Mixed Feelings on a Death

[Lunacie]

I have never been close to my father, I thought I had given up on any hope of a real relationship with him at least 20 years ago, and have been expecting his death for the last 10 years. I didn't really expect him to keep going after my mom died 10 years ago, especially since he had a bad ticker - he had heart bypass surgery 15 years ago.

So when I found out this afternoon that he had died following a heart attack this morning I was surprised to find myself experiencing quite a bit of sadness. Is it just that my family is getting smaller as I get older? Now both parents are gone, and of the 5 children they had, there are only 3 of us left. And our home town and the house that my dad built for our family 56 years ago were wiped out in a huge tornado last May. I'm starting to feel like memories are all I have left.

I don't know whether I'm asking for energy to sort out my emotions, or to cope with my grief, but anyway... any spare energy would certainly be appreciated. Thank you.

[Philosophia]

So when I found out this afternoon that he had died following a heart attack this morning I was surprised to find myself experiencing quite a bit of sadness. Is it just that my family is getting smaller as I get older? Now both parents are gone, and of the 5 children they had, there are only 3 of us left. And our home town and the house that my dad built for our family 56 years ago were wiped out in a huge tornado last May. I'm starting to feel like memories are all I have left.

I can understand that feeling. I think its the connection that people have to the past and our history that causes even the most distant of relative to find some grief at the loss of another member of their family. Its a similar feeling (but not the same) when a person loses a family heirloom.

Sending healing, comforting, and positive energy to you and your family! :hugz:

May your father find solace in that arms of the universe. _pounce_

[SilverClaw]

Sending what I can for you to do as you see fit :hugz:

[dragoncrone]

That was how I felt when my father died; I was in my 20s and had not seen him, nor heard from him, since I was 5. I'm an only child and my mother was also gone.
I felt sad - but not the grieving kind over losing a parent - more a wistful regret, that he had never been part of my life.
That was many years ago. I have created my own 'family' as I have proceeded down my own path; I maintain close ties with those I truly love, and hope that when it's my turn to pass on, those I leave will simply be glad that they knew me.

Select a few 'emotional trinkets' to carry with you - choose them because they make you happy - otherwise they are just baggage and will weigh you down as you go forward.

Peace and Blessings.

[Brónach Druid]

Energy sent. :hugz:

[Lunacie]

Thank you all so very much. Energy, support and wise words all appreciated. :hugz:

[Brightshores]

:hugz: I know exactly how you feel... deaths are hard to deal with in any event, but become much more confusing when conflicting feelings and long-unresolved family issues come into play.

Peace to you.. I hope all becomes clear and you find your way through the emotional storm.

[Catiana]

:hugz:

[WitchOfEndor]

Supportive energy send your way & :::hugs::: as well.

[alwaysfallingup]

:hugz: Sometimes a death can trigger feelings that aren't connected to the death at all. When my husbands Great-Grandma passed away, I had only met her a few times. But, I quietly excused myself and slipped away at her funeral to go have a hysterical breakdown in the car by myself. I realized through it that I hadn't dealt with the loss of my own Great-Grandma, to whom I'd been very, very close, a year earlier.

Just let yourself feel whatever it is that you're feeling at the time it comes up, and then worry about what it might mean afterwards. Wisdom will come after you've let yourself feel. I'm sending thoughts of balance and discernment to you. :hugz:

[Against The Tide]

My thoughts are with you at this time, there is no such thing as an easy death and just because our individual relationship with the deceased was cold, it doesn't mean we can't sense the pain and anguish it can cause in others.

Death is a reminder to us all that our time on this earth is finite, that we wont have time to complete every plan, to love those close to us at the intensity we wish, nor to say sorry and seek forgiveness to those we've fallen out with.

Death is never fair and seldom welcome.

Its ok to feel the way you do. I wish I could write something more helpful at this time but I am affected by a recent loss to and its very difficult to put my feelings into words I am trying to steel myself for my friends and my friends family.

[Lunacie]

:hugz: Sometimes a death can trigger feelings that aren't connected to the death at all. When my husbands Great-Grandma passed away, I had only met her a few times. But, I quietly excused myself and slipped away at her funeral to go have a hysterical breakdown in the car by myself. I realized through it that I hadn't dealt with the loss of my own Great-Grandma, to whom I'd been very, very close, a year earlier.

Just let yourself feel whatever it is that you're feeling at the time it comes up, and then worry about what it might mean afterwards. Wisdom will come after you've let yourself feel. I'm sending thoughts of balance and discernment to you. :hugz:

That is so true. I remember when my hubby's grandmother was dying 12 years ago, I thought the reason I fell apart so badly afterwards was that it was the first time I sat with someone for several weeks watching them slip away. But what I was really grieving was the loss of the relationship with my hubby, although we didn't actually call it quits for another year.

I don't know what else I might be grieving at this time, unless it's the hope we all have of watching our children and grandchildren grow up into beautiful self-sufficient people and it's becoming oh-so-clear that my youngest granddaughter will probably never be self-sufficient.

And my Grove is going through some turmoil and that really hit me in the sefl-esteem, an area where I'm weak anyway. Group meeting tonight, thank you ALL for sharing good thoughts and energy so that I don't feel quite so much like I'm catching a double whammy right now. :fpraise:You guys are the greatest.