Here Hurts.....

[Lilith Morgaine]

I’m so tired... so very tired and scared..... I don’t know what I have left

I have $2 for the rest of the month. I’m supposed to make a mattress payment of $55 that mom said she had covered but rescinded on.....

I don’t even want this mattress deep down..... I know I need a new one, but ****, I can’t even buy myself new sneakers when the old ones have no soles....yeah I feel I don’t deserve it.... at the end of it all the $ spent on this thing will total about $1700 knowing that could go to bills is making me crazy, but mom keeps saying "You NEED it" "You DESERVE something really nice" and my brain keeps being self defeating and practical......


I’m so scared about the upcoming move.... I gotta do it... this place is just too inefficient $ wise.....

The girls are due for their shots.........

I have nothing......

Pam is ignoring my pleas that she pay back the $40 she’s owed me over 2 yrs.

I’ve lost any faith I had in anything.....

I know I gotta be on meds, but they’ve made me give up me.... "I’M" gone.... my memory, my humor, my smarts...... I’m a ****in zombie......


My life feels such a waste..... of air and time and space.... every day is So pathetic......

I was supposed to be great and do all these wonderful things and I am a joke.... a failure... to myself and anyone who’s ever known me.....


It’s too hard.... it’s hurts SO much....
Sleep is not even an escape because there I am shot and raped, kidnapped and tortured..... forced to watch animals and children suffer and die and there’s nothing I can do.....


I hate myself... I want to hide from myself..... I want to run and run and run and run, but I’m still there..... I cannot cry enough!


I want to go with them.... if they loved me so dam much why did they leave me here?????

Here hurts.......





Me....

[Cassie]

:hugz:

[Against The Tide]

Sending energies babe.

Now is not the time to sink into a wallow trip - you need to pull yourself out of that hole right now. You need to have someone else take a good look at your money issues because I do not believe you are fit to do so.

What do you have going in? What do you have going out? Is there anyone you can split costs with? Send the mattress back and try and get a full or near enough refund. Honestly - you have $2 to your name and you are still thinking about mattresses and sneakers when you have a belly to fill and need a roof over your head.

If your mum says anything like that again, SHE can buy it for you, not get you to buy it yourself. You do DESERVE nice things, but why must they cost you money? Must you link spending and consumption to pleasure? You are only going to feel miserable unless you are burning money and when you run out of money, be even worse off.

You DON'T need stuff. Mankind has gone on long before and will continue to go on long after 'stuff'.

Sounding harsh because maybe you should have seen this coming - maybe sort out your priorities?

[Teresa]

:hugz:

[Adora]

:hugz:

[Brightshores]

:hugz: There is always light behind the darkness...

[Earthy]

:hugz:

[Brigid Rowan]

Oy...

Has anything improved since you wrote this? Im hoping answers and solutions are presenting themselves to you, dove.

~Hugs~
Brigid

[Moonlite Faery]

:hugz:

[Glowy]

Lil, (( HUGS))
Sweetie, you are so much tougher than you give yoursef credit for! You are a heck of a lot stronger than I am as a person, and as a woman.

[mystic_zoe]

sending you hugs!!

you've been given some good advice already, so really im just repeating whats been said.
try asking a friend to look at your finances and see what can be done. you could ask a friend from on here who might be able to help or a friend from offline.

try to keep talking about how you feel with a friend. dont bottle your feelings otherwsie you might feel even worse.

im really sorry your in this situation!!

*bigggggg huggggs*

[Amanda Mitchell]

(((hugs))) Lilith

[Fencai]

oh my dear!!!!!!!! *HUGGLES TO YOU!!!!*

I agree with what other people have said as well....
we're all here for you!

[Amilee]

:hugz: I want to hear updates my dear. Everything I wanted to say has been said but :hugz: none the less.

[Lilith Morgaine]

Update.... things have only gotten worse

[TheWomanMonster]

Update.... things have only gotten worse

Okay hun I'm going to be straight up with you here and I'll probably get flamed all to hell for it.

If things are going badly DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
You can't just sit here at your computer asking for help...
We can't fix anything Lilith, but YOU can.
So go do it... you already have all the answers you need you just need to commit and go for it.

I've been homeless, I've been mentally unwell, I've been abandoned by family and friends - I had to pull myself out of that well of shit and do something... and I did.
And so can you.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop living in this "woe is me" world.
Just fix it!

Good luck hun, I mean it...
I sincerely hope that you can find a workable solution to your problems and get your life sorted out.

[mystic_zoe]

i totally agree with TWM. i know your probably not feeling great but you need to do something about your problems. find someone.. a financial advisor or someone who can help or give you advice on any money issues.

[wintermagick]

I've been homeless, I've been mentally unwell, I've been abandoned by family and friends - I had to pull myself out of that well of shit and do something... and I did.
And so can you.

AgainstTheTide: I so feel you on this one.

I've been there too, hell, I'm in some of it right now. :weirdsmil But I know you (Lilith) can do it too... I've spoken to you several times now and you are so very intellegent, beautiful, and fun, and I can tell you have the personality to be a real go-getter. If only we lived closer together... move to Texas! Mu-hahahahaha!!!