Attending first public ritual-- help!

[~niamh_x~]

I've been studying for six months, haven't done alot of my own private ritual work yet.. but I want to attend some public rituals in my area... you know, share ideas, peace and love, see what it's like to be one of a group... I'm not talking about going to a coven circle or anything like that-- but there are open rituals here which invite people of all paths. I still want to be a sole practitoner for a while yet (maybe I'll always be!)-- but I'm... quite frankly, curious!

Reservations: Not wearing appropriate clothing; not fitting in because I'm way too new and it'll be obvious to everyone; not doing the right things since I'm used to doing them by myself; not bringing the right tools or the right food; being unaware of etiquette... And the list could go on and on.

Maybe I'm blowing this out of proportion and should just go... any suggestions/experiences/advice? Thank you so much (in advance) for your help!

Blessed be, all!
-Niamh

[Myst]

Jenett has a page on etiquette that you might find interesting though at the moment I can't find it. You might check the site in her profile and look around a bit for it. I'm sure there's other sites with this information if you search with a search engine too.

As far as my opinions, you could probably ask the organizers or a friend involved with the group for some advice as far as proper wear and so on. I'm sure the organizers are used to these questions and will be more then happy to help. I know how you feel though, I still feel like a sore thumb in our group rituals. I even had to write and lead our opening ritual for our gathering last year! Then since it was dark I needed someone to hold a light for me and walk with me as I cast the circle, and they had a well known Pagan author go with me! Ack! That makes me nervous just remembering!

It will be uncomfortable at first but I think you will gain a lot from it! Good luck!

[MoonRaven]

If it's your first public rit, you may be able to just go and sit on the edges and watch, just to get a feel for things. Remember, you're not the only person who's even showed up not being sure of what to do or anything. Open rituals are prepared for that kind of thing, and as long as you're not there to shout bible verses over the invocations, no one will mind.
There might even be other people there who are just there to sit and enjoy the atmosphere of a ritual. Learning has to start somewhere, and that's probably one of the best places for it :)

[stormyray]

I agree with Myst try to get together with someone who is a regular with the group and they should help to prepare you. First group is always scary but you will see that it all turn out good.

[Jenett]

*grin* Thanks for the praise, Myst.

The page Myst mentioned is up at:
http://www.gleewood.org/study/etiquette.html

It's a collection of ettiquette guides from various places (some general, some tradition specific) and some other comments.

Basically, if you're going to an open-to-the-public ritual, they should be aware you're going to have questions. Take a look at the original invitation or webpage, and see if your questions are answered, otherwise, get in touch with the contact person and ask. Honestly, people who run rituals should be aware that people might be nervous, and won't expect you to be perfect.

A few other thoughts:

Clothing: Most open rituals will have a variety of clothing. People who normally work with other groups which have specific requirements might wear their robes. Some people might wear renaissance style clothing.

Personally, I think you can't go too far wrong (unless you're given specific info otherwise) with plain colors - a plain t-shirt and single color or low-key patterned skirt or trousers would do just fine at all the open rituals I've been to.

Black is an easy color choice, or colors relating to the ritual you're doing (Green for Beltaine, for example, or warm colors for summer, harvest colors for harvest festivals, if you have them)

I think it's probably best to avoid t-shirts with writing on them (it can be a bit distracting) Wear comfortable shoes. People often find that a well-cast circle holds in heat, so you might want to wear something a little lighter for ritual. (if you're trying to decide between short sleeves and long sleeves, for example, you might want short sleeves and a sweater/sweatshirt for after)

You can also check with the contact person for the group and ask "Would X be ok" (it's easier for them to answer a specific, than to try and tell you what would be ok in general.)

Tools Most open rituals don't seem to ask you to bring specific tools. At most, the ones I've heard of ask you to bring a plate and cup and silverware (so as not to waste paper products).

It's usually better *not* to bring an athame with you for two reasons: first, a lot of public rituals take place in places where knife laws might be an issue. And second, if you've got fifty people at a ritual who are strangers to each other, something is more likely to go wrong (even just by accident) if you have lots of knives out.

You might want to be sure to bring:

* a bottle of water or something else to drink
* any medication you might possibly need. Inhalers or allergy meds if you're asthmatic or have allergies, since you might come into contact with new allergens.
* A sweater, jacket, or cloak is a good thing for after
* Maybe something to sit on, if you'll be outside. (Also bug spray or rain gear, depending)
* Band-aids, safety pins, and over the counter pain killers might come in handy.

Not fitting in A good way to get to know people is to volunteer to help - usually you can help set out food, move chairs, or something like that without having any experience. (And people will remember, trust me.)

Also, usually open rituals identify some people as part of the organizing group. See if you can find one of them at a quiet moment, say "This is my first time here, and I'm really nervous. Could you or someone else maybe help me get to know a few people?" You can also ask the contact person listed on the event announcement about something like that. Usually, if you ask, the person will hopefully find a group of people who are known to them, and make some introductions.

As far as not knowing what to do during ritual - a decent open ritual expects this, and will make allowance for it. Usually there will be some annouuncements beforehand (generally with rehearsal of any songs.) Sometimes there's a songsheet with other notes. Sometimes there's a 15 minute explanation of the ritual before things start.

Try to stand somewhere where you can see what's going on easily, and do what everyone else does (or, if that seems uncomfortable to you, stand quietly and respectfully.) For most Wiccan based open rituals, I'd suggest standing somewhere on the south-western side of the circle, since that would give you a decent chance to observe as things start, for anything that moves around the circle.

Food to bringAgain, you can ask about this.

Generally, unless told otherwise, it's best to assume there won't be any reheating facilities or electrical outlets available. Junk food (chips, for example) is generally a bad idea - both because it's not very good for grounding, and because other people will probably bring it anyway.

I try to vary what I bring to my group's rituals based on the season, but here's some things that have gone over well:

* rice pudding (cold)

* bread and things to go on bread (cheese, honey butter, Nutella, jam) - make sure you bring a knife.

* Cucumber and cream cheese sandwiches (I make them on rye bread, usually. Take two pieces of bread, spread cream cheese on both, thinly slice a cucumber width-wise and place on top. Great summer food.)

* roast or fresh vegetables (with dip, maybe?)

* cold cuts or a cold roast chicken (around here, you can buy a small one for around 5-7 dollars)

There's plenty of other stuff. One *excellent* thing to do (because a number of people have food allergies) is to either make sure you have the labels (for purchased stuff) or write out the ingrediants for the card (for homemade stuff) so that people can avoid anything they're allergic to without having to ask.

Behavior

We were talking about this in my Dedicant class last week. The stuff we came up with as what should be expected of someone in attendance at a ritual.

The list we came up with is as follows (I'm sure you wouldn't do any of the less pleasant stuff here anyway, but I wanted to mention it.)

1) You alone are responsible for how you come into ritual and your attitude. You're more likely to have a good time if you're open to other ways of doing things, and at least willing to give it a try.

2) Don't mess things up for anyone else - don't adjust stuff on an altar, don't sneer if someone does something differently than you'd do it. And don't be huge and obvious about doing something slightly differently.

3) Don't assume that the people doing the ritual don't know what they're doing. If things are really uncomfortable for you, either cut (or have yourself cut out of circle - you might want to ask about this if no one explains the group policy before ritual starts), or back up to near the edge of the circle, and shield yourself from the energies in the circle.

4) Be willing to concentrate and focus and be attentive: don't let mundane stuff distract you (acknowledge it in your mind, and return your focus to the ritual). Don't talk about mundane stuff with the people around you. Follow what the people in the ritual are doing, listen to what is being said and think about it.

5) Be able to leave when you want to. For your first couple of rituals with a given group, it's probably a good idea not to be reliant on someone else for a ride if you can possibly help it, just in case you feel uncomfortable or unusually tired after.

6) Ask questions if you're not certain. If the organizing group isn't willing to answer your questions, rethink going to their ritual.

Erm. I think that covers the stuff you asked about - I'm sorry for the length of this post, but I wanted to try and answer everything you were worried about.

[~niamh_x~]

Jenett, Stormyray, Moon Raven and Myst. You have no idea how much I appreciate your kind words and advice. I will take everything to heart -- and Jenett, WOW. Thanks a million!

Brightest Blessings!! I feel a little better and alot less nervous already!

-Niamh :)

[Witchy Cowgirl]

Niamh_X I wish you many blessings in attending this ritual and I consider your very lucky indeed to have found an open ritual to attend. As a matter of fact, you might say there's a ting of jealously on my part. I'd love to attend and as MoonRaven said, sit, watch, and learn.

Myst, I find it hard to picture you as nervous when it comes to anything you do. Are you sure you weren't just saying that to help calm Niamh_X's jitters?:T