Just ranting.

[FlyingRock]

I feel this overwhelming, dislike for humanity.
I recently found out this girl i like had sex with some guy, and thus cheating on her boyfriend and doesnt feel any remorse, or anything about it.. I hear that all too often.
I feel like, people overall are so, disconnected with nature, with emotion, with suffering, that they've become heartless.. And i hate it, i'm beginning to just, not like humanity.
But i have this overwhelming urge to help people who are suffering, help build a better world for tomorrow, even though i know, in the end, most people wont be thankful, or anything... I've grown to well, not trust people..

To make things worse i cant seem to connect with people of the same interest here as me, i cant seem to find other pagans, or anything here.. I'm just tired of it really... Tired of watching people betray me, and those around me (ex) and others.. I'm so sick of going outside and seeing unhappiness and anger, i'm just sick of it all.

[oceandreams]

There are plenty of people out there who aren't so bad in nature, you just have to focus on finding them and focus less on the negative qualities of the people around you now :)

[Bettie]

Sounds a bit like typical teen angst to me. All teenagers go through this phase of "Everyone/thing sucks, I hate the world" kinda thing. You'll grow out of it.

Just because some girl you happened to like cheated on her boyfriend, doesn't mean everyone is horrible, you know. If she had cheated on him with YOU, would you be more forgiving??

If you want the world to be a happier place, ask yourself what you are doing to help facilitate this. Instead of sitting here complaining that life is shit, get out there and do whatever it takes to make it better for you.

[thought_on_a_wind]

Here's a useful link (http://magickal.meetup.com/125/) to a site that helps with networking... when I first subscribed there were hardly any people from ABQ, now, if my inbox is any indicator, there's a plethora.

I know exactly what ya mean... perchance are you located @ Kirtland AFB?

Either way, I was in that area for four years and felt the same thing... almost to a T. It didn't seem like there were that many honest people in the area... I felt isolated, frustrated, and alienated esp. on Kirtland (save for friends I gained, though I still felt lacking on the pagan side of 'tings).

It seems like there are many superficial types in the area, and as far as paganism in that region is concerned I've heard both of the following from those that claimed they were pagan in a span of say... 10 minutes at the only part-time goth club the place had at the time... "I'm the Goddess Athena" & "I'm a pagan... God is going to start the apocalypse very soon since the Marines are working on indentification chips they call "The Beast"." This lead to an involved conversation between the two "Pagans" (or deluded people)... Thus leaving me to feel more effectively alienated.

The dating game... it sucks in that area... In fact that's where I accrued a nice laundry list of exes... main reason for the break-up? I found they were sleeping with half the dorms on each occasion, or because sex wasn't the first thing on my mind (not to say it wasn't there period, just that it wasn't my top priority). [Edit] This applies to both genders, it isn't just women, as I've had many a friend others might call man-whore.

I know it sucks, but I can't say I blame you for a general dis-trust of people. In a time where honesty is either a joke or an objective term up for discussion & manipulation it seems a quick way to die; trusting others or what others say.

Do I know any quick fixes to your situation (I do realize this's a rant, but it seems like you might need some advice, and since I had to learn how to survive the area I thought I might help best I can :)) ? No. I can tell you what kept me sane... ok... I don't believe I've ever truly been SANE but the closest an insane person can come to sanity as can be had.

1. CONCERTS!!! Go to the Launchpad, Sunshine Theatre or the Tiki-Lounge, this is a good change of scenery and you might just be surprised by what types o' people you find there (esp. the Launchpad)... Albuquerque has developed a very vast and thriving underground music scene... In fact, I went to more good concerts in ABQ in one month than I did the whole time I was stuck in California. (if you start doing the concert thing, look for a band called Winterlock... we partied all the time, and I personally know each band-member as best-friend... their music's badass, they all are talented musicians coming from musically inclined backgrounds and I need to put a promo plug in for 'em whenever I can [there drummer's badass, the bassist uses a fretless six or eight-string and each member save one has had 10+ years experience in metal]).

2. Scope out the pagan shops, there's no better way to network pagan-style than to go where pagans can be found. If I remember correctly, there were several in the area.. I'd advise you stay away from the one on Central, if it's still owned by the person that owned it when I went, you'll be met by a reprehensibly condesending person that's a sexist biggot/elitist & very delusional. (not a good person with which to model the rest of pagan society)

3. BOOKSTORES!! Go to the two-story Barnes & Noble located at the ... umm... can't remember the proper name of the mall... Winhill or Winrock was the one that was going under (obviously not the one I'm speaking of)... Hopefully you know which one I'm talking about... It's around Chili's, Buca DeBepo's & Bennigan's... Anyway, go in there once in a while and chill around the pagan section... might be a little akward to walk up and start a conversation with a seeming stranger, but maybe you won't have to, just grab a book that interests you and start reading. Who knows, maybe threads'll intertwine and one thing'll lead to a greater journey. Stranger things happen in regular occurence.

I dunno how useful any of this'll be to you, but I've definitely been there and in that kind of mood, just please don't do this next thing I did to cope... don't turn into an alcoholic... it's a very hard road with an ever-flowing river of liquor backing you (not bashing the occasional nip, or chug though).

As far as that girl goes... screw her, think about it like this... even though you were bitterly dis-illusioned, at least it didn't happen to you. As far as that being a common occurence and your chagrinly admitted desire to help out the world regardless of Kudo's. For the first part, unfortunately it's an altruistically bleak state of the world type of thing... that being said, you've done the right thing by observing and accepting it. The next step is to try and formulate what you intend to do about it.

"It's easy to make a quick buck. It's extremely hard to make a difference in the world."~Tom Brokaw

[Bettie]

Okay, forget everything I said. I misread your post count for your age. I'm a ****ing moron. Forgive my rampant stupidity. Chances are it's probably not teen angst, in which case, I don't have a freakin' clue.

Wait, yeah, I do. Take out all the references to teen angst, the rest of my post still stands. Aaargh. Sorry! :)

[FlyingRock]

Sounds a bit like typical teen angst to me. All teenagers go through this phase of "Everyone/thing sucks, I hate the world" kinda thing. You'll grow out of it.

Just because some girl you happened to like cheated on her boyfriend, doesn't mean everyone is horrible, you know. If she had cheated on him with YOU, would you be more forgiving??

If you want the world to be a happier place, ask yourself what you are doing to help facilitate this. Instead of sitting here complaining that life is shit, get out there and do whatever it takes to make it better for you.


I suppose it does sound like teenaged angst.
She wouldnt've cheated on him with me, i don't do that sort of thing, period.. Partly because i've been cheated on while in a serious relationship, and it's not pretty.
While i guess it does sound angsty (and it is), there's more reasons to what i said than just merely that, my strong dislike for humanity as a whole, has constantly grown since i can remember, and never really seems to stop... Perhaps it is just where i am currently living (albuquerque isnt the friendiest place i've lived) But i'm not sure

Anyways i am taking steps in helping the world, i'm volenteering at my sisters school (hippy school very neat) and will be doing more volenteer work soon... Meditating again, working on my spiritual path, and my world path.. It's been a pretty big struggle (i've had alot happen to me recently) but, i'm getting there.. I guess i just felt a need to vent about something.. And she/that situation was the first thing to come to mind.




know exactly what ya mean... perchance are you located @ Kirtland AFB?

Either way, I was in that area for four years and felt the same thing... almost to a T. It didn't seem like there were that many honest people in the area... I felt isolated, frustrated, and alienated esp. on Kirtland (save for friends I gained, though I still felt lacking on the pagan side of 'tings).I'm not by there, but i'm near the west side (all of albuquerque seems to be the same).. And the isolation is horrible, not to add the amount of racism I a mix (asian/white) get from other minorities here.



The dating game... it sucks in that area... In fact that's where I accrued a nice laundry list of exes... main reason for the break-up? I found they were sleeping with half the dorms on each occasion, or because sex wasn't the first thing on my mind (not to say it wasn't there period, just that it wasn't my top priority). [Edit] This applies to both genders, it isn't just women, as I've had many a friend others might call man-whore. Yeah, pretty much nails it, people here sleep around like crazy, and sex isnt my top priority as well, which has made a few ex's upset? i found it insanely weird... Even my friends that don't sleep with multiple people have slept with alot of people, i hear "Just get a sex buddy, it'll make everything better" alot, from people older than me too.

I've found people here to be surreal, mean, grumpy, harsh, sexist, racist and down right wrong, out of my three years here i have 5 friends i consider decent friends.. it's crazy.. I guess what hit me about that girl was the fact i thought she was someone she isnt, and i'm so used to hearing about what she did from people around here, it's an accepted way of life around these parts (cheating) And i was hoping i met someone who didnt accept it.

As far as pagan shops here go, i havent been able to locate any but the one in central, i know a few exist but the one on central is the only one i know of, and i get a bad feeling whenever i pass by it.

[thought_on_a_wind]

P.s. the coffee shop's in that area (I think one of 'em was the flying saucer?) are BADASS.

[Wolf O Volos]

The world is NOT a pretty place, and there are equal sides of both light and dark. How you *choose* to see it is how you determine which energies will effect you, and what kinds of things get under your skin or not.

For one, judging others actions based on YOUR moral compass never really works out well. I used to do the same exact thing, and found myself really pissed off at the world in general, and the people around me.

But then I realized... it isnt ME they are making happy... but themselves. And if they are actually HAPPY, and they get something positive out of what they are doing... then good on them. They have found a bit of that light energy.

When you catch yourself being pissed off and feeling a generalized hatred for the world around you, you MAY want to ask yourself if the hatred is for the loss of morality in people around you, or if it is a sense of self loathing based upon your need to do "what is right" when the rest of the world is so eager to go with the depraved form of seeking happiness...

Just a thought, eh?

[thought_on_a_wind]

I'm not by there, but i'm near the west side (all of albuquerque seems to be the same).. And the isolation is horrible, not to add the amount of racism I a mix (asian/white) get from other minorities here.[QUOTE]

It's not much better in Kirtland, unless you luck out like I did w/ a bunch of friends from Tech-School... I'll def. agree about the whole racism thing. I saw more racism in that area than I did in certain states renowned for their racism. Just hang tough...

I've successfully walked from one side of ABQ to the other without a single assailant... Key to my success? I didn't just wear "I'll kill you" on my sleeve, I went in and tailored "I'll rip that corpulent speck you call a soul from your puny body and feed it to the maggots while slowly cutting certain parts of you off while watching you cry silently in pain"... now would I have really done that? HELL no, it was just a certain "shape-shifting" I felt was neccessary given the random violence that happens in that city. It's an extremity, but it lessens the chance someone else will mess with you. (it did work good enough to scare off a truck-load of people at one time as well)... Just gotta be careful in that place.

[QUOTE=FlyingRock;3557014]Yeah, pretty much nails it, people here sleep around like crazy, and sex isnt my top priority as well, which has made a few ex's upset? i found it insanely weird... Even my friends that don't sleep with multiple people have slept with alot of people, i hear "Just get a sex buddy, it'll make everything better" alot, from people older than me too.

I've found people here to be surreal, mean, grumpy, harsh, sexist, racist and down right wrong, out of my three years here i have 5 friends i consider decent friends.. it's crazy.. I guess what hit me about that girl was the fact i thought she was someone she isnt, and i'm so used to hearing about what she did from people around here, it's an accepted way of life around these parts (cheating) And i was hoping i met someone who didnt accept it.

I was a virgin up until I was 23... I don't know how many times people scoffed at me or said "Man we gotta get you laid". Of course, it doesn't help matters when the person attempting to "get you laid" is putting you off to the side and pursuing those ends for thier own pleasure... or telling potential dates false things about you ta work you up as something you're not.


As far as pagan shops here go, i havent been able to locate any but the one in central, i know a few exist but the one on central is the only one i know of, and i get a bad feeling whenever i pass by it.

Yeah... one of 'em was something like "The Pagan Bear" one of my friends was cruising around for half a day trying to find the place for us to no avail. He said that place was decent...

Also, I can't blame you for the bad vibes you get from passing that one on central.

The one time I went in there the owner of the store was on shift. Straight off the bat she gave me a "Holier than thou" look accompanied with an open hostility (or maybe it wasn't, but I'm decently gifted on the empath front and the bitchometer linked to my empathy was peaking at an all time high). When I went up to the counter to buy an Athame, I didn't pronounce it the way she obviously expected it... that lead to a deeper condecending tone of voice and her aura was trying to attack mine... had she but known the dire bit of the circumstance, she'd prolly just as well left me alone... luckily for her I had just learned restraint where previously I'dve tangled with anyone. (might seem egotistical and somewhat an illusion, but I'm not beyond rupturing someone else's aura if attempts to encapsulate). I come to find out that she had a "members only room" established for those she felt worthy of her attentions. This room supposedly had the "really good stuff". Like I said before, egotcentric bigotty eletist.

I love ABQ only because they have multiple hooters, a diverse selection of restaraunts, the best Mexican Food I've ever tasted (they seem to be the only place that can make Carne' Adobada correctly), and because the music under-ground is so well-developed and functional...

On the negative side... I can sum the place up in two all-encompassing words "Highschool Drama".

I do however have a feeling that you'll get connected with like-minded individuals somewhere round abouts the area... best of luck till then.

*energy sent your way (both protective and blessing)*

Don't forget that regardless where you live, you've always got a couple people on this site to ease that lonliness :D.

[FlyingRock]

I'll try and find The Pagan Bear, might've shut down by now though.. But as far as the "highschool drama" comment goes, it seems to stay that way forever, and never change haha... Which kinda sucks.. The owner is that bad eh? that's pretty sad, and Shady to have a VIP room with special stuff only people worthy of her can get to (it's a buisness afterall)

Another issue with meeting other pagans here is the Catholics around these parts are really into magick and such too, it's hard to tell the difference some times.. But if i mention i'm pagan i suddenly worship the devil, my neigbor thinks i'm a devil worshipper, but she talks to a friend of hers (loudly outside) about "holy catholic spells" But naturally since i don't do "holy catholic spells" mine come from the devil, it's kind of funny.

[thought_on_a_wind]

yaknow... I had a similar experience to that on Kirtland, minus the others being practitioners... one of my co-workers walked in on me mid-magick... anyway, word got to my shop... then the question got asked. "Do you believe in God?" by my bosses illegal best friend (illegal in definition because of the fraternization involved), when I replied in "No" instantaneously the nefarious figure of doom materialized behind me (metaphorically speaking of course)... That is when I was pegged as a devil worshipper...