Purpose of Funerals?

[Flar's Freyja]

It seems that every Baptist and Pentecostal funeral that I've attended has gone pretty much this way, although not to this extreme. I remember being very annoyed at the most recent I attended for a very dear friend who frequently told this particular pastor that he had no problem with his beliefs but did have a problem with the church's doctrine. I attend funerals to remember and respect the memory of individuals who have enhanced my life with their prescence, not to get my soul saved. At this particular funeral, the inappropriateness of the altar call particularly rubbed me the wrong way.

Evangelist insults mourners, dead man at funeral
By Garry Mitchell
Associated Press Writer

LOXLEY, Ala. -- An evangelist who was asked to sing at his wife's uncle's funeral claims he had a revelation from God that led him to insult mourners and say that the dead man was damned.

Orlando Bethel said he spoke words that ''the Lord revealed to me.'' Preaching over a microphone at the Greater Pine Grove Baptist Church, he told some 100 mourners they were ''fornicators'' and ''whoremongers.'' He said the deceased, Lish Devan Taylor, had gone to hell.

The microphone was abruptly disconnected. Bethel then reached into a gym bag for what apparently was a bullhorn. Some thought he was reaching for a gun. About half the crowd fled, with a few dragging Bethel out a side door.

''Those boys picked him up when the preacher said he wanted him out of there,'' said Glenita Andrews, a cousin of Taylor.

Stephen Taylor, who came from California for his uncle's funeral, said it appeared Bethel had planned to denounce Taylor and his family at the June 14 funeral.

Taylor, 56, who died of prostate cancer, was eulogized fondly by other ministers before Bethel took the microphone, mourners said. They said Taylor had gone to ''a better place.''

''They were lying,'' Bethel said recently.

Andrews said she thinks Bethel's outburst stemmed from a dispute over property inherited by Bethel's wife, Glynis.

''The Taylor family is large. Orlando and Devan had some problems,'' Andrews said.

Bethel moved from Miami to rural Alabama about 18 months ago, settling on an acre of land his wife inherited from her grandfather. The couple live in two campers beside their big, blue-striped gospel tent in the Ellisville community off U.S. 90.

Glynis Bethel said her deceased uncle had run-ins with the law and was ''so mean he would toss shotgun shells into a burning fire and yell, 'Run!'''

She defends her husband, saying he was mobbed by ''unbelievers,'' one of whom followed Bethel from the church back to the gospel tent and tackled him on the sandy road. The Bethels contend they've been denied justice because no one has been arrested.

Loxley police Chief Cliff Yetter said Friday that he's still investigating, but no one has been charged. He said three officers responded to a 911 call at the church, but did not enter the church during the funeral.

Yetter said Bethel's only apparent injury was a scrape on his shoulder. Bethel was examined at a hospital emergency room five days after the funeral.

[Old Witch]

I'm sorry, but it sounds about right for a Southern Funeral...........Been to a few of them that ended up that way....one real recently............

[Mithrea]

I've attended many Baptist funerals (albeit, they were American Baptist and not Southern). Never seen anything like that. Sounds more like a psychotic episode than a revelation to me. Though, I wonder at the fact that his revelation included . . ."Take a bullhorn . . . ":rolleyes:

[Flar's Freyja]

Originally posted by Old Witch
I'm sorry, but it sounds about right for a Southern Funeral...........Been to a few of them that ended up that way....one real recently............

:rolleyes: It does, doesn't it. I'm particularly disturbed that there is no consideration given to the fact that this is a funeral and not a church service. It seems opportunistic to me that preachers attempt to take advantage of the vulnerabilities of the folks from other faiths who are attending.

[Myst]

It had nothing to do with "preachers taking advantage of vulnerabilities" really, just one nutcase who got ahold of the mic. :)

[Flar's Freyja]

:) Ah, but this is common practice at many of the funerals here, except for the bullhorn and the name-calling is a bit more subtle...... I'd never seen either it until I lived in this part of the country.

[Witchy Cowgirl]

In answer to the orginal question, I believe the purpose of a funeral is to remember the deceased to the mourning. After all it is those left behind who must deal with the sadness, and emptiness........not the dead. It is a time to help the mourners continue on.

I heard about the incident you mentioned and thought it was horrible. I agree with Myst that this is just about some nutcase, (who had an ax to grind against the family) and was able to get a hold of a mic.

I'm a Southern preachers kid (not any kind of Baptist though) and have never been to a funeral where anything thing like this has happened. I've also never attended a funeral where an alter call was made. There may have been refernces made to the deceased beliefs, however. Oh, and just for reference....I have been to funerals that were lead by folks other than my Dad.

I have been to a wedding where the couple requested an alter call though.

[ChelleOfShadows]

While my personal opinion is that funerals with open caskets are the most barbaric ritual allowed in the civilized world. I grew up mainly in North Carolina and Tennessee where it is customary for everyone from near and far to come to the funeral of a second cousin twice removed. I have seen people take pictures of the deceased (which is just disgusting). However with both of those states being in the heart of the Baptist Bible belt I can assure everyone that while yes I have seen altar calls on the rare occaision (usually when it was a missionary or preacher who died) it IS NOT common for anyone to do what that man did. However I also saw Jimmy Swaggart in his prime tell me right from my Television set I would go to hell if I wore makeup or earrings....... the "southern" people are good hearted people, but hey EVERY state has their nutcase psychos!! And that is all from the peanut gallery!!!!!

[Old Witch]

Once again, this is not unusual down here..........Sometimes an officer is at the funeral just to keep the peace.........

[Flar's Freyja]

Originally posted by Witchy Cowgirl
I've also never attended a funeral where an alter call was made.

Wow. I haven't been to one since I moved here ten years ago where an altar call wasn't made with the exception the Catholic funerals we held for my mother and my aunt.

[SpikesPet5150]

I don't live in the south... but my best friend (he died in 8th grade) his funeral was held in a Baptist church. His family wasn't baptist... they weren't religious at all.. but this particular church was the closest to the school that most of his friends went to, and since the funeral was at 1pm, we had to walk there from the school and so his family thought it would be easier there than anywhere else (since we didn't have rides and couldn't drive). Anyways... the pastor didn't know Brian at all, so his parents wanted a few of his friends to get up and say something nice or a fond memory about him, and his family, too... share stories, sing songs, show pictures. We never got that far. First off, the pastor wouldn't shut up about God. It was a church service, not a funeral and it was disgusting. All he was supposed to do was be the one to welcome us to the funeral, and then hand the mic over to Brians Aunt. Then, when a few girls from the school choir were singing, the pastor (with one of those little microphones attached to his lapel) ate an apple. Loudly. It was louder than the singing. And it was a closed casket funeral, because Brian died in a house fire. And the pastor kept asking why we wouldn't open the casket to see the "beautiful boy". His dad was hysterical, and his grandparents were beside themselves.. having to explain to a perfect stranger that their "beautiful boy" didn't look like he used to. It was the most gut wrenching experience in my life, and I hope that disgusting man realizes what he did to Brians already grieving family and friends. Funerals are no place for personal problems, or personal gain. Strangely enough.. now that I look back on it, I think that may have been the deciding factor against me being a Christian.
~Bree

[shnen]

WOW, I have never heard of something so obscene!
Here its strictly that you respect one another, and usually the families fight in private about who gets what... (or at least from my experience)

[Danustouch]

Unfortunately, this sort of thing happened at two funerals that I went to.

My uncle was not a christian in life, but rather, and agnostic. He fought a long and arduous fight with Colon Cancer, before finally succumbing. At the time, his daughter, and son in law, were both born again christian, and they spent many of his last months trying to convert him before death (which settled very badly with me, but I tried to understand their own fear , and beliefs, and be sensitive to them). I'm not sure exactly what happened in those last months, since I was gone away at college for much of them, but according to my cousins "He accepted Christ shortly before his death" Though nobody else in the family witnessed it. Knowing my uncle, as I did...and hearing other stories about the things that he did in his last months on this earth, I think he tried to make his family as comfortable and at ease as possible with his forthcoming death. And he may have even "accepted christ" in his last months, to make it easier for them to come to terms with his death. Truth be told, from what the story says, he was already on an immense amount of pain medications at the time he supposedly converted. So who knows what really happened? Anyway..to get to the point of the story, at the funeral service, all the people who knew him, sang songs about "peace" and "unity" and "love", etc. Knowing well his values on earth, they tried to stay away from any sort of hymn or prayer that could be considered dogmatic. Except for my cousin, and her husband. They hired a minister from their church, who was very, very religious. And the "Sermon" she delivered was about how "Even though Joe only accepted him on his death bed, he was still forgiven...yadda yadda" and the basic message was "You don't want to wait until your on YOUR deathbed to do the same.".

Ugh. I was very uncomfortable with it. However, if it brought comfort to my uncles daughter, then I supposed that that was what mattered.

Then, when my husbands Aunt Died, she was not a "regular" member of any church, however she tithed to a Catholic Church in her area, and arranged to have last rites performed by their Priest. However, the priest really did not know her at all, and made a few extremely insensitive comments. For instance, this woman had been wheelchair bound for many years. However, anyone who knew her, knew that she did not see her wheelchair as ANY sort of limitation. In fact, she was one of the most lively members of his family, with the most "life" in her of anyone else I've ever met. The Priest geared his homily about how "She was so bound to her wheelchair in life, weighed down by her illnesses and disabilities, stopped short from performing the tasks that she felt God had called her to do, but now she is set free, in Heaven, she lives a Full life, unencumbered by the restraints of her disabilities." The family almost went berserk over this. He'd met Carole only twice. When she had interviewed him once before deciding to tithe to their church, and once (when she was fading in and out of concsciousness) to receive last communion. He didn't know her at all. So obviosly didn't know her. Or else he'd have known that her disability never limited her life in any way. At least not in her attitude, or in the people who loved her's attitude. She accomplished great things with her life, wheelchair or not. Then he turned the rest of the homily into "Our sins being OUR wheelchair." and how if we repent of our sins, we too can live the "full life" that she leads in Heaven today.

Grrrr. I watched his family become more and more angry with the priest as the service went on. Especially considering that with the exception of the deceased person, and her mother, none of the rest of the family was Catholic. In fact, most of them aren't even "Practicing" anythings today.

I'll never understand why ministers of various denominations, feel that a funeral is the correct place to preach salvation. To me, it seems more a fear tactic than anything else. Kind of capitolizing on peoples fear of death. Which to me, is so exceedingly contrary to everything that Jesus himself taught. Love of God, in Jesus teachings, was about "Life" and the "Living" of it. Not about fear of death.

So it's always settled very poorly with me.

[Myst]

Then several nutcases *shrugs* It still certainly isn't representative of all preachers or funerals. The 3 funerals I went to this year and last were very positive and beautiful, and were open casket too by the way.

[Danustouch]

I agree, it isn't all preachers. I've just been continually shocked when I *Have* witnessed such behavior. They may be nutcases, but during a time of great grief, not many people are willing to just shrug it off and say "what a whacko". I've also been to some funerals which were extremely well handled, and sensitive. My parents asked their minister, for instance, to handle my Aunts ceremony. And she did a terriffic job. Just talking about my Aunt as a person. And what a great deal that she did for everyone around her. The only really religious references she made, were very general, and heart felt. Such as "She was surely one of Gods angels on Earth". or a reading from the Psalms "Yea, though I walk in the valley of death". or "There is a celebration in Heaven today, those who have passed on before her, are there now, welcoming her into their arms.". Things which brought comfort into the hearts of those who loved my Aunt. The other two funerals I mentioned, didn't do that. They didnt' bring comfort, they brought tension, stress, doubt, and anger into a funeral service for many of the loved ones gathered there. I agree it isn't a "General" theme for funeral services. Just happens more times than I like to imagine :(

On the open casket thing, I don't know that it is so abnormal, or barbaric. Many cultures throughout history, haven't even USED caskets. And many cultures still host a traditional "Wake" where the body is "laid out" in the family's parlour for viewing, some overnight, or for a couple of days. It may make me a little bit nervous sometimes, and surely, in cases of horrible disfigurement, they shouldnt' be open for viewing (imo), however, in some cases, it can be almost comforting. For one thing, anyone who has ever seen a dead body, will tell you that it is utterly apparent that the "Soul" is no longer there. This can be of immense comfort to people. What you are viewing, is just the empty shell. The empty shell, is what is going into the ground. Not the soul. The soul has already left the shell, and continues on in some form or another depending on your worldview. For me, it helped really chisel my uncles features into my memory. To see him laid out really well (the mortitions did a really great job with his makeup, and such). So while other memories I have of him, might dull with time, I still recall his funeral with such clarity, that his face remains permanently accessible in my memory. It also gives people a chance to say a final good bye, while looking at the face, as they would in life. IMO. Sorry if this is a little grisly, but I really feel that is true. To be able to walk up to his casket, and put my hand on his sleeve, and say "Goodbye Uncle Joe" was very necessary for me, since I wasn't able to say that to him in person right before his death. I've never really understood the
taking pictures thing. However, I do know that in bygone era's this practice was common. And wealthy people would often keep albums full of them. Or have the photo's placed in their family bibles.

[Lavender]

I was with my dad when he passed away. I could feel the moment it happened. And like you said, Danustouch, the body was like an empty shell.

I think funerals are for the living. A way for us left behind to have some kind of closure. I always love the idea of a wake. When I was 15, I attended a wake for a friend's mom. It was the most beautiful thing! It was so unlike any of the funerals I've been too. I decided then that it was what I wanted.

Whatever the faith or religion, it's terrible when a funeral is used as a preaching tool. That is just beyond tacky!

[Eeluna]

It seems like every funeral I've ever been to was used as an excuse to "save the souls" of those who still have a chance. Of course I live in the Bible Belt, and these people don't even really need an excuse. They'll come knocking on your door or catch you walking down the sidewalk. Now they're not all that bad but some are. I think they genuinely want to help you "avoid eternal damnation and get into Heaven", but it can be extremely annoying--not to mention insulting for those of us with different ideas about what happens after death.

I believe the purpose of funerals is to help the family and friends say good-bye to their loved one. At its best a funeral should honor the deceased and celebrate his/her life while helping the grief-stricken come to terms with their loss. It's sad that so few funerals (at least around here) reach that goal.

[MistOfTheSea86]

Nowadays it seems that many people are having divine inspiration to spread hate.

[Flar's Freyja]

Although there weren't attempts at soul-saving at my mom and aunt's Catholic funerals, I do recall finding it hilarious that we were asked to pray for their souls, that they got into heaven.......I was like, "Uh, she's already dead, it's a little late, isn't it?"

What disturbed me most about the funeral for the friend that I referred to in my original post was that this pastor had been out to see him a number of times and wasn't successful. It was like he was giving it one more shot at his funeral......and, my friend was such a wonderful person who did many beautiful things for many people, including my own son. He lived an exemplary life and I resented the implication that because he would not attend church, he may not have gone to "heaven."

[Myst]

Don't some believe we don't go to Heaven or Hell until Judgement day?

I would've been appalled too Freyja :mad:

[Old Witch]

I get so confused about when you get to go to where ever..........I don't know who gets to go where when ( this wasn't meant to be funny) ARRgh!!

[Flar's Freyja]

Originally posted by Myst
Don't some believe we don't go to Heaven or Hell until Judgement day?

I would've been appalled too Freyja :mad:

Yes...and my own religion of origin, Catholicism, made up some place called purgatory where you get to wait for God to make up his mind about you!

My personal belief is that if you've done the best you can while you're here, whatever awaits you on the other side can't be something bad. My mother had a terminal illness and was terrified of death. She spent a lot of time with her Catholic priest in hopes of "getting right with God." I was with her when she passed. The look that came over her face was incredible.....she raised her eyebrows as if she was very pleasantly surprised, and then she was gone.

[shnen]

I was raised Mennonite... (go ahead you can all laugh) and even though it was quite strict, there is a time for them to start persecuting people, and funerals are not the place.

Just trying to live this life is hard enough, don't want to think about the next one quite yet! ;)

(((Freyja))) I can't imagine how that was for you...

[Flar's Freyja]

:) Thanks, Shnen. Actually, it was quite beautiful. I know that she did not fear whatever it was that she saw, and when that look passed, she was very peaceful. I'm glad that I had the opportunity to be there.

[FaeRain]

I had to attend the funeral of my uncle yesterday, and told my husband for the 100th time not to let my family plan my funeral, because much of what you guys have mentioned took place at his also. I wanted to shout out "leave your preaching for Sundays" to the minister, but since most of my family is very religious (Pentecostal Holiness) I didn't think it would go over well.

I have attended services where people were asked to NOT wear black or somber colors, and anyone who wanted to share memories was able to stand up and do so. Then after the funeral we went to the home and had a small tasteful party to celebrate the life of the one who passed. Instead of hymns old Beatles and Simon + Garfunkel songs were played. I would much rather have something like that for myself and immediate family.

My son has asked lots of questions about "why did they do this?" referring to different parts of the funeral. I would like to find a book that describes different cultures ways of burial/saying goodbye....I really don't like the way my family has had any of the funerals done and want to plan mine in advance!! Morbid, huh?

FaeRain

[Witchy Cowgirl]

My husband was a (forgive the spelling;) ) pall bearer at recent funeral for a friend of the family. I wasn't able to attend but I really wish I could have; not just to show my respects, but also because of the service itself....I would've loved to seen it.

The deceasded was Creek, and also a Christian. He incorporated both belief systems into his life and so in death his family wanted the same. He wasn't a member of any particular church so the minister that was hired to lead the service was given a "crash course" so to speak into the beliefs of the Creek tribe and other Native American beliefs (because these days lots of tribal beliefes are intermingled). The family didn't want any Native Americans attending the funeral to be offended. My husband said the minister did a very good job; but was obviously a little confused. The gentleman was buried in his dancin ragala (again sp....sorry), holding an eagle feather, all the pall bearers wore ribbon shirts, many attendees were in Native dress, several Native friends offered prayers - some in their language, and Native music was played. The minister never made use of the term Heaven or Hell....but talked of seeing the gentleman again someday in a better place. After the casket was placed in the ground everyone came by and put a handful of dirt in as a last hand shake.

I'd be willin to make a guess that the deceased and the family was very pleased with the memorial that was made.

[Danustouch]

Witchy...It sounds like this man was given a very descent and heartfelt farewell.

I've pretty much organized how I want my funeral to go, down to the last detail. I've told my parents that I do not want a Christian funeral. And have had a letter hand sighned, and witnessed by a JOP, stating that my friend, who is an ordained wiccan minister, is to perform my ceremony. I need to also get it witnessed by an attourney though, since my wishes are that I be cremated. I've even written a detailed letter about do's and do nots for my memorial stone, if they wish to have one. Such as "no pink flamingo's..or other tacky lawn ornaments on my grave. Nothing plastic". "Windchimes' are ok. But please make them the plain wooden and metal ones". You may think it funny, but..my family has a propensity to overdecorate their yards. I would like my memorial stone to not be overdecorated. Wierd little thing of mine. As for readings/poetry/songs, etc. I've told them I don't mind bible verses being read at my ceremony, but would prefer them to be a verse out of the psalms, and listed a few bible verses I wouldn't mind being read. They can choose from them. For music I said as long as it's nothing overly religious. I think my family will have the sensitivity to do as I ask.

[Lavender]

Wasn't it the Mormons that have something where your soul can be saved after you died? I seem to remember reading that in a thread here somewhere.

[Silver_Alhena]

Well, I think I'll plan for my funeral like you Danustouch. Don't wan't my funeral taken over and used in the manner that has been described on this board!

What I'd REALLY like to have is a papier mache coffin. Something that will biodegrade, and that trees would not have been cut down for.
Secondly, instead of a headstone, I'd love to have a tree instead of a headstone. Give something back to the earth.

Whereas I think old ornately carved headstones are beautiful, I don't see the point, as you don't need one to remember the deceased. If I were dead, I'd be more likely to look out for my family instead of hanging around a graveyard waiting for a visit twice a year!

No black either, unless you want to turn up as a goth!
Oh, and the money that would be saved would be put behind a bar for the wake. (with karaoke instead of hymms?)

How would anyone else plan for their funerals?
Pretty grim question I know, but Isn't it ironic that one of the most important days in our lives happens after we are dead?

[Witchy Cowgirl]

I think it's important that we plan our own funerals. I think it's too hard on those left behind to have to come up with all that stuff and still consider what the decease would like as well. It's much easier to do what YOU want as opposed to the wishes of the deceased. The funeral is to help the mourners and I think it's very giving of the dead if they've planned all or part of the funeral service. I think that helps the mourners as well, knowing that they are able to carry through with the last wishes of their loved ones
I don't plan on dieing soon, but I guess I should practice what I preach and get to plannin! The most my husband and I have planned is the location. I asked him if he wanted to be buried in Oklahoma (his birthplace) and he said he doesn't care....just wants us to be buried next to each other. Come to think of the actual plot location has really never been discussed other Oklahoma or not.
I would like to be cremated....but my husband says that if I go first there is no way he'll have me cremated due to all the things that have been in the news lately. That's OK, if that will make him feel better.
My folks have already started planning theirs and I'm very thankful....I fear I'll take it hard.

[flar7]

hmmm. Well, I will let those left behind decide what they want
to do with me. May sound harsh, but that way they can do
whatever is the most comfortable and makes them feel better. A
party, a wake, cremation.....doesnt matter to me. Dignity for the
dead? Only if it helps the living. Open caskets? If you want em,
but I prefer not to view the body. I would rather remember the
living person and not the dead shell. Altar calls at funerals? Seen
some, rarely. Ministers not knowing the deceased? You gotta figure
that, unless your family chose wisely or he already knew the deceased.

I am not a fan of funerals and rarely attend them. You have to make me go.
I just dont see the sense in it. Why dont we gather somewhere
else and party and talk about the good times, why with the body
and follow it to the graveyard? Oh well.

If I have to chose my funeral, then like steve martin, I want to be buried like ol' king tut!

[Myst]

Originally posted by flar7
I am not a fan of funerals and rarely attend them.

hehe yeah the rest of us just LOVE 'em! :D

When I'm dead, I don't care what you do with my body as long as my family and friends get some sense of peace out of it.

[SpikesPet5150]

I'm gonna be cremated. Thats all I know. Probably have a tree planted somewhere.
~Bree

[flar7]

Originally posted by Myst


hehe yeah the rest of us just LOVE 'em! :D

When I'm dead, I don't care what you do with my body as long as my family and friends get some sense of peace out of it.

okok.....heheh y'know what I meant. But at your next funeral
people, if the minister starts talking crap, see if you can get one
them "waves" going in the church.

[Flar's Freyja]

Originally posted by flar7
I am not a fan of funerals and rarely attend them. You have to make me go. I just dont see the sense in it. Why dont we gather somewhere else and party and talk about the good times, why with the body and follow it to the graveyard? Oh well.

I used to feel that way too. Maybe it comes with getting older and you and your peers are not only losing parents, but also friends.

As much as I don't like the way things are done at most of them, it's a good time to reflect upon the joy and lessons that this person gave to me and to express gratitude that I was blessed with knowing them. I think that the motivation of giving altar calls may also be an attempt to get us to reflect upon how we're living our own lives. At my friend's funeral, it didn't result in my feeling guilty. It prompted me to look at where I was putting my energies and contributed to my decision to quit a secure but incredibly stressful job. He was pretty healthy and died of a sudden heart attack.....and had just retired. I decided that life was just too short.

As for my body ~ please, cremate me. If I'm in a wooden casket, my remains can't even fertilize the earth......

[Danustouch]

Johns Grandmother, Loretta, Died this morning after a long illness, and several strokes. So I have a funeral to attend this week. I thought it so ironic, after this discussion. :(

There is a thread in Altar of the Ancients, if any of you would like to add your prayers or thoughts.

[Lavender]

I've decided a long time ago what I want done with my body. I want to be cremated. I want the ashes made into paper pulp and cast into a life mask of my face. I will be hung up on the wall as art. :) I've already taught my son how to make paper. :) And I have the plaster mould done too. Same with hubby.

[Garnet]

I heard about that Baptist funeral & thought..."How could he do that to a greiving family?"
That's why I decided that I don't want a funeral at all...nobody can sneak in & claim that I found Jesus/G*d/whoever at the end when nobody else just happened to be around.
When my mother died, the priest that went to her house to give her communion regularly couldn't officiate at her funeral. The priest that did apologized for not knowing Mum, then used notes left by her priest for the eulogy.
I agree with those that want to be cremated, but first: my donor card says 'Take whatever is needed.'
My kid brother is already arguing with me over that & ceremation, & my desire for no funeral at all.
A big drunken bash with my family & friends telling embarrassing stories, playing my favorite music, polishing off my Guinness & scotch...sure. But people weeping & wringing their hands...NO! Any way, I told my brother my money goes to public radio if he fights about any of my wishes & his kids don't get college $$$.
I totally agree with ChelleofShadows about open-casket funerals. People standing around saying "Doesn't Granny look good?" is creepy. Granny is dead, how good can she look?
When my Gram died, she had an open-casket funeral. The mortician didn't know her, but he did something to her face that made her look as stern & mean-spirited as she when was alive.