Totally clueless & nervous

[WitchOfEndor]

Hi All :)

My 13 year old daughter is in public school at the moment but I'm growing more & more concerned about the atmosphere as she goes into higher grades.My daughter has an IQ of 153, very bright & a very self motivated learner. The problem is that she has Asperger's Syndrome which is a part of the Autism Spectrum. ~sigh~ She has been on more than one occasion the target of bullying because she is'nt as socially aware as the rest of the kids in her school. She has one more year of middle school & I DO NOT want her to attend the High School as it is over populated & I just found out that there is a contingent of the gang "Bloods" in it as well. My daughter would drown in that place so I've been thinking of home schooling or unschooling her for High School. I have no idea how to go about it at all..

Could you all help me with any advice, tips or anything at all. I am so worried for her & she is so bright & kind, I don't want her to be treated badly by her peers just because she does'nt get the cliques & the cattyness that the so called "normal" kids display. This really is heart breaking. Help????

[Cake-eating_Moth]

Well, yes, homeschooling is an option. You're right in that the environment she's in now isn't good for her. I knew a girl who was autistic, but she went (we went) to a speciallized public/magnet school - the people she was in classes with were more mature and understanding (can we say more intelligent also) moreso than a regular public school.

So, if there's a magnet school in the area, look into it.

You could also try a Montessori school. I'm sure the majority of kids enrolled in schools like this would be much more understanding of your daughter.

Sorry I don't have more to offer :/. But good luck anyways; she does deserve a safe and accepting atmosphere to learn in.

[Shaman7]

I just visited boy with asperger's syndrome this evening. I've been working with this family for a couple of years. The boy is 17 now, amazingly intelligent, but completely unable to "normally" function is a social realm. His parents took him out of the local public school (which basically lumped him into classes with kids who have markedly low intellectual abilities) and found a private special-needs school in the area. He is doing much better than before, staying more focused and becoming more receptive to other people. Asperger's syndrome is a unique condition that requires an individualized curriculum, for sure.

Most public schools are unable to properly work with these unique, intelligent children. I understand that there is sometimes an aversion to sending children to "special" schools, but if a good one is available and you can afford it (some foundations may provide funding as well), it is well worth the investment. Home schooling is a great option, though it lacks some level of socialization that public/private schools provide. If you decide to home school, it is important to prepare your child for the social world, as much as it is important to teach her the academic basics.

Depending on what state or region you live in, the requirements for home schooling may be different. I'm sorry that I can't give you any specifics. I definitely recommend against public school in this instance though, if my description sounds anything like your experience.

[Ceres]

Some ideas for you to check out:

The teenage Liberation Handbook by Grace Llewellyn

This book is for teens to read, and their parents as well. Its sort of a how-to for the high school years. My daughter was about the same age as yours when she read it and was very inspired by it.

This site is specific to Ontario, but addresses the special needs some homeschoolers face with unschooling: http://www.ontariohomeschool.org/learndiff.shtml

Here are a collection of links for homeschoolers facing Autism: http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/weblinks/autism.htm

This is a message board for unschoolers and autism and I will warn you on this one that I havent found an unschooling message board that wasnt dominated by people practicing a form of parenting where children are never made to do anything they dont want to (like anything, doctor appointments, chores, anything) that I dont really agree with and may be represented here. My hope is that you find some of the more normal unschoolers there :lol: : http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AutismUnschool/


Many unschoolers or homeschoolers find the environment to be much more natural for teaching socialization, particularly to kids who are having trouble grasping it. School isnt a real social situation in that normally people are not grouped by age, made to conform to the extent schools expect and stuck with the same group for years on end.

The few parents of autistic kids I have met in my unschooler travels have said the experience was so much better for their kids. One mother said her son's doctor was so impressed with the improvements in his behavior that he was extolling the virtues of unschooling to others parents of autistic children in his practice.

Good luck with your decision and post again for more direction if your needs change!

[Faol-chù]

Home schooling is a great option, though it lacks some level of socialization that public/private schools provide. If you decide to home school, it is important to prepare your child for the social world, as much as it is important to teach her the academic basics.

Honestly, unless it is a school that is geared to handle "unique" kids to begin with, I'm not so sure that the 'socialization' they are going to receive is such a positive thing.

These kids know well that they are being separated out from "everybody else". That doesn't even cover the cruelty they experience from the 'other' kids who see them as "the ones with the problems".

..Sorry...everybody's got problems...and they've got strengths, too. I think that the categorization that kids (all kids) receive in such large school settings do not emphasize these points enough.

[bellamandu]

i know in our area there are actually classes you can take at the local tech schools on homeschooling. you should look around at some of the tech schools in your area, as well as look into government agencies and churches and rec centers. hopefully one of those should have classes or courses or help of some sort if you really decide to homeschool. just make sure you find out any requirements because i know it varies from state to state in the us, like here you have to actually pass an exam before you can homeschool.

the schools here are horrible, so more and more parents are deciding to homeschool. luckily, because of all the homeschooling thats going on, more and more resources have been popping up. also, take a wack on google and see what you find there, im sure you can find some helpful resources there as well.

have you thought about private schools, or is that a bit out of the budget?

[WitchOfEndor]

Thank you everyone for your help. I'm dealing with the school system & they're testing Katie now. I'm trying to get her into County school for Autism but they've not given much hope since she's so hugh functioning. Grr the head of Special Ed had the nerve to say in a letter that she could'nt understand why I was asking for Katie to be put into the special school when she has excellent grades & is'nt a behavior problem. Katie is starting to retreat into herself because of the pressure & the cruelty shown to her. She was once & open friendly child & now she comes home, gets into her PJ's & does'nt want to go anywhere. I can't get to go anywhere not even out to dinner on her 13th bday or to visit her beloved grandpa. This head of special Ed does'nt seem to think that my kids emotional state is' too important if it does'nt inconvinience them. At least that's the vibe I get off this abrasive woman. I get to meet this woman when the testing is done. I asked for the testing to be completed by the staff at the school of autism as they have the experience & this woman turned me down but said I was unhappy with the results of the first test, she could be retested with the people I requested in the first place.. Arrrgghh!!! My other daughter attends the school of Autism & it's a wonderful, loving & supportive enviroment.
If they won't approve Katie to goto the school of Autism then I will be homeschooling her. I just hope I can do a good enough job.. I am so frustrated & want to slap the head of special ed..

Sorry for ranting.. :wah:

[Terra Mater]

My 12 year old also has Aspberger's and though he has social issues, I have no worries about him drowning in the system. rather than homeschooling or unschooling, I have been "addschooling" him since he entered public school. Addschooling is my term for supplementing the public school curriculum with additional learning tailored to his needs including better ways to deal with cruelty from his peers and additional coping skills to keep him on track in class. The school has been quite helpful every step of the way and my son attends mainstream classes four days a week, supplement classes one day a week, and counselling once a week.

Most schools are actually quite capable of working with Aspberger's kids if the parents are willing to work with the schools. My son's needs are such that all his teachers meet with us before school begins each year to bring them up to speed on his "triggers" and his "code words". that one meeting a year and the packet I provide each teacher each year has gone a long way towards smoothing the path for my son through the public school system. The code words and triggers allow the teachers to defuse issues frustrating my son before he acts upon the frustration, often requiring little more than allowing him to remove himself from the stuation. The packets include the EDP plans from the previous years as well as effectiveness ratings for the different techniques used.

The teachers are always glad for the information we provide as it not only makes my son more manageable in class, it increases the quality of the time he spends in class without a huge effort on the part of the teachers devoted to one student. The world is not going to conform to my son's needs, so if I want him able to function within a flawed system, I have always felt public school is the best way for him to learn how to do that. Its not easy, but neither is life.

[WitchOfEndor]

I've been trying to get our school to help us for years now but not till middle school did they finally start to listen but so far only 2 of the 6 teachers Katie's got have been helpful. Girl Aspies tend to present different to Boy Aspies that's why usually Girl Aspies are'nt dx'd till much later. Girl Aspies tend to put on a happy face & act as if everything is fine, they're usually very passive & suffer in silence until it shows itself with depression etc. Katie does'nt act out her frustration, she swallows it & lets it fester. Sometimes I wish she would act it out just to release some steam. This is one of my main probs with the school, because she does'nt act out, she gets pushed aside. The world may not conform to my girls needs but I need to get her built up mentally & emotionally before she has to deal with the world on her own.

I'm happy for you & your Son Terra that you've been fortunate in having a good team of educators to help. I wish we had the same.

[Lyrien]

You might want to check if your school district offers scholarships. Where I live there is a scholarship for children with any form of disability that can be used in a private institution of your choice. I know of a couple of people that have received this and send their children to a Montessori school.

You may also see if your school district offers charter or magnet schools. These schools are usually MUCH smaller than the regular public school and lack much of the public school socialization opportunities that you are currently being proved at your DD's school. ie: bullying, gangs, etc. Due to reasons that I am not currently prepared to discuss, I am sending both of my children to a public charter for next year. It is k-7 and has 135 students. There are no gangs and bully behavior is swiftly addressed.

Homeschooling is a very good option as well. If you aren't confident in what or how you want to do things, there are also several online schools where your DD can take a class or two. There are also many, many resources available online to help find your way. It's rather difficult to find a forum such as this that doesn't have a Xtian bent, but there are a couple. The first think I would do is make sure you know what is required of you by the government. If you are in the US you can look by state at this (http://www.hslda.org/hs/state/default.asp) link. Once you click on your state you'll get a bunch of crap, but at the top there are tabs and one is LAWS. You can also find tons of infor just by googling your state and homeschool. If you have any specific questions regarding HSing, just ask. There are plenty of us here that can help.

Belle