Raising BOYS in a pagan tradition

[Kellenor]

Hi all,

My husband and I have a lovely 2+yr old daughter, and are now expecting a son in early February.

I've been puzzling over this, and hope some of you may have some good advice to offer.

How do you raise your sons in a pagan tradition? Seems to me it is so femalecentric, so goddess-focused (at least, many traditions are...) - how do you present this to your sons?

Any good books you can reccommend?

Kelly

[Brigid Rowan]

I dont know your tradition/belief structure as to female-centricness...but mine is not male or female centric, but rather, a balance of each..So I find it easy to raise both boys and girls within that idea frame.

[Lunacie]

Hmm, I really thought the majority of Pagan traditions (or religions or paths) were based on nature, which is very balanced between male and female polarity. Not all Pagan authors are feminists and goddess-centric like Starhawk.

It's been a long time since I had any spare money to spend on books but the Authors forum here on MW has quite a few really good Pagan authors. You might start by browsing here (http://mysticwicks.com/forumdisplay.php?f=69).


Congrats on the growth of your family. :)

[RainInanna]

Seems to me it is so femalecentric, so goddess-focused (at least, many traditions are...) - how do you present this to your sons?

I've heard Ashleen O Gaea's books are good - http://www.adventurewicca.com/oc/oc_books.htm

Otherwise, not sure yet. I know a lot of men who are closer to the Goddess then the God though.

[Nox_Mortus]

Unless you belong to a Dianic tradition or some fluffy white lighter feminist thing you shouldn't really have a problem, most Pagan religions are either focused on Duality or don't focus too much on gender roles.

[Kellenor]

Ok - let me rephrase my initial post.

I, personally, having had a wretched father under whom I suffered for many years, do not have a very close relationship with the masculine side of my spirituality. Not yet. It's something I work at, but it'll be a while before I get *there*.

So.... I have an easy time relating to and seeing the feminine in Nature, in my spirituality, but need to find ways to connect to the masculine, and find ways to bring this to my future son.

[Lyrien]

Ok - let me rephrase my initial post.

I, personally, having had a wretched father under whom I suffered for many years, do not have a very close relationship with the masculine side of my spirituality. Not yet. It's something I work at, but it'll be a while before I get *there*.

So.... I have an easy time relating to and seeing the feminine in Nature, in my spirituality, but need to find ways to connect to the masculine, and find ways to bring this to my future son.


It looks like you have just been blessed with the way to connect. Enjoy.

[lamoka]

Ask Goddess.. who knows better than She how to relate to He?
aho

[Chaos Hawk]

I have 2 sons and I'm raising them pagan. We follow the Celtic path and there are Gods as well as Goddesses. So I try to show the balance.

[Ceres]

I prefer to let my children choose their spiritual path and no one seems terribly focused on paganism. My oldest, a daughter, used to be, but now leans more toward agnosticism, though not in a christian sense. I have two boys who are 11 and 7 and they LOVE nature based activities, but have not been interested in much ritual-type activity, probably because any groups we have found seemed more suitable for girls and women, so I understand your dilemma. I am not sure how it could be masculinized for them, though I think they are closer to god by peeing in the woods than coming with me to a public ritual where they are expected to light candles, chant "the earth is our mother" and sit quietly in between :lol:

I am curious to hear what other mothers of older boys do and how it works for them. I have O'Gaia's book Family Wicca, by the way and I didnt really find it helpful. It seems to be more of the same old same old to me.

[Kellenor]

I have two boys who are 11 and 7 and they LOVE nature based activities, but have not been interested in much ritual-type activity, probably because any groups we have found seemed more suitable for girls and women, so I understand your dilemma. I am not sure how it could be masculinized for them, though I think they are closer to god by peeing in the woods than coming with me to a public ritual where they are expected to light candles, chant "the earth is our mother" and sit quietly in between :lol:

EXACTLY! Thank you for seeing where I'm coming from! I mean, I know there are some chants that honor or simply mention the God, but the majority are Goddess-focused. And I do realize that there are Gods and Goddesses in all mythologies - that's a given - but it seems that the groups I've encountered and practiced with have been much more Goddess-focused, and not for fluffybunnyfeminist reasons, but simply because that's the shape the group's practice has led them to, usually because the only people , or the vast majority of people, who attend a lot of the rits are women.

I am not a feminist - far far from it.

I'm simply asking if some of you wouldn't mind sharing some practical, concrete examples of how you are raising your boys to see that balance of God and Goddess (and how you're raising your girls that way, for that matter.)

Thank you

[WillowsMuse]

Ok - let me rephrase my initial post.

I, personally, having had a wretched father under whom I suffered for many years, do not have a very close relationship with the masculine side of my spirituality. Not yet. It's something I work at, but it'll be a while before I get *there*.

So.... I have an easy time relating to and seeing the feminine in Nature, in my spirituality, but need to find ways to connect to the masculine, and find ways to bring this to my future son.

I really think your son will help with this. I felt similar when I found out I was having a boy as I was simply unsure how to relate and parent one. He pretty much took me by the hand... =)

As far as our nature based activities, we do a lot of pine cone searches, bug hunts (finding, naming, etc.), nature walks in general, I suppose. My boys, six and three, have altars (rocks, pine cones, dream pouches, whatever they think up to put in there).

BTW, my dad stinks, too. He certainly hasn't been a spiritual influence! Fortunately, I'm kind of a tomboy by nature. :)

[David19]

Christopher Penczak has a book out called 'Sons of the Goddess' (http://www.amazon.com/Sons-Goddess-Young-Guide-Wicca/dp/0738705470/ref=pd_sxp_f_pt/104-2718521-0394364), it focuses on the how young men can approach The Goddess, it is more Wiccan-focused (if I remember it correctly), but it might be something you want to read, and give to him when he's older.

Here's another book I just found, 'Men and the Goddes: Feminine Archetypes in Western Literature' by Tom Absher (http://www.amazon.com/Men-Goddess-Feminine-Archetypes-Literature/dp/0892812680), which seems quite cool.

Daniel Cohen (http://www.decohen.com/) is someone to keep an eye on, he's a British scholar that is currently creating new mythologies for men to come into contact with The Goddess.

Here's a blog on raising Pagan boys (http://blog-in-the-box.blogspot.com/2005/09/raising-pagan-sons.html)

Pagan Parents and Youth (http://www.conjure.com/COG/parents.html), IMO, is another good site that you might want to check out for ideas, advice and tips.

This site seems cool too, http://www.circleround.com/, it's the site for a book called 'Circle Round: Raising Children in Goddess Traditions', and might also be good.

http://storiesbylucas.blogspot.com/ - another blog on rasing Pagan boys

There's also 'The Pagan Man: Priests, Warriors, Hunters and Drummers' by Isaac Bonewits (http://www.amazon.com/Pagan-Man-Priests-Warriors-Drummers/dp/0806526971), which might be good.

But, just go with your feelings, trust your instincts, teach him about nature, read him tales of mythology, and maybe when he's a little older, have him use his imagination to create his own myths about The Goddess, get him to write anything, no matter how fantastical it sounds (it might be even better if it sounds more fantastical). Encouraging his imagination and creative talents may be a great way to honour The Goddess.

[Kellenor]

David, you're AMAZING - thank you thank you thank you!!

[David19]

David, you're AMAZING - thank you thank you thank you!!

No problem.

[Nitefalle]

Also, I'd just like to add....even though your own father stunk, take a look at how your husband relates to your daughter. That could be a great inspirational peek into relating to the God aspect you feel you are missing right now. Observe them interacting together and reflect on his role as a positive male figure in her life, how that helps to shape her (and how it will help to shape your future son).

Once your son is born, I would try and keep it simple - just start introducing nature, and I think the gender polarity will fall into place once he reaches that developmental stage.

[RainInanna]

Thanks David, I'm gonna check those out too. So cool, I was worried I would have a hard time talking spirituality with my son but with what you've shared I'm excited for when he's old enough to do so!

[David19]

Thanks David, I'm gonna check those out too. So cool, I was worried I would have a hard time talking spirituality with my son but with what you've shared I'm excited for when he's old enough to do so!

No problem, I hope you and your son have fun exploring The Goddess.

Edit: Just thought of something else, you could, when he's old enough, teach him to view women as incarnations of The Goddess and also himself, it would teach him to respect women and also himself.

And maybe create a kind of collage of different images that your son picks out of The Goddess, whether it's women from magazines, from pop culture (e.g. Buffy, a strong warrior), from mythology, fairy tales, or even abstract images (e.g. the earth, etc).

Not sure if that's any more help for people.

[aluokaloo]

i don't see much of the difference really, I don't know what your path is. I'm not raising my girl pagan, but I am raising her as an animist and am trying to enhance the wonder of nature to her, we watch animal planet alot, we go on nature walks, we look at the animals in our suburban neighborhood, everything from crows to neighborhood cats and dogs, if she wants to pick a flower I'll make a gift of water, I don't require her too, but sometimes she does and also says thank you to the flower. I know it's not neccesarily pagan, but it's not a bad way to start for those who do want to raise their kids pagan. Besides what about Gods? Gods are just as important as Goddesses.

[Rhianna813]

Actually Paganism is a great place to raise a son, because it’s so female honoring. Learning to respect both men and women is a wonderful thing! But I don’t think it has to be overly feminine or girly. I think Goddess based traditions show women and men how to honor the feminine side of nature and themselves and this is what is so lacking in other traditions.

I live with my husband and our 4 year old son. I am involved with a very Dianic like group presently and DH is in the OTO which tends to be more masculine IMO. Maybe together we’ll offer the best of both worlds? Around the house and holidays we use a lot of GreenMan and Horned God images. We include lots of PaPa Santa images at Yule too. And compassionate Budha. This is all blended together with Goddess imagery as well. When everything around us is Faery Faery Faery but all pink and lacy….. we have our Faery fun in browns and greens. We love to drum and dig in the dirt. Go on nature walks and talk about baby animals. Right now he is very interested in hearing about when he was born and seeing his baby pics. In the future we’ll get him started in the local SpiralScouts group.

After reading more of the posts, I have this to add:

The unfortunate side effect of DH and I being in different groups and the fact that most Pagan kids are in SpiralScouts…… there doesn’t seem to any rituals or groups that appease the whole family, in our area. I find this annoying LOL My group is the process of seeing if we can include men/males more often. We are a “women’s temple” and currently most classes and rituals are for women only. But a few of us feel this is back peddling and want to open up more options to men in the community. I’ve also put the word out to a couple of close friends about a starting a new group that is ALL inclusive and family oriented. We’ll see if something manifests someday…..

For SpiralScouts info: http://www.spiralscouts.org/metadot/index.pl

:ringaroun

[OnyxStar]

I think that as long as your children have a good relationship with both their mother and father, there won't be any problem. They will naturally have a respect and love for you and the femine side, and respect and adore the male side.
I understand that you're not trying to "convert" them at an early age, just trying to raise them with your morals... just take them outside (or to the park) and show them your wonder for the natural world. Explain to them the balance of things, etc. I think young children get it more than adults, especially when they can hold something in their hand and know that it represents fire, or the number 3, etc.
the best way they'll learn is through example, so if you're living the life you want, they'll pick up on that.
hope that helped:smooch:

[wintermagick]

Will be watching this thread even though I don't have a son... but maybe someday... you never know!

[Tullip Troll]

My two older boys embraced being pagan, it was easy. My 2nd son was very much into making his own alter. They love all the excuses we have for making a bon Fire and drumming.

They embrace god and goddess but mostly just focus on their relationship with nature.

This wasn't easy at first because for the first part of their lives we were born again crazy Christian (long story). I was scared 0f what the switch would do to them, it was easy.

For My oldest sons 13th Birthday we invited all the boys from his class to stay over night at a camp ground where they played games of strength(fun games). This was to represent the begining of his journey to being a man and being able to hold your own etc etc.

I think it's importaqnt to not over think it and not be to gender specific. His relationship with Goddess will help him be a better and more balanced man. Just like a Girl will benefit from having a relationship with God (as in masculine).

thats my two cents, and congrats on Baby,

[Twinkle]

I have a boy...and I have no experience with girls at all. I am raising my child in Hellenismos, and honestly...all I do is LIVE. I worship, live ethically, etc....and my little guy picks it up as I go.

A woman once said, "children learn what they live".

Just....live.

[Shanti]

I have no clue as we don't have this prob.
There is no deity in our beliefs.
We believe spirit has no sexual ID. Sex is for a biological breeding animal and we feel the personification attached to it is human ego playing a role.

So, what works for girls in our beliefs, works for boys too. :)