just need friendly folk

[mammas_girl]

:rant:

Ok so I was dating this girl for over a year. I was in a poly relationship yah okay. So I am 27 years old and at this point I just need friendly ears to help me throught this. I have been working on keeping this relationship aflot since before our one year that we celebrated on 10/31.

Yah so less than two months later she tells me she is leaving me for her other partner. Oh yah and that she has not wanted to be with me since before our one year.

It hurts so bad I don't know where to begine

But she thinks because I love her I will be around if this relationship falls apart.

I love and care about her but this is Insane and not good for my soul any more.

How do you get through the heart ache. Really this hurts and sucks

:wah::wah2::sadeyes::whatgives

[vortigous]

personally i would say if she loves you she would have stayed and not be using you which is what it sounds like now. Personally i reckon leave it and move on, anyone who can hurt you that much is obviously not meant to be. You will find someone and be happy with them...just got to hang on in there untill you do.

Many hugs and kisses coming you way from me!!!

[mammas_girl]

the funny thing is that my head gets it... my heart how ever is a bit trampled..
thanks for the hugs.. they are greatly needed. and appriciated :)

[vortigous]

have many hugs and send as any as you need!

[Chaos Hawk]

:hugz: I don't have any great advice, but here's some hugs and I'm here if you want to talk :hugz:

[Lightning Strike]

PM me if you like. *Hugs*

[mammas_girl]

Thank you all it is much appriciated to be honest. It seems that damage controll is the hardest part of breakups. I feel i have hit that age where it is becoming clear that I want a family and i don't want to do that alone. You know it seems funny that when one person is happy the other is not and vica versa. I guess. I am just feeling a little jaded right now.:rubhead:

[Nitefalle]

I would say the best thing in this situation is to make a clean break. If you try and be friends with her afterward, it will only exacerbate your pain and heartache. Make it as clear to her as possible that it's over between the two of you - hopefully, when/if she comes crawling back, you will be strong enough to resist. Sending hugs and strength to you! :hugz:

[mammas_girl]

I think that cupid needs glasses or I n eed a restraining order against him

[mammas_girl]

:heartbreaSo just an update I get a call from my ex to come and get her from the doctors office. No big deal right. She breaks down in my car she has to have an MRI Preformed because she may need back surgury. Ok so now I am having a hard time finding balance regarding all of this. I want to be that caring supportive friend. But if she moves out I am worried that her new girlfriend will not support her if she ends up out of work due to having surgury. I hate feeling this torn. I love the person dearly. Want her to be happy and I want my happiness as well.
:abadpoker:bangyourh
So yah thats whats new in this world now! Yargh:goodgrief

[Nitefalle]

This sucks.....but think about this really hard, as emotionless-ly as you can. Could she be exaggerating a problem to make you feel sympathy so that you'll stick around? She knows that she's being a schmuck to you, but she wants her cake and wants to eat it, too. She wants her new playmate, but wants you around so that you'll pick her up when she's bored with her new playmate. Do you really want to be her emotional doormat, despite the fact that you love her? You've got to weigh your love for her against respect and love for yourself and stand up for yourself. Even if her back problem is as severe as she says, it is a separate issue from your breakup. Don't think that you can't break up with her now that she *might* need surgery. This is something that she will heal from, and if her new girlfriend can't support her during that, then she should have picked a better partner, but that is NOT your problem. That may sound heartless, but if you give in now, she'll know that every time you want to walk out the door, she just has to contrive some excuse to make you stay - she'll know that she can sucker you and your big heart. That's not fair to you in the least.

[mammas_girl]

The funny thing about all of this it is her that wants to walk out the door not me.
The harder thing is I would not let a single friend of mine go through this alone.

*sigh* So much to think about

[Nitefalle]

Yes, but - she wants to walk out the door on you! Let's not lose sight of that fact - she is treating you like crap! But now suddenly she wants you back so that she can have someone that will carry her through something?? Ya, that's not selfish *rolls eyes*
And even though you wouldn't let a friend go through this alone, which is admirable, she can never fall into the realm of "friend" again. There has been so much more than that between you that it could never be *just* friendship between you and that is where you will fall into the trap. Try and comfort her, but make sure there is a boundary and she knows it. Say you will be there for her at certain times, or that you'll go to the hospital with her if she needs it, but don't be at her beck and call every second. That just lets her know that she can use you as she wants, whenever she wants. Or, take someone with you when you visit her, so there's always an out.

I'm sorry, but I have just seen too many friends go through this and it always only ends up hurting you in the end. Your ex has an out, she has someone else - she will walk away from this unscathed, leaving you to bear the brunt of the pain, unless you do it on your terms and make a clean break.

[mammas_girl]

It is food for thought and i do appriciate it, greatly. There is just a lot of processing to do for me now.:spinnysmi