Now I understand ...

[Emaleth]

Merry Meet all!

I wanted to share with you my recent experiences and discoveries. I'm sure most of you have experienced it before but this is quite new for me, so ...

A couple of days ago I failed an exam. This was the last exam I had to take in my college, and when I failed it my whole plans for the future were ruined (well, for the near future at least:) )I can retake this exam in September, which means I won't get my BA now and I wont be able to apply for the MA course and I won't be able to get a job.

At first I was devasted. I was ashamed and unhappy, but most of all shocked. I've always been a very good student, only the best marks, this was in fact the only exam I've failed in my whole life. I was thinking "This can't be true, how could this happen to me? Someone else, someone untalented, but not me".

Then I thought about my path and I wondered if, by any chance, this might have happened because the Christian God was punishing me for changing my faith. Fortunately, I soon realized this was a total nonsense, but I still thought I did something wrong and I was being punished for that. Or maybe the Gods rejected me and my worship of them. After all I prayed to them, I prayed before the exam, I asked them for help and later I even thanked them, because I was sure I did OK on the test:eek:

Soon I began to realize that this whole experience might do me good, after all. First of all, I could rest at last:) But more importantly I understood that I'm not that perfect and I won't be able to get away with good grades without much effort. It was a serious blow to my pride and vanity, but I needed it. I know I was relly mean to my family, because I'm the most gifted out of them, and I was scornful to people who weren't educated, I thought they were lazy or stupid. I wasn't a very nice person in this respect:(

On realizing it all I understood that this experience was given to me by the Lord and the Lady because I needed it. They've given me not what I asked for, but what I really needed. If thanks to failing an exam I can be a better person than it's a low price to pay:)

I want to thank the Lord and the Lady for opening my eyes and allowing me to understand that all they give is for our good.

If you've read throug this, I thank you, too. For your patience with my little philosopy;)

Blessed Be

[materra]

Would that all of us had learned this lesson early and well...I still have trouble with it...sigh...thank for reminding me. :)

[Myst]

Kudos to you for finding a lesson in this for yourself. You have given me something to think about as well as I remember I had to retake that last course to graduate. When I retook it I worked really hard and got an A rather then an F. Maybe it was a reminder that sometimes I do have to give that extra effort and do my absolute best, no excuses.

I'm glad you are looking at this positively.

[Raynewitch]

WOW! Well done on the lesson you learnt! Yeah a harsh one for sure, but I really admire the way youve picked up and turned it positive...Id still be bitching ;)

[Semele]

Good eye for picking up the positive in life's lessons. It makes it so much easier to benefit from them. If you dwell on the negative and get the poor me syndrom, you have to learn the leson again, which makes it seem as though you are in a downward spiral going nowhere. I know a lot of people, very close to me, who can't grasp the lessons and only see another disappointment from a world that hates them. Sad thing to see it and not be able to help them along. Thank you for sharing your lesson with us. Even when you know things are happening for a reason, it is hard at times to keep moving on and learning.

[Emaleth]

Thanks for the praise :) If I didn't know failing this exam had some purpose in it, I'd be furious , as today all of my friends have graduated, but not me. It's still quite hard, though, so thanks for the support ;)

Blessed Be

[Mithrea]

Originally posted by Emaleth
I know I was relly mean to my family, because I'm the most gifted out of them, and I was scornful to people who weren't educated, I thought they were lazy or stupid. I wasn't a very nice person in this respect:(


This sounds like me . . . and after several serious blows to it, my ego gets right back up to fight. I think it's most important that you are at least thinking about those. Don't lose confidence but just keep your ego in check ;) I have gone through these realizations myself and like you they were tied to my study of Wicca. It mellowed me. I think you will be able to do this more and more. I do :) Congrats :)

[Sequoia]

wow, I'm glad you found that lesson!!

sometimes really crappy stuff happens. . . I can remember a number of times where I thought things were totally ruined. . . and I'm just now beginning to realize that they had a reason, after all. :) I'm glad you figured it out so early!

It's nice to know, too, that there's somebody looking over your shoulder, to guide you in the right direction, isn't it?

[Witchy Cowgirl]

Lookin on the positive side of things can sometimes be hard, but always well worth the effort.
I had always thought myself a positive person, but have come to realize that only after I embraced the Witch in myself did I find true positivity. Brightest Blessings for the coming Course!

[Rubi Waters]

wow... learning a lesson the tough way, but as you said now you can rest and recenter yourself. At least you know you can retake the test, and then you will do well...and appreciate it all the more!!

[Emaleth]

Well, it is all settled. I'm retaking the exam on 17 September. I'll have 2 months to prepare. With the first one I only had 2 days :)

The funny thing is most people think I should be despairing or something, some of my friends are afraid to talk to me so as not to hurt my feelings :D I have to explain to everybody that it's OK, I'm not suicidal, and I'm happy that they did well.:)

Blessed Be

[Ganga]

Yes, nothing happens by chance. Thanks for sharing your story - you are very mature.

Even my visiting this thread is not by chance, as you have reminded of the things that are truly important. At the moment, we are in some anxiety because our immigration papers are in process and we haven't heard anything from the Big People Who Make the Decisions for such a long time, and the rumours say that after 9-11, the immigration rules have been tightened. Well, whatever happens, we've done our duty (filling up the forms correctly, etc.) and the rest is up to Mother Goddess.

Thanks again.

[materra]

Wqrm hugs to the both of you with best wishes for your endevors. Good energy to you both to help with the stress of waiting. :)

[Emaleth]

Good luck to you, Ganga, and thank you. I know that waiting is an awful thing, when you feel you can do nothing, but I wish you patience in this difficult time.

Blessed Be