Days and nights mixed up

[Athena-Nadine]

Alessa will be 2 months old on Monday. She has her days and nights mixed up again and I think now it's my fault. With trying to keep up with Robert and all, it's easier if she is asleep. Unfortunately, that means that she is awake after Robert goes to bed at 7:30 and doesn't go to be for the night until after midnight, often 1 AM. Then she wakes up around 5 or so and sometimes doesn't go back to sleep for an hour. That leaves me very little time to sleep since Robert is up at 6:30/7:00 for the day. I can't sleep when he sleeps in the afternoon because you really just can't do that with two.

This is just hard. Robert needs me almost every waking moment now. I never thought he could need me more than he did as a baby, but he does. To those of you with two or more children, do you have any suggestions as to how I can manage to give Robert the attention he needs, keep up with him and keep him from getting himself into the danger that only a toddler can manage, and still find the time to engage with Alessa and encourage her to be awake during the day instead of at night? Or should I just accept that this is the way things are going to be for a while longer?

[Seren_]

I think there are some things you can do, but it might take a little restructuring of how you deal with them both. I'd say you probably need to accept the fact that it will go on for a while longer, but that it will change for the better.

After I had my daughter in March I found myself in a similar situation. Rosie slept better than Tom ever did but she'd still only sleep fairly late in the evening and then wake up very early like Alessa. Part of what I did to cope was to leave Rosie to it if she was happy enough to kick about in the cot. When she needed attention then I'd bring her into bed and cuddle her, but give her only minimal attention in terms of stimulating her to try and encourage her to sleep. This would allow me to lie down with my eyes closed at least, which was better than nothing. Eventually this helped her stay more settled at night.

During the day I let her sleep as much as she wanted, but it came to the point where it was apparent that I had to keep her more awake during the day to help her sleep better at night. This was about the two month mark, I think. Tom needed lots of attention, of course, so I set about finding things for us to do that meant I could just hold Rosie, and not have to run around after Tom. Creative things like drawing and colouring were good for this, and playing in the garden was too - Rosie could play on her playmat while Tom played on the slide or trampoline.

I also changed the daily routine a bit, setting aside specific times to make sure Tom got my undivided attention (i.e. when Rosie napped), encouraging him to play by himself a little while I got on with chores or whatever, and then I made sure we all did something 'together' (like a picnic, creative stuff). I'd hoped that Tom and Rosie would nap at the same time, but that never happened so rather than catching up on sleep, that was time for Rosie to get some undivided attention.

After I discovered Tom wanted to 'help' a lot I'd encourage him to help me out with Rosie. He likes taking on the 'big boy' role, so he likes getting nappies and wipes for me, 'looking after her' (giving hugs and kisses), and helping out with cleaning the house. It's easy to make things like hoovering and washing up into a game for him (I chase him with the hoover or give him an attachment so he can 'help', give him a cloth while I polish, or let him play with a tub of water and bubbles as I wash up, say).

When we'd go out, I'd organise it around Rosie's sleep schedule, to make sure she'd be asleep anyway so she didn't end up sleeping too much. We'd have lunch when she woke up, which Tom loved because it meant we'd go to a cafe and he could sit like a big boy while I held Rosie. Some Starbucks have a little play area, which Tom always likes because there are usually other kids there, so he can play and it takes the pressure off me for a bit. Taking him to a softplay warehouse also helps entertain him.

I found that once I made Rosie into a 'game' for him as well, he became much less demanding. This made it easier to encourage Rosie to stay awake more during the day, and make sure that she got enough stimulation as she got older. The key to it all for me, though, was encouraging Tom to become more independent and play on his own for a little. Letting Tom know there was always room for hugs, but that sometimes he has to share them with Rosie has also helped.

I don't know if that helps...I guess basically I'm saying try to manipulate Robert's attention to doing what you want, rather than what he wants (within reason of course...).

[Athena-Nadine]

That all does help, thanks. :) Sometimes it's hard to find ideas when I'm right in the thick of things, you know?