How to break it to fundamentalist parents?

[blindsight]

I was hoping you guys could give me some adivice. a yr ago i tried and it wasn't preety to say the least, so i decided to hold off.

[Mithrea]

Okay I can't tell you how to deal with fundamentalists. I can only tell you what I have done.

I took a very scholarly approach. I officially studied it in school. That way I could gradually introduce topics for discussion with my Christian mother. Slowly she got to know everything I believed and my reasons for believing it. The problem came with my father who is an atheist. He hit the ceiling.

All I can say is be careful and good luck :)

[shnen]

I still haven't and doubt I will... they will tie me to a chair and try to perform some demon getting rid of ceremony on me:eek:... forget it... but, then again, if I ever get mad enough at them, I just might... I just know they will never try to stop converting me... they think me taking yoga is a horrible thing!

[blindsight]

ive been trying to slowly intro them to my beliefs and the reasons thereof, but last time i tried they put me through counciling with a local church pastor. i tried to tell them exacly what it is but they wouldnt listen. needless to say every thing blew up in my face... so this time ill try it nice n slow...

Food for thought- if Christiantity weren't the dominat religion it would be classified as a cult

[Mithrea]

Actually "cult" is a sociological classification. It is a stage of development with major religions. At one time, yes, Christianity was a cult.

If this is the case with your parents, I change my vote to "don't tell."

[shnen]

Oh I agree with you completely about that cult thing...

My family is die hard pentecostals, and even tho they have no idea what my path is, they still shove it down my throat, which has led to having a very distant relationship with them.

I think one day I will tell them, but It will be a day when I will have to be ready to say goodbye for good, because I know they will not accept it.

Good Luck :)

[Fire_Crotch132074]

Me I just brought up studying it and seeing what it was about. My parents were alright with that but when I told them I was Pagan my mom started crying and yelling at me I worshiped the devil, I don't know about my dad but I think he thinks its a phase thing or sumthing. But they don't talk about it much because it bothers them. I'd say your just gonna have to tell them nice and slow or just tell them you are right off the bat and they can't change your beliefs. <==== will probably start a nice conversation. ;)

[Sequoia]

o.o yikes!!

well, all I can really say is. . . sucks to be you. ^^: I'm sorry, I really don't have a clue. . . I told my parents. They're pretty much ok with it, though it's not like they're happy to talk about it. I never quite knew if my dad was religious or not. . . he has a bible, and didn't seem terribly happy, but wasn't about to argue with me about it (though he once told my therapist I did "strange repetitive rituals". . . . christ, it's a PRAYER for the love of god. . . and I do it in the privacy of my bedroom! Oi! )

The only time my mom's been a pain in the ass about it was when she wanted something to get on me about. . . so she started going on about how D&D and "Witchcraft" were satanic and devil worship and all that crap. . . -_- didn't matter that I explained I don't even belive in satan! She didn't belive a word she was saying, she was just trying to piss me off. I know my mom. She's the kind of person who "isn't really christian but belives in a higher power" kind of a thing. She's self-denying pagan ;) tarot, energy work, phrophetic dreams. . . . . just not wanting the label hehe so you see it's not like she was a fundie or something. Then I could understand. She was just trying to piss me off -_-;

hey, at least neither of them are like my little brother - "IF YOU'RE A WITCH THEN TURN MY FRIEND INTO A FROG!!!" "I'm not a witch-" "DUDE I TOLD YOU YOU COULDN'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!" "-_-; dude. . . "

[TheTempestuous1]

you forgot to list "wait until you'e 18 and out of their goddamned house.." That would be your best option I think, but I voted don't tell because if they are that relgious no good can really come of it, expecially as I think you said before they made you talk to the church pastor.. =P my advice.. 'walk softly and carry a big stick!' ;) Hope whatever you do works out for you!

[materra]

My mother had a saying..."Sometimes a child's only job is to live long enough and stay sane enough to leave home." This may be such a situation. Consider not telling them. Never if you want a relationship with them, or once you are independent and on your own so you don't have to sleep with one eye open.

[Autumn]

I voted don't tell, My parents are pretty agnostic, I didn't tell them, I didn't find Paganism till I was an adult and on my own, but I chose to keep silent. My telling them could hurt them more then it would help me. Why cause pain and strife if you do not need to?

[Squiddy]

but you didn't give your age or say if you were still living under your parent's roof. (Boy, am I old fashioned or what?) But seriously, if you still live with your parents or still depend on them for support, I would be very careful what you tell them about your beliefs.

Sorry, but I just don't believe it does any good for someone to cut their own throat. I went through this myself and have learned to take the path of least resistance when it can make life more pleasant for everyone involved. Please understand I'm not advocating NOT being true to yourself. I'm just saying that if you still depend on your parents for a roof over your head, it might behoove you to at least *appear* to play by their rules. If you are out on your own, and not subject to being "deprogrammed" or any such nonsense, then by all means, break the news to them. But realize that if they are dyed in the wool fundamentalists you might be fair game for prayer groups into the year infinity!

GOOD LUCK!

Squiddy

[WandererInGray]

Originally posted by TheTempestuous1
you forgot to list "wait until you'e 18 and out of their goddamned house.."

*nods* That's my vote as well.....if you have to live in their house, then why cause yourself a whole lot of grief by telling them?
You've got your whole life ahead of you, study and learn all you can. And then when you're living away from your parents, that's when you make a decision to tell them one way or another.

[Azure]

The world is also a different place when you're under 18 regarding what your parents can do about the situation. When you're an adult, they may not like it, but there's less chance they'll be able to drag you off for brainwashing at the local revival.

I'm an adult, and I still don't openly discuss it with my parents, although they know. They prefer to pretend that I chare their beliefs. . . and if they need that, it's okay - as long as they don't pressure me to accept.

Frankly, though, I'm lucky in that my parents would probably both be Pagan themselves if they hadn't been brainwashed early and often by very religious families. And they are pretty mainstream Christian, in spite of my Mom's fundie background.

There are lots of shows on the Learning Channel, Discovery, National Geographic, etc, that deal with modern Pagans in a positive light. Perhaps watching things like that with them might start to open their eyes, without your admitting interest?

[Ganga]

Sometimes it may not be very easy to NOT tell your parents about your faith because they will notice you doing "weird" things, such as "repetitive rituals", "mumbling" (=chanting/praying), setting up an altar in your room.

Of course, your altar can be made pretty unobtrusive (a few ordinary candles in manner of xmas-time, a crystal -oops, some fundamentalists object to those also... a scenic picture: a cave to symbolize Mother Goddess, for example. A few seashells. etc.)

My mother still complains sometimes, and I'm over 30! I've been on my particular path half of my life now... if I phone her, she invariably tells a)that she is having a nice drink of such-and-such (I gave up alcohol when I was about 17, and that annoys her), b)that she is having a beef-stake (I became a vegetarian at 16), c)that I must not forget that children need a good well-round education such as schools can provide (I'm homeschooling). well, what to do. I still love her.

I sometimes think how I would personally react if one of my kids turned a pentecostal or a muslim. Yikes. Just imagining my daughter in one of those bedsheets over her pretty face. How would I like her to break the news to me? Hmm. I wouldn't like her to keep her faith a secret. Neither would I like it if she became a fanatic in the new faith, or somehow condemned me (the old woman) for doing what I believe is right for me. But I think it would be easier for me to accept a christianized child, than for a strong xtian to accept a pagan child.

[blindsight]

THanx for your advice, i really apprieciate it.
I think ill wait till im 18 then tell them.
Or after i go into collage, whichever comes sooner.
YOu guys are great and im glad that theres an online communtity that is as great as u all have been.
THanx for your help and im glad u guys are a lot wiser than i
Agin, thanx...