The Aerie

[Phoenix Blue]

In azure skies too high even for eagles, Phoenix glides toward his nest. His cobalt and silver wings blend into the sky and clouds above. From miles away, he spots the place where he will make a nest, for now--a perch atop a cold, high mountaintop. Though the location is foreboding and isolated, Phoenix carries a swath of gray fabric which reminds him that he is never truly alone.

Phoenix uses the swath of fabric as the first piece of a new nest: a nest which is not built of straw or brick, but of experiences. For the strongest home is built from the experiences of times shared between friends and loved ones, and from the love held in the heart for those friends and soul-family.

And members of said soul-family are welcome to post here. . . but I won't reply publicly. This is a journal first, a guestbook second, and a dialogue not-at-all.

[Phoenix Blue]

Thank you, Nameless Goddess, for a very healing two-week vacation in the home of my heart. Thank you for my safe journey, there and back again. Thank you for watching over my thrrr la'Kali and keeping her safe as well.

Finally, thank you for inspiring me to start my writing again. I still have a few days between now and when I must go back to work. . . help me find the right words, help me breathe life into the story I weave.

[Phoenix Blue]

I am at rest, Nameless One. Pray help me guide to safety and prosperity those who mean as much to me as my own life. Help my Soul-Sister and my thrrr la'Kali find the peace of heart for which they yearn. Pray help a dear friend heal the scars from ten months past; help her free herself from the shadows that cling to her, that her Spirit may blossom once again.

The story is there, in my mind, but still unfocused. I can't see the ending quite the way I could before--I don't want to finish it the way I feel it must end. I hope that my protagonists will find a way through.

[Phoenix Blue]

This is a good time in my life. I have rarely, if ever, been so optimistic about my own future.

In a couple weeks, I'll close on a rate reduction that will save me $90 / month in mortgage payments. Tomorrow, I'll sign on with a new company for my auto insurance, which will save me another $20 / month. This is as good as getting a raise, for me. And as an added bonus, my electric bill was a full $100 lower than I expected, given I'm running my air conditioner now.

I'm blessed with a strong financial base, a strong love with a woman who exceeds anything I could ever have asked for a lifemate, with loyal friends and three wonderful, if mischievous, cat-children. I take none of these blessings for granted; and I am grateful, Nameless Goddess, for every one of them.

Oh, and as an added bonus, I managed to re-secure the domain for KalisHonor.Net (http://www.kalishonor.net/)! I'm overjoyed that I can help facilitate my Love's desire to share her writing with the world once more.

[callalily]

:heartthro

*sigh*

PB that is just so wonderfully romantic. Honor is soooo lucky. Yopu win the "Greatest Guy" award for the year, at least!

[Phoenix Blue]

The last couple days, I've taken a break from my creative work to focus my energy on improving my financial situation. This has gone remarkably well. . . I'm lucky. :) Lucky both to have the money to cover my expenses already, and luckier still to know how I might cut costs and invest in my own future. My future is as bright as the flames from which I was born, my Goddess; and I have You to thank.

I'm feeling drawn to do a lot more writing, though. My desire to write burns strong; pray help me find the words to paint the pictures I see within my Spirit.

[Phoenix Blue]

To She Who Listens. . .

You've worked Your majick one time for me today, and one time today for my Love, to whom You have bequeathed a new lease for a beautiful house in Castle Rock. This will be a positive turning point for everyone involved, I'm sure. . .

And I'm now registered for the two classes I wanted to take, even though by the rules, I should not have been allowed to take them until I finished close to two years' worth of business and management courses. Now, I'll have the opportunity to learn more about two very significant programming languages as well as opportunities to CLEP through some of the most boring of the business school prerequisites.

I would make one more request of you, Great Mother - tomorrow, the list of promotees to the rank of Staff Sergeant is released. I pray of You, let my name be on that list.

[Phoenix Blue]

W00t!

[Phoenix Blue]

To She Who Listens,

My heart-sister's (Athena's) father suffered a massive heart attack last night. Please, for her sake and the sake of her family, let him find either a swift return to health or a swift journey into Your waiting arms.

[Phoenix Blue]

You have blessed me richly, Unnamed Mother: You have blessed me with a woman who loves me and whom I love more than life itself--a woman with her head on her shoulders and her feet on the ground. You have blessed me with heart-sisters who have stood by my side through my ordeals, and who have allowed me to stand by their side through theirs. You have blessed me with an unmatchable strength of Spirit and the courage of my conviction. For all this, I am grateful to You.

I come to You now regarding the matter of one who is not grateful. . . neither to you, nor to anyone else. She has abused the gifts You have given her and neglected the needs of the little one You gave her at her own request. Finally, she has attempted to manipulate, harass, and threaten me. This, I will not allow.

I ask You for the strength to aid me when I may falter; the wisdom to know when I must fight and when I must refrain; and the aim to strike true when the time for battle is come.

[Phoenix Blue]

Again, I am blessed - blessed with the 5½ days I could spend with my Love over an extra-long Labor Day weekend. I come back to work a bit despondent over having to say good-bye, but ever hopeful of the day I won't have to say good-bye ever again.

Thank you, my Matron, for watching over and protecting us both, through the air and on the ground. Thank you for bringing us together, and for allowing us to know peace and happiness in one-another's arms.

[Phoenix Blue]

I should be happy. . . I keep telling myself that, anyway. It doesn't seem to help, though. I'm engaged to the most wonderful woman to have ever graced my life. . . only, she's 1400 miles away. She just entered a new lease with two of her friends as roommates, and she can't move to be with me. I'm stationed here for at least another year, so I can't move to be with her.

Until lately, I've been able to tolerate it. Now. . . I just don't know if I can anymore. And I don't know what to do about it. I've pleaded and begged with her to consider moving down here, if just for a little while. Just a month, maybe two. . . take some unpaid leave from her job, and I'd pay her room and board and help take care of her roomies' bills. And if her employer lays her off, that's probably what we'll do.

**Soft sigh** But I'm still not happy with it. My house is still empty when I come home in the afternoon; and my bed is still cold when I go to sleep at night. I've promised her forever--she's worth it. But, trapped in this mortal shell of mine, I ache to know when I will be able to enjoy that forever instead of just waiting through it until we're together.

What can I do? I feel lost and desperate and hopeless.

[Phoenix Blue]

My D: drive died tonight, just a day after I backed up the most critical data on it with the CD-Burner I'd just bought yesterday afternoon. Some of the files that had been on the drive before it gasped its final breath were irreplaceable. . . so thank You for letting it live long enough that the most critical files were saved.

[Phoenix Blue]

Of all the things I have destroyed in anger, I miss my peace of mind the most. Please, don't let me throw away the one part of my life that means more to me than anything.

http://images.deviantart.com/emoticons/icon_sadangel.gif

[Phoenix Blue]

The nature of my Spirit is to--occasionally--crash and burn. Some part of me needs it, I think. It keeps me humble.

Yesterday, I went down.

I will not stay down.

[WandererInGray]

http://images.deviantart.com/large/icon/emoticons/Kissing_emoticon.gif

I love you...

[callalily]

Hugs and smooches for PB and Wanderer. You'll get through it...I promise.

[Phoenix Blue]

Either give her the courage to follow her heart or the courage to leave me behind. I'm tired of this ****ing limbo.

[callalily]

Is it money? Play the lottery! What the hell, ya know?

I [slightly] envy you two. You're young and in love and could, with some difficulty, pick up stakes, take a financial hit, and move to [insert perfect city here]. I'm old (well, okay, just 41) and have the DH and the offspring. My life is tied to them till the latter turn 18 or graduate college. But it was my choice and I'm not bitching (unless they leave little DragonBall Z figures around for me to step on again -- ouch).

To preach a bit (humor me, you two know I love you), when I realized at 22 I HAD to leave the nunnery or I would continue to become the bitter, angry old woman I saw myself turning into, it was the scariest leap I ever made. Yes, scarier than going behind the wall 4 years earlier. But I chose, with eyes open, to leap.

May the leap you make be together and have a big soft mattress hidden at the bottom. :sunny:

[Phoenix Blue]

There are two ways to live life.

Live as the captain of your soul, or live as a capsized and ever-drowning victim of its turbulent waters.

The storm is not your choice; but how you choose to steer through it is.

How do you choose to live today?

[Phoenix Blue]

So now my car's a wreck, and I'm at fault.

I'm really laughing my ass off, here. I mean, no, this is wonderful. Next time, though, pick a more timely occasion, 'k?

[Phoenix Blue]

. . .on the other hand, having one of the members of my ALS class offer me her and her husband's "spare truck" as a loaner is pretty awesome, even if it means having to learn how to drive a manual.

[Phoenix Blue]

". . .and so it begins."

[Phoenix Blue]

You bestow upon us gifts that we regard sometimes as blessings and sometimes as curses. But what we make of your gifts is based on what we perceive. Thus does our mind shape the universe around us. Even blindness is a gift if, in losing our ability to see Maya, we gain a clearer vision of Brahman which lies beneath.

I pray those who receive the cruelest gifts may receive the wisdom to transform them into the brightest blessings.

[Phoenix Blue]

Since I can't seem to get my thoughts across the way I intend them, maybe I should just chop off my gods-damned fingers.

[Phoenix Blue]

To whatever Gods may hear me, help me make this nest comfortable for two. Help me show my Love that she can not only survive, but prosper. And help me qualm my own fears that what I can offer won't be enough to keep her happy.

[Phoenix Blue]

Fare thee well, Little Goodness. **Soft smile** I love you, and I thank you for the time I got to share with you.

When the time comes, I'll see you on the other side.

[Phoenix Blue]

My stress level right now is higher than it has been in months, thanks in no small part to my son and his mother.

Please, expedite their return to Atlanta and let me not have to deal with them again for a few months.

[Phoenix Blue]

**Sighs** I wish I had never before given my Love a shadow of a reason not to trust me now.

[Phoenix Blue]

**Lights a black candle** For every man and woman who has suffered as a prisoner of war. . .

**Lights a green candle** For my WonderBread Twin, and for luck on her interview today. :)