No Picnic: Man Charged With Screwing a Patio Table

[Laisrean]

Link (http://www.asylum.com/2008/03/31/no-picnic-man-charged-with-screwing-a-patio-table)

Police in Ohio say that a married father of three has confessed to repeatedly having sex with his patio picnic table.

Art Price, Jr., 40, has been charged with four counts of public indecency after a neighbor videotaped him getting all nasty with the umbrella hole in the middle of his plastic picnic table. Apparently preferring the table's legs in the air, Price reportedly flipped the table over before forcing himself inside of it.

Can a person's backyard be considered "out in public"? Maybe he'd better get a privacy hedge planted. 8O

[RavensEye]

That is just disturbing.

[Stormbeard]

You Can't Silence Their Love!!!

[Aidron]

Gods forbid anyone does what they wish on their own property - and in this instance, 'with'.

Shouldn't the nosy neighbor be punished for video taping on a whim like that? Our justice system is so pathetic.

[Flaire]

The real question here is...why was the neighbour videotaping the guy?

[Aidron]

The real question here is...why was the neighbour videotaping the guy?

Prexactly.

Do the people who do this just sit around video taping their neighbors in the hopes that they'll do perform some perceived illicit act?

P.S. I've been waiting on YOU to log on to Yahoo.

[aluokaloo]

:lol: I wonder if he's related to that guy who was caught having sex with his bike? and furthermore, if it was on his property why the hell would anyone care. If I were the dude I'd countersue for voyuerism.

[scorpiochick77]

OMG it was bad enough with that one guy and his bicycle and now this??:T Please tell me this table isn't made out of wood? I bet if it is then he'll think twice once he encounters a nice ol' splinter with the 'woody'.lol:veryweird

[la tortuga]

Gods forbid anyone does what they wish on their own property - and in this instance, 'with'.

Shouldn't the nosy neighbor be punished for video taping on a whim like that? Our justice system is so pathetic.

Totally.

The real question here is...why was the neighbour videotaping the guy?

EXACTLY! Perhaps the garden gnome tipped him off and intended to use it was black mail so HE could be the favorite!

ETA: Also, if it was a woman doing a similar thing, it's video taped and added in to a pornography collection... if it's a man he's turned in to the authorities and called "sick"?

[LostSheep]

What's wrong with that? Those self assembly tables need to be put together somewhere, don't they? What's that? Oh, it wasn't kind of s...

:foh:

[Flaire]

EXACTLY! Perhaps the garden gnome tipped him off and intended to use it was black mail so HE could be the favorite!

Yet another reason why you shouldn't trust garden gnomes. :ahhhh:

[Sequoia]

My guess is that the guy videotaped it because he figured nobody would ever believe him. :veryweird

[Garnet Heart]

The reason he's being charged is because his house is within spitting distance of an elementary school. I guess backyard nudity takes on a whole new color if minors could potentially witness it.

[Aidron]

The reason he's being charged is because his house is within spitting distance of an elementary school. I guess backyard nudity takes on a whole new color if minors could potentially witness it.

Oh yes, the children. Let us all alter the very landscape of existence to protect individuals which are in a temporary state of their being, because after all, they are the most precious commodity in this world and nothing compares to them in terms of value.

Forgive me if I have difficulty swallowing anything which uses the excuse "Think of the children!" to justify it.

It's not like he was doing it at the school, and by this logic we should never do anything due to the chance, no matter how great or how small, that a child somewhere, somehow, some time might witness it.

[Sequoia]

Oh yes, the children. Let us all alter the very landscape of existence to protect individuals which are in a temporary state of their being, because after all, they are the most precious commodity in this world and nothing compares to them in terms of value.

Forgive me if I have difficulty swallowing anything which uses the excuse "Think of the children!" to justify it.

It's not like he was doing it at the school, and by this logic we should never do anything due to the chance, no matter how great or how small, that a child somewhere, somehow, some time might witness it.

No no, he was visible from the school, she's saying. In that case, yeah, the guy should probably have put up a fence or something before doing that.

[Aidron]

No no, he was visible from the school, she's saying. In that case, yeah, the guy should probably have put up a fence or something before doing that.

Then a privacy fence would be wise, or at the very least, bring the table inside. Not for the children, mind you, but out of courtesy to the rest of us who may not enjoy your sexual escapades.

Now if he had a privacy fence, or a hedge, or something that obstructs the view of his actions when he is in a location such as this, I side with him. I still, however, do not side with "For the children!" as they are eventually going to grow up and stick their own ding dongs in picnic tables simply because previous generations are doing it too.

[LostSheep]

That does raise a philosophical point, though: just because one happens to live with spitting distance/earshot of a school (say), should one's freedom to do what one likes in one's own home or garden be constrained in case the children might witness/overhear it? Not necessarily in a case like this (which is slightly outside of the mainstream), but something like, one's choice of music, say? Or even, perhaps, freedom to smoke (legal substances), in case the children might see it?

Just some random thoughts to leave you with there.

[Laisrean]

No no, he was visible from the school, she's saying. In that case, yeah, the guy should probably have put up a fence or something before doing that.

The article says it was close to a school, but it didn't say whether it was visible from there or not. I suppose if it was visible the article would have been sure to say that, but it doesn't.

In any case, the charges were dropped.

[yarrow_elfglow]

thats really disturbing.....

[Glowy]

I think it is hilarious. :rollingla

[Stormbeard]

I think that providing the picnic table was over 16 years old, then it's ok.

[Liberty]

It's a piece of furniture for God's sake, it's not like he was molesting an animal.
Some people have sex toys, this guy prefers his picnic table, it's his table and if it's on his own property, I don't see why it's anyone else's business. Maybe the neighbor should be ticketed for being a peeping Tom, what's he doing looking into other people's backyard with a video camera? :confused:

I just hope his family didn't eat off of it later on, now that would be really icky.
Just read the article, okay the fact that he's pretty close to an elementary school was a bad decision on his part.

[Fluoxetine]

Was it consensual or did it come through illegal trade of garden furniture form the Far East?

[Stormbeard]

How shit does his wife have to be though?

"HI HONEY, I'M CHEATING ON YOU WITH A PICNIC TABLE AND TWO BENCHES"

[Garnet Heart]

Oh yes, the children. Let us all alter the very landscape of existence to protect individuals which are in a temporary state of their being, because after all, they are the most precious commodity in this world and nothing compares to them in terms of value.

Forgive me if I have difficulty swallowing anything which uses the excuse "Think of the children!" to justify it.

It's not like he was doing it at the school, and by this logic we should never do anything due to the chance, no matter how great or how small, that a child somewhere, somehow, some time might witness it.

Easy there, I was just stating a fact, not an opinion. I don't personally care much for kids, nor the "won't someone PLEASE think of the children" mentality myself.

However, I think if someone wants to regularly perform sex acts in his or her backyard in broad daylight without the neighbors bending over backwards to make it stop, he or she should probably invest in a farm or other rural accommodation as a matter of common sense if not legality.

[Green Fairy]

well humor has been added to my day.


and I too wonder, is his wife that bad, or is she not giving it up for him to resort to the picnic table.

MUST BE SOME PICNIC TABLE, THATS ONE HELL OF A MARKETING TOOL!!!

[RubyRose]

Scary

[Sage Rainsong]

How shit does his wife have to be though?

"HI HONEY, I'M CHEATING ON YOU WITH A PICNIC TABLE AND TWO BENCHES"


Well it takes two to tango you know. The table probably just sat in the back yard looking all sexy like, wearing table cloths so tiny that you can see it's umbrella hole. He's only human for gods sake!

[Nitefalle]

Scary

Scary like a fox!

[la tortuga]

Well it takes two to tango you know. The table probably just sat in the back yard looking all sexy like, wearing table cloths so tiny that you can see it's umbrella hole. He's only human for gods sake!

:rotfl:

[Beatnik Bettie]

Well it takes two to tango you know. The table probably just sat in the back yard looking all sexy like, wearing table cloths so tiny that you can see it's umbrella hole. He's only human for gods sake!

:lol:

Damn right - I've seen those little lacy tablecloths, they hardly cover a thing.

Seriously, what kind of ****ed up society is it whereby a guy can't even shag his own table without some nosy bastard sticking his face over the fence and videoing it?? He was in his own backyard, the fact that he was near a school is irrelevant. What you do on your own property should be your own business and nobody else's.

[Djiril]

Sheesh! Someone buy that moron a "fleshlight!"

[Toby Stimpson]

two things bug me about this...

1. Isn't it illegal to film a person on their property without their permission especially if they don't know your doing it??

and 2. I can kind o see why in Florida it's against the law to have sex with a garbage can now lol.

[Fluoxetine]

All images captured on public property into private property is legal. Unless the owner states otherwise, you can film from a sidewalk if the house/driveway is in view.

As this was taken by a neighbor from their private abode, it goes against law of personal space and privacy. I can take a picture of anyone unless they say otherwise. As consent was not given to be filmed and it came from a private address it breaches the law on privacy and the rule of photography from a public place.

If the person was seen from the road ETC then it would have been a different matter altogether.

[fire child]

Dave letterman did a top ten countdown to this one. was pretty funny.

Top Ten Excuses Of The Man Caught Having Sex With A Picnic Table
10.Got all worked up after looking through the IKEA catalog
9.C'mon, did you see that picnic table?
8.I was refinishing it and things just got out of hand
7.Just broke up with the pool table and didn't want to be alone
6.If you're gonna arrest every man who's had sex with a picnic table, you're gonna have to build a hell of a lot more prisons
5.Was curious if I could have sex with anything more flat and lifeless than my wife -- hiyooo!
4.Hey, a man has needs
3.My doctor said I have Restless Nuts Syndrome
2.It's not like I spent $4,000 for a hooker
1.Well, it was our anniversary

[Philosophia]

Well it takes two to tango you know. The table probably just sat in the back yard looking all sexy like, wearing table cloths so tiny that you can see it's umbrella hole. He's only human for gods sake!

Of course...I always knew those businesses that you buy them from were really brothels in disguise. I wonder if the police are onto them? :huh:

But he could've easily misread the instructions as well (insert "a" into the "b" slot).

[nightchild]

Link (http://www.asylum.com/2008/03/31/no-picnic-man-charged-with-screwing-a-patio-table)



Can a person's backyard be considered "out in public"? Maybe he'd better get a privacy hedge planted. 8O
LMAO......are you serious. Wow yeah some sort of privacy fence is in order here but in all I think it's time for Daddy to find a girlfriend!

[Glowy]

I think the neighbor did a public service... this guy probably liked to have other neigbors over for drinks and dinner on the patio, and we all know people don't really wash the patio furniture more than once a year,:rollingla

[Stormbeard]

I heard he cleaned it every night. Soft delicate water and sweet smelling fragant soaps.

Followed down with a linseed oil rubdown yeah you like that don't you patio table? Don't you? This is turning you on isn't it you filthy little wooden slut, you just LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE EAT OFF OF YOU LIKE YOUR WORTHLESS, WELL I CAN MAKE YOU FEEL WORTHLESS *zzzzzzziiiiip* I CAN MAKE YOU FEEL DIRTY

[Crysiira]

I heard he cleaned it every night. Soft delicate water and sweet smelling fragant soaps.

Followed down with a linseed oil rubdown yeah you like that don't you patio table? Don't you? This is turning you on isn't it you filthy little wooden slut, you just LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE EAT OFF OF YOU LIKE YOUR WORTHLESS, WELL I CAN MAKE YOU FEEL WORTHLESS *zzzzzzziiiiip* I CAN MAKE YOU FEEL DIRTY

Wow, that made me feel kinda dirty. :hahugh:

[Beatnik Bettie]

I feel all funny in my special area now.

[Stormbeard]

I feel all funny in my special area now.
Is that special area your patio?

[Beatnik Bettie]

I'd say it's more of a courtyard, actually.

[imapepper]

Bikes and patio tables. Wow. That's...special?

:rollingla

[Meadhbh]

I think this guy and the porn straw woman in the other thread ought to hook up.

[Miss Dana]

Really now, where else are you supposed to have a private affair with outdoor furniture? If he started bringing the table in the house every night and not the chairs, surely his wife would become suspicous.

[Shawn Blackwolf]

At least he was not as bad as the guy who named his private
golf course , and got caught having sex with it...:lol:

When questioned , his excuse was he was just trying to make
a hole in Juan...or was lawn balling...:abanana:...O , bowling that is...

[aluokaloo]

It's a piece of furniture for God's sake, it's not like he was molesting an animal.
Some people have sex toys, this guy prefers his picnic table, it's his table and if it's on his own property, I don't see why it's anyone else's business. Maybe the neighbor should be ticketed for being a peeping Tom, what's he doing looking into other people's backyard with a video camera? :confused:

I just hope his family didn't eat off of it later on, now that would be really icky.
Just read the article, okay the fact that he's pretty close to an elementary school was a bad decision on his part.

:rotfl:

[aluokaloo]

At least he was not as bad as the guy who named his private
golf course , and got caught having sex with it...:lol:

When questioned , his excuse was he was just trying to make
a hole in Juan...or was lawn balling...:abanana:...O , bowling that is...

:T and somewhere in the world, someone named Juan cringed