Pink_sheep
February 11th, 2008, 02:58 PM
I think I really need to rant before my head explodes!
I've really landed on my feet recently... Through a friend of mine, I ended up joining an amazing rock band. They really are fantastic and I feel really pleased with myself that I was good enough to join them as a singer. They're great people and really talented and supportive. Recently, we got very lucky and landed a support slot with quite a popular band - it'll be by far the biggest thing we've ever done and we know that if we're good enough, this could open a lot of doors for us.
I know that I'm never going to be a "rock star" for a living - this really is just a hobby, but it's one that I love and I'd really like for us to get successful. If only so we can play nice places and not horrible pubs! :T
The problem is that I've been having a total crisis of confidence. We ALL know that we need to really put an effort in for this upcoming gig - we've written fantastic new songs and we're rehearsing like mad to get as good as possible, and I'm fine with that. I'm just not fine with myself. The rest of the band are a good-looking bunch. They're all slim and toned with long hair and tight leather trousers. They LOOK like proper rockstars. But as a singer, I tend to be a focal point and I really don't feel like I fit in. I'm big and feel frumpy-looking and generally hideous. It's getting to the point where I'm driving myself insane because it feels like no matter how much I practice, I'll never *look* right and like I'm going to let the whole band down. I've been really lucky meeting these people and getting this huge gig - I don't want to mess it up by looking terrible. I've been trying to recover from an eating disorder for a while and I REALLY don't want to slip back into that (Sure, I lost weight, but I was too weak to be any use) but eating sensibly and lots of excersize arn't having the effect I really want. I'm getting frightened now that no matter how much I lose, I'll never be small enough and even if I'm ever happy with my weight (ha!) I'll still find more and more things about myself that I really hate.
Tried talking about it with my SO earlier and he's always amazing. but whenever I try to talk to him about things like this, I sort of clam up and never really know what to say. He's always been so supportive, but now I've started worrying so much, it's gotten to the point where I'm starting to get scared he'll leave me if I don't improve the way I look FAST. He's never said or done anything to make me think he would - it's all down to being so unhappy with the way I look.
Worst of all, I feel bad about being so... well, shallow. There's lots of horrible things happening in the world and I'm here worrying about how I *look*. Then I feel terrible and selfish and that depresses me and I feel worse and decide I *look* even worse... vicious circle.
Does anyone on here have any advice for when you're feeling like this? I need to try *something* before I go totally insane from over-thinking all this stuff! ArghhH!
I've really landed on my feet recently... Through a friend of mine, I ended up joining an amazing rock band. They really are fantastic and I feel really pleased with myself that I was good enough to join them as a singer. They're great people and really talented and supportive. Recently, we got very lucky and landed a support slot with quite a popular band - it'll be by far the biggest thing we've ever done and we know that if we're good enough, this could open a lot of doors for us.
I know that I'm never going to be a "rock star" for a living - this really is just a hobby, but it's one that I love and I'd really like for us to get successful. If only so we can play nice places and not horrible pubs! :T
The problem is that I've been having a total crisis of confidence. We ALL know that we need to really put an effort in for this upcoming gig - we've written fantastic new songs and we're rehearsing like mad to get as good as possible, and I'm fine with that. I'm just not fine with myself. The rest of the band are a good-looking bunch. They're all slim and toned with long hair and tight leather trousers. They LOOK like proper rockstars. But as a singer, I tend to be a focal point and I really don't feel like I fit in. I'm big and feel frumpy-looking and generally hideous. It's getting to the point where I'm driving myself insane because it feels like no matter how much I practice, I'll never *look* right and like I'm going to let the whole band down. I've been really lucky meeting these people and getting this huge gig - I don't want to mess it up by looking terrible. I've been trying to recover from an eating disorder for a while and I REALLY don't want to slip back into that (Sure, I lost weight, but I was too weak to be any use) but eating sensibly and lots of excersize arn't having the effect I really want. I'm getting frightened now that no matter how much I lose, I'll never be small enough and even if I'm ever happy with my weight (ha!) I'll still find more and more things about myself that I really hate.
Tried talking about it with my SO earlier and he's always amazing. but whenever I try to talk to him about things like this, I sort of clam up and never really know what to say. He's always been so supportive, but now I've started worrying so much, it's gotten to the point where I'm starting to get scared he'll leave me if I don't improve the way I look FAST. He's never said or done anything to make me think he would - it's all down to being so unhappy with the way I look.
Worst of all, I feel bad about being so... well, shallow. There's lots of horrible things happening in the world and I'm here worrying about how I *look*. Then I feel terrible and selfish and that depresses me and I feel worse and decide I *look* even worse... vicious circle.
Does anyone on here have any advice for when you're feeling like this? I need to try *something* before I go totally insane from over-thinking all this stuff! ArghhH!