RoseKitten
March 24th, 2008, 11:01 AM
So, for the first time in quite a few years, I met someone. I love him. Purely and simply. There is no "zomg must has you nows!" feeling, just pure, soft love. I think about him every day, saw him almost everyday. We were both happy, we care about eachother, we miss eachother when we're not able to be together. We talk, he's smart, I enjoy his company, everything just feels so, right.
Well, apparently that's not quite good enough. He says he's been in love, and it was the instant spark, zomg must has type of feeling. Well, they broke up because long-term they didn't work out. That's the only other person he's dated, and he believes that if there isn't that feeling, than there's no point to the relationship.
I'm heartbroken. It just hurts to know that somehow I'm not good enough, that I'm missing something that he feels he needs.
In all fairness though, I don't think that's the whole of it. I know he's depressed, and I'm fairly sure that it's of the clinical variety (I'm bi-polar as well). Also, his roommate has fallen into doing a lot of drugs since B and I started dating. See his roommate needs him, and part of me wonders if he's cutting me off because of that. The other part of me is concerned that he doesn't really show emotion, and I think that's part of his depression. I'd really like to see him get help, but I can't even find a good therapist, and he feels the same way about them that I do.
I just feel so lost. I want to see him happy, I want to be able to love him. He's so close, and now any chance of me having him seems to be dangling just out of my reach. I don't know what to do, but it just hurts to think I won't be able to have him like that again. We're still going to hang out, in fact we have plans today... but it's just not the same thing, ya' know?
Well, apparently that's not quite good enough. He says he's been in love, and it was the instant spark, zomg must has type of feeling. Well, they broke up because long-term they didn't work out. That's the only other person he's dated, and he believes that if there isn't that feeling, than there's no point to the relationship.
I'm heartbroken. It just hurts to know that somehow I'm not good enough, that I'm missing something that he feels he needs.
In all fairness though, I don't think that's the whole of it. I know he's depressed, and I'm fairly sure that it's of the clinical variety (I'm bi-polar as well). Also, his roommate has fallen into doing a lot of drugs since B and I started dating. See his roommate needs him, and part of me wonders if he's cutting me off because of that. The other part of me is concerned that he doesn't really show emotion, and I think that's part of his depression. I'd really like to see him get help, but I can't even find a good therapist, and he feels the same way about them that I do.
I just feel so lost. I want to see him happy, I want to be able to love him. He's so close, and now any chance of me having him seems to be dangling just out of my reach. I don't know what to do, but it just hurts to think I won't be able to have him like that again. We're still going to hang out, in fact we have plans today... but it's just not the same thing, ya' know?