Bad Mommy Parenting?

[RayneStorm]

Am I a "bad mommy" because I dont take my son to the mommy and me groups? I've never done this. I'm just not into it. I myself am not much of a ppl person so I'm not into doing these kinds of things. My son will be 6months on Nov 14... Am I starting or already teaching him to be "anti social" or not a ppl person like me?

He has met other babies and lots of other ppl like family members and friends and has even stayed over night many times over at grandparents places, but we just dont go to mommy and me social gatherings.. Am I hindering him because of this?

We play here at home and we read and do lots of stuff together just not the groups... What does everyone else think??

Thanks
Rayne

[Athena-Nadine]

No, you're not a bad mommy. :) I don't do those groups either. I took Robert to Gymboree a few times but hated it so stopped going. He will be 21 months old soon and is a lovable, outgoing little boy. He is extremely social and loves people, yet he is home with me all day every day.

[RainInanna]

That young I don't think they'd notice. If you have your friends and family socialize with him IMHO he will learn to be sociable. They can start to develop shyness around strangers soon but mine hasn't and I also don't do gymboree or any of that.

Mind you I've taken him to baby storytime a couple times recently which he loved - he is just so excited to see other kids. Yet the other babies his age there don't seem to notice much yet and he's almost 9 months old. They tend to sit and stare at mommy anyway.

[Tanya]

those groups are great for people like me, who have no friends of family on the continent... nromal people do to their sister's house, have a cup of coffee and llet the rug rats do what ever rug rats do in thier cousin's room.

[ladyalpha]

I am not a people person either and the closest thing I got to "children activities" outside the house was story time at the library. And I did not do that with my kids until they were older toddlers. They do quite well with other children and have never had any problems making friends.
They are choosy about who is their friend and who isn't, but I think that is a good thing. Unfortunally for the other kids, my kids put some things as really high priorities and therefore have high expectations they put on others. So that means they have dropped people without any warning when they made an infraction. For other things though they have talked things out and usually continued to stay friends with them.

I personally would be happy in a cave somewhere, so with my experience with my kids, that attitude doesn't necessarily get passed on. And at your son's age, just think of all the germs he isn't picking up from the other kids at those groups. Which really, at that age, is just other parents trying to get advice and adult conversation during their day. So, I wouldn't feel any guilt about not taking him. Keep doing what your doing and he should be fine..and if he is a loner later in life, don't convince yourself it is because you didn't go hang out with people you didn't want to in a setting he couldn't/wouldn't remember later on anyway. Some people are touchers, some aren't. Some are extraverts and some aren't. It is who we are, and I think probably doesn't really matter how we are raised or taught.

[Lyrien]

Those mommy and me groups are more for you than him. I never took either of my children to play groups (there weren't any) and I have one child that is shy and one that is incredibly extroverted. You're not a bad mom for not going, don't even worry about it.

[Autumn]

I've never done the mommie and me thing either, just not my style.

[RayneStorm]

Thanks everyone! It's just that you hear about this person going or that person going and how beneficial it is.. yadda yadda yadda.... Myself, I've never felt the need to be around others so being a mom and hanging around a baby all day isnt that tough for me (needing the adult conversations and whatnot I mean). I've never felt the need to be around ppl so I never saw this as needing to change that... If that makes sense at all. I'm quite happy to stay at home and play and look after my kid myself without adult socializing, ya know... I've always been comfortable with my own company and having a baby hasnt changed that at all.
Rayne

[RainInanna]

I wish I was like that.

I'm thinking about going back to work early so I can talk to other grown-ups once in awhile.

[Artiste-LiLi]

When my brother, sister and I were growing up..."mommie and me" stuff didn't even exist! (my sister is the youngest and she is in her mid thirties now....I am 14 years older than she and our brother is the middle child) All we HAD were each other, other family members, cousins, neighborhood kids, kids from school and such..............we grew up just fine (despite the fact we grew up in an abusive alcoholic home). So, no....you aren't being a bad mommy. It sounds to me as if your child is being well socialized within your family/friends circle. Don't sweat it.

[Brigid Rowan]

I hate social group things in general, Im shy...so Im very happy and content with not having to face a mommy and me group (always seemed sort of "who's baby is best" with constant comparing and discussing 'stages' and developmental milestones) ...been there, tried it, disliked it. So I dont bother with it now. And all my kids are social, polite, happy and fine! LOL...

[banondraig]

Am I a "bad mommy" because I dont take my son to the mommy and me groups? I've never done this. I'm just not into it. I myself am not much of a ppl person so I'm not into doing these kinds of things. My son will be 6months on Nov 14... Am I starting or already teaching him to be "anti social" or not a ppl person like me?

He has met other babies and lots of other ppl like family members and friends and has even stayed over night many times over at grandparents places, but we just dont go to mommy and me social gatherings.. Am I hindering him because of this?

We play here at home and we read and do lots of stuff together just not the groups... What does everyone else think??

Thanks
Rayne

I don't think it matters till the kid is older, at least old enough to actually have a conversation. :lol:

[Ceres]

LOL, I absolutely agree. Developementally, three year olds dont NEED socialization - they are still enagaging in side by side rather than interactive play. Besides, I dont think you can MAKE you child into an introvert or an extrovert by taking them out or not - its just who they are. Geesh, we gotta stop taking so much responsibility for our kids' personalities!

[Ravenna Angellin]

Meh. I've never done the "Mommy and Me" play group thing. Talked about going, been told it would be "good for me"... but in the end... I such a homebody. My boys are happy, social, crazy little goobers... and it's fine with me. My oldest goes to school now, so there's his social interaction (much to my horror sometimes), and when my youngest needs social interaction... I have friends with kids. We invite people over.

When *I* need adult conversation... I call my grandmother, lol.


~ Ravenna

[wolfjan1]

I really don't like the concept of those groups. I think if you're going to have special Mommy and baby time, enjoy it on your own instead of being ordered around by some "group leader."

[RainInanna]

Hm, maybe it depends, but I don't find that's what babytime is at the library anyway. I get lots of special mommy and baby time. Then we might go to the library once a week so we can play in a group and the coordinator shows us new songs, stories, and games to play, then pulls out some toys borrowed from the library that the babies like to play with since they're new to them. I find we don't even play along a lot of the time, my kid is too busy crawling away to get into stuff or investigate the new people.

Like some have said I think it's more "special time for mommy to talk to other mommies". Especially here in Canada when we get a full year's maternity leave so we aren't working and it can be harder to find other grown-ups to talk to.

[Amethyst Rose]

When Quintin was 11 months old I started taking him to a Moms and Tots group, because he needed the socialization. There weren't/aren't any other kids or babies in our lives... no one else in my family had babies, none of my friends had babies and the only people he ever saw were adults. So, we've been going for 3 years now, and to top it off this year I'm the President! It's been wonderful for him.

However, of course you're not a bad mom for not taking him. I think those groups serve two purposes - giving moms some adult interaction and communication with their peers, and to give children with no other opportunities, a way to socialize with other kids. If you don't need or want any of those things, then you don't need the group. :)

[RayneStorm]

I'm just not into it at all. I dont feel like I need the adult social interaction... I talk with my family all the time so I already feel like I have that. There arent any other babies in our families that live here but we got together when my cousin's wife and their 11month old came out for a visit. I've hooked up with a girl I met at the prenatal class a couple of times but other than that, no other babies. I dont know, does he need to interact with other babies right now even? He seems quite happy they way it is right now.... Maybe when he gets a little older we'll start doing some other stuff with other ppl.... Oh yeah, my neighbour just had a baby boy the other day too so no doubt we'll all get together at some point as well...
Rayne

[Amethyst Rose]

I personally think that babies dont necessarily need the interaction, but once they're old enough to learn to play with other kids, then it's important. Quint was almost a year old when we started going and it was mostly for me - I was brand new in town and no friends at all, and no family close by, and I was a SAHM... I needed people to relate to and other moms to talk to.

The other good thing about it is that he's growing up with these kids, so when he gets into school he already has friends.

And wolfjan1....I think perhaps you have a warped view of what is involved in these groups. In my group, at least, I don't order anyone around (I am the 'leader' as you put it). All I do is plan activities for moms and their kids to do together....we have speakers come in on different topics, and we have different play groups come in (one encourages family literacy, the other family play). Those groups stay for an hour and they provide the opportunity to do crafts with kids, read stories, sing songs and get physical activity. For the other hour, the kids play freely with toys while their parents are free to sit and have coffee and chat with other parents, or play with their kids if they want.

I wish I could show you all the pictures we have of our group, to show you what it's like, but our Facebook group (where I keep all the pictures) is private.

[aluokaloo]

no your not a bad mom, I don't do that with my kid. Besides once upon a time not too long ago, there was no such thing as mommy and me groups and I'm sure there are like thousands of great moms in the world.

[aluokaloo]

I don't think it matters till the kid is older, at least old enough to actually have a conversation. :lol:

well I don't know, even before my girl could form words she would have these awfully long two-way conversations with other kids, made me wonder what the hell they were saying. I'm convinced they have some top secret baby language code designed so adults don't understand them, and before you think I'm joking I'm being dead serious. Have you ever heard two kids who can only crawl babble? They respond to each other, and even take turns doing the listening and talking.

[Amethyst Rose]

Totally! There's two 8 month old babies in our group - a girl and a boy - who love playing with each other. They follow each other around (at a crawl), and give each other baby hugs and kisses, and sit and talk and talk while holding hands. It's the cutest thing ever. hehe :)