Just need some reassurance

[Evinmeer]

So.... *sigh* It looks like my husband and I will be getting a divorce soon. Circumstances in a nutshell: he's in love with somebody else. Oddly enough (or perhaps not, considering we're both pretty weird - wouldn't have married him otherwise! :-P) he says he's also still very much in love with me. We tossed the idea of a polyamorous relationship around a bit, but I'm too much of a "one-man dog" to be comfortable sitting on the sidelines while he's out and about. The divorce will be uncontested; still doesn't make it any more palatable. Some days, I wish the circumstances had been more extreme - it's so much easier to do this kind of thing when you're riding high on emotions. As it is, the whole situation is playing out in a very grounded, very sad, slow play-by-play. I think what hurts the most is suddenly finding myself on an equal level with a (to me) complete stranger. He isn't fighting to keep me, in spite of how much he says he loves me... and although he says that's because he doesn't want to make me feel any worse, I have to say it isn't having any soothing effect on my mind at all. Instead, I just feel disposable. *sigh* I foresaw a lot of issues, both common and unique, in our marriage and I was happily prepared to weather the storms no matter how unpleasant. Through the last 4 years, we've had our share of ups and downs (never anything unusual or outside the normal sphere of marital issues), but we never even mentioned divorce - it just wasn't an option. We went into this marriage knowing that relationships take work; that love is more than just a glowy feeling... and if it weren't for the fact that he's known this girl for several years longer than he's known me, I would probably have brushed the whole affair off as simple infatuation. In fact, that was exactly what I did at first. I was perfectly alright with letting him go visit her and do... whatever... because I figured it was just a temporary crush that would resolve itself in time. If he needed some "man time", I didn't really mind. I expected him to race off in eager anticipation, and then come trotting happily home... But as it turns out, he's after more than just a fling with the girl next door. And unfortunately, that's not something I can be happy with.
*sigh* Ah well... c'est la vie...

[Lunacie]

This is the the second thread I've seen this morning that reminds me of my own marriage. Maybe I still have some unresolved issues...?

So sorry you're going through this, I really do have some idea what it feels like to be cast aside but told you're still loved and that your relationship was special. He said he still wanted to be friends, but when my daughter or I needed anything from him, he was too busy with the other woman. A real friend helps when you need help, eh?

Sending hugs and energies to help you get to a better place emotionally and mentally. :hugz:

[Brigid Rowan]

So sorry you are hurting...I would only offer that I found it helpful to be the one moving out, and getting my own new place. All the packing, and finding the new place, kept my mind busy and my body tired, and when I was finally in my new home, I could grieve privately..

~hugs~
Brigid

[Annorah]

So sorry that you are going through this.

Sending you positive and loving energies.

:hugz:

[alwaysfallingup]

Evinmeer, I'm really sorry that this is happening. I can only offer some :hugz: and let you know that if you ever need to talk or anything, I'd be happy to listen. I think that the inner light that I've seen in you in other threads will serve you well in this time of gloominess.

[Against The Tide]

I' m sorry this is facing you babe. In my previous marriage, my wife went off with one of her ex's and it caused breakdown. I too tossed around the idea or open relationships and 'oh its just a fling' but decided that it wasn't something I could tollerate in the end. To do so would only be bad for the self.

I'm sorry that all the plans you've made for yourself and your partner over the last 4+ years are now redundant, I'm sorry that you have had that special someone comprimised and will have to learn to be self sufficient again. But.. I think this painful experience could offer alot of insight into yourself and be a good learning experience, and when you are back on your feet - you will be a stronger and happier person than ever before.

My heart goes out to you *hugs* PM me anytime.

[BlackLili]

I'm so sorry dear. You're right, sometimes the high emotion can be preferable. You're being very mature about all this, although I know that doesn't help emotionally right now.

/hugs

[Evinmeer]

Thanks everyone. It helps to know that others have gone through these issues and come out on the other side as still wonderful people (as you all most certainly are!) *hugs to everyone* I appreciate it.

[Jade Moon]

:hugz:

[thought_on_a_wind]

May your heart heal from the pain immense.
May you relish the other relationships of importance in your life.
May the new day burn the regret from your heart.
May the ancients shield your emotions from further damage.
May you be blessed with the energies required to move on.
May your guardians protect you from any hidden malice that could possibly be had on the part of others.
The sun will rise and set, so will the moon.
The earth will dance its fast paced dance ever in the circle it encompasses, moon following as it will.
May the powers inherent cleanse you of the ailments physical, spiritual, and psychological.
Blessed be and hang tough.

[wrenjamin]

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this, I cannot even imagine.

Sending :hugz: and love...