An Aspergers Blog

[SphinYote]

Don't have much time online this week (cafes with free wireless are good) as I'm on break, however a friend guided me to this and I thought people here might be interested:

http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.com/search/label/Aspergers

Yote

[GEBS]

Thanks for the link! :smile:

[WitchOfEndor]

thanks hun :)

[Cloaked Raven]

Thank you for the link and sharing your experiences and knowledge with us, SphinYote.

[WolfWhoSings]

Thank you.

I've read much of this so far while nodding in agreement, in fact, I'm going to be sending some links to people who have known me for a long while as a sort of "explanation."

[Xander67]

Thank you Yote!

Things like this would have helped me a lot as a kid, but as an Adult now, I am able to deal with things that come up. Especially learning to pay more attention to people's body language while we are talking , I shut up as soon as their eyes start to roll, or the slightest indication they are just not interested in what im sayin.

[SphinYote]

No problem. I fiure that if I find something that's useful or insightful to me, maybe it'll be helpful to others, too....


Things like this would have helped me a lot as a kid, but as an Adult now, I am able to deal with things that come up. Especially learning to pay more attention to people's body language while we are talking , I shut up as soon as their eyes start to roll, or the slightest indication they are just not interested in what im sayin.

Yes, there are so many things I look back on and see patterns that neither I nor anyone else really understood when I was younger....it helps me to read the other patterns people have picked up on and see if its meanigful or helpful in relation to my experience....the thing I've noticed about looking at things from the perspective of too many (though by no means all) psychologists is that there is a tendancy only to look at or modify the manifest behaviors, rather than look for the causes, and approach change from that perspective (that is slowly changing, but interestingly none of the councellors at the cener on campus who I talked to knew anything about the sensory issues that are often associated with Aspergers, they just used their manual (can't remember the acronym) as a symptom checklist, which is seriously lacking in information for some disorders.....if you want to call it a disorder....

In my particular case, the information on sensory distortion, metabolic issues, etc, has been especially helpful, but I've had to do that research mostly on my own. But also just reading explanations for certain day to day rituals (like the "hello how are you ritual" which I understand intellectually, but not really instinctively... I have to consciously remind myself to say hello rather than just jumping into things, and consciously remind myself that people tend not to want an honest answer to "how are you?" if you're not having a good day).

I've learned more about how to respond to and ask questions, more about how one is expected to behave, in the last five years than I ever understood before, but its still tricky sometimes....always wonder how much I'm really understanding, or how much the other person is...

Yote

[Lunacie]

:bigredgri If someone asks me how I'm doing, I'm going to tell the truth, whether that's what they want to hear or not.

Of course, I don't belabour the point. Just say "I've got a headache today, and how are you doing?"

Social niceties that involve lying are something that makes absolutely no sense to me. That's as dumb as answering the phone and listening to a sales pitch for something I have no intention of buying, I simply say "No thanks" and hang up the phone.

[Xander67]

well, If I am having a hard day at work, or not doing well but dont want to get into it, if someone asks how I am I just say, "oh hanging in there"

lol

[WolfWhoSings]

I have to consciously remind myself to say hello rather than just jumping into things, and consciously remind myself that people tend not to want an honest answer to "how are you?" if you're not having a good day

*Laughs* Oh yeah, that took me a long time to learn!

The literalism is something most people don't understand. My best friend comes from an Irish family that was prone to hyperbole. He would say things like "This has been the worst day of my life!" and I would be horrified for him. He's since learned to notch it back a bit, or add, "Not literally."

I still have a lot of trouble in conversations with more than one person - the delay in response leading to what I have to say now being several concepts behind, and not wanting to interrupt, but at least I'm now conscious of some of these things I do and that they're not what most people are doing.

[SphinYote]

I still have a lot of trouble in conversations with more than one person - the delay in response leading to what I have to say now being several concepts behind, and not wanting to interrupt, but at least I'm now conscious of some of these things I do and that they're not what most people are doing.

Yes. I'm working on my masters...haven't told anyone because first, I do want to get through this on my own, to know that I can, and second, technically I'm not formally diagnosed even though the councellors did unofficially confirm it...so the not being able to easily respond thing is an issue, especially in seminar classes.

I think my advisor was just trying to goad me into speaking up more as she's not aware of circumstances, but it was rather annoying when she called me a coward for not speaking up enough....that was over a year ago, but I also have this rather annoying habit of not being able to let go and forget about things that happened a long time ago.

I tend, in order to make it easier on my own sanity, to force myself to assume that any criticism that is said too directly or bluntly is meant in a semi-humorous vein, that they really do mean well, and I do think that's true of my advisor...I did try to take note of body language in that instance because it caught me so offguard that she'd be that direct...she was smiling a little, and just seemed a bit frustrated.....she followed up by saying that I needed to speak up more because I did have interesting things to say....

And honestly, despite the fact that it can be rather embarassing at times, I do appreciate those times when people do speak up...I don't always see a negative pattern until someone points it out to me....

In my case its not only the distraction that other people and their interactions represent, its also that I really can't focus that well on the spoken word. In lectures, when I'm taking notes, its fine, but in seminars i can't take notes, process what's said, and effectively respond while comprehending other people's responses....I lose track of words and can't focus effectively enough to frame an adequate response....usually involves a lot of stuttering and tripping over words, and false starts, which serves to embarass me and make it worse.... However, if I'm presenting a paper, and have it with me to read, I do fine...then I know that body language (unless its telling me my time is up, or that people can't hear and I need to speak up) is mostly irrelevant and I can ignore it.

Meh, at times I do regret my decision to keep quiet about things....sometimes I wonder if she would have taken more time to explain things more thoroughly if I had let her in on things....on the other hand, if I'm going to be stubborn and not get an official dx, then I can't really expect them to cater to anything...

Its one of the things I appreciate about the web and message forums, the timing is such that I have time to read, interpret, frame my thoughts....I might not always do it in the best manner, but at least I have the opportunity to try, and improve.

So much of the time I think we don't react/express our emotions in day to day life because we stand there trying to figure out how....what do the circumstances dictate, then we realize our timing is off, its too late to react, the situation is past or we just aren't certain if our response is acceptable (because so often it isn't, or we perceive disapproval--or at least I do) and just hold it in....until we can't.

Eh, sorry that went so long--but writing things out helps me to figure things out for myself, I've noticed, too. So things like this help.

Yote

[WolfWhoSings]

Actually, I recognise most of what you said there. One of my art professors jokingly said he was going to name me "the Phantom" because of my tendency to be quiet and recede into the background, even when my work was up for discussion.

The official diagnosis thing also makes it tough - as one medical professional told me "Why spend a thousand dollars to find out what you already know when there's no medical treatment and you're learning to handle it?" People will look at you like "Yeah, right" if you don't have something "official" to hand them.

Some of my closest friendships have come about online due to the ability to both think things through and the lack of distracting/misleading body language. (Being able to play games online that have a roleplay element helps too I find, oddly enough.)

So much of the time I think we don't react/express our emotions in day to day life because we stand there trying to figure out how....what do the circumstances dictate, then we realize our timing is off, its too late to react, the situation is past or we just aren't certain if our response is acceptable (because so often it isn't, or we perceive disapproval--or at least I do) and just hold it in....until we can't.

Yeah, it seems safer to assume disapproval doesn't it? Do you think that's because it's such a smack in the head out of seemingly nowhere if you think it's okay and it's not?

[Xander67]

Oh I can totally relate...

I mean, I find communication easy when it is done non verbally, like through letters, email, im's etc.. because im able to go back over it and edit out the typos etc...

I tend to babble, and a friend of mine who is Miss Perfect all of a sudden since she is all big and important in DC now says sometimes my emails are hard to read and are incoherent...

I can really express myself when I can think about what im saying...

but verbal communication sometimes is really hard because I wind up losing my train of thought in the middle of saying what I wanted to say,

Im a comic, I love to be silly and carry on. and occasionally I do actually have a good intelectual conversation...

but sometimes, when I meet someone that I have been talking with online in person, naturally i dont say much at first because im too busy listening to them talk, and watching their aura, :)

YOTE: what are you taking your masters in? Besides winning the last thread lol..

yeah wolfwho, roleplaying can be fun, which is why I love the sillies,
my diagnosis is depression and ADHD, so i take celexa and adderall,

As a kid none of my symptoms were ever really adressed because aspbergers was practically unknown...

[Lunacie]

>
The official diagnosis thing also makes it tough - as one medical professional told me "Why spend a thousand dollars to find out what you already know when there's no medical treatment and you're learning to handle it?" People will look at you like "Yeah, right" if you don't have something "official" to hand them.
>


The point in getting a diagnosis for Autism, Asperger's, or PPD-NOS is that the schools are required to draw up an IEP and make accomodations for the student. I'm not sure whether those IEPs follow the student into college though, we're just now looking at 1st grade for my granddaughter.

[WolfWhoSings]

The point in getting a diagnosis for Autism, Asperger's, or PPD-NOS is that the schools are required to draw up an IEP and make accomodations for the student. I'm not sure whether those IEPs follow the student into college though, we're just now looking at 1st grade for my granddaughter.

Of course, that makes sense for a child. I meant, as did the medical profession whom I was quoting, for myself or others who are adults - I was in my mid-twenties by the time Asperger's was even officially recognised, then in my late thirties by the time I even heard such a diagnosis existed.

For me to spend a lot of money I don't have to learn what I already know, when it won't realistically make any difference doesn't make any sense.


but sometimes, when I meet someone that I have been talking with online in person, naturally i dont say much at first because im too busy listening to them talk, and watching their aura, :)

*Laughs* Yep, done that one too. Then you find yourself thinking later, "Was I too quiet? Did I talk enough? Too much?" Fortunately, the people from my experience love to talk, so it really wasn't a problem. Just had to watch the eye contact levels.

yeah wolfwho, roleplaying can be fun, which is why I love the sillies,
my diagnosis is depression and ADHD, so i take celexa and adderall,

I did Prozac for a while when a GP diagnosed me as depressive, but I didn't like how it made me "be" so I quit (plus the 100 degree fever and stomach cramps every morning were a bit of a deterrent as well).

Silly is good. Silly is fun. *Laughs* Just have to watch and make sure everyone else is keeping up with you down whatever twisty humorous path you've chosen.

[Xander67]

Oh you should never trust your mental health to a GP, My GP tried to mess with my Psych meds when I went to him for antibiotics because I thought I had bronchitis...

told him to not even go there, I was fine (at the time) with the medications I was on and was being treated by a Psychiatrist.

It took me years to find the right combination of medications that work for me.

I never took prozac because of what I saw it do to people.

[SphinYote]

YOTE: what are you taking your masters in? Besides winning the last thread lol..


Art History (Italian Renaissance).

Rambling musings on that, in relation to this thread:
One of the things that has passed through my mind a lot lately is just how ritualized courtly behavior is (or at least that's the information that got passed on)....you know your status by how many steps into a room you are allowed, what rooms you're allowed in, etc. Maybe its just how its reflected in the documentation, but it seems sometimes that with all the rules and regulations written out, so many of them for people to consciously remember...in some respects a culturally acceptable and desirable kind of OC?

If reincarnation exists, perhaps some of us were so caught up in these rule-bound structures of interaction that we don't know what to do with ourselves in a society now where the "rules" are much more flexible and unspoken?

On the other hand, if our personal rules are individual-specific (as they do seem to be for some individuals with an OC component), would we have functioned any better then? Particularly in terms of the sensory distortions--I could probably find the body odor tolerabl after a time, but I imagine that I'd probably not handle the perfumes and fragrances very well (though maybe I'd be surprised, since I'm not entirely sure what fragrance bases trigger my more severe reactions even now....if what I'm sensitive to is a recent invention in terms of chemistry, then it might actually be fine).

The other thing is, at least for the aristocracy, the chemicals might have been different, but the exposure was probably nearly as intense as today, with the lead pipes and makeup, the various interesting things made into medicine (Murcury, arsenic, more lead), used to preserve foods...etc. And the artists even more so, wonder how many toxins were inhaled, absorbed throught the skin, etc. We read so much about artists and aristocrats going a bit mad, and right now its the fashion in academia to call it a rhetorical device, that the documents at the time suggesting that this or that artist, this or that patron was crazy was used to undermine credibility (or sometimes the divine madness trope)...and of course some of them we do accept were quite eccentric and crazy. But I wonder...seems to me with all the lead poisoning from the womb into adulthood, all the chemical exposure, etc....its incredible there weren't more problems....

Ritual served to communicate status subtly for those who knew the language, but in memorizing that language, those courtly rules I can't help but wonder if it served as a guideline of sorts, too...these people when it suited them learned incredible things, but mostly based on memorization though withroom for creativity. I sometimes wonder if it also acted as a guideline of sorts for comport for those who found it more difficult to act and react ins spontaneous situations...?

I don't suppose we'll ever know, but it is interesting to question....

Yote

[SphinYote]

I did Prozac for a while when a GP diagnosed me as depressive, but I didn't like how it made me "be" so I quit (plus the 100 degree fever and stomach cramps every morning were a bit of a deterrent as well).



I never took prozac because of what I saw it do to people.

Yeah, I'm so far a bit stubborn on that one....I know I've heard a lot about Prozac and mostly negative, so thats one on the list of "probably won't ever consider" medications. It annoyed me that when I went to the therapists here on campus that medication was the first thing they wanted me to try, rather than just talking....I accept that it can and does help a lot of people, but it does upset me when other methods are not tried first.

In my case, too, I tend to be stubborn, taking the lowes dosage or toughing things out even in terms of painkillers in relation to migraines, and I know that mindset can be a bad combination when it comes to taking medication for mental health...physical pain is a more tangible thing, and eventually when it becomes intense we desire relief and take medication. But with depression and anxiety, if you're stubborn and miss a dose or two or more (either just because of subborness or because you're "feeling fine" and don't think you need it), then when the anxiety worsens, sometimes the medication or some element of how it makes us feel becomes an object of the anxiety, possibly (or maybe not) being blown out of proportion to the reality of circumstnces but all the same causeing one to even further consider medication undesirable.

I already know my mental patterns tend in that direction, so I suspect that it would potentially, purely because of my own attitude, be more problematic than beneficial because I'd be one of those people constantly skipping doses or trying to tough things out...despite my knowledge that it would probably be doing more harm than good...

That, and given the fluctuations of the job market and expenses, I could, after I graduate, be going for a short stretch without health insurance--on a pragmatic note I'd rather not start taking medications only to suddenly have to stop when I couldn't afford them.