They're Right. Buisness and Pleasure DONT MIX!

[Danustouch]

Okay...need some ethical advice here.

My husband and I decided a few months ago, to work on a website together. While he will do much of the actual design work, I have had a GREAT deal to do with the imput. Choosing the Domain name, taking pictures, modeling for pictures, finding other models, shopping for supplies for the pictures (it is an art site, not porn heh.) uploading the pictures, etc.

Since he is the one doing all of the design work, I agreed that he should get a HIGHER percentage of the profits of the site we are doing. I'm thinking 60-40. Now, granted, yes, we do live together. So in the end, it all works out. BUT I haven't had a job for more than a year. I have no health insurance, no dental. I have not a penny to my name, exclusively, and every time I want ANYTHING I have to ask HIM for it. While he does have a "regular job" and even a side buisness which I help him with and do not get paid. I think that that deal is VERY fair.

I even tried to negotiate a deal with him, that I would give him a higher percentage for the first three months, so he could cover domain registration, and advertising costs. So...70-30 for the first three months. After that, the percentages would return to 60-40.

Husband doesn't think that this deal is at all fair. He believes since he is doing the design, even though I have done most of the modeling, ALOT of the photography, have had immense creative imput, found models, chose domain name, done supply shopping, etc, that I should get no more than 20 %.

He is also unwilling to sign a contract with me, stating that this is the understanding, and that if our relationship ever dissolves, that the website will be returned to me, OR he will continue to pay me my profits.

Needless to say, I really feel that I am being porked. He feels that I am being rediculous. Please help to settle this debate! ADVICE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[flar7]

ok........ Is situation you should not allow yourself to get in, but
that is hindsight........ 1. Do you feel THAT strongly about it?
2. Is it worth a VERY SERIOUS fight?(it will break down into huge
trust issues.) 3. Is your work finished?(quit helping/strike, if not)
4. Any witnesses to this venture other than you and spouse?



If you cant have a serious talk without a very bad fight, then it
may not be worth it. If on the other hand, principles are more
important than marriage......then.....go for it.

money and marriage are killers...........:(

you could try explaining some of the fairness, and power control
problems that are inherent here. If he has all the money he is
using this as power over you whether he admits it or not. Cold
hard fact.

[Phoenix Blue]

First, I'd say, stop helping him with any aspect of this site until you and him have worked out an agreement.

Second, explain to him why you want 40%--you feel you're worth 40% of the money, since you're doing 40% of the work; and you want an independent source of income that you can call your own.

Honestly, as a programmer, I'll tell you that a minimum of my work is actual coding. The early design phases, when I determine what I want a page to look like, are probably the most involved. So if he's insisting that he's doing almost all the work just because he's the one writing the code. . . well, you can rest assured I wouldn't hire him to design anything of mine. By the time you get to, "I need code that will do this, this, and this," 60% of the work is already done.

It sounds like there're some underlying issues here regarding your financial independence as well. You really do need a source of income of your own, I think. . . *soft smile* and he's too used to being in control of all the finances to give that to you. Under the circumstances, you may be better seeking an alternative avenue of partnership for your web design ideas.

[*~*Chary*~*]

Well firstly, i have just finished (well not really still adding bits here and there but the main things are done) my own message boards as you can see from my signature. And to tell you the truth i did all the coding and design myself (the coding took me 2 hours ... the design, research, smilies blah blkah blah all took me about 4days so in fact it is really you doing most of the work.

I would definetly stop helping him,

And if he refuses to sign a contract and also give you what you want tell him he is not allowed to put your piuctures on the net. If he does then you have cause to charge him.

Personally i think that everything in a marriage shoudl be 50-50 yet you are willing to go 40-60/30-70 and still he thinks thats too much. Hah !!!

I think he needs to get his priorities and also his views on marriage and on you sorted out !!!

Love
Chary xxx

[Danustouch]

Ugh. He will NOT listen to reason. I hope he see's this later and realizes that I'm not just batty, that there is a real reason why I'm saying that it should be more equal. Thanks guys. Sometimes, he makes me question whether or not I am just being petty, even though I personally think that I'm just making good buisness sense. *Sigh* Ladies, beware of Taurean males!

[Yvonne Belisle]

Ack! I live with one. One of my boys is one and that boy is stubborn! Good luck getting this straightened out.

[Old Witch]

Have you ever heard of Lysistrata?

[Danustouch]

Sounds familiar. What is it?

[Danustouch]

Never mind...I remembered. World Lit in College. This is the sex strike that all the athenian women held during the peloponesian war, right?

Hah...I can't comment, except to say, that won't work. :(

[Old Witch]

:lol: Close enough........Okay..........

[flar7]

lithium? similar to lysistrata but without the sexual stuff......

[Old Witch]

:rotfl:

[ShadowStorm]

...then when he turns around to ask for help, or your input...he'll realise very quickly how valuable you are.

MEN!!!!!

I am totally fed up with them. :razz:

Draco, my husband, is sweet most days, about 70% of the time, but LOL!!! those tempramental days are enough to drive me to drink!!!!!!!!!!!

the trick is to make them realise that you are not just a body!!! so when your brain is required and it's not there...they realise what they're missing.

Works like a charm.

At least with draco!!!!!

[Sequoia]

uhg! That's a pretty low-level angle on fairness, if he thinks that's unfair! What does he think you're going to do with your part of the money, anyway, hoard it or buy a boyfriend or something? Crimany, it's the same house, for heaven's sakes. He'll probably be seeing some of it come back at him anyway. And even if that weren't so. . . everyone so far is right. I've been working on websites for years now. . . it takes a lot longer to figure out what you want to do and to arrange it and get all the supplies and such together, than the actual coding itself. Half of that can even be copy-and-paste, depending on what you're doing. *shakes her head* if anything, he deserves the 40 and you deserve the 60. He is being way too controlling.

btw - my dad's a Taurus. We have much trouble :D I'm a Scorpio. We can see what this gets us into. Well, I can see. He doesn't -_-;; "I'm your father and I'm the Male so you listen to me." They like to be in charge and not be questioned, methinks. . . *chuckles*

[Wyrdsister]

Well, I'm a Taurean women, and a web page programmer, and what he is demanding of you is NOT fair. If he still refuses, tell him to take it up with ME - I'll set him straight!! :D :D

Wyrdsister

[Danustouch]

Well, we worked out an arrangement that is still not exactly what I would like, but at least a BIT more equitable to both of us. As for the contract, he still won't sign. Still working on him about that. What he DOES Plan to do though, is work with IBill for the site, and list me as a secondary receiver with them. So my percentage would go directly into my own account with IBill. Sounds a little more promising, at least. However, I still want to get him to sign a contract saying that if ever we should dissolve our marriage, or buisness partnership, he'll either take the website down, or continue to give me my benefits. I'll keep working on him about that, and try to get him to put it into writing.

Thanks for all your support guys. Nice to know that I'm not the only one to think he's being rediculous!

[WandererInGray]

Danus,

I still wouldn't do the work until he signs the contract. There's no reason he should be balking at that...it protects both of you.

[flar7]

hmmm, the contract. thats a tuffie. depends on several things
that only you two know.



here is my take, naive(sp?) as it is. Kinda like a pre-nuptial agreement.
some feel that they are admitting in advance that it wont work out. also the matter of trust comes into being. do you trust him
to be with you forever? one assumes so upon marriage, so then
the idea of breaking up is unpalatable to even consider no matter
what trivial detail you are talking about. (kinda rambled sentence)

But, if you have worked out a payment arrangement with a third
party, that could be used in court at a later date if needed. Heaven forbid.



marriage and money.......very tricky.:eek: ick.

good luck with the website!

[Phoenix Blue]

**Nods at flar** It's a tricky issue. And I think a lot of folks make it into more of one than it needs to be.

Danus does a share of the work. She deserves a share of the money. Whether she's married to her business partner or not is irrelevant. Similarly, any other business relationship you engage in should be a separate matter entirely from personal relationships--whether the person you're dealing with is a total stranger or your significant other.

Alternately, simply treat your friends and loved ones as if there were never any debt to be paid. **Smiles** Share costs, but don't share accounts. And give freely to one-another.

[kblackthorne]

My hubbie & I tried several ways of combining our finances before we got married... only to settle on one that appalls everyone else, but works for us (even though it's somewhat "unfair" to me).

I think Flar's right, and the issue with the contract may be similar to the issue with a pre-nup.

Of course, from some of the things you've said, it seems that at the moment, disolving the marriage doesn't sound impossible to you.

Assuming I'm reading things right and that's there (whether as a fear, a wish, or whatever), let's look at it a bit:

I don't suppose you live in a Community Property state? If so, then any assets that come in after you're legally married belong to both of you equally. So the web-site would be considered by the courts to belong to both of you equally, and you'd probably be awarded 50% of it.

If not... do the two of you own or rent your home? Do you have a car? What do you think would likely happen to them in a divorce?
As a non-working wife in a non-community property state, you can probably count on alimony, at the very least. And I'm betting the amount of that alimony would be far greater than the 40% of the web-site you're asking for!

[Yvonne Belisle]

Even just living together there is palimony :)

[flar7]

I was doing a fer instance Danu, ya know I want the best for
you two! whatever it takes to have a successful and happy life
together should come first, and sadly sometimes that means that
one gives more than the other. Doesnt mean that the other
doesnt care, just that they dont have your vision and see what
you see. unfair but true.

Please dont take any of our advice as an advice on how to break
up!

Just wanted to point that out.:)

[StormChaser]

my ex bf and I are working on a site, in fact we took pix today

After the loan to the company is paid back *hes paying all the start up fee* EVERYTHING is 50\50 because of his equipment and photography, my modeling and design. We have a contract.
When i start doing photography and bringing in other models I will get paid more because I will be spending more time and effort than he will.

If you are actually INVOLVED in other parts of webproduction, you are a buisness PARTER and therefor entitled to a bit more than a crappy 20%. I think about every website owner I know would agree. If you are just a model.. you get paid a modeling fee.

[kblackthorne]

Yes -- I wasn't trying to tell you to get a foot out the door.

But the contract is for "worst case scenario" (I gather), so I was trying to look at what that scenario might entail.

Thanks, Flar, for pointing out how that could have come across. I'm probably a bit more pessimistic today, because of my own personal garbage. (Hubbie is less than great at dealing with a crisis...)

But I also find that looking at what happens if the worst really does come to pass can sometimes help clear up a muddy situation.

[Danustouch]

Yes..the contract is a "Worst case scenario" type deal. Our relationship has always had its severe ups and downs. And there have been times we have thought of ending it. So...I feel I need that contract as a "Worse Case Scenario" Just in CASE things all go downhill. I do need to protect my interests. If we did end our marriage, I personally wouldn't care if he paid me my profits....as long as he took the site off the net. If he kept it up though, and it has photo's of me, my creative name, my creative imput..boy wouldn't that be adding insult to injury, if he didn't pay me? That's all I'm saying. I want to make sure I'm treated fairly. And I know many a relationship that once fallen apart, left one or both partners really feeling cheated in more ways than one.