Ever Feel Like You're Flogging A Dead Horse?

[Eternal Night]

When is the time to give up on someone?
To accept the fact that you can no longer be part of their lives (if you ever were in the first place)

I've tried, or at least I think I've tried.
They were one of my best mates and I saw us in the future having a laugh, being as we always had been.
But somethings changed, they said it was me, I say it was them.......perhaps it was both.
When does something so awesome turn destructive and bitter?
How do two people who seemed to get on so well end up arguing so much?
How does it?
I can't understand why it would, or when it happened.

Seems now whatever I do is no longer good enough or perhaps it is but it is just me reading to much into it?

What am I sposed to do?
I tried my hardest to be supportive, but was told i was poking my nose in.
Carried on with my life and concentrated on what I was doing and got accused of not being there.
When they knew I would always be there for them ~shrugs~ or at least I thought they did.

How am I sposed to act if I don't know from one day to the next how they are feeling?

And it seems when i'm past caring and accept our friendship is over they pop back into my life?
only to do what? I don't know...too screw me up?
To want me to do or say something? and because I haven't they think I'm still not good enough?.

I don't want to give up as then that would prove them right that I'm not there for them.......Sposed to take the rough with the smooth aren't you?
But maybe it's time...
My head feels like it's going to explode

[Willow Rosette]

Ohhhh honey :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: I dont need to tell you what I think other than you are the mighty EN! You know what is best for you. :hugz:

[Eternal Night]

Ohhhh honey :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: I dont need to tell you what I think other than you are the mighty EN! You know what is best for you. :hugz:

That's exactly it though I don't know what to do.
My head is telling one thing and my heart another..
:hugz:

[Bettie]

Aww hon... :hugz:

Sometimes I guess you just have to know when to let go, for your own sanity if nothing else. Decide what you want from life - is there room in your life for this friend, the way things are now?

I've been in that situation and it isn't easy, but you have to do what's best for YOU.

:hugz:

[Eternal Night]

Well that's it...my own sanity.
But does that make me a bad person?
A bad friend?

[Bettie]

Well that's it...my own sanity.
But does that make me a bad person?
A bad friend?

Of course it doesn't - it's great to be able to be there for a friend no matter what, but if it gets to the point where it's not good for your own mental health, then something's got to give. You can only do what you can for some people. If that's not enough for them, then all you can do is say that you tried, you gave it a go.

[Eternal Night]

Logic tells me that and to any one else I would say the same.
But **** it hurts.......hurts to think this is it.
How can it be?
How can it be like this? End like this?
And how can they act so cold, like it doesn't matter to them..and I'm left crumpled and feeling empty.
I feel angry, angry with them, angry with myself.........confused is an understatement.
And if we 'kiss and make up' then what would it, could it be the same?

[Nitefalle]

With situations like (and I have been in very similar situations), I try and take the long view. Sometimes people come into your life for a specific reason, whether they need to learn a lesson from you or you need to learn a lesson from them, and this can last months or years. But when it comes time for you to drift apart from each other, it can be very hard and very hurtful, especially when you don't understand the reason why, as there doesn't usually seem to *be* a reason. Not a logical one, anyway.

Now, it sounds like your friend in question doesn't know what they want out of life and they are taking their confusion and anguish out on you, which does not make a good friend. As much as you want to be there for them, they are taking advantage of your kindness and good heart - again, they are not being a good friend to you. Unfortunately, it seems like you will have to put your foot down because ultimately, how much are you going to let this person run you around? No matter how much you love them, you don't deserve to be treated that way. If they truly cared for you as you do for them, they wouldn't do this to you. It does not make you a bad person to create boundaries for this relationship! Not in any way, shape or form.

You have probably already had this conversation with them, but if I were you, I would tell them "Look, I love you and I will ALWAYS be there for you, whenever you truly need me, but right now I feel that you're taking advantage of me and I just can't take it right now. You pull me close and then push me away and I don't know what you want from me anymore, so when you figure it out give me a call. But until then, I need some space."

It DOES NOT make you a bad person to say these things, or a bad friend. They are being a bad friend to you, treating you this way, and it's perfectly okay to protect yourself from the heartache their moodswings cause you. Being a good friend never means being someone's emotional doormat - there's a big difference between being there for someone and letting them treat you any way they want and take advantage of you.

:hugz: Good luck, sweety.

[Eternal Night]

Thanks....and yeah i did have that convo and got a yeah, thanks for not being there.
A loose loose situation.
So I guess it's time i know to call it a day, it's just hard and it hurts

[Nitefalle]

Well, if they can't see you for the wonderful person you are that is trying to help them, then **** them. It's their loss. As much as it hurts, you know you tried and at least you have more good memories than bad.

[Lunacie]

Oh My Gods, it sounds like you're describing my marriage. My head said it was time to let go, but heart just couldn't. :hugz: Hugs for you as you figure out what you need to do.

[Eternal Night]

Thankyou :hugz: And yeah that's it gaining the inner strength to know me letting go is ok.
And I'm not leaving him in his hour of need, so to speak.

[Autumn]

Lunacie posted this thread in the Empathic Bunker and I thought you should read it. especially when you said they're playing a head game about your availibility, either too nosy or too gone...read the link and you might feel better about pulling away when you see it isn't about you per say it's about THEM!

http://mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?t=153810

[Eternal Night]

Hmm Although that's interesting and some of it seems familiar. I really wouldn't put them as that...
I've decided now though, no more games, no more wishing for what was.
The only thing I can do is get on with my life, let go and get on with things.
I'm not going to pretend I feel good about it, but I feel they have left me no choice.
For the sake of my own inner peace I have to.
It's going to be hard but i know i can do it.
:hugz: thanks for all your advise and support it's really appreciated

[DreamSpell333]

Lunacie posted this thread in the Empathic Bunker and I thought you should read it. especially when you said they're playing a head game about your availibility, either too nosy or too gone...read the link and you might feel better about pulling away when you see it isn't about you per say it's about THEM!

http://mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?t=153810

Wow. I read that and my mother in law fits ALL of them!! (so glad we are away from her)

Im sorry EN that your going through this. I've had to let a few friends go in the past. One who always used me. I babysat her son for a week and a half so she could go to college and she had planned on paying me. I provided food for him and when the day came that she would pay me..She didnt come over,wouldnt take my calls.. (she happens to live over in the complex across from us ) She looks like a human blow fish now..
(I wonder now if she was even going to college)

[BlackLili]

just /hugs :hugz: