I must be doing something wrong...

[Amethyst Rose]

This may end up long, so sorry in advance.

I swear that having Cameron as a baby has made me feel like a first time mom. He has been so different from his big brother, that I'm dealing with new issues every day.

When Cameron was younger (from 1-3 months) he would sleep through the night, going as much as 10 hours. At 3 months he started waking twice a night, at 1 and again at about 5 or 6. He goes to bed at 8 and is usually up between 8 and 9.

This was frustrating to me, because I knew he was quite capable of sleeping through. At about 5 months I decided to wean him from the 1am feeding. We had 2 nights of screaming from 1-3am. After that he was still waking at 1, but would go back to sleep when I rocked him or patted his back. The only problem with that is we went 2 nights of his being awake every 1/2 hour to be rocked back to sleep.

So, I decided not to take him out of bed anymore, and to just let him know I was there, then go back to bed letting him figure out how to go to sleep on his own, (yes, this means CIO) After a few days he was sleeping through to his feeding at 5.

Then he got sick. He was throwing up and had diahrea and wasn't eating much or often. So, trying to prevent dehydration, I was feeding him on demand, every time he woke up, for a week.

When he got better he was in the habit of waking up every 3 hours - 11, 1, 4 and then would sleep until 9. I weaned him out of the 11pm feeding using CIO. However he will not let go of the 1am one. Every night for the last 5 he has been awake for an hour, crying. Some of the time he'll go to sleep shortly after giving him teething tablets. Last night however, he was awake from 1 am to 3 am, screaming. Not just crying, but screaming with this high pitched shreek. I finally broke down and fed him just so we'd all get some sleep.

So, now I'm left thinking, is it worth it? I was getting more sleep having to wake up twice a night, than I am with him screaming for hours. I could go back to feeding him at 1am again, but that means that I've wasted all this sleep for nothing.... FWIW, yes hubby and I share night feedings, but I can't sleep through them anyway, so I'm still awake even if I'm not out of bed.

I'm at the end of my rope here and am feeling extremely resentful in the middle of the night.... if anyone has any ideas, support or just hugs they're appreciated.

[Seren_]

Sounds to me like it's not worth it. If Cameron is reacting in such a way, it sounds like he's probably needing that feed; while it's common for kids to need retraining after they've been ill, I don't think it should be as hard as you're finding.

If he's been sick then perhaps he's using the extra 1am feed to catch up on some weight gain? Even if the symptoms have gone, it can still take a while for a baby or an adult to recover fully from what they've been through. If after a while he seems like he doesn't need it again then try the sleep training again, but I'd say at this point if you yourself some slack and go with the flow for a bit.

If you reinstate the 1am feed then you haven't wasted anything, really. As his mother you're trying to do the best for him and there's nothing wrong with that. There's no denying it's a frustrating situation to be in, but sometimes you have to sit down and rethink your strategy. Obviously trying to get him back into the old routine just now isn't making anyone happy...if you give it a month or two, then I'll be willing to bet that while you might lose a little sleep each night you'll all be getting a lot more than just now. If it makes Cameron a bit happier and more settled at night, then I'd also be willing to bet he'll be a happier baby during the day, which will make life easier on you. Of course the longer he sleeps, the better for everyone, but right now it sounds like the feed is more important than a long stretch of sleep for him.

Babies aren't here to conform to our expectations, they're here to constantly confound them ;) I'm sure every parent has gone through similar situations - I know I have and with hindsight I've realised that my expectations have been unrealistic, which has been the real crux of the problem (for me)...Trust your instincts and do what you think you should do.

A big :hugz: to you. I hope you get some peace soon.

[wolfjan1]

OK, kiddo, here's the dal. Before you decide whether or not your Baby was Worth having or not, take a deep breath. This struggle can be solved If you just feed the kid until he gets enough protein to heal and adjust. Not on your overly regulated schedule, but on his.
Take a deep breath, step back, get a babysitter and leave instructions for on demand feeding and get over yourself.

[RainInanna]

Just want to say I feel for you. Would it be worth it to grab some ear plugs so hubby can take him some nights and you can go back to sleep? It's funny how they do so well and then regress when they're babies, whether teething, growth spurts, illnesses, or just so busy with learning they don't want to sleep! Would it help for him to have some cereal before bed?

I agree with Seren as well. So much of mothering for me has been letting go of my "shoulds" and "musts" - as in "he must go to bed at this time and sleep this long". I hope things work out soon for you as well.

[Brigid Rowan]

Well, he has been sick, he is still tiny (6 months is tiny!!), his schedule is off, he is teething, he is growing and needs food...allllllll that, and we wonder why he is not on a regular schedule? Babies tend to drift in and out of schedules over time, a few weeks on this schedule, then over a few days, it shifts to something different.

My advise, take it or leave it, is go to him, feed him, he might need the milk, he might need your touch, he might be teething and feeling pain. You cannot spoil him. After 5 young'uns, I can promise you, you cannot spoil a baby.

Feed him as he needs for a month or two...see if all the night waking stuff doesnt calm down all on its own. Sometimes that is all it takes. If in a few weeks, he is still having sleep issues, revisit this topic with your hubby, ans see what to do then. But honestly, I bet it works itself out gently and quietly.

[Seren_]

OK, kiddo, here's the dal. Before you decide whether or not your Baby was Worth having or not, take a deep breath. This struggle can be solved If you just feed the kid until he gets enough protein to heal and adjust. Not on your overly regulated schedule, but on his.
Take a deep breath, step back, get a babysitter and leave instructions for on demand feeding and get over yourself.

To be fair I think AR's comment was relating to whether all the stress and worry they were going through with trying to retrain Cameron was worth it or not, not whether or not having him at all was worth it. There's a big difference there.

[Lunacie]

They are all different. I don't suppose it will make you feel any better to know that my nearly 10-year old granddaughter still has trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep. She has finally learned to bring her blanket and pillow and crash on the floor beside her mom's bed instead of crawling into bed and waking her mom up. But I find her in there on the floor at least three times a month when I go to get her up for school in the morning. Her mommy was the same way, although I seem to remember her outgrowing that by the age of 7. Many mornings I would wake up and step on her when I swung my feet out of bed. Some kids just seem to need more reassurance or something.

[Amethyst Rose]

Thanks for your advice everyone. I'm just so tired of being tired, that a full night of sleep seems like heaven. I've actually found myself wishing that I could get the stomach flu everyone else had so I can just spend two days in bed sleeping.

I keep comparing my two sons and forgetting just how completely opposite they are. Quintin was a champion sleeper once he got past the new born stage. The night weening took two nights of rocking and very little crying (at the same age) so it's frustrating that it's different this time around. However, Cam was a great sleeper as a new born and the opposite now...

I'd hoped being a second time mom would be easier cuz I'd know what I was doing...been there done t hat, you know? But I really am feeling clueless a lot of the time, instead, because he's so different.

[Seren_]

I've found that my two are very different as well. My youngest is a much better sleeper than my son ever was at her age, though, so I guess it's been easier for me there because I had low expectations to start with...Tom didn't sleep through until 14 months old, whereas Rosie seems to be starting to grow out of her night feeds now at just eight months (*fingers crossed*).

In some respects the second is easier because at least you have a better idea of what to expect, but then again those expectations can easily blindside you. Because kids can be so different we all have to sit there and figure out how best to figure out a problem, even if we've been through it before. What works with one child won't always work with another because every child has different needs, so we're basically as much in the dark the second time as the first.

You're not alone. All parents get tired and frustrated at times; all parents stumble through problems that we're not sure how best to fix...But you do get through it. Treating yourself to a little luxury time and pampering really does help, though.

[moonchild]

Sage is 2 now and we still end up getting up in the middle of the night. I too struggled with 2 options. 1) was to not give her milk in the middle of the night and have her up at 5:30 or 6 am for good or 2) was to get up at 3 when she first woke, give her 10 oz of milk and enjoy the fact that she'd sleep till 7 or 8, but i had broken sleep that way. I don't know the answer, as both have decent options and results. I guess what i'm getting at is that i feel your pain...hugs to you

[Lorrie]

I am past raising my kids and now on grandkids. Each child is different, throw out all prior knowledge and let the baby teach you. :T Yeah, that works. Baby for whatever reason needs that little time. He WILL give it up when he is ready. I'm sure it will be before college! Well, maybe reverting back around that time with exams and all........:smileroll Be flexible, give love. I would say you will get sleep when he grows up, but I still am not getting that, so I won't say that.:gagged: You haven't wasted any time, it was just a practice run. You gets lots and lots of those with kids. My kids were like night and day, and still are.