What would you do?

[lizea]

So, I've been stuck on this for a few days lately, and I can't come up with an answer that really sits well with me. There is this girl in my Crafts class who I sit across from, we kid around, and we talk a lot in class, but not much outside of class. And on Friday I found out that she's a cutter. It was totally accidental, but I can't get it off my mind.

I used to cut myself, for about two years on and off, but I haven't cut since New Years Eve at like midnight, literally... But I know that it is really complicated, and without knowing someone who cuts really well, it is hard to say why they do it and yea, it may sound like I'm justifying it, which I'm not, I'm just saying that it is hard to tell why they do it. I mean, she might have something going on in her life that is incredibly stressful, or she might be attention seeking. I don't know.

I want to tell her I know and that I want her to get help, but I feel like I'm butting in where I don't belong. And I'm worried that she is going to get offended or really defensive and I don't want her to feel like I'm pushy or whatever. If I was closer friends with her, I would call her on it in a heart beat, but I don't have the right to do it now. It's just that it is a really personal thing that I don't want to make her uncomfortable or whatever, but I still don't want her to hurt herself anymore. How should I go about bringing it up without being pushy and without butting in where I don't belong?

[Willow Rosette]

Maybe you could slide into the conversation that you used to cut and see if it will progress. If you are talking about yourself maybe she wouldnt find it intrusive.

[Artiste-LiLi]

ok...not trying to be nosey here.......but where did you cut? (I used to cut too) If you cut on your forearms and have scars (like I do, there and many other places) you could let her "accidentally" see them. Or maybe you could talk about an article you read or a show you saw about cutting and tell her that you used to do that, but now don't?

[lizea]

No, it's not nosey at all. I cut on my arms when I first started, then it migrated to my legs and hips, and the only real scars I have are on my right calf/ankle and left hip... Other wise, I would do that... I'm so stuck, I don't know what to do. Oh well though, I'm sure I'll figure out something, like I always seem to do in these kind of things. Thanks anyway.

[Kahlil the Heretic]

I agree...let her see your cuts. Allow her to strike up the conversation on her terms.

[Against The Tide]

You could show her your cuts as a starting point - show her you understand what she is going through and that it is possible to break out of that negative, hurtful way of thinking.

Don't tell her everything at once. There is no miracle cure, no one off lecture that will get someone to stop. Little and often a cutter will change opinions, slowly move down the path of discovery making many revalations until *BING* they realise they don't have to cut, they don't want to cut - and then they are free.

You want to keep your relationship with this person, don't try and 'save' her. That's only something SHE can do. Just be supportive and friendly. Bring it up once, saying you've been there, you won't be pushy but if she wants to talk about it then you will be an ear and a shoulder for her, maybe reccomend some alternate coping stratergies... then bring up something totally different. You don't want her to feel like a 'project' she'd appreciate it if you just liked her rather than tried to cure her.

Keep us updated. And best of luck on helping her out. And bless you for caring! Namaste!!

[Nitefalle]

I agree with ATT - just bring it up once, tell your experience briefly and say that if she ever needs someone to talk to without being judged, you're there for her. It sounds like a great first step toward cementing a real relationship with her. It will stink if she takes it offensively, but at least you've put yourself out there because you care and you've done all you can do. I hope she appreciates that you're there for her. :hugz: Good luck!

ETA: This probably goes without saying, but I wouldn't recommend doing this in class. Ask if she wants to catch a cup of coffee / tea after class sometime, and maybe approach there.