Right / Wrong / Accountability

[Kellenor]

Hi all,

Let me preface this by saying that I have been practicing some form of Paganism for nearly 20 years now, so this is not a Pagan-bashing question by any means...

My question: How do you present the idea of right and wrong to your children outside of the typical Christian 10 Commandments theology? With no concept of a Christian Hell, what kind of accountablity/consequences for behaviour do you teach your children?

Being a new parent, I am quite interested in hearing what other Pagan parents are doing.

Thanks!
K

[Ceres]

I think its way healthier for kids to be told that what they do, good or bad, comes back to them, than to be told they will go to hell if they do bad things.....unless of course they repent before they die, in which case it doesnt matter how bad they were, they will go to heaven. Kids can see right away how this system can be exploited and that it is really teaching deceit.

With older ones, this concept is very easy to teach and with younger ones, the focus can be on respect to help them see why they should choose the good thing to do. They can understand completely how it feels to be on the receiving end of not being respected and so can see why choosing to show respect for others is better.

[Sun Sprite]

I would think the basic idea of "Karma" even if you choose not to use that word.

Of course the old cliche - "What goes around, comes around" falls into tha category as well.

Respect - if you wouldn't like it, they probably wouldn't either. Doesn't always apply though, as some kids do like certain hings, while their friends may not. (hink offer candy as a snack because you like it, but your friend can't have it, or perfers fruit for a snack).

I tend to follow the think of yourself as equal to all others, and ask yourself what they would want, like, etc.. Again, doesn't always work, but generally is a start.

[RoseKitten]

Umm... morals can be taught without relying on some list of commandments that nobody actually follows all the time anyways. I was never taught based off religion for any of the morals and values that I have, I was just taught what is right and what is wrong by my parents. You shouldn't have to rely on the dogma of religion to teach right and wrong.

[Morr]

I plan on teaching my daughter a few things:

First of all, respect.
Respect towards herself, towards us her parents, towards others.

Second, responsibility.
Every action she makes every word she speaks will have a consequence and some sort of effect on herself or others.

Third, knowledge is everything.
The more she seeks to learn and explore, to ask questions and search for answers (both mundane and spiritualy), the more she will grow as a person on various levels.

I think that from there, other things will fall into place. She will learn her lessons in life (some painful, some joyous), she will find her place in the world, her passions and her truth.

[ladyalpha]

I teach my kids the rule of three and karma, and I also teach them to be proud of what they have done. Something that I have taught them is before they do something, to stop and think it through. What do they they think would happen? Would it be something good or bad?
And then in the end could they stand before me or their father and be proud and able to tell us what they did?

This doesn't prevent them from making bad decisions or mistakes, but we teach them those are learning experiences and to learn from them so perhaps they won't have to learn it again.

[Lyrien]

The whole golden rule (http://www.religioustolerance.org/reciproc.htm) concept. It can be applied to any faith.

[RainInanna]

There's a thread about Ethics around here - in the Homeschooling forum I think - that went over this subject a little bit. I plan to re-examine my values and principles and how these manifest in my actions, as well as reviewing some fairytales and fables, and considering how these things can be brought forth to my son's understanding when he's a bit older. This is a work in progress for me. My parents were able to teach me very clearly what they felt made a good person - hard work, honesty, respect, willingness to learn and see other people's point of view - through discussions and their behaviour rather then spiritual commandments. I hope to do the same but take it further by opening more avenues for discussing it with my son.

[RainInanna]

Sorry, wanted to clarify that my ideas of right and wrong are based on my values and principles (I think I got off on a tangent and didn't make that really clear). For example, to me vandalism is wrong because it violates respect for others, and respecting others (including those who are different) is very important to me. Learning is good because knowing provides more data to do better work, and working hard makes you a more productive part of society which is valuable to me. So reflecting on my values is the first step to me of showing what is right and wrong.

Basically I was taught to be a constructive individual and member of society, I want "right" and "wrong" to fit into that goal for my family.

I used to love reading fables, fairytales, and myths as a kid, because along with a sense of wonder and respect for nature and the environment, they often brought values and principles to life in a way I could understand. I have a book of fables & fairytales to start with that I want to share with my son as he gets old enough to sit still and read with me - this will also help teach him the importance of reading and learning.

So it's just more complicated in my head then just teaching right and wrong. I really learned what was helpful and useful and what wasn't. When you don't have a god "out there" to judge what is right and wrong, you have to weigh them against your own values and principles, that's where it starts for us IMHO.

[wolfjan1]

Causing pain in anyway to any one or any animal is punishable by losing something you really like to do for a prescribed length of time. Based on the Ten commandments of law. These are good laws.
As they get older, the above punishment with examples of why the deed was wrong, an apology to the injured party and an essay as to what they learned from the incident.
They REALLY hate this. And parents have to be REALLY vigilant and CONSISTENT. It's a LOT of responsibility to be a proper parent!

[wolfjan1]

Sorry, wanted to clarify that my ideas of right and wrong are based on my values and principles (I think I got off on a tangent and didn't make that really clear). For example, to me vandalism is wrong because it violates respect for others, and respecting others (including those who are different) is very important to me. Learning is good because knowing provides more data to do better work, and working hard makes you a more productive part of society which is valuable to me. So reflecting on my values is the first step to me of showing what is right and wrong.

Basically I was taught to be a constructive individual and member of society, I want "right" and "wrong" to fit into that goal for my family.

I used to love reading fables, fairytales, and myths as a kid, because along with a sense of wonder and respect for nature and the environment, they often brought values and principles to life in a way I could understand. I have a book of fables & fairytales to start with that I want to share with my son as he gets old enough to sit still and read with me - this will also help teach him the importance of reading and learning.

So it's just more complicated in my head then just teaching right and wrong. I really learned what was helpful and useful and what wasn't. When you don't have a god "out there" to judge what is right and wrong, you have to weigh them against your own values and principles, that's where it starts for us IMHO.
Excellent! But you can start reading now. They absorb a LOT in their first year, especially at the bedtime story time. As they get older you can read the stories and explain them. As they are learning to read, you can have them read them and talk about them.
Right now The US is becoming a VERY grasshopper/ant kind of place.
Teach your children well.
Cheers to ANOTHER good Mom.

[RainInanna]

When I try to read to him at bedtime he won't sit still for it :lol:

[Tanya]

I talk to my 4 year old in terms of 'respect' 'care' 'love' and 'kindness'

just 'cause i'm not Christian doesn't mean i don't believe in 'do unto others'

further, we talk a lot about ecological morality...

"does this behavior make the world bette or worse?"

"does what i'm doing make the world a happier or a sadder place."

"Am I making this person feel loved and respected by my actions?"

"how can I solve this problem so I get what i need and the other person gets what they need."