Buddhist Ethics

[Tanya]

I spent the holiday weekend in part visiting a Buddhist friend... she has a little meditation taped up in her bathroom that said

"You are what you think."

That really hit home for me....

if we hink happy and loving thoughts, then we are happy and loving people.

This was put into really star contrast in that I was staying with my in-laws and husband.... because they seem to LOVe todwell on the negative, the angery, the bitter, and never is it in more evidence than over the holidays.... this has always been a great saddness to me... every year... they do nothing but oppress and dwell on the oppressions of each other.

I mentioned this idea to my husband several times... hoping he would pick up on it and realize how toxic his thoughts were.. and how they just fed into he general unhappy nature of his family.... but he didn't seem to get it.

back home i picked up the Dali Lama's book on Ethics... and the basic idea is that a loving and carring person thinks about the happiness of others in his or her every action and ethical choice....

again... its not a shocker...but it also is percolatiing down to me that that's not something that motivates my husband at all.

how can I live happily with a person who approaches life from a negitive frame of mind and seeks to control life for his sole benifit?

[Merrilyn]

All I can say is that the realization, should it come, must come by his own means. You can suggest, and prod, and nudge, and it think it's good to do so, but it's all up to him. I have found great comfort in some of the Buddhist ideals, as well and have tried to share them with people I know, but it all depends on their mindframe.

Best Wishes, Tanya. Grow and branch as you will.

[sunny.spoone]

It is important to keep in mind that there are many choices to be made in regards to how one lives their life. It is necessary for these different philosophies to remain in the world for the sake of balance and harmony.

That said, it can be very difficult to live with someone who is very negative. My best advice is to love them and show them what happier possibilities are out there. While opening up the possibility of "You are what you think" is a start, if that isn't enough to sway their viewpoint, the best thing you can do is lead by example.

The choice of happiness is one that an individual must make. Love and happiness, as well as a positive attitude, are often infectious. You may not be able to change the outlook of the entire family, but your goodwill and thoughts will ripple out around you. The effect may not be immediately noticeable, but the thoughts will be there and they will have an effect, though it may be small.

If this idea has struck a chord with you, the best you can do is live by it. Those who are unwilling to learn are unteachable, but through example, you may have a profound effect on them.

The best gift we can give the world is teaching the joy of love and universality of happiness. These lessons are hardly ever consciously taught.

[Tanya]

well we don't have to cover the world with leather to keep from stepping on thorns, we only need enough to cover our feet.

still.. I would like to walk around my own home barefoot.

I agree totally about living happily and fully being the best teaching example... but as happiness is infectious, so too is anger....

[dragoncrone]

In the past I have had times when I made a firm decision not to be around people who dragged my spirit down, whether through anger or criticism or whatever.
It was not always easy but I think sometimes we need to choose our own spiritual survival despite how others react. When no one else speaks up for us we need to speak up for ourselves.

[sunny.spoone]

I agree totally about living happily and fully being the best teaching example... but as happiness is infectious, so too is anger....

Anger, like all feelings, can be named and let go at ones discretion. I have found that many people who claim to hold onto feelings because they don't know how to let go of them actually like being angry/sad/depressed/etc. My own family has this aspect to it.

Angry people feel that their anger gives them power. It's that power that becomes infectious. If you can strip the anger of its power over you--and possibly those you love--it becomes much more manageable. The trick is knowing how to do that.

Patience is the answer to many questions. It is applicable here, along with love, compassion, and understanding. These tools are very powerful weapons when combating anger. Anger is fed by more anger. Breaking the cycle will help immensely.

[Shaddar]

"You are what you think."

how can I live happily with a person who approaches life from a negitive frame of mind and seeks to control life for his sole benifit?

My mom uses operant conditioning. When the old man is being negative, she just tells him to go away, cuz she isn't listening. This usually brings him up short. She tells him to leave her be until the mood leaves. She has done this so often that when he starts up, she just puts her hand up and he leaves. He will come back later and be fine, and civil. I think he has PMS if that is possible.

Just don't tolerate his negative crap. Tell him you won't listen to it, let him know that when he is in a more positive mode you will, and then leave his presence. Once he realizes you aren't going to listen to him be negative, he will either never talk to you again, get really angry(but who cares), or get used to the idea that you aren't going to be his co-dependent and listen to him be negative. Then maybe he will approach you in a more positive mode. Try it ya go nothing to lose.

My mom says; "If you keep doing what you are doing, you will keep getting what ya got." Change.

Shaddar

[KiNoRonin]

Angry people feel that their anger gives them power.




Patience is the answer to many questions. It is applicable here, along with love, compassion, and understanding. These tools are very powerful weapons when combating anger. Anger is fed by more anger. Breaking the cycle will help immensely.


It just to happens that what I am presently trying to use those Techniques to deal with a Problem I have having with a Group of
fellow Pagans whose Leadership has some Irrational Hatred of me.

I am using the Passive Resistance with an Olive Branch out for them to take hold of anytime they want to take it.

KNR - 3X3

[Shaddar]

back home i picked up the Dali Lama's book on Ethics... and the basic idea is that a loving and carring person thinks about the happiness of others in his or her every action and ethical choice....

again... its not a shocker...but it also is percolatiing down to me that that's not something that motivates my husband at all.

how can I live happily with a person who approaches life from a negitive frame of mind and seeks to control life for his sole benifit?

If you like the book on ethics, try his book called "The Art of Happiness" it is wonderful.

Shaddar