear.

[Shatril]

I'm glad to hear that you are feeling somewhat better. _pounce_

:hugz: Shatril

[Arianne Weaver]

:huddle:Love, Hugs - keep it up, Oakangel, and remember that even if you feel you're not progressing quickly, or have had a bad day, you ARE improving and WILL be well in the time that's right for you.