Extremely frustrated

[Lyrien]

This will most likely be a long post, but I just need to vent this out.

I homeschool my 11 year old daughter and have for the past two years. I have an 8 year old son in a public school second grade. Due to necessity we decided to HS our daughter and if it worked well, we would bring our son home the next year..this year. Well, his first grade teacher moved up to teaching second grade and took her class with her. Since we had a fairly good relationship with this teacher (so we thought) and our son was excited about this prospect, we changed our minds and sent him to public school for another year.

Now, both kids are in a full day pull out gifted class at this school. (this is the only day my daughter goes to school) Last year my son's teacher threatened to pull my son out of gifted if he couldn't improve some of his work, particularly his handwriting. Apparently he wasn't finishing his story writing in class. My son hates to write. He is left handed and has a very difficult time spacing his letters because he can not see the letter before it because his hand is covering the letters he's just written. He has been told many times, by this teacher, that he needs to improve his writing. His writing is rather difficult to read, especially when it's written in a hurry; but it far surpasses my daughter's handwriting at that age, and most times still. The writing requirements this year are dramatically more stringent than they were last year and my son is very upset by this. There are tears and fits every night he brings home some kind of writing assignment.

Get to the point.

Today I received an email from his teacher that was very formally addressed to both my husband and myself requesting a conference with the teacher. I immediately shot back and email stating that I could make it and asked if my son had blown anything up. Normal conference requests do not come via email. I then asked my son if anything had happened at school today that I should know about.

Apparently he was pulled from class to have a conference with his gifted teacher where she asked him what the problem was. My son was very confused, and said that Gifted teacher seemed confused as well. Gifted teacher apparently went over different ways he could improve upon his writing and said that he and his teacher needed to write these things down and practice over the holiday break. When he went back to class his teacher apparently went over a list of things he needed to improve upon, all of which consisted of handwriting and handwriting assignment completion.

He is a VERY sensitive and emotional child in every range of emotion. He is very sad about this and fears that they will kick him out of Gifted class because of it. I share this fear as his teacher has threatened this in the past. His grades are good, he is very smart, he's just a little challenged when it comes to perfect handwriting. Challenged, by their standards.

I asked if I could see his back pack so that I could look for a note from his teacher explaining this encounter with my son. Nothing. Nothing but a stack of homework papers with giant notes all over them from his teacher telling him how his work was unacceptable, incomplete, or illegible. Big giant I's that are circled and underlined. Big giant letters saying "unacceptable". It's no wonder my son was sad and on the verge of tears. Add that to the fact that he got yanked from class and lectured, I'm surprised that he didn't melt down.

My husband and I have been discussing over the past couple of weeks about pulling Son out at the Xmas break. I think we may end up doing it at the conference with the teacher. My husband is livid and is demanding he speak with the principal. Thankfully the staff isn't in all next week so that will give hubby time to cool off.

The thing is, Son wants to continue with the gifted class once per week. This issue today is coming from his regular teacher, not the gifted one. I think his teacher wants to pull him from gifted and told the gifted teacher to confront him about stuff. This is what she did last time. I'm concerned that his teacher may be singling out my son for some insane reason or another. I know she's not happy with my husband and I because of a couple of instances last year. I'm sorry, but I'm not a parent that will allow my son to be rail roaded by a teacher in class and we told her so. I mean really, what first grade teacher tells the students that the bathroom is off limits for all students for hours because one particular student was screwin' around in there? My poor son asked if he could go, explained that he really needed to go and was told no. She wouldn't let him go to the bathroom and he had an accident, something he NEVER does, because of it. We were pissed and told her so, and it was escalated to the principal. Anyhow, I worry that he'll be pulled from gifted before I can pull Son away from this teacher. That'll piss me off. Damn, now I'm pissed about that again. LOL


All that said, I purchased all of his HS stuff for the year last summer before we decided to go ahead and send him to school, so that's a good thing. My only concern is if I'm going to be able to maintain my sanity teaching him and my daughter. She's a motivated self learner, and he's ...well....not. He's a do as little as possible to get by kind of learner. LOL


I just wanted to vent. If you read this far, thanks for listening.

[Ceres]

*listens*


*scoffs*


Ceres is not surprised.

[RainInanna]

Bleah. Sorry teacher's ego is getting in the way.

[TheWomanMonster]

Oh hun. :hugz:
That teacher sounds like a dreadful lady.
She obviously doesn't understand how to interact with your son, though you say she did well last year.
(I wonder if perhaps she's getting burnt out? stress can be a HUGE factor).

Making him feel bad and writing big huge letters all over his paper isn't helping him learn.
And the bathroom incident... well let's just say that if that happened here I'd have her barred from teaching my son. (My Mum had to do that for me with a substitute teacher in the 1st grade that picked me up and threw me at the wall because she -mistakenly- thought I was speaking out of turn).

Do go to the conference, write out a list of what needs to be corrected and if she doesn't want to listen to you, you can be damned certain she isn't listening what the kids in her class need.




I understand your son's troubles with writing, my little brother is a leftie too.
(something that worked well for us because I was 4 years older is that we'd 'play school' I'd be the teacher and together we'd practice writing fun silly things, lots of stickers and stuff for rewards).
It took a lot of effort and playful learning but it really did help.
We did the same with his reading and he did well in school after that.


If you do go ahead and pull him out of 'regular' school (keeping the gifted class as it sounds beneficial to both your kids) and homeschool him, just do things however they work. It sounds like he'll learn a different way that your daughter, but that doesn't make it harder... just means it'll take some getting used to for everyone.

I hope the right choices are made for you and your family and I wish you the best of luck. :hugz:

[Brightshores]

As a teacher - I can tell you that your son's regular teacher's approach is Very Bad Pedagogy. Sensitive kids or no sensitive kids - one does not motivate second graders with nasty comments marked in red pen.

:hugz: to you and to your son...

[Cat]

So long as the gifted teacher is on board, I think you'll be able to follow your plan. What a wench the regular teacher is, I'm glad your poor boy is getting away from her.

[RavensEye]

I hope that when I get my teaching degree and start teaching that I will never be that insensitive..
And as for the leftie bit I know it is hard I am one sort of.. :) I was told to stop writing left handed in grade 2 and I sure resented that. Especially now when I see my brother in law who is also left handed how nice he prints and writes...

:hugz: to you and your son

[Lyrien]

After much discussion between my husband and I, we have decided to print the intent to homeschool letter and bring it with us during the conference. We plan to listen to what she has to say, present our thoughts, and if we can not agree on a plan we will give her a copy of the letter and leave. This places me in the role of teacher, and if Gifted teacher is willing to continue, our son can continue with the program.

[Sun Sprite]

I was born a leftie and forced to switch to writing right handed, and my handwriting is awful.

From a state writing grader (you know those state required tests, from everywhere), I can say handwriting can be important, however, he has two more years to work on that! Her ideas really will not motivate him to write better. Have you asked to see how his handwriting compares to others in his classs? Maybe she expects everything to be perfect since he is gifted? Sorry, everyone has their strong, and their weak points. He probably needs a litle individual encouragement, and help to discover the letters he has trouble writing. Lefties are also often the last in the class to pick up on nuances of writing, simply because they have no example, and have to flip things over on their own, kinda like writing to be read through a mirror.

Actually, I have read there is a way for lefties to write without covering what they just wrote. I don't know what it is. Maybe, help find him a left handed adult writer to help him learn an easier wy. Will become very importnat when he starts doing his work in pen, otherwise, it will end up all on his arms or sleeves. Maybe some research, and restart program can be found on the intenet?

Best Wishes!

[Ceres]

I recall reading a long diatribe on a hs'ing board someplace that was written by a mom who was a neurologist and she said that there is a correlation between the delevopment of fine motor skills for things like writing and the development of large motor skills. She said that delays in the large motor skills will hold up the fine ones so that often, the best way to improve handwriting is actually not neccessarily more handwriting practice, but more play outside on the climbers, practice playing catch, bike riding and dodgeball. This kinda makes sense in a weird way, since the fine muscle groups are dependent on the larger ones. Food for thought, anyway.

[Lyrien]

I recall reading a long diatribe on a hs'ing board someplace that was written by a mom who was a neurologist and she said that there is a correlation between the delevopment of fine motor skills for things like writing and the development of large motor skills. She said that delays in the large motor skills will hold up the fine ones so that often, the best way to improve handwriting is actually not neccessarily more handwriting practice, but more play outside on the climbers, practice playing catch, bike riding and dodgeball. This kinda makes sense in a weird way, since the fine muscle groups are dependent on the larger ones. Food for thought, anyway.

I remember reading something along those lines as well. I'd totally forgotten that. Cameron isn't terrible with his gross motor skills, but he's not all that super great at them either. Hell, it took him almost a year to completely figure out jumping jacks and he had to do them 2-3 times a week in TKD practice. You know, it wouldn't hurt any of us to ride more bikes and hang out at the park more often.

Thanks.

[Libris]

I was also born a leftie so first, many :hugz: for your son. I think it's ridiculous that they would expect him to have perfect handwriting at such a young age. It is not easy writing from left to right when you're left handed. When I was in grade school, I took special classes in denelian for penmanship and -still- received poor marks in penmanship until my parents homeschooled me.

Poor kid, what a nitpicker of a teacher! Good luck at the meeting.

[PrincessKLS]

I was born a leftie and forced to switch to writing right handed, and my handwriting is awful.

From a state writing grader (you know those state required tests, from everywhere), I can say handwriting can be important, however, he has two more years to work on that! Her ideas really will not motivate him to write better. Have you asked to see how his handwriting compares to others in his classs? Maybe she expects everything to be perfect since he is gifted? Sorry, everyone has their strong, and their weak points. He probably needs a litle individual encouragement, and help to discover the letters he has trouble writing. Lefties are also often the last in the class to pick up on nuances of writing, simply because they have no example, and have to flip things over on their own, kinda like writing to be read through a mirror.

Actually, I have read there is a way for lefties to write without covering what they just wrote. I don't know what it is. Maybe, help find him a left handed adult writer to help him learn an easier wy. Will become very importnat when he starts doing his work in pen, otherwise, it will end up all on his arms or sleeves. Maybe some research, and restart program can be found on the intenet?

Best Wishes!

Do you ever write with your left hand? I grew up during the time I guess when being a lefty wasn't discouraged and they made accomodations. I was never taught to write with my right hand. I love being a lefty (just like Prince William:cutie::hehehehe:)

Anyway, maybe your handwriting would be better if you wrote left handed.

I do prefer right handed scissors though. I hated how those left handed scissors felt.

[Tanya]

OK your teacher very likely has NO control over your son's attendence in the gifted program... a school psychologist would have placed him there because of his IQ.. which has NOTHING to do with his penmenship.

I went through this myself as a left handed dyslexic who has a high IQ...

its really small minded mean people who go after a kid that generally excells about something which they GROW OUT OF (I have lovely handwriting now... my spelling still sucks..) this teacher is NOT advocating for you son, and in reality has VERY little power about special education classes beyond 'recommending' that school psych see the kid.

Explore a remedial writting program.. possibley music lessons, like piano....or do what helped me most.,. get a computer.

kids mature in fits and starts, seldom does everything progress evenly... he will grow out of it, if he's not maligned by this bitch.

hating writng Nazis... I hate em.... they actually FORCEd my left handed granmother to be right handed,... ugh!!!

[Lyrien]

OK your teacher very likely has NO control over your son's attendence in the gifted program... a school psychologist would have placed him there because of his IQ.. which has NOTHING to do with his penmenship.




His teacher actually did have control over my son's attendance in the gifted program and it was her intention to remove him from it temporarily. In order to attend the gifted program each student must not only have recommendation and testing from a psychologist, but also have recommendation from the gifted and regular teacher. If at any point any of the three have issue with the continued participation, the child can be removed. The child will still qualify for the program and may later take it back up, but if the main teacher doesn't want them there, they wont be there.

Now...I did pull my son out of school at the teacher conference. His teacher cried. I really do think that deep down she did care about him and thought she was doing the best for him. During the conversation with her in this meeting she mentioned that she had had several conversations with my son encouraging him not to be down on himself for his writing. All fine and good, but her approach was all wrong. She, on many occasions, told my son that he was much like her when she was younger. Very good in math and not so great at writing. In her effort to encourage him to stick at it and everything will fall into place eventually, all my son received from the pep talks was that he wasn't very good at writing. Something that I still battle and probably will for a while.

He is still in the gifted program as a home schooled student. He looks forward to it each week.

The transition of him coming home for school has been a nightmare for many reasons. He is very much a by the book, must be scheduled kid. Something that I am not. He's having a meltdown at least once per week, and the chaotic nature of the holidays hasn't helped at all. We have been going VERY light on school to give him the deschooling time he needs, but it's difficult to do that when he craves structure and scheduling. I have not pushed him to write anything, I feel that would be detrimental to his progress. We did study hieroglyphics and cuneiform writing, so he does enjoy writing like that. LOL And grandma enjoys receiving letters that she can decode.

He does have a computer, but probably would benefit more from a word processing program to work out those little fingers. We're taking it slow, his desire to educate himself is more important to me right now.

[DreamSpell333]

I remember having trouble with writing cursive. I believe I was in a special class to help me as well. I went to a room where I was taught to write and also to color in the lines.
I also had to have OT as I had trouble balancing and catching a ball. More my left hand then my right as I had broken my wrist at 6.

Im sorry your having issues with his teacher.

[SphinYote]

In grade school my handwriting was terrible. It's still not especially great, but legible.

It didn't improve until I was inspired to keep a journal.

A couple of ideas: Are there activities he especially likes into which writing can be incorporated in small ways? Not too much, but a little.

What about a game--You say part of the problem is that he's a leftie and can't see the letters. Other people can maybe say if this is a good or bad idea, but what about making a game of writing messages backwards? Might be too frustrating. I don't know. But it might be worth trying. (I don't know if it would cause a child to get in the habit of writing letters backards, though....)

I think the key is, it will improve eventually, there's no need to say anything about the quality right now. At least not until he views it as less threatening. Part of the problem may well be that the thought of writing cause tension, which can and does interfere with one's ability at a given task.

Don't focus on the writing per-se, but just the ability to convey ideas, grammar. I think writing is extremely valuabe, but could myself take or leave the handwriting issue. Who knows what the future will hold, but right now I see most handwritten messages, even short ones, being replaced primarily by email. I think at his age the kinetics of physically writing though is better, whether or not there's any improvement.

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[Willow Rosette]

Belleshazar Im so sorry I have missed this thread. I hope by now your son has been able to grow more accustomed to home schooling now.

I have to tell you, this thread made me realise something about my daughter that I never caught on to.

Toria is left handed. I have always had a problem with her spacing letters and always thought it was just her being lazy and not trying very hard. It never, ever occured to me that she simply cannot see what she just wrote to space it properly. We are on presidents week off this week but on Monday Im going to talk to her teacher about ways to work on that problem.

Thank you sooo much for starting this thread.

[Lyrien]

I think teaching him to write backwards would be detrimental to his progress. He has finally started to write the letters forward, playing backward writing would probably confuse him.

I don't force him to write, however I do ask him to write certain things and never grade his 'writing'. I did start to teach him cursive, though. He likes to learn that...big kid thing and all. I figure his writing skill will fall into place and if I can sneak it in as fun (cursive) it's all good.

[AutumnWitchie]

I'm a lefty too. I learned to slant my writing paper/tablet to see what I'd just written and to hold my pencil/pen just a little higher than "normal". That helped me perfect my letter spacing. Besides, once he starts learning cursive writing his writing will most likely straighten out.

[SphinYote]

Ah, cursive, good.

That is one of the things I'd forgotten about.

I found writing in cursive much easier than printing letters out. Constantly lifting the pen (or pencil) and putting it back down take s a lot more time and effort than it does to write continuously in cursive, once you've learned the basics. I don't know how it would be with being lefthanded, but it might very well help in the sense that its easier to feel the spacing kinetically when you feel the pen move across the paper than it is to feel then you're constantly lifting and putting the pen back down.

And yes, regarding writing backwards, that's what I wondered, but I thought I'd throw the idea out there. Leonardo da Vinci wrote backwards--some say to encode things so other people couldn't read it, though that's by no means certain. At least one person theorized that he was a leftie and it was just easier for him to write that way....who knows?

I'm glad cursive seems to be working.

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