Battered Womens Shelters.

[Danustouch]

If you've read my thread on Child Services, you should pretty much have a good idea of some of the history of this situation. But I wanted to post this seperately from that thread, to make sure it didn't get lost.

The broken bird, has been set free to fly. Shannon, with any luck, is at this moment in a Battered Womens Shelter. With any luck, they will have the vacancy that Shannon and her kids can fill. She needs to get away from her husband, and her interfereing family, as well as find the support network, aid, and counseling that she and her children will need.

I have been urging her to do this. Have been giving her numbers to call all week, and setting up various appointments for her. It is what I think would be the best possible thing for her right now.

And while I will be ecstatically happy if she finds her "niche" in a shelter.....i'm also going to miss her badly, and worry about her, and wonder what is going on in her life.

I've never known anyone in a shelter before. So have no idea what happens now. I know that the shelter must be kept in absolute secrecy. She cannot reveal the name of the shelter to me, nor the location. Only the city that it is in. She says she wants to stay in contact. She thanked me effusively for all that I've done. And I hope that she CAN stay in contact.

What I'm asking, is do womens shelters allow women who live there to have contact with friends and family whom they wish to have contact with? Or does entering one of those shelters kind of resemble a witness protection program? Do they have to hide from everyone, or only the people who are the source of their problems? Are the women allowed to still visit friends?

In this case, there is no reason yet to think that her husband will become an all out stalker. And if he was stalking her, he wouldnt' find anything out from me. She's mostly going there because in order to leave her mentally abusive marriage, and her mentally abusive family, she will need to be in a shelter. For one, since nobody else can help her financially, materially, with transportation, or with finding a new place to live away from her mentally abusive, and sick family, and secondly, because she will really need the kind of counseling that such shelters can provide.

Do you think she'll be able to stay in contact? Or should I just try to have faith that she will be okay, and be grateful that she is in a safe place?

[Badgerval]

I don't know if it is the same on that side of the pond - but here (UK) I have done some work with shelters, and the women can keep in touch by phone or letter, as long as they don't give away where it is (however much they trust those they are in touch with - anyone can be tricked). They can phone out, but do not have the number they are phoning from and no way of getting it, so that they can't give it out

[Yvonne Belisle]

I have been in a battered women's shelter here in the US. You can call and write to friends and family. Often you are listed under an assumed name so even if he called every shelter in the area if he didn't have that he wouldn't know she was there. It is a wonderful thing for a battered wife since she will get the support she needs to fly on her own.

[Faery-Wings]

Good luck to your friend. I hope that she gets the help and supposrt that she needs.

And hugs to you Danus, for being such a good friend.

[beautifuldisaster]

Waht u and ur friend are doing is very brave and will take many sacrifices on both ends of ur relationship, but it is for the best. When I was younger I lived in a womens shelter for a very long time. It was a hard decision for my mother to make but it was a sacrifice that had to be made. My mom was able to maintain contact with her friends but it was limited. Staying at the shelter was one of the most unforgettable experiences of my life and I will be thankul forever to all the peole that helped us get there and that continued to stay by our side after we 'escaped' from my 'dad'