AARRGGHH Clingy!!!

[Chesna]

Ok..for whatever reason Liam is soo very clingy lately!! It is driving me nuts. It is worse when we are at someone's house. He has like 30 to 45 min of being Mr. Socialable and then it is whine, cry, fuss, scream. At home he is a little bit better. But what gets me is even when I hold him at home, he sqirms and tries to get away or slide down my legs ect. Most times he doesn't even want Daddy. I know that this is the time for a little bit of seperation anxiety ( which I never dealt with for Ellie) but I am going to go crazy. Please tell me this does not last much longer??!!! He is soo heavy that holding him hurts my arm and back. Any tips/ideas??

Chesna

[Ceres]

From what I have seen in other people's kids, the harder you fight it, the longer it will last. Separation anxiety is about fear, so assurances that he need not fear losing you are what he needs. It takes time to learn, though, and just telling him wont work, he needs solid proof. He is unhappy and clingy because he senses your exasperation and feels like he will have to fight all the harder to get his reassurance.

With older children, they often just need to know that if something DOES happen, that they will be taken care of by someone. At his age, though he is not thinking beyond the moment so his fears arent what will happen, but what is happening at the moment. And what is happening is that he is worried you are leaving without him, he doesnt know how long you will be gone because he has no real concept of time and he wants to be with you because thats where he feels safest and happiest.

Look at it as an opportuinity rather than a burden. He is wanting to cement his relationship with you; respond by showing his you want that too and he will feel more secure now as well as building a foudantion for your future relationship as he grows. Thats WHY seperation anxiety is considered normal - it is part of building the child-parent bond.

[Lunacie]

Sometimes distraction works, getting them interested in something new or different - unless they are feeling overloaded with sensory and social issues and then adding something else may not work.

[wolfjan1]

Maybe he just doesn't want to be around people right now. In the comfort of his own home, he doesn't have to make those separation decisions.
Boys have a harder time making that shift, seemingly because they are wired to think the separation from Mothers' care is permanent. Like in nature, when the mature male has to go find his own harem. They know to separete from older, "competing" males.
I have a theory that humanity is shifting toward a more basic, animalistic way of living, that wants to live in smaller groups for safety. Giant, industrialist cultures are taking away freedoms and decisions that are normally left to parents and family groups, including discipline and education on it's most basic level.
So, this stage will pass. Don't be in such a big rush to ditch him. You won't be able to catch him when he is 5. Enjoy the nurturing while you can.

[RainInanna]

Mine is 9 months and hasn't shown a whole lot of separation anxiety or "making strange" yet. What I'm doing now is trying to make more opportunities to leave him with the same caregiver (so far my mom and dad), I also read that we need to not sneak out but let him know we are leaving and will come back later. We visit mom and dad every week so he feels pretty secure with them. I'm not feeling ready to leave him with a new babysitter. I'm also starting to go out and run an errand leaving him with my mother in law once we've been there a bit and he's comfortable with her again (we don't visit her as much). And basically I just let him get "mommy time" when he needs to come back to me and reassure himself that I'm there for him. Now that he's mobile it's a lot easier because he just comes to me when he needs me, and I just remain calm and playful - giving him some attention without making a big deal out of it, so he feels reassured and safe rather then anxious. At least when we're visiting my mom and dad it means he starts out coming back to me for a couple minutes once in awhile, and then it's not long before he doesn't need me anymore.

I probably indulge him more when we're in a strange situation with strange people then others would like. No doubt some think I'm spoiling him. But I prefer to sit with him and make sure he's feeling safe then hearing him cry and whine because he doesn't want to be held by others. I'm also anxious in a crowd sometimes, so I try to keep it to situations where I feel fairly comfortable because I know he'll pick up on it. I kind of feel it out, let him fuss a bit with my mother in law and see if she can distract him. I know when we took him to a big surprise birthday party at her house he wanted to stay in my lap, so that's what we did most of the time. As soon as all the guests left he was happy to play with his grandma again.

Not sure if it'll work right, but I hope so :)