Wertdagf
May 18th, 2008, 05:37 PM
last few nights ive had dreams of rage and saddness. its always brought on by a dream where there is senseless violence and pain inflicted by somone anonomous. it fills my heart with saddnes and takes my breath away and i roar and it never ceases. thinking of it makes my heart feel pressed on like being in water thats to cold to breath in.
this morning i remeber having a dream where i was with friends and then we where attacked. it discribed itself as a death god and said that i was one of the few that could see it because of something i understood i didnt really sense anger or malice then but playfull sarcasm in its real attempts at killign those i was with. . it told me that i would be just like it with a smile. i leapt at it with all the intention of showing it all of the pain it had attempted to cause and i woke.
im as good as they come and you could litteraly ask anyone who im around and they would confrim that about my character. ive always tried to make myself worthy of power i would never receive, open to knowledge that may never be shared, and capable of saving those why may not deserve it.
Ive had it happens 2 times so far where i was just sitting on the couch and then i had thoughts and emotions enter my head and i lost hold of reality. i saw a man sitting in a chair.. he may have been tied there. i dont know what was being said but he was being interrogated. i had a feeling it was me in that chair. when i came to my heart was filled with sadness and fear i fell off the couch onto the floor with my mind realing i thought that i would stop breathing and was going to die right there on the floor. i closed my eyes and laid my hands down by my side while laying on my back. i knew i had to forget what ever it was that i knew because i couldnt handle it then. i got up and was fine but still shaken.
the second time i was with a friend who invited a girl over who was a single mother who was working on getting her part time custody of her child back because as of right now she had almost none because of a previous assult charge. she explained how she was just about to get her license back after her last DWP. the next day she came over again angry telling me how she had just bought a car and got antsy and decided to drive her new car to the gas station even though she had no licence only a few weeks away form getting her privligaes back. while driving to tthe gas station she got pulled over by a cop that had givin her the last DWP and who knew when she was able to drive agian. she was taken to jail bailed out by my friend and now was sitting there telling me this. after i had heard this i felt sick and i felt horrible saddnes and anger whell up inside me my eyes started to tear and i ran off into the bathroom mid conversation i couldnt concetrate on anything other than this hopelessness it was irrational and extreme. i stood int the bathroom agianst the wall and plugged my ears and closed my eyes and tried to find myself i did and i was fine and it went away. she left shortly after.
theres a lot of material here to respond to so get to it.
this morning i remeber having a dream where i was with friends and then we where attacked. it discribed itself as a death god and said that i was one of the few that could see it because of something i understood i didnt really sense anger or malice then but playfull sarcasm in its real attempts at killign those i was with. . it told me that i would be just like it with a smile. i leapt at it with all the intention of showing it all of the pain it had attempted to cause and i woke.
im as good as they come and you could litteraly ask anyone who im around and they would confrim that about my character. ive always tried to make myself worthy of power i would never receive, open to knowledge that may never be shared, and capable of saving those why may not deserve it.
Ive had it happens 2 times so far where i was just sitting on the couch and then i had thoughts and emotions enter my head and i lost hold of reality. i saw a man sitting in a chair.. he may have been tied there. i dont know what was being said but he was being interrogated. i had a feeling it was me in that chair. when i came to my heart was filled with sadness and fear i fell off the couch onto the floor with my mind realing i thought that i would stop breathing and was going to die right there on the floor. i closed my eyes and laid my hands down by my side while laying on my back. i knew i had to forget what ever it was that i knew because i couldnt handle it then. i got up and was fine but still shaken.
the second time i was with a friend who invited a girl over who was a single mother who was working on getting her part time custody of her child back because as of right now she had almost none because of a previous assult charge. she explained how she was just about to get her license back after her last DWP. the next day she came over again angry telling me how she had just bought a car and got antsy and decided to drive her new car to the gas station even though she had no licence only a few weeks away form getting her privligaes back. while driving to tthe gas station she got pulled over by a cop that had givin her the last DWP and who knew when she was able to drive agian. she was taken to jail bailed out by my friend and now was sitting there telling me this. after i had heard this i felt sick and i felt horrible saddnes and anger whell up inside me my eyes started to tear and i ran off into the bathroom mid conversation i couldnt concetrate on anything other than this hopelessness it was irrational and extreme. i stood int the bathroom agianst the wall and plugged my ears and closed my eyes and tried to find myself i did and i was fine and it went away. she left shortly after.
theres a lot of material here to respond to so get to it.