Help! I need other opinions on this!!

[Chaos Hawk]

The situation is. . .I've been with this guy for just over 2 years. He lives in the UK and I live in FL. We've been on and off since Feb. He came over to see me for three weeks at the end of May. We discussed getting married in September or October. Then, one week after he returns home he breaks up with me. Out of nowhere. Says he doesn't want to be with me anymore, Says there's nothing I can do to change his mind. Say's he's likely to never contact me again. Tells me, that it's all him. He admits that he's not ready to settle down.

Now this is killing me, going through this breakup. I've never felt so awful in my life. But I told him I would respect his wishes and not contact him and just back away.

Then this morning I get this in my email. He says he was going to post this here. He's not a memeber, but he was going to become one for one post. He decides to just send it to me instead.

I want to know what you guys think of this message that he was going to post but just sent me. I think of it as a glorified, rationalized, "aren't I noble" kind of goodbye.

Here is his message:

This will be my one and only post...
met this beautiful young woman and basicly it was love at first sight.
I just remember I saw her photo and sent her a message saying "you have a beautiful smile".
Now...I never expected a reply but I got one...and we spoke for a long time.
About 6 months later I told her I wanted to come and meet her, so we agreed to meet and it was magic.
One of the most special moments in my life.
For 2 years I went to see her and it just kept getting better and better.
I loved her more than anything in the world...and I still do.
But I had to let her go...and it's killing me to do so.
The reason is that I have mental and physical problems I need to take care of.
And these problems are bigger than the both of us and I can't see her get hurt from what I'm about to go though.
Now i know she would say that she wants to and is prepared to go though anything for me....but I just can't let her...even if it kills me.
I love her so much...and always will...and for 2 years she has been the highlight of my life.
But the problem is I love her too much to allow her to tourcher herself knowing there's nothing she is able to do for me.
Now I don't know if I'm mad for letting her go...but I do know a part of me died the night I said goodbye.
And I don't think I can ever recover from it.
Now most of you would say I am if you knew who she was...but she can't help me with what I'm about to go though...and it's something I have to face alone.
Now it's not her fault I've had to go...I just don't think I could face her knowing what may happen to me...and I don't want her to see me in this way.
I would rather go though hell on my own and sacrifice my own happiness than to see her get hurt so much that she could end up hating me.
I know what I'm like...and i know how bad I can be and it scares me.
And I would rather look back and remember the love in her eyes that she gave me every night than see her with hate in them.
But....
I posted this because I wanted her to know something....
It's not your fault...I'm just weak and I just don't want to risk seeing you in the way I described above.
And I will always love you, and that I will never forget the happyness you gave me.
I will hold on to if forever.
When ever I need strength I will see you.
You we're my life, my love, my everything.
And I am so sorry that I have hurt you and put you though this pain.
Please believe me...I never meant for this to happen...But some thing's I need to face alone.
Just remember that I will always love you and I'll never forget.


Opinions guys??? Please???

[Moonlight's Daughter]

In my opinion he either really means it or its a way of making himself feel better for what he did.

Were there any signs, now looking back for you?

[Bettie]

Sounds to me like he's full of shit, and just tryng to rationalise breaking up with you. He was seriously going to become a member just to post that? Would you have been okay with him sharing your private life all over the board without your permission?

I agree, it does sound like an attempt to sound all noble and self-sacrificing, kind of "I dumped you for your own good" kinda thing. Pfft. **** that shit. I'd be ripping him a new one if I were you.

[LadyWinter]

I tend to agree with Bettie. *Go Bettie Woot!* Sounds like a load of BS to me too.....Hurting you to avoid hurting you....that makes no sense!

Hopefully the pain you feel will heal quickly. Move on is my advice.

WInter

[Caitlin.ann]

It seems as if somethings happened..maybe he met someone and is attempting to let you down easy but not doing so successfully. I'm sorry, hun. :(

[Chaos Hawk]

In my opinion he either really means it or its a way of making himself feel better for what he did.

Were there any signs, now looking back for you?

I don't know about signs, but when he was here, right before he left I had the strongest feeling that I would never see him again. When I would touch him, I couldn't even feel him, it was like a ghost. He got upset when I shared that feeling with him. Looks like I was right though.


Sounds to me like he's full of shit, and just tryng to rationalise breaking up with you. He was seriously going to become a member just to post that? Would you have been okay with him sharing your private life all over the board without your permission?

I agree, it does sound like an attempt to sound all noble and self-sacrificing, kind of "I dumped you for your own good" kinda thing. Pfft. **** that shit. I'd be ripping him a new one if I were you.


Bettie you make me laugh. Thanks so much for posting that :lol:

[Crystal Willowtree]

not quite sure what to add on this, I like Betties way of putting it... so I'll just offer hugs :hugz: hope the pain eases soon so you can move on :hugz:

[Cake-eating_Moth]

Who cares, forget him.. (okay... sorry, easier said than done. I know, I know.)

But seriously, if he was going to become a member just to post that (as *ahem* heartfelt *BS* heartfelt as it was) that's pretty lame.

I know you loved this guy. You still might love him. But giving up yourself because of him is absolutely rediculous. You're lovely, in your entirety, and I hope you know this. Either he's being pseudo-destructive, or he's met somebody else that's closer or that he can screw up with again... or screw. Excuse me for being crude, but some men really are like that - we all know this.

Invest in YOURSELF. YOURSELF. Please. It just breaks my heart when I see girls who give themselves up for another human being. Yes, I'm telling you to let your selfish nature take over - it will be the best thing for you; trust me.

You know, such as - go out with some friends to eat, to a movie, go tanning, get your hair dyed (if you like that sort of thing), volunteer, clean your room/house, brush your hair and style it, go to a spa, meditate, pray to the Gods. Just, whatever - but do it for yourself, not for anybody else!

Good luck. And I hope that douche finds someone just as douchefied as himself. Hugs!

[Chaos Hawk]

Now....He just sent me this....WTF..... Sorry if you guys don't want to hear about all my private hell. I just need to talk and hear what others think, so I don't go crazy. Thanks everyone for their responses.

His latest message:

as soon as i have more new's about what is wrong with me i will tell you.
I will be going to the doctors next week for some tests...then i will know for sure.
But i will need to allow my inner core to be released to cope with it.
I can't be scared or worried about anything...and it includes you.
And if i don't let go of you now...i know i will push you out of my life totaly with the wall down.
That is the reason i have had to let you go.
I can be a real nasty bastard when it's down...and i will cause you to hate me and i just can't see you like that.
Thats why i have been saying that it's nothing to do with you...and that i have to face it on my own for everyones sake.
It will never stop me from loving you...but i would rarther let you go this way than pushing you out in a real nasty way.

[Cake-eating_Moth]

He just wants attention if he's still sending you things.

Block him. That's what I say. Anybody else up for advice? I only have experience in dumping people - I realized the douches they were before they could reveal it before me.

[Chaos Hawk]

He just wants attention if he's still sending you things.

Block him. That's what I say. Anybody else up for advice? I only have experience in dumping people - I realized the douches they were before they could reveal it before me.


That's usually me, the dumper. This is a new experience to me.

[HetHert]

It sounds like he's still struggling with his decision. Why don't you ask one of our lovely Tarot readers for a reading and see what insight they might be able to afford?

Sometimes the Tarot can give us answers/paths we hadn't even considered.

:hugz:

[Gypsyballad]

Hey CH,

I agree with what everyone else says. He just wants attention. He wants you to be crying over him and asking him to come back to you. He's not worth it. You can find yourself someone ten times better than he is. You are a kind, giving, wonderful person who deserves a better guy.

When you are feeling better, perhaps you should try some cord magic, to completely cut him out of your life.

[Laoghaire]

First time that I'll respond to this kind of thread.

For what's worth it... I once did this too. I broke up with someone I dearly loved because of myself. I was struggling with myself at the time. Close to a depression, I guess. I felt blank, though I loved him.

But... It was not just that. That's why I believe this guy is both genuine and fake.

My parents strongly disliked this guy. And when they started taking to me (tough moments...) I started doubting my own feelings. I loved him, I really did. But I did not the reason behind it, and I was insecure. I kept asking myself if it was what I wanted. So yes, in the end, I loved him and I loved him not enough to hang on. I still care deeply for him, even after two years.

In my case, it was a combination of things... Main reason, parents. Other reason, me. He understood me. Nowadays I believe that, even in a depression, your partner can help you through, if that relationship is strong enough. At that time, I just couldn't. It broke my heart and he knew that. And though he did not understand all my reasons, he let me go... That's what I needed.

For that guy, it might be the same... Maybe he's just scared of the distance between you two. And if he is, as he tells you, unstable at the moment, that can be a major problem for him.
Apart from that, I stronlgy agree with the others... If you find the courage, block him. You tell us you're close to going insane. Don't go there... Believe me, you don't want to. In a different way... You can still love him, even without contact. Or, you can grieve a lot better.
Write your feelings down, but keep them to yourself. Go outside for a decent walk and enjoy yourself.
Keep talking to us... But don't you ever lose yourself!

[Stormbeard]

Sounds to me like he's full of shit.

This


I don't see why he needs to tell us. People to whom he owes no explaination.

[earthtide]

Now....He just sent me this....WTF..... Sorry if you guys don't want to hear about all my private hell. I just need to talk and hear what others think, so I don't go crazy. Thanks everyone for their responses.

His latest message:

as soon as i have more new's about what is wrong with me i will tell you.
I will be going to the doctors next week for some tests...then i will know for sure.
But i will need to allow my inner core to be released to cope with it.
I can't be scared or worried about anything...and it includes you.
And if i don't let go of you now...i know i will push you out of my life totaly with the wall down.
That is the reason i have had to let you go.
I can be a real nasty bastard when it's down...and i will cause you to hate me and i just can't see you like that.
Thats why i have been saying that it's nothing to do with you...and that i have to face it on my own for everyones sake.
It will never stop me from loving you...but i would rarther let you go this way than pushing you out in a real nasty way.


Girl.. plop yo self down on the couch with a pint of Ben and Jerry's and rent the following movies:

Legally Blonde - to realize that guys can be total assholes
Bennie & Joon - to realize that the rare guy is exceptional
Better Off Dead - to realize that breaking up is just a beginning

and lastly

Kill Bill I & II - to realize that if all else fails, you can kick everyone else's ass!

Okay, you might need a couple pints for that, but go wild! :D

[Chaos Hawk]

Girl.. plop yo self down on the couch with a pint of Ben and Jerry's and rent the following movies:

Legally Blonde - to realize that guys can be total assholes
Bennie & Joon - to realize that the rare guy is exceptional
Better Off Dead - to realize that breaking up is just a beginning

and lastly

Kill Bill I & II - to realize that if all else fails, you can kick everyone else's ass!

Okay, you might need a couple pints for that, but go wild! :D

I love Benny and Joon!
I've never seen Legally Blonde.
Better off Dead, I think I've seen but I don't remember.


Thank you everyone for all your input and responses. Being able to share stuff like this makes me feel not so alone and not like such a dumbass. Thanks.

[Spiritlite30]

Okay I don't know this guys name or anything but at the later stage of the relationship his aura got dirty and I think it is mental illness. I think he's basically protecting you. I feel that he did fall in love with you but again he's protecting you. You have a chord attached to him and it's making you feel depressed because you're picking up on his dirty aura. I feel he's really depressed about life and doesn't want to bother you about it.
When you guys met it was magic, you both had great bright aura's, his was green yours was purple and there were these stars or points of light that were around you. As the time went by he got darker, and I feel depressed. I also think he's really scared of commitment. I don't think he's full of shit, I think he really means it.
I feel you need to sage yourself and try to disconnect or meditate and cut the chord between you and him. It will take a lot of days of doing it, I feel the chord is in between your yellow and green chakra, between the heart and the upper stomach. Ask your angels to cut it, then ask them to get a vacuum and suction out from the top of your head any negative energy that has stuck to you. You are taking on his energy and it's not doing you any good.
I feel you will feel better if you do this, but as I said it may take everyday for weeks before you're finally cut the chord. If that is what you choose, you may choose not to, but in my opinion you won't feel so tired, I sense you're feeling tired.
Best of luck
Michelle

[Chaos Hawk]

Much of what you say makes a lot of sense. He'll just never realize that I don't need protection.

[Cadusius]

Actually theres a chance i have a ****** ***** ****** and i could be in a ***** **** for a while...but this isn't confirmed yet...i'm waiting for the results of the tests to come back from the doctors.
Once i knew for certen i was going to tell her.
But after reading what was written i think it's better she never know.
But as i can see...the response would be i'm full of BS.
But it's nice to know that she has many friends who would say stuff like that about me without waiting to hear both sides of the story.
And i am sorry i hurt her...but she can't help me and i know there's thing's i have to do to protect her from sides of me she has never seen before.
So...i just sent her an e-mail and then i'll just delete her and let her go.
I will cut all ties with her, even if it kills me to do so.
So i thank all her friends for making this decision a bit less painful for me.
I was hoping that once i had delt with this we could try again...
But who am i to say anything...i'm just full of crap.:wah:

[Glowy]

I just read and hugging replied to his post!! CH- I had no idea it was you.. I gave hugs and healing energy... and now he has posted before me...


Cad.. CH has friends here that love her and will support her no matter what. Yes, you are trying to save her from a fate that might not happen- but crap- does she not get an opinion as to weather she wants to be saved??

You Cadusius, like most men.. befuddle me.

CH I love you ((HUGS))

[TheWomanMonster]

CH: he sounds really truly depressed and scared, he isn't making the best decisions right now. He probably does believe you'd be better off without him in someway, I advise the two of you to have a heart to heart about this before either of you make the rash decision to break off a two year relationship.

Cad: I read you like a book, has depression and anxiety been an issue for you for long? are you currently medicated or seeing a therapist? do you doubt that CH would still love you if you were mentally unwell and needed professional help or to be hospitalized for sometime?

Take this off the forum and bloody speak to each other before it's too late.

[Cadusius]

Sounds to me like he's full of shit, and just tryng to rationalise breaking up with you. He was seriously going to become a member just to post that? Would you have been okay with him sharing your private life all over the board without your permission?

I agree, it does sound like an attempt to sound all noble and self-sacrificing, kind of "I dumped you for your own good" kinda thing. Pfft. **** that shit. I'd be ripping him a new one if I were you.

Funny...It's ok for her to do it...but Totaly against them if I do it.
I guess someone did a real number on you...
So sad to see someone so bitter.

All i have seen on this tread are Dump Him, Let him go, You can do bette (with a few exceptions).
I decided not to post it on here because i took it as private.
Then after reading this i decided to post it with a few heartfelt changes.
But then i get shit from some of you.
So i delete my post and just changed it to something short.
Well...I will let her take it from all you 'Never had a crappy relationship or ever been in one that hurt me so bad' people.
She will be better off without me.
And for those of you who sent me PM's...with the exception of 'TheWomanMonster' ...i'll do the best thing (like you advised me to do) and leave her alone...thank you for the insults...Because if she has friends like this...then i really don't want to know.

[Bettie]

Funny...It's ok for her to do it...but Totaly against them if I do it.
I guess someone did a real number on you...
So sad to see someone so bitter.

.

So sad to see someone who can't understand the difference between someone who is already a member here asking for advice, and someone who joined solely to post a break-up letter to another member. Real classy.

And nope, I'm not in the slightest bit bitter at all, the guys who have dumped me in the past have always been man enough to do it face-to-face. :)

[thought_on_a_wind]

to tell the truth, I couldn't really get through the whole message... I mean, I tried several times, and started reading it in spurts but my bs-o-meter was spiking too much.

Though I will readily admit it has falsely spiked in the past. Still, from what I read there were a couple base inconsistencies in the first half of the message like:

1. "Why would he feel the urge to make this a public affair?"

I'm personally not one for mellodrama; but even if this guy was sincere in his message, to me, that's a connotation of a narcisstic character. It just smells rotten to me. I mean, it's one thing if you're falling in love, or think you're falling in love, as that can lead to some strange behavior... telling everyone that "Oh my old achin' bones" type of stuff seems to me a sympathy plea... a deception... faux-naif behavior.

2. "Why waste time scenting that post up?"

There's much to be said about being respectful towards others emotions, it's another to smother a person in "tragically warm thoughts to the scent of crimson"... It seems to me that this guy was trying to seed a prospective back-up plan for future use.

I apologize if I sound the insensitive with what I just said, but I feel that you are far better off without him. I know it might sound tough, but try to move on as soon as your emotions will let you. I would also suggest you lose contact with him completely as I keep getting the nagging sensation that his intentions are less than honorable.

If I'm wrong, or I'm right... or some weird mixture of the two, either way I wish you the best, and send positive/emotionally protective energies your way.

Blessed be,
Thought

[thought_on_a_wind]

Cassidius,

I'm certain you've never read the Terms of Service and Rules of Conduct for this site. You would do well to read it and restrain yourself from further posts asserting your personal agenda. This is supposed to be a place of respect and healing.

This forum is not Jerry Springer. If you want to go that rout call Maury and make a day of it, but keep your personal business to yourself and to the PM function.

[earthtide]

Actually theres a chance i have a ****** ***** ****** and i could be in a ***** **** for a while...but this isn't confirmed yet...i'm waiting for the results of the tests to come back from the doctors.
Once i knew for certen i was going to tell her.
But after reading what was written i think it's better she never know.
But as i can see...the response would be i'm full of BS.
But it's nice to know that she has many friends who would say stuff like that about me without waiting to hear both sides of the story.
And i am sorry i hurt her...but she can't help me and i know there's thing's i have to do to protect her from sides of me she has never seen before.
So...i just sent her an e-mail and then i'll just delete her and let her go.
I will cut all ties with her, even if it kills me to do so.
So i thank all her friends for making this decision a bit less painful for me.
I was hoping that once i had delt with this we could try again...
But who am i to say anything...i'm just full of crap.:wah:

Funny...It's ok for her to do it...but Totaly against them if I do it.
I guess someone did a real number on you...
So sad to see someone so bitter.

All i have seen on this tread are Dump Him, Let him go, You can do bette (with a few exceptions).
I decided not to post it on here because i took it as private.
Then after reading this i decided to post it with a few heartfelt changes.
But then i get shit from some of you.
So i delete my post and just changed it to something short.
Well...I will let her take it from all you 'Never had a crappy relationship or ever been in one that hurt me so bad' people.
She will be better off without me.
And for those of you who sent me PM's...with the exception of 'TheWomanMonster' ...i'll do the best thing (like you advised me to do) and leave her alone...thank you for the insults...Because if she has friends like this...then i really don't want to know.

Sigh. :nuhuh: In this kind of situation, Cad, you will learn with age that when you do something that hurts someone else, many people will respond in anger, since hurt HURTS. In addition, friends on a message board who couldn't possibly get your side of the story without you personally posting it are obviously not going to wait for your side before posting supportive things. This is a place of respect and friendship, and right now all you're doing is stirring up stuff that is really no one's business but yours and CH's. You don't need confirmation or approval from us, you need confirmation and approval from her.

CH, I'm so sorry this has happened, I can't imagine what you're feeling right now. I'm sure I can speak for everyone when I say massive :hugz:... And I know you don't know me very well, but if you ever need someone to just listen, you can always pm me if you want to. :huddle: *happy vibes!* And I have to recommend Ben & Jerry's new sorbet.. delish!! :p ;)

[Infinite Grey]

I do not know the guy, I do not know the OP. While the messages are a little on the dramatic side, I didn't see anything overtly attention seeking - beyond contemplating posting it up here, though that could be an attempt to gain a sympathetic personal image; some people care what strangers think about them. I tend to believe this or something akin because he emailed it to the OP over posting it in a public forum.

If he does indeed have mental issues, the behaviours demonstrated in what I've read can fall under many conditions (including the before mentioned) - in which case, he probably did do the OP a favour - especially since the OP has repetitively posted his emails up. Regardless of what he said his intentions were, or that he broke up with the OP, it is rude to post his private email without permission (assuming the OP didn't gain said permission). But I really do not care about that part, it that the reasons behind the posting that interest me. Perhaps the guy was right in his assessment, and that the OP wouldn't have been able to handle a person going through therapy.

[Kaliel]

What's really more shocking is that nobody wants to give this guy a break already. I mean I'm sure you'd all feel like asses if he had the tests and found out he had leukemia and was dying from a terminal illness, and wanted her to be happy instead of having to go through the declination of his life. OR he's completely suicidal and doesn't feel like he even deserves a fairytale romance for the things he's done in his life . . . what if he's sitting over there in the UK thinking he has the chance for a perfect life but he's not good enough for it and wants to kill himself? I mean everyone just goes straight to the he's a jerk, forget about him but I think we all forget the fact that we don't really know what is going on because he's NOT been sharing it with the general public.

I will say there are signs that he's just acting like a jerk but it doesn't fit into the path. If he was really just a jerk why would he spend money to come to FL to spend 3 weeks with her? Why would he have let things go on so long? It just doesn't make sense, and I think there is more going on than what he says.

Blessings,
Rhiannon

P.S. You're in my class chaoshawk, if you needed some help with this PM me hun.

[Mandalena]

Sorry this hasn't worked out for you both, maybe you should be glad for the happy time you spent together and the good memories, feel the regret, let it go and move on to a less painful, more love filled situation.

[Cake-eating_Moth]

Well...I will let her take it from all you 'Never had a crappy relationship or ever been in one that hurt me so bad' people.
She will be better off without me.
And for those of you who sent me PM's...with the exception of 'TheWomanMonster' ...i'll do the best thing (like you advised me to do) and leave her alone...thank you for the insults...Because if she has friends like this...then i really don't want to know.

I've had my fair share of crappy relationships, don't worry. Hence WHY I broke the relationships off (I realized I had problems with them or vice versa). I hurt some of those people, but it was for their own good or for my own good. Why be with someone if you're or they are going to have a detrimental effect on the relationship? I had severe mental problems for a few years there while I was experiencing some relationships.

The difference here is that I never told them why I broke up with them. Yeah, it left them wondering, but I knew that it would be easier on them to call me a b**** and move on. Easy, easy, easy..... And then, you could've explained it to her when you got better.

I agree both sides were in the wrong to a certain extent.

By the way, sweetie - no matter what the guy is going through, though I do care - I tell all my girls the same thing. Forget the guy, concentrate on yourself, let him deal with his own problems. I might even throw in that the guy seems overly sappy and is trying to make up for hurting her feelings (whether that's the case or not) and that the guy is hence full of s*** (WHETHER he is or not). I tell all of my guys that are dumped the same thing so they can just move on.

But the point is that she should concentrate on herself, not on somebody else all the time.

I wish you luck and health in trying to deal with what you're dealing with.

[Xander67]

CH.
:hugz:

I really do not know what to say, the sudden break up thing is one thing but for him to actually come here with the sole purpose of publicly dumping you like that is beyond creepy.

Moth is right, you need to move on and concentrate on YOU.

His using a supposed Mental Illness/Physical Illness as an excuse is just a cop out. I think it is BS. But I don't know him so I can not say for certain. I do however think if this guy had any type of mental illness or physical illness it would not have taken him 2 years to tell you.

But that is beside the point.
You need to focus on you and what is best for you.

:hugz:

[Thunder]

Much of what you say makes a lot of sense. He'll just never realize that I don't need protection.I do not think that he is trying to protect you. I think that he is trying to rationalize being a cad. He is trying to decide for you in advance what you will think and feel about his so-called ordeal. He is also deciding for you, in advance, how you will react. He has neither the moral/ ethical prowess nor the knowledge and authority to decide such things for himself... let alone for anyone else. It is an attempt to manipulate. No one has the power or the right to tell you how you will react to some future event. People with depth of spirit, breadth of character and dignity.... people like you... have a way of rising to the occasion. If, after two years, he doesn't know you any better than that, then he wasn't paying attention. He doesn't deserve your's now.
Thumbs up to you :thumbsup:.

Thumbs down to him :thumbsdow.

[Chaos Hawk]

I really appreciate the input from everyone. But I'm going to request that this thread be closed. I don't think there is anything else that can really be said.

Thanks so much everyone who took the time to post.

[Xentor]

Admin mode

Thread closed per request.