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View Full Version : My MIL is a big meanie!



Marcasite
April 23rd, 2008, 11:42 AM
I've had it up to here with her! She has now "disowned" us. Honestly, I'm not too upset about it, it gets her off our back. But she continues to call and try and pick fights even though we're disowned.
The reason we're disowned? Because the baby shower invitations didn't go out until 2 weeks before the shower. The horror. She was also really mad that we were moving to London (but Andrew's been unemployed for months out here and has much better opportunities where we are moving) she claims that we don't want to be a part of the family.
I have been nothing but nice to this woman, even after she accused me of getting pregnant on purpose to trap Andrew, even after she continued to say mean things about me behind my back to my husband and his sister.
Andrew's upset cause he has no family left really (his Dad took off when he was 10 and he hasn't talked to him since). At first I figured this would all blow over, but she just keeps escalating things and it's wearing me out.
I don't want to deny my child a chance to know his Grandma, but I just don't have the stamina to deal with her anymore.

cesara
April 23rd, 2008, 11:54 AM
Awe, hon, I'm sorry you are going through this. Just remember, you can't control your MIL -- you can only control your actions and re-actions to her.

If you do wish to keep the bridge in tact, I would suggest you approach her with a 'the door is always open if you change your mind' olive branch and leave it at that. The next move will have to be hers.

Be gentle yet firm -- be the adult, as, it seems she is not, right now.

Good luck!

Ceres
April 23rd, 2008, 11:56 AM
She obviously knows very well and is exploiting Andrew's vulnerability to go to the extent of disowning you. And clearly it isnt really what she wants to do if she is still calling. There isnt much you can do, but let her rant and fume and then invite her to be part of yours lives when you can. You have to be the grown up here. The baby will probably do much to soften her tough stance, but of course he will bring his own new set of variables into your relationship to Andrew's family, upsetting an already unbalanced situation. Good Luck!

sarabethv
April 23rd, 2008, 12:34 PM
Sorry hon. My in-laws hated me, they were ever so happy when he dumped me. On the bright side, his new woman hated them and made him move across the country and not have contact with them. :D

My two cents:

See if you can get Andrew and the MIL to sit down and talk about this. You know, like adults are supposed to do? If they won't, stop taking her phone calls and refuse to listen when Andrew wants to talk about his mom's call. At this point, you cannot force her to do anything or not do anything, but you can refuse to be drawn in and you can control your reactions to her.

Lessarey
April 23rd, 2008, 02:15 PM
wow, i thought i was the olny one...my MIL refuses to acknowlege our 2 boys because i would not put my husband's first child, a daughter, before my own first 2 kids. i told her where to stick and how to get there. we don't hear from her very often and unfortunitly only see CiCi twice a year. my sympathy to you, i know how hard it can be on your relationship.

lisa

Marcasite
April 23rd, 2008, 05:12 PM
ugh, she has now convinced her entire side of the family not to show up for or send gifts for our baby shower. That's pretty immature. Honestly, I just want to move away and not give her our address or phone number. Andrew insists he's never talking to her again. I'm sort of past caring, we don't really need her drama in our lives. I'm just so mad right now! Hopefully I'll be calmer later, but I'm totally burned up!

BlackLili
April 23rd, 2008, 05:45 PM
:hugz: sounds like she's all kinds of special.

sorry 'bout his luck in family and your residual luck.

have u tried freezing her to see if she could chill out?

sarabethv
April 23rd, 2008, 05:55 PM
ugh, she has now convinced her entire side of the family not to show up for or send gifts for our baby shower. That's pretty immature. Honestly, I just want to move away and not give her our address or phone number. Andrew insists he's never talking to her again. I'm sort of past caring, we don't really need her drama in our lives. I'm just so mad right now! Hopefully I'll be calmer later, but I'm totally burned up!

Sweetie, this is where you send a note (even email) to each of the folks who do not attend (but wait until after the shower cause some may come anyway) and say; "I'm sorry you couldn't attend our baby's shower. I understand that you did not come due to <insert MIL name>. If this is the case, I am most truly sorry that I can no longer include you in our family. You will not be invited to any gatherings, nor will we accept any invitations.

How did you find out she has convinced her side of the family not to attend? If it was from her, then don't take it seriously until it happens. You know, various members of families love nothing more than to cause uproars and get everyone all upset.

Also, tell Andrew that saying he will never talk to his mother again is rash and probably not a good idea. He needs to sit down and talk to her. Let her know where he stands (see my above post where you both need to talk to her). Then, if he cannot deal with her, a card on mother's day, her birthday and christmas.

P.S. also consider that she may be afraid. You guys are moving to London - an ocean away, any mother would be upset, and she may see it as your doing.

Sun Sprite
April 23rd, 2008, 06:10 PM
Sometimes - distance makes the heart grow fonder. Perhaps just what you need is that distance so she learns to treasure her visits with her son and grandchild.

You, your husband, and child do not need that stress. Constantly walking on eggshells because of her will only cause the child to believe walking on eggshells is normal, and he or she might pickup on her behavior and use it against, or between you and your husband in a few years.

RainInanna
April 23rd, 2008, 07:07 PM
I'm sorry. You're right, she stinks, what a brat. No doubt she is trying to manipulate Andrew. I know that kind of mother in law, I had one years ago. Hopefully as you wait it out she'll come around in her own time. One good thing, at least Andrew is not taking her side on this.

wrenjamin
April 24th, 2008, 09:12 AM
Yuck. That totally sucks, hun. She's been giving you problems for a while now, too, but as RainInanna said, at least the hubby is with you on this one?

*hugs*

Haerfest Leah
June 24th, 2008, 09:08 PM
I froze my mother n law for about 2 years and it's worked quite well. Now I've just completely disowned her. I was cordial on our vacation in May where I have to be at her house and visit some but as soon as we leave she is always the last thing on my mind.

Mine treated me/us the same way yours is. I think she's finally gotten the point that we don't care about her anymore.