Need help to heal & move on

[Deb13b]

I had my heart well & truly broken at the start of the year. He was "the one". Never felt like that about anyone before. And sh*t I need to heal myself & move on.

I seemed to be picking up a little but the last 3 weeks have seen me crash back down again. I have never felt so lost & alone, I'm stuck in this dark place. It doesn't help that I see him driving around town. He blanks me, crosses the road to avoid me. I just can't deal with this grief anymore. I need to let go of the past, forget him.

I was thinking of some sort of ritual to let go of the hurt feelings & negativity, to heal myself etc. Am going to hit the books & start pulling ideas together, but I would also greatly appreciate help & ideas from all of you !

Oh, & this thread will probably explain the reason behind my sig to you lol !

[Tanya]

I don't know about rituals.. but I have some practical thoughts...

I went through this once and I can share how I survived....

1. Exercise.... it helps clear the head and it makes you feel good about yourself
2. GO OUT... with anyone, anywhere, anytime (so long as its safe!) You need to feel a little bit like you life is moving on.

3. get back into or explore a hobby you like (again.. to recover your own life)

4. meditate... give yourself some quiet time to think and heal and plan what comes next.

5.Look after yourself... eat properly, avoid drugs and alcohol (they will make you feel more depressed), take long baths, buy some nice lotions, soaps, flowers... LOVE YOURSELF.

good luck, and blessed be, sweetie...

[Sequoia]

I'm vaguely remembering something I was told many years ago...

If you have any kind of letters or photos of him, set a safe fire and toss them in, while visualizing cutting any ties you had to him.

Do NOT do something stupid like try to burn them from a candle or something like that!!!

I've also heard a variant on this where you put the photos, letters, etc into a shoebox and bury them. So if you don't have access to a fireplace of some sort, this might be a viable alternative.

But basically, you want to focus on cutting your ties with him... because it sounds like at this point you're still emotionally attached.

Saying a prayer to your goddess of choice may also be helpful... set aside some quiet time to say a prayer for healing for yourself, and light a candle to carry your message. I've always found that to be effective for many things.

[greenmoon]

Burning photos is a very powerful releasing ritual that I've just been discovering in the last year or so. Just do it in a safe place.

Sedona method is also pretty cool for release.

[SilverClaw]

You could do a cording and you can do visual meditations of letting the person go... brb with a link for you ...

[SilverClaw]

Here is the link and the quote from the link , one version of the cording exercise is mentioned in this thread and the visual meditation is also in that link, though I named it differently back then.
http://mysticwicks.com/showpost.php?p=2003614&postcount=16


(I learned about the cording exercise about two years ago on another psychic development forum)

When I do the cording exercise what I do is, visualize myself within me. I walk among the cords and let my intuition guide me as to which direction to take and what cord to go to first. I do not unhook it like you describe but rather take and cleanse each cord. And depending on whom I am dealing with at the time then I decide to make the break or cut as it were. And to do that I raise energy by chanting based on the circumstances, usually it involves me reflecting their energy away from me and then once I am ready I break the cord.

And I can tell you that when I did that and the rest of the cleansing of the other cords I could not believe how wonderful I felt afterwards... doing the cording exercise was a break through for me in my visualizing skills and concentration.

Other things I have done and will do again if needed and depending on my resources at the time, is my own type of binding spell that involves visualising the person I am dealing with pushing them down into the spiral starting at the end in which it opens and continue to see them going till they are in the center and are so small that they just disappear. Usually I can do this a number of ways including candle magick, or just using incense it is very easy to use.

[cheddarsox]

Hugs, been through this myself in the past couple of years, and it's getting better, but it is a hard process.

Everyone has given you great advice.

All the stages of grief that apply to any huge loss apply here. It might help you to read a grief book, so you will feel less crazy.

The less you obsess the better. So delete him from your friends list, don't check out his web page, don't hang out where you might see him, etc.

Part of what you are grieving for is the loss of the parts of yourself that he helped you access. So it's like picking through the rubble after a tornado. As you go, you will find some things a total loss, but you will also, happily find that some things you first assumed were gone, are ok, even untouched by the storm. And some things may take some TLC, but they will recover.

Others have survived this and you can too. When it gets real tough, reach out, just like you did here, and let the stories of others give you hope.

Writing helped me, somedays it was rage, others sadness, others sweet memories, others being honest about the not so good things in the lost relationship. And some days I just had to say "no" to "going there" emotionally.

Some days I just forced myself to put my energy into something with a better return...friends, my job, my home, reaching out to someone new. And when I got something back, something to show for my efforts, that reinforced my saner behavior.

If I sit and obsess about the loss, I lose time, energy, self esteem. If I get up and clean, contact a friend, work on a project, I have something to show for it. That really does help me.

more hugs,

cheddar

[LotusFlower]

:strike:

[Deb13b]

Just wanted to say thank you, the advice you have all given me is VERY good advice ! And yes, I'm going to follow ALL of it !

Sometimes, you know deep down what you should be doing, but it takes hearing it from someone who isn't involved, to start putting it right in your head. Hope that makes sense.

xx

[Gwinevere_Rain]

I went through something similar myself. It hurts like hell and takes *forever* to get past. A little while ago I posted a prayer on my e-zine that I wrote to help me move forward. It may help you too: http://www.copper-moon.com/2008/04/prayer-for-spir.html